Blick in die Ferne Looking Away

?my heart feels

Echoes of happy times and sad times

I am between pain and pleasure

wandering alone lonely

flow, flow, dear river

i will never have fun again

playful kiss loyal

everything is gone

——Goethe "Confronting the Moon"

There was an unbearable silence in the room, and I snorted and retracted my head under the quilt.

In fact, it's just a detour, and I don't know why there is such a big fire.Perhaps it was the naked concern in August's eyes that made me instinctively want to escape.I really don't want to owe him anything anymore.

"Goethe." I heard him call me, and I could feel his hand grabbing a corner of the quilt and trying to pull it away.And I just clutched the quilt tightly and didn't let go.

He sighed, his voice became soft and gentle, "Goethe, how can I apply ice to you if you don't come out." I felt him sitting on the side of the bed, and the sound of water came from my ears.Reluctantly, I showed my head and asked again: "Can I ask you to apply ice instead of going to the city?"

August pushed back the hair on my forehead, and his wet fingers brought a chill to the hot skin.I saw his Adam's apple twitch, he put a wet towel and an ice pack on my forehead with his lips pursed, and said resignedly, "Goethe, don't you think it's out of standard to bargain with someone younger than you?"

I raised my eyebrows, "You also know that you are younger than me, so don't you listen to what the elders say?"

"Here we go again," he shook his head helplessly, "Why did I think you were mature and mysterious at the beginning, but distance produces beauty." After saying that, he stretched out his hand to pinch my face to express regret.

"Hmph," I laughed disapprovingly, "That's right, you were just an 11-year-old kid when you first appeared in front of me. I didn't expect you to grow up so much now."

"Time flies." August smiled and helped me tuck the quilt up again.

"Yeah, it's been so long before I know it." I sighed.Think about when I first met Schiller, he was just an adult, and he still had the scent of a teenager.It's just that I haven't seen him recently, so I don't know how he is.With such nostalgia, a bitterness suddenly rose from the corner of his mouth.

"It's just that no amount of time is enough for me to quit you." Auguste said meaningfully, and kissed me on the lips.

I froze in place, not knowing how to respond.

August saw my reaction, smiled indifferently, turned and left the room.As soon as I breathed a sigh of relief, he suddenly leaned halfway in and said, "Have a good night's sleep. If we don't burn tomorrow, we will go as planned." Seeing my happy look, he added : "I also want to go to France earlier, after all, there are so many people on the road who can't do whatever they want."

After finishing speaking, waved and went back to the room.

I was left lying on the bed wanting to cry without tears. If I had known earlier, I might as well have taken a long detour.

That side.

"Galibo, how was the situation just now? You were kicked out? Was it because of the duke and Goethe..." Emilia moved closer and made a more ambiguous gesture.

Kanfer frowned and pulled his fiancée aside, and blamed him: "You said that you are a girl, why do you think about this kind of thing every day?"

Emilia was not to be outdone: "What's the matter, I just care about the two of them. The bosses have a relationship crisis, how can our subordinates have a good life!"

Kanfer frowned even tighter, "Why do you smell like alcohol again, I didn't mean you, who can marry you if you are so addicted to alcohol!"

"Yo, what do you do?" Emilia caught the other party's words and immediately retorted.

"I..." Kanfer was embarrassed and didn't know how to answer for a moment.

"Okay, okay, Emilia, we all know that you are eloquent and don't bully Kanfer, he is the most honest." Shelo came out to smooth things over, "Let's continue to listen to Galibeau."

"That's right, if you keep arguing, I won't talk about it." Galibo said.

Emilia glared at Kanfer, turned around and immediately jumped to the side of the three people sitting there with a smile on her face, leaving Kanfer alone sighing.How could I find such a "cute" woman as my wife?

"Mr. Dodal, you have been working in the theater, so you know this better," Galliber asked a gentleman with glasses beside him, "What is Mr. Goethe's lukewarm attitude towards the Duke?" What's going on?"

"Well," the person being questioned dragged out his voice seriously, "I think it's probably playing hard to get."

Emilia rolled her eyelids, "Pretentious," and then continued to lean forward and said, "I think Mr. Goethe is too innocent. I don't agree with the boss bullying Mr. Goethe."

The boss naturally refers to Duke August, and several people seem to be familiar with Emilia's occasional surprising words.So Kanfer interjected: "Not necessarily, I think Lord Goethe is very experienced in this area."

"Yo, how do you know?" Emilia said in a bad tone, "Birds of a feather flock together, huh?"

"No...Of course not," Kanfer sneered, "My first love is you, my wife. It's not like you don't know."

Emilia snorted and returned to the topic: "Sherlo, Galibo, what do you two think?"

She Luo thought for a while, and replied: "I think Lord Goethe is still hesitating, so he deliberately ignored the Duke's hints."

Galibo nodded, as if he wanted to agree with Shelo's point of view.But before he could speak, he heard a lazy and gorgeous baritone voice, "So my hint is so obvious, everyone knows?"

Everyone was shocked and stood up to salute collectively, "Your Highness the Duke."

"Sit down." August sat on the sofa next to him, with a calm tone, "I couldn't sleep at night, so I planned to go out for a walk, but I didn't expect to see that the lights here were still on. So they were discussing us."

When everyone saw the Duke's smile, their hearts froze.

"I, we, are not acclimatized, so I speak nonsense, the Duke should not take it seriously." Galibeau was cunning and cunning, and promptly evaded responsibility.

"Yeah, the water and the soil are not acclimated to the water and the soil!" Others cursed this old thing secretly in their hearts, and at the same time tried their best to excuse themselves.

August chuckled, and waved his hands indifferently, "Actually, what you said is true. That bastard Goethe has been ignoring my hints. What do you think should be done?"

Emilia said stiffly: "This, even the Duke can't handle it, let alone us."

The others quickly joined in.

"Yo," August laughed, "I really didn't expect the Privy Council to be united to such an extent. However, you still need your help. Tell me, help or not, huh?"

"This..." Everyone looked at each other in blank dismay, do we have any choice, boss?

"Help!" with one voice.

"For the duke's happiness!" It was Emilia.

"It's a blessing to be able to make a couple when you're old." This is Jialibo.

"I'll try!" This is Kanfer.

"Okay, I, I, fight!" This is Shelo.

"I'm sure I'll help, but I don't know how the Duke wants us to help." Glasses flashed, smiling politely, this was Dodar.

August glanced at this gentle young man, and smiled slightly: "It's actually very easy, all you need is..."

That night, everyone in the Privy Council stayed up all night.Why?Listen to the boss's battle plan!

This compartment.

"Ah!" I woke up from the dream, sniffed my nose hard, and muttered in my heart, why did I suddenly sneeze again in the middle of the night, I hope the fever will subside tomorrow morning, I don't want to owe August any more.Then, fell asleep.

When I woke up early the next morning, I only felt wet and seemed to have sweated a lot.I breathed a sigh of relief and stretched myself.Although the limbs were still a little weak, but he touched his forehead, and his body temperature had dropped significantly.

I was in a good mood, picked up the folded shirt and robe beside me, tied cumbersome knots and buttons, brushed off the folds at the hem, and dressed meticulously.

As soon as he walked out of the door, he bumped into Galibo who was oncoming. He rubbed his forehead and said sleepily, "Your Highness, are you awake?"

I smiled and said, "You look like you haven't woken up yet, you're really old."

As if he had stepped on the other party's sore feet, Gallibo immediately straightened his face and said righteously: "Your Highness, what you said is wrong. I am a little older than other colleagues, but since you entered the Privy Council, I have followed you. You, it's been eight or nine years, do you think I've been dragging my feet!"

I rubbed my forehead, "Galibo, you really didn't hear it, am I just joking with you?"

"Hehe," Galibo's expression quickly eased, and he said with a smile, "Your Highness, didn't you see that I was joking too?"

We looked at each other and couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Your Highness, you are looking for His Royal Highness the Duke. He is doing morning exercises in the open space behind."

"Oh, yes. Thank you." I nodded, and I heard Galibeau's meaningful laughter behind me within two steps of walking out.

This old guy.I cursed in my heart, and the smile on my face involuntarily widened.

There are no exotic flowers and weeds worth sowing in the open space to cater to the preferences of the guests in the small inns in the countryside, so they had to stock up a few piles of grain in a random order, and planted some lettuce, cauliflower and tomato in the rest of the place.Just after the spring equinox, there were only some sparse shoots emerging from the land. August squatted by the field, seeming to observe something with relish.

I walked over and he spotted me right away and pulled me to him.

"What are you looking at?" I wondered.

"Look under that leaf." He showed me with his finger.

I looked in the direction of his finger and saw a small black beetle staggering forward pushing something.I took a closer look, and my stomach churns, isn't that...

"What's that bug? What's it pushing?" August asked me.

I looked at him helplessly, and squeezed out a few words after a while: "That thing is called a dung beetle, and what it pushes is—dung." After thinking about it, this word is more elegant.

August seemed to be interested, and asked again: "Why is it pushing dung?"

"You must know?" I asked uncertainly.

He nodded.

"Eat it by yourself. However, I heard that some countries in the East cut up dung beetles and used them as medicine to treat malignant sores. I heard that the effect is very good. You can try it when you are sick in the future." I waited to see his reaction.

August looked at me awkwardly, then got up suddenly, "Let's go to eat."

"Hey, August. Why don't you ask me why I'm looking for you?" I stopped him.

He said impatiently, "Didn't you just tell me that your fever has gone away?"

I laughed and stretched my forehead forward, "Don't you want to test the temperature?"

"I felt it when I held your hand just now. But, I can try it with my mouth." After finishing speaking, I printed a kiss.

"Let's go...to eat." I sighed.

August looked at my embarrassed expression, smiled softly, and rolled his eyes.He took my hand and walked to the restaurant.I followed him, always feeling that I was about to sink into the mud.

After breakfast, our group packed up our things and was just about to leave when we met an unexpected person.

Herder.

As always proud, as always aloof.He lives like a traveler, living in no fixed place, wandering around.Or it can be said that he writes with hands touching the world, and examines literature with eyes gazing at the world.Back then, he discovered my potential in literature, and he was my enlightener.

It's just that since I came to Weimar to work in politics, the communication between us has become less and less.He has always hated these "vulgar" politicians, and he regards them as poisonous tentacles that suck the blood of the people.And I, in his eyes, are probably so unbearable.

So I didn't expect that ten years later, he would appear in front of me again.

And what I didn't expect even more was what happened next.

The slim-fitting guide uniform did not hinder his flexible movements. Helder turned over and got off the horse, and the silver cross pendant drew an arc on his chest.He glanced blankly at me standing beside the Duke, his eyes were cold.I froze in place, the beginning of the reunion after a long absence was so bleak.

He walked past me indifferently, and finally stopped in front of August.

"Your Majesty the Duke, I was entrusted to deliver a message." Perhaps because Herder's tone was too arrogant and rude, August could not help but frown.The members of the Privy Council looked at each other in blank dismay.

Helder took out a silver pocket watch from his clothes, engraved with two overlapping capital letters "CA".August reached out to take it, and the calmness between his brows seemed to be disintegrating step by step.His face was getting darker, and there was an indescribable seriousness in his eyes.

"What did she tell you to tell me?"

Herder glanced at me seemingly indifferently, but I captured the contempt and arrogance of that moment.

"Your Majesty, if possible, I would like to speak with you in private."

August stopped the envoys of the Privy Council who were about to explode, and said lightly: "Yes." Then he turned around and walked back into the hotel with Herder.

I watched the figures of the two disappear behind the door, and felt nervous for no reason.

Everything today is too abnormal. First, Herder’s unexpected arrival, and then his unexpected indifference to me, and the most puzzling thing for me is, how can Herder, a person who rejects the court so much? What kind of person could drive him to personally speak to August.

If I could give a definition to my inexplicable tension, I would think it is palpitations, the most unbearable dullness and torment before a storm.I can't help crossing my fingers on my chest, hoping that the nightmare will not come.

My heartbeat still felt unbearably heavy, and my eyes followed the direction they left to the sky.The sky is high and the clouds are light, thousands of miles of blue, but that touch of blue is so gloomy in my eyes, with an indelible sadness.

It is a melancholy color, like the solidified color blocks on a painter's palette.

Depression is spreading.

"Goethe, let's go." Before he recovered his thoughts, the temperature in the palm of his hand suddenly rose.August's hand stretched out, with a fiery temperature, intertwined with my fingers.

I turned my face to the side, and what caught my eyes was the perfect curve of his profile. He looked at me with a half-smile, his eyes were quite strange.

I looked at Helder who was walking towards my mount, and asked worriedly: "What did he tell you? What happened?"

August did not answer directly, but took my hand and walked towards Herder.

Herder sat on the horse, his slender legs wrapped in a dark guide uniform. He pulled the reins, and the steed obediently turned its head, neighing slightly, and swung its hooves in place.

He looked down at our crossed fingers, raised his eyebrows and said, "Is this your answer, August?" He still had that personality, and even dared to call the Duke by his first name.

August didn't mind either, he just raised his head and said, "That's right."

Herder's indifference seemed to soften a bit with August's answer, he pursed his lips, finally frowned slightly, and said softly: "Since you have made your own choice, please go on firmly. He turned his gaze to me, "I believe that this kind of feeling can also continue to exist in this world through inheritance."

"Don't get me wrong," August raised his eyebrows, "I don't need to inherit anyone's feelings. I am who I am, who I want to protect and who I want to pay for has nothing to do with others. I just like him, that's all .”

"Hmph," Herder sneered, "is this the unique arrogance of a king? Then let me remind you, some things will never fade in your heart. I think you should be very clear about this." Gust said word by word, "Especially after it has completely become a memory...you can't beat him in your life."

August's expression froze, then he frowned and gritted his teeth and said, "Don't worry about it, I naturally know how to keep him by my side. As for the past, it will be forgotten one day."

"Hehe, is that so?" Herder stopped looking at August, but turned his head and motioned for me to reach out, untied his silver cross from his neck and put it in my hand, "If you want, please think My words. 'Happiness is the first thing that hurts people, and pain is the prelude to Nirvana. Freedom and truth are only one step away, and imprisonment is an artificially constructed illusion.'”

"Enough! You'd better not forget our agreement." August interrupted him.

Hilder raised one corner of his mouth, pulled the rein, and walked away.

I held the silver cross in my hand and looked at August thoughtfully.He also looked at me, but he no longer had a calm expression and a light smile on his face. He pulled me into his arms fiercely, with such strength that it was almost suffocating.His head was buried in the crescent of my neck, his arms wrapped around my waist tightly.I looked awkwardly at my colleagues not far away who were snickering, and smiled perfunctorily.

"Stay with me, okay, forever." August's voice was nasal, with a slight trembling at the end, begging like a child.

I stroked his back soothingly and whispered in his ear: "Trust me, forever."

August listened to my promise in silence, without a word.He stood holding me like this for a long time, until the person who was traveling with me kindly reminded me with coughing, that he reluctantly let go of his arms and pulled me into the carriage.

Smiling and sighing, I pocketed Herder's silver cross.

The episode in the morning did not affect our itinerary, and the convoy continued along the mountain road.The scenery outside the window gradually faded from the colorful colors before, and turned gray and green and monotonous.Coniferous leaves are layered on top of each other, and the trunks are arranged straight on both sides of the road.

The carriage bumped between the two mountains, and the jagged rocks and lush pines and cypresses quickly disappeared at the end of the field of vision.The cool wind penetrated into the carriage, and August was curled up next to me like a child and fell asleep. Seeing his ridiculous posture, I couldn't help but chuckle, and carefully put a blanket on him. With a grunt, he rubbed his cheek against my arm.

I took out the silver cross I had put in my pocket earlier and played with it carefully.The cross, the size of half a palm, is like a mirror that can reflect people's shadows. There is nothing on one side, and the word "paradiso" is engraved on the other side.Different patterns were engraved on the four ends of the cross. I stroked the raised patterns and thought about it carefully, but I still couldn't figure out why.

After more than half an hour of fiddling, I still haven't figured out what Helder wants to convey by giving me this cross.But my intuition tells me that there must be something on this cross that he wants me to know, and that this thing is very important to me.

I originally wanted to study together after August woke up, but my curiosity was no match for my tiredness. It didn't take long before I fell asleep in the swaying carriage before he woke up.

Half awake and half awake, I felt a little warm and moist touch on my lips. The tip of August's tongue gently rolled over my lower lip, and then cautiously poked it in along the gap between my lips. I obediently opened my teeth lightly, Tenderly lingering on each other in the mouth.

After the brief kiss was over, August rubbed my hair and said softly, "We're here. We've been on the bus all day today. Let's go to the hotel to take a shower and rest." His eyes were as pampering as ever , with a gentle tone, completely without the appearance of a monarch.

I smiled and nodded, let him hold my hand and lead me into the hotel.

Sometimes I also wonder why August likes to hold my hand so much, and likes to care and considerate me in every possible way, as if I will disappear as soon as he lets go.I looked at his side face with a smile, and his golden bangs fluttered rhythmically with his steps.He seemed to sense my gaze, and turned his head to give me a bigger smile.Suddenly my heart tightened, and I looked away guiltily. He didn't feel anything strange, and he still held my hand. The temperature in his palm was so high that it was shocking.

I find that I can't control myself to think of Schiller more and more. Whether it's August's smile, actions, words, or those familiar scenery and scenery, after they are separated and merged in my mind, they will eventually become the person with A young man with maroon hair and amber eyes.

Schiller, I miss you more and more every day.

After entering the room, I took off my robe one by one and put it on the chair. The silver cross in the pocket slipped out. I picked it up and put it on the table, and then went into the bathroom to take a shower.

Hot water flows down the hair, leaving a warm touch on the skin.The water vapor is transpiring, and my thoughts become erratic with the continuous heat.Ever since I left Weimar, I have always had a bad premonition in my heart. When I think of Schiller, my chest hurts. I always feel that something happened to him, and I am not by his side at this time.

Heh, maybe he doesn't need me around at all.I shook off the water from my hair unhappily, and couldn't help but think of the scene of him rejecting me again, which made me feel even more uncomfortable.