Blick in die Ferne Looking Away

?I forgot my heart in Heidelberg

on a warm midsummer night

My ears are full of love too

her lips smile like a rose

when we say goodbye at the gate

i clearly remember that last kiss

I forgot my heart in Heidelberg

My heart beats wildly by the Neckar

——Goethe "I Forgot My Heart in Heidelberg"

When I came out of the bathroom wiping my hair, I saw August sitting on the edge of my bed in a bathrobe, his hair was wet on his forehead and neck, obviously looking very tired from the recent shower. refreshing.

When he saw me, he lifted his chin, and I looked in the direction he indicated. There were some simple meals and red wine on the table. I walked over and lowered my head to take a sip, and praised, "It smells so good."

"Dry your hair, don't catch a cold." August stood up and put one hand around my waist, took my towel with his free hand and helped me wipe my hair.It's a pity that August's gentleness didn't make me feel uneasy. I grabbed the towel in dissatisfaction, pressed it on August's head and rubbed it indiscriminately, "Say me, you still Not walking around with wet hair."

August smiled and said nothing, just threw away the towel and pulled me to sit down at the table, gave me a fork, and said, "Try this, it's the red stew made by the Italian chef in the hotel."

I took the fork and stirred it randomly on the plate, and I lost my appetite after taking two casual bites.So I put down my fork and leaned over to reach for the wine.Accidentally, the sleeve of the bathrobe got caught on the edge of the plate, and the Italian red risotto was overturned on the table, and the red tomato sauce flowed all over the table.August and I stared at the messy table and laughed in unison.He got up and kissed me lightly on the face, said: "You eat other things first, I'll find someone to clean up." Then he walked out of the room.

The silver cross was submerged in the red sauce, and it seemed to reflect light. I wrapped the cross with a tablecloth and wiped it, only to find that there were tiny red patterns printed on the tablecloth.

I looked at the strange patterns, which looked... like letters arranged in rows.

Is it...?

I picked up the cross again and started researching, only to find that the patterns on the four tops are nothing but reversed engraved characters.I took a piece of light-colored brown paper and printed all four tops of the cross with ketchup.Four English words appeared on the paper: FIND, CHURCH, TRUTH, IN.

Judging by the order of Christ's fingers when he prayed, the jumbled words make up a short sentence: FINDTRUTHINCHURCH.

I involuntarily increased my strength with my fingers, and I pinched the crumpled kraft paper in my hands.I put on the coat next to the bed, got up and left the room

In the stables, Kanfer and Emilia happened to be hiding inside and kissing me. The two of them saw that I suddenly blushed and blushed.I smiled needlessly, planning to lead the horse and leave.

Emilia was busy arranging her hair, so she ignored me, and just pretended to ask casually, "Your Highness Goethe, where are you going?"

I pretended I had just seen them, greeted them with a smile, and skipped the question.

They looked at each other in embarrassment, and it was difficult to inquire about the purpose of my going out, so they let me go.

In fact, when August was not around, my colleagues in the Privy Council acted as his informants around me.My every move will be conveyed to August by them, even if they want to help me hide it, it is impossible, because August is the Duke of the Weimar Duchy, and we are all his subjects, and we should give him eternal loyalty.

I rode a white horse all the way south, pointing directly at the Church of the Holy Spirit in Heidelberg.

The truth is in the church - this is the message of the cross.

Although I don't know what is waiting for me there, but Herder notified me in such a secret way, I think there must be his reason.

The horse's hooves stepped on the cobblestone path, and I gently pulled the rein to slow down the speed.The white horse snorted dissatisfied, as if dissatisfied that I interrupted his galloping interest.

I looked up, and the spire of the Church of the Holy Spirit stood upright, and the bright sunlight shining on it seemed to be swallowed up by the black stone, making people feel no warmth at all.

cold.quiet.

The first gust of wind swept across the cheeks and spread to the market square of Haupt Street, passing through the narrow and intertwined houses, and extending into the distance.The sound of horseshoes colliding with stone slabs resounded unscrupulously in the deserted square, with every step, like an announcement before the end of the drama.

I got off my horse and pushed open the thick, lacquered red door.

The milky white light penetrated into the church from my side, and the tiny dust was noisy under the reflection of the sun.My eyes moved away from the golden dust and looked directly at the white figure under the cross.

"You're finally here." After a while, he spoke like a raving.The voice turned around several times in the empty church, gradually weakened, and finally diffused faintly on the altar, like a sigh.

As soon as he spoke, I frowned involuntarily, and scratched the corner of my clothes inadvertently with my fingers.

"I thought that you would be content with the status quo and forget those things you should know...the truth."

I bit my lower lip and walked quickly into the depths of the church.

Heartbeat has never been so fast.

The distance is getting closer and closer, and the white background is gradually enlarged.My legs began to feel weak when I took a step, my chest was churning, and my stomach was so nauseous that I almost vomited.

Is this an instinctive rejection before facing the truth?

"I think you probably guessed it too," the man shook his cloak, and the white cap slipped down his hair.He turned his head, and brown bangs flashed across his eyes, sparking a ghostly green glow in his eyes.

The corners of his mouth raised a strange arc, and the light followed the curves of his undulating facial features, dividing his face into light and dark parts.

"Schiller is dead."

Helder said so.

What did he say?I opened my eyes wide in horror, the air seemed to be sucked away by someone, and I took a big breath, but I couldn't resolve the suffocating feeling in my chest.

The world seemed to collapse.I see the church shaking.

"This...how is it possible, how is it possible!" I couldn't help repeating these words, my legs could no longer support the weight of my body, and I collapsed on the bench next to me.

Covering your eyes with your hands, the trembling earth can be seen between your fingers.

Tears flowed silently across my eyes, I bit my lip, desperately trying to suppress the grief.

Why cry, why cry!I was powerless to restrain my reaction, but the tears couldn't be controlled at all, they just kept overflowing...

"By the way." A hand covered my shoulder with scorching temperature. "You know, the dead cannot be brought back to life."

"I don't believe it..." I kept shaking my head, for fear that if I vetoed it too late, the news of Schiller's death would become a fact.

He was gone, the one with the fire in his eyes, the one who was busy in the theater, the one who looked me straight in the eyes and took my hand resolutely.His brown-red hair, the slightly raised corners of his mouth, his cinnamon-scented lips all year round, and even the temperature between his fingers, everything is so vivid in my memory... How could it be possible for him to be so closely connected with me? , how could it just disappear?

I stood up and grabbed Herder's collar, "You lied to me, tell me where Schiller is!" I looked at him expectantly, hoping that he would tell me that Schiller was still alive, he waiting for me...

Herder still had a cold expression, his ice green eyes stared at me expectantly, mockingly.

"You want to find him? Well, Weimar Church, the ground floor cemetery, his body is there." Herder shook off my hand rudely, grabbed my collar and pushed me against the wall , with a tone of anger that cannot be ignored, "He is dead! Just when you and your Duke are having a good time! Do you finally think of him now, but he is no longer here!"

Herder let go of me, turned his back, and sighed.

"Do you know what his last days were like? You don't, of course you don't. At that time you were discussing pleasant trips. The theater, the Privy Council, or even the whole of Weimar, who would have noticed that the man hiding in the In the room, Schiller kept coughing up blood, had difficulty breathing, and lived like a torment."

"For him, sunrise and sunset are no longer the alternation of old and new, but the beginning of a more violent torture."

"What disease...is he suffering from?" I slumped down against the wall and squatted there, powerlessly burying my head in my arms.

"Tuberculosis." Helder glanced back at me and continued, "Extremely contagious respiratory tuberculosis. So in his last days, he was completely confined to that... house completed by your supervisor."

I closed my eyes sadly.

"This is probably the last consolation for him."

I never imagined what life would be like without Schiller.

Even in Weimar before, there was almost no personal contact between us, but as long as there was an occasional eye contact, we could understand that we were still the most important in each other's hearts.

It is a kind of feeling so strong that as long as you live, you will never forget the other person's feelings.

Now, Schiller is gone.So how will he respond to our inseparable bond?

For the first time, I was so lost, so regretful.Even when she heard the news of Schiller's marriage, she was never so desperate.

Of course, because he's gone... I don't even have the chance to spy on him from afar.

It turns out that missing a moment means missing a lifetime.

"The first people to know about it were me and Christine," Herder said, "and then we got a letter from Schiller's widow."

"It turns out that when August asked you to complete the marriage contract with Christine, he went to see Schiller alone. He made a bet with Schiller."

I am silent.

"Then Schiller lost, completely. He got the news you brought with him in Venice. After a night of deep thinking, he decided to respect your decision."

"He wrote a letter to August in exchange for that pocket watch." Seeing my astonished expression, Helder smiled knowingly, "That's right, it's the one you saw." C.A 'The two letters are the abbreviation of August's full name."

"The pocket watch that August gave him is a token that can satisfy any of his conditions. It is a kind of reward for Schiller for letting you go. In fact, it is a charity for the winner."

Herder said softly: "As a loser, Schiller took the token from his rival in humiliation and kept it until his death."

"'A companion is like a tiger', a little Goethe, even if he is favored by the Duke now, how long can he be favored like this. 'Ten years? 20 years? What about after that? He has always cared about wealth, status, Reputation... what should we do?'" Helder paused, then continued, "With this in mind, Schiller wrote his suicide note with the last of his strength. Who would have thought that his last wish before his death, It turned out to be holding this watch, and begging your rival to bring you eternal happiness. And, don’t tell you about his death.”

I listened quietly to Herder's words, unable to open my mouth, and unable to open my mouth.

"When August heard my reason for coming, his whole face turned pale. He never expected that his humiliation back then would defeat him instead."

"Then...why did you tell me this?" I asked weakly.

Herder snorted coldly, "Because if you let it go, you will no longer be the real Goethe."

I repeated blankly: "The real... Goethe?"

"You belong to literature! You shouldn't belong to anyone!" Herder seemed a little excited. He knelt down in front of me on one knee and held my shoulder firmly. "Whether Schiller or August, They are all eroding your talents! Let them all be the past... forget them, or let them exist only in memory. What you really need to care about is your literature!"

"This is... what you call the truth?" I pushed Herder away and sneered, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

"You don't understand this kind of feeling at all. Whether it's Schiller to me or me to Schiller." I turned around and walked out of the church slowly, "It is the existence of this bond that I can walk better. Because of my pen, I will continue to work for Schiller."

On the way back to the hotel, I met traveling merchants from the East.

I took a sip of the wine they sold, a clear liquid from the East, far more blazing than the sweet wine from my hometown.With every sip, my throat felt like it was about to burst into flames.

I paid the money and led the horse slowly, aimlessly, along Municipal Avenue until I reached the end of the road.

This is an empty forest area in the urban area of ​​Heidelberg. I leaned on a tree trunk and sipped wine, recalling the time when Schiller and I used to be.Vision began to blur, and I couldn't tell if it was from tears or alcohol.

When I drank the last drop of wine, I gulped down the spiciness, wiped the corners of my eyes, and led the horse to leave.

After three failures, I finally fell on the horse. The cross that Herder left for me fell out of my pocket. The silver cross kissed the soil. I smiled indifferently and murmured: "Today , even if I forget my heart here." Then, he pulled the rein and walked away.

I have no memory of how exactly I got back to the hotel.I just remember that when I turned my stiff neck and got up from the horse, I was already at the door.

The scene in front of me is still a little blurry, but my steps are not vain.I was leading the horse back to the stable, but I ran into August on the way back to the room.

He was wearing a blue slim dress, and his black leather boots still looked very shiny in the dimly lit stables.I can't help but think that at Schiller's appointment ceremony last year, when I handed him the post of director of the theater, he was also dressed in dark blue, with gold trim embellished to set off his already outstanding face even more heroic .

A trace of unhappiness and sadness suddenly filled my heart. I wanted to refuse, but Auguste didn't give me a chance to refuse, so he turned and left.

"Goethe, follow me." Seeing that I did not respond, he turned around and waved at me.

The scene in front of me seemed to overlap with the memory, and the feeling of being too familiar almost made me shed tears.

I don’t know how long I followed him until I heard the sound of gurgling water, and I suddenly realized that we were far away from the urban area of ​​Heidelberg, and arrived at the confluence of the Ilm River’s tributaries in the outskirts——Rachel lake.

Rahirhu is just a small lake at the confluence of many tributaries of the Ilm River. It has no characteristics in itself, but in its center, there is a waterfall that is fascinated by many lovers-Star Waterfall.

August walked to the lake and stopped.

And behind him, the water falling from the sky hit the pentagonal rock, and the water splashed in all directions, crystal clear, forming a thin layer of milky white water mist.

I stared blankly at the pool of clear water, the shimmering water surface and the waterfall reflected each other, the diffused water mist was stained with the afterglow of the evening, and a touch of gold shrouded the emerald green water surface, which was very touching. Gorgeous and glamorous.

I involuntarily opened my legs, wanting to get closer to the waterfall, but unexpectedly, red petals suddenly fell from the sky.

Tens of thousands.

petal.

With a strong aroma of roses, red petals dance in the air and fall colorfully.Through the golden light, they spin and dance, accompanied by the breeze, and slowly fall on my open palm.

Everything is so beautiful, everything is so moving, the red romance falls from the sky, falls on the palm of my hand, and goes straight to the heart along the blood.

After all, the corners of the mouth still raised slightly involuntarily. On this day full of sadness, the tears finally stopped flowing because of sadness.

I saw that figure gradually enlarged in my sight, he turned his head with a smile, and stretched out his hand.

Blue clothes, blue eyes.

As it was then.

But I know that at this moment, the feeling of holding this hand is no longer pure.

Auguste easily took me into his arms, lowered his head and kissed the tears at the corners of my eyes, "If your tears are from emotion, then I accept it." After a pause, he continued, "I love you. "

I still looked at him lightly and didn't respond.

August laughed helplessly, mocking himself: "Sure enough, I knew it was like this again."

I smiled through tears and kissed his lips.

August was taken aback at first, and quickly kissed back forcefully.Both sides couldn't wait to try to invade each other first, so their tongues were constantly rubbing and entangled in their mouths, and neither was willing to show weakness.

After finally getting a chance to breathe, August covered his swollen lips with surprise in his eyes, obviously overjoyed at my initiative.However, I didn't give him a chance to ask questions, but covered the red and swollen lips again.

I stretched out my hand and began to untie August's neckline, tearing it not tenderly, even a little rudely, the white silk scarf slipped from his neck, I looked at the graceful curve of the jaw, and suddenly felt a little heartache.

August clearly understood my intentions, with a look of disbelief on his face.He reached out and stroked my cheek, his fingers trembling slightly, it was uncontrollable excitement.

I took off his frock coat and ran my fingers through his thin shirt over his chest.The solid texture lines can be clearly felt where the fingertips are walking. I hooked August's belt and stepped back, but unexpectedly fell into the water together.

The water was very cold, and August's shirt was mostly wet, clinging to his body, outlining a perfect curve.The color of the skin was revealed through the white fabric, looming.He leaned over me, panting excitedly.

The delicate kiss fell on each other's necks, the tip of the tongue chasing the lake water that fell on the skin, sweet, with a hint of provocation.Even the lake water that envelops the body seems to become hot, and the whole world seems to disappear in the steaming mist.

There is the scent of wild roses in the air, the best aphrodisiac.

From each other's eyes, one can clearly feel that the passion is surging.August tentatively unbuttoned me with his fingertips.

The scorching breath entangled intensely.

The desire to possess the other party becomes extremely urgent and unbearable at this moment.We forget where we are at this moment, where we came from, and even, who we are.

When I pressed August under my body, the mist surrounding us even made me feel delusional.The person in my arms has maroon curly hair, amber eyes, and satin-like skin... He seems to have never left me, lying in my arms with an intoxicating smile.

However, in the blink of an eye, Schiller's figure disappeared, leaving only the young man with blue pupils.He opened his mouth slightly, calling my name, his pink tongue looming.My heart trembled, I lowered my head, sucking deeply, the honey overflowing from his mouth.

I never thought that the boy who invited me to be a consultant in Frankfurt back then, the boy who looked spotless, would be pressed under me, grabbing my back tightly, panting in a low voice.

The posture of his high jaw is beautiful, and even the side that bears it has an inherent nobility.I linger on his lips, his neck, his solid chest and arms, but I know that I can't bear his heart.

But men are so pathetic, no amount of guilt can stop the rising pleasure.

This long-lost heat awakened the long-sleeping memory of this body. That night, in Venice, a man drifted away, a man sobbed softly, a wrong choice, and an eternal farewell.

The diffused water mist and residual alcohol sometimes make the figures of Schiller and August overlap.Yes, I miss him, but I know exactly who is with me now.

So... sorry.I cannot forgive myself.

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees way in the wind

YousangmeSpanishlullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clevertrick

When the peak came, I bit my lip and tried hard to control myself to call out the name that had been sealed in my heart for a long time.

"Schiller, Ichliebe Dich."

The person in his arms was stunned for a moment, and looked at me silently, with disbelief written in his eyes.

August's grip on my back loosened.

I know that I am no longer worthy of happiness.

"When you miss your old lover, at least get out of my body first." August pushed me away, and stood up, enduring the pain when the foreign body left his body.

A few wisps of white flowed down from his thighs with his movements, and scattered in the faint lake with a little bit of glaring scarlet.

Something seemed to burst in my heart, and the barrier with cracks collapsed again.I suppressed the waves in my heart, looked at him expressionlessly, and didn't stop it.

"It turns out that you are because of him..." August's face was still flushed, but his eyes were cold and strange, "Would you like to give me an explanation?"

I lowered my head to avoid his gaze and murmured, "I'm sorry."

He looked at me quietly, and finally smiled back with anger. "It turns out that you can't even give me an explanation." August turned and walked ashore, picked up the clothes on the ground and put them on, and laughed at himself, "Herder is right, the living is never better than the dead. "

I raised my head and watched his gold-encrusted back recede into the distance until it disappeared into the afterglow of the setting sun.

Goodbye Eyal Most Lover

Goodbye my hope less dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be

Before I knew it, the corners of my eyes were already wet.

August, I hope that you and I, from now on, will only be kings and ministers.