a virgin story

To be honest, I am not handsome, but I am definitely not ugly.So since high school, there have been girls who always love to fight around me.After I went to college, some girls in my class came to chat with me, and Yang Yang was one of them.

After I got out of the school hospital that day, I decided to have a real relationship.

One hot afternoon, when Yangyang walked beside me again holding an umbrella, I held her hand.She smiled a little excitedly and shyly, but my heart was so calm that I couldn't even believe it.

My first love started like this, or Yang Yang's first love started like this.

Yangyang always likes to hold my arm, and sometimes my arm will stick to the side of her chest. I thought I would be very excited or have a physiological reaction, but after a short throbbing, my heart was abnormally calm.Yang Yang loves me very much, her eyes are always so clear and bright, her vertical hair is quietly tucked behind her ears, and the profile of her side face is like a perfect painting.She is always full of vigor and exudes the charm of a young girl. When she looks at me, her eyes are always gentle, as gentle as if she could squeeze out water.

Do I love Yangyang?I always ask myself this question late at night.I will be happy to see her, I like her smile, I like to walk and chat with her for dinner, I like her flowing hair.But is it love?I don't know, I just told myself over and over again: If you decide to love her, you must continue to love her, and you must hold up a sky for her.Love left me with only responsibility and guilt, and I comforted myself by deceiving myself, this is not a deception or a deception.But in the middle of the night, my conscience was still deeply uneasy, thinking of Yangyang's smiling face, thinking of her sweetness, I felt like an emotional liar, and a voice in my heart spurned me over and over again.

Yangyang likes to pull me to sit on the bleachers of the playground under the setting sun. At this time, the sunlight quietly passes through the gaps between the leaves and shines on our faces.Yangyang and I clasped our fingers together.I should have been happy and sweet, but my eyes were still lonely.

I asked Yang Yang: "Will we get married?"

She raised her head and glanced at me: "As long as you don't bother me, we will be together forever."

I said again: "We will have a home of our own?"

"Of course, you work hard to earn money, and I will work hard to save the money you earn." Yang Yang looked at me mischievously, but his face was firm, but I felt uncomfortable like a needle in my heart.

I dare not let myself be idle, dare not be alone with Yangyang for too long, I am afraid that I will think wildly.I used the only half-day rest time on Sunday to find a tutor, and Yang Yang said that I was busy.I held her hand without speaking.The time we spend together is just to eat together in class, and occasionally to study together, but rarely together outside of study.Yang Yang sometimes complains, but she always grabs my arm to occupy a seat after complaining.

The "salary" of the first month of tutoring is only 150 yuan. We happily went to eat a big meal. Yangyang was more excited than me. She happily took my hand and said: We want to save money to buy a house. Hey, forget it Forget it, let's go eat a big meal first.I laughed at her: 150 yuan can't even buy a floor.She said: Let's save slowly, as long as a small room can fit you and me.

Yang Yang also talked a lot, Yang Yang said: Shall we stay in this city in the future?I really like listening to the dialect here.

Yang Yang said: Let's raise a puppy in the future, the fat one is very cute.

Yang Yang said: After graduation, let's go to the sea, the air there must be very fresh.

I looked at the kind-hearted Yang Yang, not knowing how to answer her.

I dare not make any promises to Yangyang, I'm afraid I can't keep it.Yang Yang didn't take the initiative to ask me to promise anything, she just loves so seriously, love is very simple in her view.

Once I said: "If you have someone you like more, go pursue a happy life." Yang Yang looked at me strangely, a little angry: "What nonsense are you talking about?" I looked at her face, and my heart stopped. I can't help being sad, I feel like I'm going crazy, I don't know what I'm doing.

I once saw a sentence: In every woman's life, she always loved a bastard.I think I'm that jerk in Yang Yang's life.

In our love, there is nothing but holding hands, no kissing and no physical contact.Sometimes a couple in love walked past us, whispering and chuckling or kissing sweetly.I lowered my head and pulled Yangyang's hand feeling powerless.

Winter vacation is coming, Yang Yang asked me: Will you miss me?I smiled and said nothing.Will I miss Yangyang?Maybe when I think about it, I'm just full of guilt.She sighed and continued: I will miss you.The car drove away, and I waved to her, watching the car go away.

On the night of New Year’s Eve, Yang Yang sent me a message, she said she misses me, she said she just wants to be by my side now, she said she wants to have me by my company every new year in the future.I held my mobile phone and cried as the New Year's bell rang.I haven't shed tears for many years, and I have forgotten this feeling, but now I am crying like a child on the quilt with my mouth open.

I think the worst thing I did in my life was to deceive Yang Yang's feelings, and this should never have started.

One night after school started, Yangyang was studying next to me, and I touched her arm: "Shall we go for a walk outside? I have something to tell you."

Yang Yang smiled and asked me: "What can I say, why go outside, it's so cold."

"It's not convenient in the classroom."

Yang Yang looked at me strangely, didn't insist anymore, and followed me to the playground.We walked through familiar corners one after another, where we have left countless laughter.

Yang Yang stopped: "What are you talking about, so mysterious?"

I lowered my head and kicked a stone under my feet, trembling in my heart: "Let's...separate."

Yang Yang stared blankly, I felt ashamed: "Why are you talking nonsense again!"

"I am not kidding."

There was a cry in Yang Yang's voice: "Why?"

I looked into her eyes sadly: "I'm sorry, it's my fault."

"Why exactly?"

"Find someone who really loves you, it's my fault."

I don't know how to face Yang Yang, I don't know how to explain to her.

Yang Yang sniffed: "Now I don't agree, it's too sudden, you don't think about it for me, you don't give me an explanation, it was fine a few days ago, you can divide it as you say, I don't agree, don't agree..." Her Tears fell one after another.

My heart is also uncomfortable, what's the matter, obviously there is no love, and seeing her tears makes my heart ache, is it guilt or reluctance?Breaking up is relief for me and salvation for Yangyang. I don't want to delay her youth any longer, and I don't want to be a sinner again.Yang Yang should have a truly happy love, the happiness that really belongs to her.

Yang Yang cried and slowly leaned on my shoulder and hugged me tightly.My heart was hurting, and tears fell down.The first hug turned out to be a breakup. I'm really sorry for this girl.We have been hugging and hugging for as long as a century, the lights on the playground have gone out, we are shivering in the cold playground but still hugging.