Ji Yu

The next day, I stepped out the door for the first time.The morning sun makes me feel very uncomfortable.

When I arrived at Mr. Gu's place, after the notification, I got permission before I went in.After he taught me to recognize ten characters and how to hold a pen, he let me practice copying by myself.It's very casual.

I let go of my original heart a little bit, and wrote those ten words seriously.There are so many strokes in traditional characters, but because I know simplified characters and can roughly guess these characters, it is not difficult to remember them.

Before I knew it, the morning passed.It wasn't until his servants came to remind him that it was time to set lunch, and that the young master was coming to have lunch together, that I resigned and went back to my room silently.

After taking care of the flowers and plants, I used the branches to write and draw on the soil, and wrote the ten characters repeatedly.

It's not that you can change your destiny by knowing the characters, just look at Mr. Gu, under this status, no matter how knowledgeable you are, it's useless.

But knowing how to write gave me a different kind of joy in my heart.Like a hope.In this hopeless, cold place, I have the motivation to continue living.There was even a glimmer of hope that one might escape this fate in the future.

If there is any trouble in this yard, the young master will know immediately.

"Have you learned to write recently?"

"Ah."

"Like it?"

"Ah."

"Then study hard, I'll send you some pens, ink, paper and inkstone."

"Thank you, sir," I whispered.

He laughed, raised my chin and stared at me, "You haven't said anything, I almost regarded you as dumb", and kissed me heavily on my mouth for a while, "Small mouth is so sweet, The voice is also nice, but why don’t you like to talk.”

I lowered my eyes and put my hands on his chest.

He laughed and let me go, and hugged me tightly, "Don't talk if you don't like to talk, I also like your obedient temperament, like a little rabbit."

I closed my eyes, and going to bed was torture to endure, but there was also a part that made me feel good.But the subsequent conversation always made me more uncomfortable and I didn't want to deal with it, so I always hoped that he would fall asleep soon.The only saving grace is that he likes to cuddle and sleep, while I like warm body temperature and close hugs.On such nights, I always sleep extraordinarily well.

"You're a fast learner. Did you really not know how to read before?" Mr. Gu looked at me inquiringly.

"Ah."

"You are very smart. But your handwriting is very poor. I will give you a copybook, and you can take it back and practice by yourself."

"it is good."

"Since you have a pen, ink, paper and inkstone, after I teach you how to recognize characters, you can go back to your room and practice slowly, and you don't need to stay here with me."

"Yes."

After reading the words, I took the copybook and went back to my room. A Ping came over and said, "Master, do you still want to write today?"

"Well", I nodded.

"Mr. Gu has always ignored people, why do you think he taught you how to write?"

"I don't know either," and I'm not without my doubts.

"Could it be that our master wants you to learn how to read, so he asked Mr. Gu to teach you?"

not like.With Mr. Gu's temperament, the young master might not be able to order him.Especially with my identity as the young master's male favorite.

I shook my head, "Do you want to learn? I'll teach you."

"I know my own name and a few numbers, that's enough." He grinned and said, "Other people taught me a little bit before, but I'm stupid and can't remember. I'm not that material. You Learn it hard. If you can go out in the future, maybe you can use it?"

I nodded, rubbed the ink and started writing.

When I am not looking after flowers and plants, I spend all my time writing.Finally, I got rid of the past days of dazed and half-dead.My mental outlook has also improved a lot.Although there is little hope, and there is no clear goal at all, what year can I get out of this cage, where can I go, what can I do after I leave, and so on.But after all, I still vaguely see a little hope.

I was naked and was hugged by the young master on his lap. After finishing the work, he didn't go to bed, but hugged me and sat next to the desk, "Let me see what you wrote."

I clamped my legs in embarrassment, and then showed him what I wrote.

He smiled and kissed me, put his arms around my waist, casually commented on the words I wrote, and gave me some suggestions.Then he pressed me on the desk, and started the second round on the words I wrote... He seemed more excited and wanton than before...

I think I roughly understand.

If I'm not mistaken.

The young master bought me into the mansion because I resemble Mr. Gu.

He can do whatever he wants with me in order to vent his desire that he can't fully vent on Young Master Gu.

Mr. Gu taught me to read and write because he treated me as a pawn in the game with the young master, or because he wanted me to be more like him, maybe it was to avoid the young master, or maybe it was just out of anger.

And after I learned how to write with Mr. Gu, the young master obviously desires me even more.

I don't know if my guess is correct.

But if it is true, then I am willing to pay the price of my body to learn to read and write.

At the beginning, I agreed to study with Mr. Gu without hesitation, without even asking why.Because I saw his contempt for me, it was not aimed at me, but a kind of contempt for an inferior person who didn't even know the words.I'm not in his eyes, so I don't worry that he will harm me intentionally.To him, I am not even as good as the beauty orchid I cultivated, so why would he have any thoughts on me.

Now that I have paid the price, I really let go of my heart and study hard.I don't like to endorse because I don't like to read it aloud.

"Why don't you like to endorse, and would rather write it silently?" Mr. Gu asked me.

Because words are powerful.If you talk a lot, even if you don't want to, you will become familiar.Voice can reveal a lot of information inadvertently.Such as attitude, personality, self-identity positioning and so on.According to my true attitude towards him and my personality, my endorsement voice would be flat and cold, without any extra emotion.But I don't want to reveal that.At least I feel that, in his opinion, I should be grateful and warm to him.But I didn't.I don't want him or anyone else to know this.

I hung my head and didn't answer.

He was a little unhappy, "Forget it, I don't need to write it silently in the future, and I don't have time to read it. As long as you think you have learned it, that's fine."

I nodded.

He stared at me for a while, and then said: "Your enlightenment has been completed, what do you want to learn in the future? Poetry or the Four Books and Five Classics?"

I don't have the feeling to read and write poetry.In this situation, I even hate to see those poems that describe the scenery and the beauty of the world.

But the Four Books and Five Classics are of no use to me. My identity determines that I will never have the opportunity to take the imperial examination again.So do the Four Books and Five Classics have other uses?Can let me understand the way of thinking of scholars in this world?

My eyes glanced to the bookshelf and saw a copy of the Torah.Yes, this is what I should learn.If you go out in the future, buy a house, buy land, or start a small business, you will need a contract.How can you not understand the law.If you have some disputes with others, you have to have a lawsuit, and you have to have a reason to fall into an invincible position.

I am a rootless person in this world, with no relatives or friends.If I can go out in the future, I will keep away from everyone who knows me.If I have a problem, who can speak for me?Who can vouch for me?nobody.

There is no such person in this world.

I can only rely on myself.

"I want to study law," I said softly.

"Law?" Young Master Gu looked at me in surprise, "What do you want to learn from that?"

I hung my head and didn't speak.

He frowned and looked at me for a while, then took the law book and handed it to me, "Anyway, you already know most of the commonly used words, so you can take this book back and read it yourself."

"Thank you", I took the book, said goodbye and left.

I vaguely heard Shuxiang complaining to Mr. Gu that I don't know what is good or what is wrong.

I just took the law book and went back to my room silently, memorizing each and every one of them carefully.

After returning the law book to Mr. Gu, he seemed to lose interest in teaching me.I also resumed the habit of not going out. Apart from taking care of the flowers and plants every day, I practice calligraphy.

Good handwriting is always useful, and there are also a few servants in this yard who asked Aping and me to help write letters home.I thought if I could go out, if I couldn't find something to do, I could at least set up a stall and write letters or petitions for others.After understanding the law, there should be no problem in writing a few pleadings.