Simple addition of male gods and male gods

Cheng Yuexi said: "Although I am grateful to Brother Jing Xin for talking to me so much in order to make me feel better, I actually don't take his words seriously in my heart. Because I have been renting at my aunt's house, I owe a lot of favors to my aunt's house. I also took away from them a lot of things that grandma should have given them. I owe them and I am alive. Depressed, I have one thing on the surface, but the opposite thing in my heart, I wished I wouldn't listen to anyone."

Zeng Qi thought of Cheng Yuexi in high school. At that time, Cheng Yuexi was a heartthrob. He had a good personality and was considerate to everyone. Anyway, everyone liked him. Girls liked him, and boys admired him. People who don't like him also think he is very good, but Zeng Qi didn't realize until now, did Cheng Yuexi think so at that time?Is it that contradictory?

"But I thought, they all thought I was a very good person, but I actually felt more uncomfortable when I lied to them, so I had to be nicer to them. Of course I wouldn't tell Brother Jing Xin about these things, but Jing Xin Brother, however, saw through my mind. He said, tell me what you think in your heart. Do you think it’s hypocritical for me to tell you this? In front of me I was touched.

"I was very embarrassed at the time, and he didn't blame me, saying, Yuexi, you have been suppressing your pain and desires like this, and never vented, don't you think you will become a lunatic in the future? I looked at him in surprise, I was also very scared. I read a lot of books on mental illness at that time, and sometimes I wondered if I would really go crazy, or because my parents were not worth it at all, but I listened to what Jing Xin said, Another voice in my heart said, what's wrong with being crazy."

Zeng Qi looked at Cheng Yuexi in surprise again. Speaking of which, except for Zeng Qi feeling that he was mentally tortured when he first realized that he loved Cheng Yuexi, he was normal to very normal at other times.

Cheng Yuexi didn't look at Zeng Qi anymore, he was more like talking to himself: "Brother Jing Xin told me directly at that time, he said he likes men, he is gay, and his parents can't understand homosexuality at all Man, his dad thinks that there are no real homosexuals in this world, and his mother thinks that homosexuality is a mental illness and should be locked up in a mental hospital."

Zeng Qi frowned suddenly, he didn't expect Zhao Jingxin to tell Cheng Yuexi such a thing when he was so young, Zhao Jingxin must be a lunatic at all.

Zeng Qi asked in a deep voice, "Why did he tell you such a thing?"

Cheng Yuexi said: "Maybe he was depressed, maybe he wanted to talk to someone, maybe he really wanted to comfort me at that time."

Zeng Qi asked: "What did you think at the time? Did Brother Jing Xin know that you also liked men?" Immersed in an open atmosphere, she came back to her hometown to seduce Cheng Yuexi who didn't understand the world at all.

Cheng Yuexi shook his head: "I asked Brother Jing Xin later, did he think that I was the same kind, so he told me his sexual orientation at that time? He said no, he didn't think I was at the time. It's just that he He felt that my mental state was not right, and wanted to persuade me, but he could only use his most important secret as a kind of sacrifice."

Zeng Qixin said that Zhao Jingxin was lying.

Cheng Yuexi seemed to know what Zeng Qi was thinking. He said: "Brother Jing Xin has no reason to lie to me. When he answered my question, our relationship was already very stable. Besides, in the summer vacation of my sophomore year, I heard Jing Xin Brother, I decided, or I gradually realized that I prefer men."

Zeng Qi asked doubtfully, "Can you gradually realize this?"

Cheng Yuexi gave him a helpless look: "Then what do you think? Why can't I gradually realize it."

Zeng Qi nodded, "Okay. What about after that?"

"You still listened to it as a story, after that?" Cheng Yuexi complained.

Seeing that Cheng Yuexi seemed to be in a much more relaxed mood, Zeng Qi thought that he would not want to talk about it. In fact, Zeng Qi now somewhat understood why Cheng Yuexi said that the two were different.If people's mental state is distributed in some kind of electronic cloud, then most people are distributed like a spherical symmetry. Symmetry, the two extreme states pull him on each other, keeping him in balance.

Zeng Qi smiled helplessly and said: "You have never told me these things about you before, and I am interested in everything about you, of course I want to know."

Cheng Yuexi pretended to be stern, and said: "But I don't want to talk about it. You have heard me say so much, and you know that I am such a contradictory and extremely sensitive person. I really can't be a couple with you. I am also For your own good."

Zeng Qi was a little disappointed, and said, "Is it just because of this?"

Cheng Yuexi said: "It's not just, it's a very important thing. If in an intimate relationship, people who don't understand each other's situation will be torture to both parties. There is really no need for us to make it so uncomfortable. Speaking of it, Zeng Qi, I don't even know why you would think of liking me and living with me."

Zeng Qi knew more or less, if he had no idea about "pursuing" Cheng Yuexi before, after listening to Cheng Yuexi's heartfelt self-analysis, he understood that he really wanted to be with him, because he He thought that even if he would have conflicts with Cheng Yuexi because of personality problems, so that there would be persistent pain, he would still want to be with him. He hoped that Cheng Yuexi could know that someone could be the glue for his mental state and let him In any case, it is not really out of control or crazy.

If Zhao Jingxin and Cheng Yuexi were together in the past, they understood each other and warmed each other, and Cheng Yuexi felt stable from it, then there could be another way of soul union, which is also possible.

Zeng Qi said: "Actually, it's not that I haven't thought about it. I'm not afraid of your jokes. In fact, when I was in college, I often thought, if I could be with Cheng Yuexi for the rest of my life, that would be great. The good times are frozen. You don’t know. When I was a freshman, I said I was going to self-study and asked you to go with me, but when you said you wanted to go to lectures and let me go to self-study by myself, I saw You turned around and walked away, and I felt like I was abandoned by the whole world."

Cheng Yuexi was immediately amused by him: "What are you talking about?"

Zeng Qi said: "But this is what really happened. I also thought that it would be great if Cheng Yuexi was willing to study abroad with me, and it would be great if we both found the same supervisor to do research in the same laboratory."

Cheng Yuexi asked in a daze: "No way?"

Zeng Qi: "Why should I lie to you. So when I saw you and Zhao Jingxin together, I was so jealous that I was going crazy. I really hoped that Zhao Jingxin would be seduced by others and dump you."

Cheng Yuexi's face sank all of a sudden, "What are you thinking about?"

Zeng Qi: "Although I also feel that I am simply sick, it really happened."

Cheng Yuexi said: "That's because you only had me as a friend at the time, you shouldn't be like that, you just make more friends."

Zeng Qi sighed: "What's the use of talking about it now. I even went to see two GVs because of you."

Cheng Yuexi: "...I saw that you were either in class or self-study every day from morning to night. I didn't expect you to know that there is such a thing as GV in the world."

Zeng Qi said: "I'm not stupid, how could I not know there is such a thing. I thought that you two would definitely not just talk and eat together, there would definitely be intimate behaviors like men and women together, so I would go online Check it out, of course you will know."

Cheng Yuexi: "...That's really hard work for you."

Zeng Qi said: "Yuexi, I don't know why you are so resistant to trying to be with me, but I really want to be with you. No matter what things we will experience together, what difficulties we will have, I will I will try my best to think from your point of view. I think, you may have been with Zhao Jingxin for too many years, and you think that only when you are with him can you be in a stable state, but in fact, you can also try other things. As for the state, if you try it and you really feel that you can’t get along, then you can separate again, can’t you?”

Cheng Yuexi said distressedly: "I told you before that during the summer vacation from my sophomore to senior year in high school, I gradually realized that I prefer men, right?"

Zeng Qi nodded, "Yes."

Cheng Yuexi said: "Before that, I was in a very chaotic state. In fact, I also wanted to like girls. Because I have always lived in a world where it is only natural for men to like women. No one will tell you that you can still like girls." Same sex, so when I was in junior high school, I also thought that I would like a girl, and then marry her, maybe there will be children in the future, we respect and love each other, and raise children together."

When Zeng Qi was in junior high school, all he could think about was reading books, doing quizzes, and sometimes playing games. Falling in love was something outside of his world. Be more mature.

Cheng Yuexi continued: "After Brother Jing Xin told me that he was gay and liked men, I immediately understood the reason why my previous views on marriage made me miserable."

Zeng Qi: "Ah? Did you feel pain when you thought about marrying a woman?"

Cheng Yuexi: "Yes. I thought I would build a family like my parents got married, or the kind of family where my aunts and uncles were together, and the kind of family I saw around men and women together, I was in pain. So I had to think, I will never get married in my life, and I don’t want to be with anyone, and I will definitely not raise children. I hope that when I get old, I can be like the one in the martial arts novel Like a master, I know when I'm going to die, and until then, I'm going on the road alone, I'm walking on the endless road, I'm going on until I die, and I'm lying on the side of the road, maybe someone will find me , maybe not discovered by others. I always thought this way, and I also had this kind of dream in my dreams. When I thought this way, I felt relieved and happy, as if my soul had been saved. Until Brother Jing Xin told me that he liked After seeing a man, I thought of another possibility. I might also like a man. For example, Brother Jing Xin, Brother Jing Xin is very good. He really understands me. He can pull me at any time. In love with him."

"Ah?" Zeng Qi sighed subconsciously, he didn't know what to say.

Cheng Yuexi: "You know, when I was in high school, alas, I don't know how many love letters and confessions I received. I didn't think women were bad, or anything. I just thought they were so nice. I was with them Together, it’s like forming a family with my aunts and uncles, and I will always live in that kind of trembling, afraid of failing them, afraid of being sorry for them, afraid of hurting them with my contradictory, sensitive and often crazy spirit , the more carefully they try to make me like them, the heavier the guilt I feel, I feel painful and depressed, just like living in my aunt's house all the time, that is not my destination. I am like this, I gradually I feel like I like a man."

Zeng Qi probably understood Cheng Yuexi, but what he didn't understand was, "What does this have to do with me, do you think I'm a woman?"

Cheng Yuexi: "Because you are my best friend, I am more afraid of being with you than women. When you said you wanted to have sex with me in your senior year, I was almost scared out of my wits." I'm out of order, really, Zeng Qi, I think that if you really do that, it scares me more than being chaotic, it's like being seasick on a stormy sea, I don't know if you have that experience, if not, You can try it on a rough boat. Do you understand?"

Zeng Qi felt that this was really a bolt from the blue. He was shocked at first, but then he thought Cheng Yuexi was just farting.