out of control relationship

Qin Yuan took a reborn bath like he was in the late stage of cleanliness, almost peeled off a layer of skin, and finally temporarily forgot the horror associations linked to the insect series of disaster movies, changed his clothes and went out to work up.

Before he left, he put a handful of change on the dining table, spread out the folded one by one, and pressed it with Qin Shuobei's black drinking cup. This is his pocket money for next week, which is better than last week and last week. There are more than a little more weeks.Maybe it was because he was about to take the exam, so there would be more places to use the money, or maybe he just put it down and dismissed this "child".

He remembered that when his mother just fell ill, she was admitted to the hospital in the beginning of spring. In fact, she had been at home for half a year, taking medicine and working at the same time. In the end, she really deteriorated to the point where she couldn't live a normal life. She let go, but she was still reluctant. Because the family cannot afford expensive hospitalization and medical expenses.

Illness is counted by time, one day is counted as a person alive, and one day is still in this world, one has to do one's best to hold her back for one day.Qin Yuan started to look for work when Qin Shuobei was so old, delivering flowers in flower shops, running in restaurants, and reading stalls in newsstands. These are simple jobs that have no restrictions on age and work experience. How much do you earn.

From then on, he got up at five o'clock every day, prepared the family's meals first, put his mother's meals in an insulated lunch box and took them out separately, and delivered them to his mother once before Qin Shuobei went to school, and went to the restaurant to deliver food at noon. Eat something by the way, deliver another meal to mom after school in the afternoon, stay in the hospital to talk with her, do homework by myself, and bring Qin Shuobei home at night.

It was also from then on that he became taciturn, unable to spare any extra energy to focus on his own life, did not participate in group activities, and was in a hurry except at school, and Qin Shuobei could only talk to him when he went home with him at night. He communicated—body language accounted for the vast majority, because the main theme between them was the long silence; Qin Shuobei didn't like to talk since he was a child, and Qin Yuan was purely overworked: he was so tired that he didn't even want to talk.

12-year-old Qin Shuobei felt that Qin Yuan was a god.It was the first person in his short life who made him look forward to and be in awe.His elder brother has the most courageous and admirable qualities in a child's mind. On the one hand, he desperately wants to become such a person, and on the other hand, he is deeply aware of the embarrassment and powerlessness of his own identity.

He wants to be him.

——In this way, he has the strength to protect him justifiably.

The dream of youth is just a dream after all, growing up in a dark corner, awakened by a heartbeat or a smile, it turns into an indelible mark, no matter how the river of time washes, it will only become more unforgettable day by day.

Qin Shuobei took the money under the cup, counted the amount, and stuffed it into an iron box hidden under his desk. He sat alone in the dimly lit room and thought about what to do. , and finally closed the drawer.

Qin Yuan didn't have any change, so he didn't buy cigarettes when he passed by the grocery store.

In two days' time it will be Ching Ming Festival. At this time in previous years, the three of them would go back to the cemetery in the suburbs to sweep Qin Yuan's father's grave. Qin Shuobei also kowtowed to his father. I don't know if it was out of guilt or out of heart He recognized this man whom he had never met as his father.

Even such a hard life and incomplete relationship can be regarded as a second life for him.

Qin Shuobei really still remembered.

It rained on the Ching Ming Festival, and the two of them went out in the afternoon. The rain was much lighter than in the morning, and it was fine and dense, revealing a faint sense of parting.

The sidewalk outside is wet, there is a puddle every three or two steps, Qin Yuan is still walking on the side of the road, carrying a few sacrificial items in his hand; Qin Shuobei is holding an umbrella in his left hand, with his head down, not knowing where he is going My god, after a long time, he said something as if he was out of words, and got down.

Qin Yuan hummed, indeed he couldn't feel the rain from the wind blowing on his face.

Qin Shuobei didn't say a word, and didn't care about his wet right shoulder.

By the time we arrived at the cemetery, the rain had completely stopped, and the heavy clouds overhead had gradually dissipated, and the sky was brighter than before, making the trees planted around the cemetery extraordinarily green.

There were quite a few people who went to visit the tomb on this day, and some of them brought their families with them. It looked more like an outing. The children who were traveling with them were chattering, and they were held by adults from both sides and jumped up the high steps.

The tomb of the parents of the Qin family is located a little farther away. In order to bury his mother and father together, Qin Yuan spent a lot of hard work with the person in charge of the cemetery. Finally, the two of them could sleep together forever. Seeing too little scenery, at least being able to look at the lush poplar forest side by side after death is a rare tranquility.

Qin Shuobei squatted down with Qin Yuan, placed the bouquets and offerings in front of his parents' tombs, and started to clean up the weeds and fallen leaves around the stone monument, just like Qin Yuan's mother did to him when he was alive, The dust and snow on his shoulders.

He once made an enemy of this world because of pain, but no matter how hard the armor is, it can't match the gentleness of spring breeze and rain. He also forgot when he chose to let go of his defenses and remember those people's kindness to him.

got windy.

Because the protection of the environment is advocated to limit burning, and everyone doesn't burn paper money very much, Qin Yuan didn't prepare so much, and only brought a small handful of incense sticks. He knelt on the damp stone road after the rain, watching Qin Shuobei silently Parents' graves were cleaned up.

First, a trace of unspeakable bitterness flashed through his heart, and then the tiredness rippled silently like ripples.

He thought, what did he do wrong?

No matter how much I hate him, how harsh can I be?

What hatred can last so long and endlessly?

forget it.

Standing in the wind, he watched the swaying green shadows of the poplars galloping away like waves, thinking, I am really tired.

Qin Shuobei moved the few incense sticks he was holding to the lighter in his hand, lit them, and gave him three. The two of them bowed to the tombstone, knelt down and planted the incense sticks in the soft ground.

——Those loves and hates that should be wiped out in ordinary days, just let them go.

They walked back along the original road, each with their own concerns, but Qin Shuobei clearly felt that Qin Yuan's mood was better than before.

"In a good mood" is a very abstract concept, visible to the naked eye, but if you really ask him to describe it, I'm afraid he can't explain why.Although Qin Yuan still kept a cold face and said nothing, the atmosphere between the two was obviously not as tense as before.Especially when his mother just passed away, Qin Shuobei was fully prepared, fearing that Qin Yuan would break up with him one day, so nothing happened that he was worried about.

Apart from being a little irritable, a little awkward, a little duplicity, and a little slow in some aspects, there is nothing wrong with his brother.

Just like that, Qin Shuobei lowered the standard of "nothing bad" without a bottom line. Seeing Qin Yuan instinctively wanting to hold him when he was crossing the road, he reflexively held Qin Yuan's hand.

"..."

Qin Yuan looked at his younger brother who was about the same height as him in disbelief, "...are you just finished kindergarten?"

Qin Shuobei stood against the light on the zebra crossing. Hearing this, he let go of his hand, but still held Qin Yuan's sleeve with his fingertips, and said softly, "I'm sorry."

His voice was very pleasant, his long and narrow eyes narrowed slightly under the light, and his eyelashes were in a neat and thick arc, drooping pitifully.

It's like he's bullying him.

Qin Yuan opened his mouth several times but couldn't say a word, instead he took a breath and choked himself, with an unnatural blush on his face. "……Need not."

"elder brother."

"What?"

"fine."

"What are you calling me for?"

Sensing the gazes of passers-by along the road, Qin Yuan's face became more and more uneasy about his younger brother who was about to go to the house. "I beat you."

"Hit it." Here it comes again.

The slap on the head was not as heavy as expected, but like a caress.