Ji Yu

I became more and more reluctant to speak.Except for the two or three nights when the young master would come every month, and the one or two days after that to recuperate my body, I spent all the time growing flowers and opening the window to bask in the sun in a daze, and never stepped out of the room.

And I only go to the window when the sun is about to set, I don't want to see people, I don't want to talk, even the morning and noon sunshine feel bright and dazzling.That kind of things that represent light and upward, I no longer want to touch.Instead, I prefer sunsets and nights.I also like rainy days.

If it was raining, there would be no one in the yard, and I would just be in a daze by the window all day.

With no future in sight, no hope to speak of, I was just "alive".

Because of my patience and carefulness in taking care of the flowers and plants, when Uncle Li is free, he will seriously teach me how to grow flowers.About half a year later, the first beauty orchid I cultivated bloomed.

The young master saw it when he came to stay overnight, and took it away the next day. I heard that he gave it to Mr. Gu.

Although it's self-indulgence, isn't everything here, including myself, belonging to him?And I love growing a flower, watching it grow from a seed to a young plant, and then grow into a flower.But not obsessed with wanting to have it.This kind of natural beauty, its vitality when it grows, is much more beautiful than mere flowers.I am a person who grows flowers, but not a person who cherishes flowers and appreciates them.

Two days later, Ah Ping came over with a broken seedling with a distressed expression on his face, "Mr. Gu didn't know why he got angry, but he smashed this flower and threw it away."

I nodded, took the broken seedling, and planted it again.

"What, the son has worked so hard to raise it for so long. If you say take it away, you will take it away. If you take it away, you won't take good care of it..." A Ping continued to mutter.

I have no words.Knowing that Aping was just talking nonsense, he wouldn't go out and cause trouble.Moreover, his talkative nature also made the room not so quiet.Make my despair and helplessness not so obvious.

After all, the flower is alive.After it bloomed again, it was taken away by the young master and given to Mr. Gu.I also still have no words.

That Mr. Gu, I have seen him in the yard from a distance.He seemed to have a good temperament, as elegant as a bamboo, dressed like a literati, and his face was always light.He lives in the largest house, and there are four people who serve him, all of whom seem to have read, and even their names are different from others, such as Shimo, Shuxiang and so on.

However, he is still a male favorite.It is precisely because of his difference that he is a scholar, his character is different, and the cage in which he is kept is also different, which makes him seem particularly sad.

If that young master really loves him, why would he be considered the same as those actors, young ladies, and ordinary people like me?Even locked in a yard?Use real examples to make him understand that he is just a male favorite?

But in Ah Ping's eyes and mouth, the young master loves him very much.

"Our lord is so kind to Mr. Gu, he bought a lot of books and sent them over."

"I heard that the new ink that the master sent to Mr. Gu is a fragrant ink that is hard to buy recently. The written characters have a fragrance."

"Master took Mr. Gu out for an outing."

"Young Master Gu caught a cold wind, and our master has been taking care of him non-stop for the past two days."

"..."

Who is this man showing his devoted and affectionate look?

When he was in bed with me, he was extremely enthusiastic, not only did he not force the slightest bit, but he also forced me who was not so willing.I guess it's similar to others, but others will probably cooperate with him.

Love and desire can be separated, I believe that.

But affectionate... especially those nasty, fawning, superficial actions are really very fake.

But Mr. Gu is the same as the young master. People who have read the book probably have different thoughts, and it is not so easy to see clearly.Who knows what their past is?

Compared to them, I prefer to watch other people.Because of their low background, they laugh and scold freely, and they have a stock market atmosphere.I watched them come and go in the yard as if I were watching a play.Keeping a safe distance, watching them arguing, making noise, laughing, maybe even singing a song when they are happy.

One day something happened.

The steward gathered us together and said that the fifth son had committed adultery with a girl and was caught for adultery.Then he was beaten to death in front of us.It's been almost a year since I came here, but I don't remember their names, and I haven't said a word.When he was beaten to death, I finally knew that his name was Lin Lang, a very feminine name.Lin Lang, she was born as an actor, but she actually likes women.

It turns out that not all of them are willing to be male favorites here.I suddenly realized this.

Mr. Gu was the first to leave with a flick of his sleeves. The butler snorted, but he didn't dare to stop him.

But for the rest of us, we can only watch the living person, who was beaten to a bloody mess, and gradually lost his life.

I vomited as soon as I got back to the room, and Ah Ping also turned pale.

The young master didn't show up. I still remember seeing him acting like a baby to the young master in the yard.It turned out to be such an easy thing to let a life disappear, and after all the people were dead, the butler still spat at the corpse with a look of contempt, without the slightest... pity and guilt for killing people.

They do not fear life, nor do they fear death.

A deed of sale allows this family to decide our life and death at will.This cold and cruel side made me see clearly what kind of world I live in.

Lin Lang's screams and bloody figure still seemed to be in front of my eyes. I was afraid, and A Ping was also afraid. He simply made a floor in my room so that the two of them could sleep.

It wasn't until the young master came to spend the night again that Ah Ping went back to his own room to sleep.

"The servant has been sleeping in your room these days?"

I nodded.

"Are you scared?"

"Ah."

He hugged me tightly, "Don't be afraid, I'm here. You are the most honest and responsible, and you won't do something like that, so don't be afraid."

His body was strong and warm, and such an embrace was indeed alluring.But thinking of Lin Lang, my heart felt even colder.

I put my arms around his waist and buried him in his arms, enjoying such warmth and hugs for the time being on such a night.

He smiled softly, and said in my ear: "I like to see your unwillingness and patience the most. It's really unique. I also like your obedient appearance now. I will always love you."

I closed my eyes and buried myself deeper in his arms.He kissed me a few times, hugged me and fell asleep, and I soon fell asleep in this warm embrace.

There is no point in criticizing or evaluating, I just need to be awake.

During the Chinese New Year, the young master will naturally enjoy the whole family with the master, young mistress and others.As a group of us, we have no home.Maybe it's because Mr. Gu's existence is too special, the other few people are unconsciously united together, they usually play together, and now they celebrate the new year together.

They also sent people to invite me.I did not go.

It's not because they look down on them, anyone with the same status looks down on others.

I don't want to be near them, to know them, or to be known in that capacity.

I don't want that kind of fireworks-like moment of joy, because I know that loneliness and hesitation will be more obvious after the fireworks are over.

A Ping obviously misunderstood me, thinking that I couldn't get used to those people just like him, but he agreed with my actions.

The two of us had New Year's Eve dinner together and drank some fruit wine.I took a shower early and went to bed without a vigil.There is nothing worth keeping for me, whether it is the year just passed or the year to come.

On the first day of the new year, Mr. Gu came to my room.He looked at the daffodils I cultivated in the room, sat down, frowned at the cup of tea that Aping poured for him, and didn't touch it.

I took a sip of the warm tea and waited quietly for him to explain his purpose.

"Did you raise these narcissus?"

I nodded.

"It's well raised. You also raised those two beauty orchids before?"

In fact, it is the same plant, but I did not refute it, but nodded.

"It seems that you have calmed down. Can you read?"

I shook my head, wondering why he asked that.

"Want to learn?"

I raised my eyes to look at him, the first time I looked at him seriously, he was very handsome and elegant, the kind of person that I thought should be a superior person at first sight, he was really different from us.He still looked calm, looking at me and waiting for my answer.

I nodded.Knowing characters is always beneficial. If you can go out in the future, you will not be so easily deceived.

"Come to my place tomorrow morning."

I nodded again.

He looked at me again, said nothing, and was about to get up and leave.

I took a narcissus and handed it to the servant who followed him, and he nodded slightly, motioning for him to accept it.Then he nodded at me and left.