Watching you quietly outside the window

The next day, when Chen Jun arrived at the office, he was piled up with a lot of tasks. He was drawing pictures in front of the computer all the time, and he didn't even have time to drink water. At noon, he bought some fast food and sent it to Lan Ye, then rushed back to work .When it was time to get off work, Chen Jun had yet to make a picture.Chen Jun tidied up hastily, and then rode to pick up Lan Ye.

The evening wind was bitter, and almost all the heat was taken away from the body, making the heart cool.Chen Jun rode to school, but he didn't see Lan Ye.A strong premonition of terror rushed up, he looked at the direction the students came out without blinking, and stood extremely stubbornly at the intersection, he felt ridiculous for his behavior, one hour, two hours passed while waiting, He didn't know why he had to wait, and he didn't know what his purpose was. His heart fell into despair, and he was almost on the verge of collapse. He stood at the intersection and waited for a long time until late at night, and then left again in despair.

Along the way, he thought of Lan Ye's recent unexplained actions and his unwilling attitude when making love with him. He seemed to fully understand that he had been living in his own fantasy, and those so-called sweetness were all fake.He felt so lonely, as if his whole body was so cold that there was no warmth at all.

At around 1 o'clock in the morning, his ears were particularly sharp for some reason. Lan Ye's sound of going upstairs was very soft, but he heard it. He opened the door and saw Lan Ye going upstairs with some difficulty while holding on to the railing. His whole mind was buzzing blankly. for a moment.When Lan Ye heard the sound of the door opening, she raised her head dully, then suddenly froze, her body trembled involuntarily.

Chen Jun waited for Lan Ye to come in, then closed the door, and asked lightly, "Where have you been?"

Lan Ye didn't speak.

Chen Jun stared at his eyes, his eyes were free and scattered.Chen Jun emphasized his tone, he didn't know what happened to him, but he couldn't control himself and asked: "You didn't go to the hospital, where did you go?"

Lan Ye avoided Chen Jun's sight and lowered her head.

"Why don't you look at me?"

Lan Ye still lowered her head.

"You went to find Wang Yi, didn't you?"

He saw that Lan Ye's body was trembling, and his lowered hands were grasping the trouser line vigorously, but there was still no answer.

Chen Jun felt as if a sharp dagger had been stabbed into his heart, and his whole heart was stinging unbearably. He almost held his chest, and then looked at Lan Ye in a panic, impatiently, and even angrily.

At this time, even if Lan Ye said no softly, even if he shook his head slightly, Chen Jun would immediately convince himself that what Lan Ye said was the truth, and then forgive him, but Lan Ye didn't say a word, which meant that he acquiesced to everything.

Chen Jun stared at his lowered eyes and fell silent for a few seconds. He completely lost control of his emotions. He shouted: "Why did you go to him?" He shook Lan Ye, this was the first time he yelled at Lan Ye : "Am I not good enough for you? Or is my money not enough, not as much as his? Talk to me!"

"No." Lan Ye raised his head, his eyes were filled with tears, and his eyes showed the same pain and helplessness as him.

"Then why are you?...Don't you like me?" Chen Jun's voice softened because of guilt.

Lan Ye bit his lip, tears streaming down his face, he couldn't answer.

"Then why?..." Chen Jun felt a sudden tremor in his heart, as if it was broken, he managed to organize his words, and said weakly as if exhaling: "I will live elsewhere tonight. I can give it to you, and I won’t come back in the future.” Seeing Lan Ye crying all the time, he still couldn’t bear it, he felt that if he didn’t leave now, he would never be able to make up his mind, he hesitated for a while, and added: “Living expenses If your adoptive father doesn't give enough, I can call you every month."

Lan Ye stood there without moving, to be precise, motionless, as if she was dead, but the endless tears made the whole empty room feel rhythmic, and Chen Jun left without looking back, because He dared not look back.

Chen Jun thought that his tears had been dried up and there would be no more tears to shed. However, when he walked under the vast night sky and looked up at the endless night, his tears poured out like a sprinkler with its valve turned on.

The cold wind hit his tears-soaked cheeks, cutting his skin like a knife. Chen Jun lifted his collar up and walked into the depths of the night.

He walked aimlessly on the street all night. In the early morning of the next day, the sun pierced his dry eyes, causing the already painful eyes to sting even more severely. His eyes were red and swollen when he took a photo in front of the glass wall of the commercial building.He went into the bathroom and washed his face desperately to wake himself up, until his face hurt, and then he looked himself in the mirror again, well, the redness and swelling of the eyes were not so obvious, because the whole face was swollen!

When he returned to the company, Blent also entered the company. Seeing Chen Jun, he was shocked, "What's wrong with your face?"

"I'm allergic to facial cleanser."

"Would you like to take a look, I'll give you a morning off." Blent said with concern.

"No need, it's a common thing, it will be fine in two days." Chen Jun wrote perfunctorily.

Blent asked again: "By the way, I told you two days ago, how do you think about going to the United States?"

"I will go with you."

"That's really great, I'll go through the formalities for you right now." Already at Blent's office, he beckoned to go ahead.Chen Jun hesitated for a moment, and then asked, "Does the company have a guest house?"

Blent said: "Yes, you want to live in a guest house?" He looked at Chen Jun with some confusion.

Chen Jun smiled guiltyly, and then made up a reasonable reason, "My house is due today, and it's not easy to rent a short-term house now, and I'm going abroad anyway, so I think it's convenient to just stay in a guest house for a few days work."

"Okay, you can move in tonight." Blent readily agreed.

In fact, Chen Jun didn't feel relaxed because he left Lan Ye, he was quite depressed.Chen Jun tried his best to keep himself busy, devoting all his time to work and indulgence, leaving no time for himself to recall.He hopes to get rid of that relationship that ended in failure as soon as possible.During the time when he was away from Blue Night, his private life was almost unrestrained. After work, he went to the disco or nightclub to dance wildly and then got himself drunk bottle after bottle. He drank very painfully, and the alcohol made him His stomach was very sick, but he had to drink until the stomach pain was numb with alcohol, until he was in a trance, and he felt that he was going to die like this... He kept drinking, spent all the money he had with him, and at the end In the middle of the night, he came back to the guest house where he was alone with his uncontrollable legs, and then fell asleep on the bed, thinking that he could completely forget the past by doing so.

Every time after waking up, the endless pain quietly invaded his dream and woke him up. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and sat up. It was still the endless night, and there were only empty walls and simple furniture in front of him. .He rubbed his face vigorously with both hands, looking at all these brand-new and unfamiliar scenes, Chen Jun felt extremely painful, he even hoped that Lan Ye would come back to find him spinelessly, as long as he came to him and explained the reason, no matter what he said What, Chen Jun may continue this relationship... But Lan Ye didn't come to him, not even a phone call...

Once, when he went to a bar for a drink, he happened to see a couple of gays kissing in a corner of the bar. It might be induced by alcohol. Under the dim light, the two kissed almost crazily.Chen Jun was already in a mess, he just saw that they were unhappy, and then rushed to the gay couple, punched one of the gays' noses to bleed, the gay couple called two men, and rushed to Chen Jun together In the past, they were probably too drunk, they were already wobbling, and their movements were extremely uncoordinated. Chen Jun took a wine bottle and started fighting with them without any scruples. As a result, those people were beaten to pieces by Chen Jun and fled.Fortunately, the fight was relatively short that day, and the surrounding police were not alarmed.Afterwards, Chen Jun regretted it too much, and he never went to the bar that day.

The time to go abroad was a week earlier than expected. Blent carried a lot of luggage, but Chen Jun didn't take anything, because no matter what he took, he couldn't help but recall the past.He helped Blent with a couple of heavier packages. Blent asked him why he didn't bring anything, and Chen Jun said flatteringly: "Help you share the weight of the consignment!" Blent was very happy to hear that.

The head office in the United States is much bigger than the original place of work. Blent gave him an independent office, clean and tidy, with a blue-gray carpet on the floor, and radiation-absorbing plants beside the simple and elegant floor-to-ceiling windows.

Chen Jun's office is on the 32nd floor. Looking down from the window, you can see the complete street and busy people running at work.

Working with the people here will give you a lot of inspiration. Each of them is very thoughtful and much more active than domestic designers. They know a lot about the new painting software, whether it is the function or the difference from other software. It's also interesting to discuss.

Chen Jun sometimes thinks, this is probably the life he wants, to do what he loves to do, and then break out into a new world...

Then he asked himself again, is this really the case?This is the life he pursues?

No, it seems that something indispensable is missing, he can't forget...

He changed his contact information, and when he was equipped with a new mobile phone card, he discovered that there was still one thing in his memory that hadn't been taken away——Lan Ye's phone number.

The service staff asked: "Do you still want this card?"

He shook his head, but when the service staff was about to throw the phone card into the trash can, he suddenly yelled, "Wait!"

The service staff was startled, and then turned their heads in surprise.

"I still use it, let's keep it." He carefully put the phone card into a small plastic bag, and put it in his wallet.This made many people cast strange eyes on him.

Chen Jun likes to stay in the office all the time, as if he can escape from reality and seal himself in a fantasy space.Every time the sun sets, he drags his chin and looks out the window, seeing the endless streets and countless buildings of uneven heights, he feels very empty inside.Sometimes, he could even see a person in white clothes with short light brown hair walking on the street, he thought it was the blue night, and then laughed at himself.

how can that be possible?

It can't be him...

Why should I think of that person?

However, he can finally understand the true meaning of looking out the window. In fact, he doesn't like to look at the monotonous scenery outside, but is eager to see the person he has been looking forward to seeing.

He spent every moment in contradiction, and he didn't know why he was so contradictory. Maybe it was the shadow of the past that shrouded his heart so darkly that he couldn't get out of it.He thought, maybe it takes more time to give more light to the heart to dissipate the large haze, or maybe time can't make people forget the past, some things just don't want to be mentioned, and can't be forgotten, and that This feeling can only be borne by oneself, and the cover-up to the outside world makes it impossible for others to see it.

A month later, Blent walked into his office during work hours.

"Look for me for something?" Chen Jun smiled.

Blent also smiled, and said to him: "The line draft you produced during the few days of your business trip was appreciated by many players, who said that the drawing is very distinctive and gorgeous."

"Really? That's good." Chen Jun was a little excited. It was the first time he had been recognized by the public after working for such a long time. But soon, he felt nothing. After all, the designs he made before were also very popular.

"I'm going back to Shenzhen in a few days for a little bit of business. I'll go there for two days. If you want to go back and see your family, you can go back with me and I'll give you two days off." Blent smiled even more.

Chen Jun pondered for a while, and then said politely, "I'm really flattered. If you have any documents to prepare, I'll sort them out for you."

"Then come to my office." Blent gestured for him to follow.

Everything went smoothly. At the end of December, Chen Jun and Blent boarded a plane to Shenzhen.

Chen Jun doesn't really want to go home, because he hasn't found a partner so far, and there are various blind dates when he goes back. When he thinks of meeting some unfamiliar faces and chatting with them kindly, Chen Jun is very annoyed.He didn't go to the scenic spot either, it was boring to go there by himself.In Shenzhen, Blent got a temporary phone card, and Chen Jun wanted to get one too, but when he paid for it, the phone card that had been used was turned over.After hesitating for a moment, he still changed the card into the phone.

For some reason, he is still looking forward to something. Although the possibility is so weak, he still holds an unclear expectation. Using that card as a temporary contact method, he feels that he is ridiculous and sad. The unreal but unforgettable memories he spent with Lan Ye are endlessly repeated in his mind. Lan Ye rode home with him, huddled in the same bed, went shopping together... that clear feeling As if those things just happened yesterday.Chen Jun has been helping Blent with chores since he arrived in Shenzhen, making Blent's work go very smoothly and a lot easier. Blent is very happy that Chen Jun can help him. It's all done. Blent asked Chen Jun if he would like to stay in Shenzhen for a day, after all, he finished the task earlier than planned, and then they went out for a walk together and took a rest.For Blent's kindness, Chen Jun finally refused.They booked a plane ticket for the afternoon to go to the head office.It was a very dull day. In the morning, the dark clouds held down the sky very low, and it was obvious that there would be a heavy rain. When they arrived at the airport, it had already started to rain.Chen Jun sat in the waiting room doing nothing, staring at the ground aimlessly, letting time pass slowly in a daze.During this period, he heard a song played in a loop in a brand store. The tune was soothing, but mixed with a ray of sadness that could not be erased. The melody reverberated in the silent air, with a feeling of loneliness and desolation. It reads: You don't know why I left you, I insist that I can't let you cry

Your teardrops are like downpours

Broken and clear in my heart

He felt that the person mentioned in the song was somewhat similar to himself. He thought of Lan Ye crying, and the worried eyes in the moist eye sockets. A drop of water fell on the back of his hand. He thought it was a rain leak at the airport. When he raised his head, nothing happened. He touched the corner of his eye with his hand and realized that he was crying.He hurriedly wiped away his tears with a tissue. Blent, who was sitting beside him, asked him what was wrong. Chen Jun forced a smile and said, "Something got into his eye, and it hurts."

From 10 minutes to 6 o'clock, Chen Jun took out his mobile phone and looked at the text message again, still expecting the impossible to happen, but when it was time to board the plane, nothing happened.

He looked back at the boarding gate for a week. He wanted to take a deep breath, but he couldn't. This may be the last time he came to this land, and there was a bit of tormenting loss in his heart. Maybe the memory ended like this, and he I won't see him again, his life is about to start over, and it's time to let go.