Masahiro Akita

"Tonight, you and your mother are in the same room. After being separated for so long, talk to your mother carefully."

After dinner, the three of us played Doudizhu, and the most stinky card player among them was Fatty, who would guarantee to lose with him, so that I would call the landlord regardless of whether the cards were good or not, and the loser had to do push-ups , I was the only one doing it, and the two of them were always looking for various reasons to play tricks, such a cunning pair of fat foxes, I was so angry that I was depressed for a long time.

In the evening, the fat man assigned Xiaojie to his mother's room and me to his own room. I was worried, what was the purpose of the fat man doing this? Suddenly he became uneasy. The fat man was fine all day, could it be that he really didn't Do you mind if I like boys? Or do I have to wait until I go to bed to tell me? We have been separated for more than half a year, what will he tell me?

Lying quietly on the bed, I feel that the house has changed a lot. The wardrobe, TV, and bed are all replaced with new ones. The worries in my heart make me unable to sleep.

"Brother, where did the family get so much money to build a house!"

Breaking the silence, I spoke.

"Your brother, I earned it."

He turned sideways, facing me, and finally spoke!

"How did you earn it? It's so profitable!"

I also leaned over and asked curiously.

"Of course I earned it from Fatty Li with my strength, haha."

As he talked, he became proud.

"Oh"

"field"

"kindness?"

"I said to myself, how can I punish you for the crime you committed this time! Be bold! It will take half a year to leave!"

"I'm wrong, can't I!"

I feel bad, because I know that I will go back with Xiaojie after the [-]th holiday, how should I tell Fatty!

"I miss you so much, I, I want to kiss you, then punish you and let me kiss you, brother, I, I like you!"

He leaned over and whispered in my ear.

Accident! Shock! My little deer was forcibly injected with a stimulant, running, jumping, rushing out of the den, out of the big forest, out of nature, out of my body!

Is what he said true! Did I hear you right? I'm not joking! I can't even think of the phrase "I like you", and I didn't expect him to say it at this moment tonight! I'm a bit afraid Believe me, why would he say that? Could it be that he really likes me! How is that possible! Fatty likes Xiaolu!

"I"

Before I finished speaking, the fat man had already kissed my mouth, and he couldn't help panting heavily. Did I finally taste the kiss that I had fantasized about countless times? Isn't this really a dream?Suddenly Xiaojie's cute smile flashed in my mind! In the intoxication, I reluctantly parted the lips that made my blood boil.

"Tian'er, in fact, I have liked you since the moment I saw you, but I didn't know that feeling was not just family affection, that kind of love for you even surpassed Xiaolu! When I saw that letter When I wrote the letter, I was so sad, and I regretted not telling my feelings for you, because I was afraid that if I told you, you wouldn’t talk to me again, now I’ll tell you this secret, don’t leave me again, okay?”

Raising his head, he pursed his lips shyly, and said these words that surprised me.

Unbelievable, at a loss, it turned out that the fat man really liked me! It was so sudden! What should I do? What should I do? Should I be surprised or should I be troubled? , A pair of brothers, both saved me, both fell in love with me, facing two people I like, I am unwilling to part with either one, and I cannot hurt either one, how should I choose, how should I choose?

The two countries in my heart have invaded 50.00% of my land. I thought I could spell out a winner to unify my heart, but I thought they signed a peace agreement and divided this land equally. There is no one that can compare The entanglement I am in at the moment, the dilemma, the incomparable chaos.

No words, no words, I was just hugged tightly by the fat man, biting off my ears from time to time, silently chanting the curse in my heart, trying to extinguish my already burning desire. It seems that there will be no sleep tonight.

[in another room]

"How have you been all these years?"

Xiaojie and his mother were lying on the kang, and the comfortable moonlight hit their faces. This was the first time Xiaojie slept on the kang after leaving his mother. It felt like returning to the taste of home when he was a child.

"It's okay, I miss you and my brother very much"

Looking at his mother's loving face, Xiaojie seemed to have regained all the mother's love that had been lost for more than ten years.

"Your brother is like that, he is not upright, so don't be as knowledgeable as him."

Mother said with concern.

"Mum, Dad has been thinking about you."

It seems like a common sentence, but it has firmly touched the mother's heart. Missed in resentment, her heart has been lonely for 16 years.

"Forget it, don't mention him any more."

Tears welled up in her eyes, as if that man was her forbidden zone, once touched, the slowly healing wound would open again.

"He was cheated by that woman. Dad hasn't touched any woman for so many years. He has been looking for you. Mom, can you go back and live with us?"

Xiaojie explained truthfully, trying to redeem the mistakes his father made back then.

"Children, once some things are missed, they can never go back."

Sighing, the mother said earnestly.

That's true, even though Xiaojie's mother is full of endless resentment towards Xiaojie's father, even if she always maintains a trace of nostalgia in this hatred, even if she agrees to go back and live with them in a big house, even if she can live in the city, everything Everything has changed, the imprint in my heart can no longer be erased, and I can never go back to the happy life of a family of four in the past. That invisible wall is too thick, too thick.

"How are you doing recently?"

On the second day of October, Xiaolu came back from school, she hadn't changed at all, she was still so beautiful, still lively and cheerful, but her hair was longer than before, but she looked much gentler. Seeing the fat man, Xiaolu smiled happily , Seeing Xiaojie, Xiaolu smiled in surprise, but when she saw me, I couldn't see the expression on her face, forced a smile, and behind that smile, maybe it was missing, maybe it was grievance , maybe it was sad, maybe there was still a little bit of embarrassment. Although she didn't answer my question, I did know her answer, an answer I didn't expect to get, she missed me very much.

"Xiao Lu, let me introduce you. This little fat man is my long-lost brother. Although he looks stupid, he is not really stupid."

Excitedly, the fat man proudly introduced.

"Long time no see, I didn't expect to meet you here, you're so beautiful again!"

After being surprised, Xiaojie smiled gentlemanly.

"So you still have an older brother! It's too far behind!"

As she said that, Xiaolu jokingly looked at Fatty with disgust.

"You guys know each other!"

The fat man asked in surprise.

"Yeah, that's my senior, very talented, much better than you!"

"Haha, Xiaolu, don't flatter me."

"He's talented! Why didn't I see it! Tian'er, tell me, who is more talented, me or him?"

"Ah, haha, they are very talented."

"Xiaotian, you are obviously lying! I am obviously better than him!"

"Impossible, how about we compare? Compete with catching fish!"

"No future, why don't you say it's better than climbing a tree!"

"That's better than climbing a tree!"

""

""

The few of us just chat with each other sentence by sentence, but most of the time they are chatting, always avoiding Xiaolu's eyes, I am a selfish person, everyone has their own thoughts, and my head is messed up Yes, I really don't know where I am!Why would anyone like a useless person with no memory? Fatty is, Xiaolu is, and Xiaojie is too. And I have hurt Xiaolu, and she seems to have not been able to get out of my selfishness. Jie, I have to hurt one of them, it’s so hard to let go, what should I do? Is God playing tricks on me again? Why did you make me so cruel! It’s such a helpless pain to take away half of my heart, Unable to choose tangled, so sad, so uncomfortable

After dinner, Xiaolu reluctantly left, and we went back to our rooms, but this night, Xiaojie suddenly ran over and forced the fat man to his mother's room.

"What should I do, Oda, I can't sleep well without you, I didn't fall asleep all night last night!"

Fatty closed the door reluctantly, only Xiaojie and I were left in the room, he held my hand and slowly moved it to his stomach.

"Oh, I didn't sleep well last night."

Absent-minded, he scratched his belly, his mind was in chaos.

"Tch, who knows what you've been doing behind my back with him. Tell me! Did you sleep with him in your arms?"

Xiaojie asked unconvinced.

"Why, are you jealous?"

Alas, he really guessed it, and Xiaojie must not have imagined that I not only hugged the fat man, but also kissed him. I am so sorry Xiaojie, I couldn't give him my heart completely, what right do I have to be liked by him Woolen cloth!

"I'm just jealous. I've been eating it for two days. You see, he's always clinging to you when he gets the chance. This afternoon, I saw him try your hand! I guess he must be plotting against you!"

There is a sour smell in the air everywhere, and the more he is like this, the more uncomfortable I feel.

"Stop thinking about it, he is my brother, not someone else, go to bed early, I will take you to catch fish and climb mountains tomorrow."

I don't want to think about these entanglements, I'm afraid Xiaojie will find my strangeness.

"Oda, are you?"

He fell silent halfway through his speech.

"ah, what?"

"no, nothing"

"Oh"

The air became quiet, and the atmosphere became warm. Xiaojie turned over and hugged me, holding me tightly for a long time, as if he was afraid that I would leave him. There were no words, but they were better than all words. It was not only a feeling, but also a touch

[in another room]

"Mom, you call me!"

After entering the house, the fat man climbed onto the kang and lay down on his head.

"Your brother has only been home for two days, don't bully him all the time!"

Turn off the lights in the house, the fat lady said worriedly.

"Mom, I didn't bully him, he bullied me!"

Fatty has an innocent expression on his face. In fact, he is bullying Xiaojie. Every time he sees Xiaojie getting close to Akita, he gets angry, but it is only love and anger, because after all, he is Fatty's younger brother, and he has been missing him for so many years. , how could you not like it!

"I pinched your brother's face, and his face turned red! And he said he wasn't bullying!"

Although so many years have passed, the fat lady still loves his little son dearly.

"Oh my mother, I pinched him because I like him, just don't pinch him next time!"

Fatty is depressed, mother has never cared about me so much!

"Dapeng, you are not young anymore, find a girlfriend for your mother and get married early."

She said to her son earnestly, it seems that the fat lady has already started to hold her grandson in a hurry.

"Don't worry, wait until I earn some more money."

As soon as this matter was brought up, the fat man became confused, because he didn't want to get married, he wanted Akita to stay by his side all the time, but getting married and having children was inevitable, he didn't know what to do, so he had to wait for as long as possible How long.

"How are you and Xiaolu doing? I think this girl is pretty good, don't miss it!"

Fatty's mother said anxiously. In fact, why would Fatty want to miss Xiaolu! It's only because of Akita's sudden appearance, which activated the hidden gay gene in Fatty's body, took away the pure yearning for Xiaolu, and replaced it with the love for Xiaolu. Akita's intense anticipation.

"Xiaolu is still a student, let's talk about it after graduation."

Xiaolu, Akita, this has been entangled with Fatty's entanglement, because after all, Xiaolu is Fatty's childhood sweetheart, the wife he had always dreamed of.

"Well, work hard, mother supports you."

"kindness."

""

""

In the middle of the night, the room was quiet, there was no sound of talking or snoring, everyone was lying in their corners, worried and entangled

On the third day of October, the third day of insomnia, I started to be listless in the morning. Xiaojie woke me up early and then ran outside to wash and get out of bed. I rubbed my eyes and the clock gradually became clearer , How dizzy! It's only seven o'clock, and you don't have to go to work, why get up so early!

"Tian'er, Tian'er, let me kiss you, I miss you all night!"

The fat man suddenly pushed open the door and ran in, hugging me immediately.

"Brother, stop making trouble, it's not good to be seen by Xiaojie."

I tried to break free, but being hugged by him like this made me feel much more energetic.

"It's okay, he's washing his face outside!"

As he said that, the fat man couldn't wait to kiss him, and I was caught off guard by the kiss

"Oda, help me get the toothpaste, I forgot"

With a 'snap', I looked towards the door in surprise, but there was no sign of Xiaojie except for a broken water glass and a puddle of water left on the ground. My brain suddenly went blank for two seconds. When I recovered, I rushed When they went out, they didn't have time to explain, leaving Fatty standing there alone.

Where will Xiaojie go? How could the scene just now be so coincidental, how could such a thing happen!While searching and thinking, my heart felt like a knife was piercing my heart, as if I had lost my soul. How should I explain to him the intense discomfort? It turned out that I only felt that Xiaojie was so important to me at this time. The ring in my hand , seems to still release its light, it's all my fault, maybe I shouldn't expect fat people, maybe I shouldn't be so indecisive, maybe Xiaolu is the most suitable person for him, maybe I should learn to give up, or just The most satisfactory result, but Xiaojie who has been hurt by me, will he forgive me?

I searched for a long time, but there was no one, where would I go? Thinking of the scene when we first met, my brain suddenly opened up, and I knew where he was

I came to that grove again, and I came to that small river again. It’s been a long time since I took a bath here. Some miss, some sigh, I’m glad that Xiaojie is really here! He sat alone on the boulder in a daze, his eyes revealed Unlimited sadness, heart aches, I know he feels the same way. I quietly walked to him, sat down, and stayed with him in a daze, but Xiaojie didn't speak, didn't look at me, just sat quietly I don't know what to say before he will forgive me, so don't say anything

Oda, do you still like me?"

I don't know how long it took, Xiaojie suddenly spoke, the voice was so soft and difficult, without any confidence.

"what happened to me this morning"

Halfway through the conversation, I didn't know what to say.

"You like my brother right?"

Xiaojie finally raised his head, with sad eyes and dull expression, he looked at me sadly, which made me feel so painful and uncomfortable.

"Before I met you, I fell in love with your brother. At that time, I could only like it silently. Later, for some reasons, I left home. Until I met you, you gradually weakened my yearning for him. I hated you at the beginning, but then I don’t know what’s going on, and I can’t leave you more and more, I don’t want to lose you, I was wrong, I like you, forgive me, please?”

Saying what was on my mind all at once made me feel a lot more relaxed. I held my breath and waited for Xiaojie's answer.

"real?"

Xiaojie asked worriedly.

"kindness."

I nodded firmly. The feeling in my heart, fat man, I'm sorry, there are too many uncertainties in the world, I have to reluctantly let you go, maybe you should live a normal life, get married and have children, and marry a little girl Lu, I believe you will be very happy.

"What about my brother?"

With full jealousy, Xiaojie asked tentatively.

"It wasn't until the moment when I felt like I was going to lose you that I suddenly realized that I can't live without you. Although I can't give you all my love, I will put my feelings for your brother in my heart. I promise that nothing like that will happen again. , Xiaojie, I was wrong."

I said slightly aggrieved.

"Then how can you prove that you really admit your mistake?"

His expression finally turned back to the sunny day, so cute, I couldn't help but hug him and kiss him, deep and long.

Brother, I like you, but I can't choose you, maybe it's destined not to be us, there is nothing to do, whether I am selfish or cruel, I know you are the best for me, I know you will forgive me , I really can't hurt this cute fat man in front of me. I have to make a decision in front of the two people I love the most. It hurts so much. It seems that I will be this brother for the rest of my life.

Sitting on the rock, we chatted for a long time, talking about the embarrassing things about the fat man when he was young, about the way of life in the village, about the scene when we first met, about the pressure we will face together in the future, open our hearts, and let each other's hearts be more reliable Recently, I don't want to think about anything, it's good to have no worries.

When we got home, when we saw the fat man, his face was full of embarrassment, and our mood immediately became gloomy. Feeling guilty, at a loss, no matter how many people are unwilling, we have to be willing, But how should I speak to him? How should I hurt this stupid fat man?

Throughout the whole day, no one mentioned the scene that happened early in the morning. At dinner, the fat man suddenly became very nice to Xiaojie, and he picked up vegetables and served rice. The 360-degree change in attitude may be because Xiaojie was afraid that Xiaojie would spoil the morning tell my mother

I have no appetite. After dinner, I went to the yard to start a daze. I couldn’t see the stars in the night sky. The moon was so lonely. I thought about all the things I spent with the fat man. Save me, take care of me, care about me, help me, protect me, Missing me, liking me, loving me I can clearly remember every picture, and every smile in the picture will turn into a needle, piercing into my flesh and heart.He is stupid but stupid so cute, he is stupid but stupid and has a sense of security, why did God let me fall in love with two people at the same time, let go of the fat man, let go of half of my heart, heartache gathered into tears in my eyes, drop by drop, Slip, drip.

"Oda, let me share a room with my brother tonight."

At some point, Xiaojie came over.

"Don't worry, it's just a chat."

Quickly wiped away the tears, seeing that I didn't speak, he added another sentence.

"All right."

I'm absent-minded and worried, I hope Xiaojie can help me solve my troubles

At night, lying on the kang in my mother's house, I still can't sleep, I don't know how Xiaojie and Fatty are talking, I hope everything will be fine, but I want to turn the most sincere feelings into brotherhood , how can I do it?

"Tian'er, tell mother, what is the relationship between you and Xiaojie?"

In the quiet night, my mother suddenly said such a sentence, which shocked me into a cold sweat. I was worried and panicked. I don’t think my mother knew something!

"No, he is your son, and that is my brother."

Oops, I don't have any confidence in my answer, and I don't even believe what I said.

"My mother has no culture, but my mother understands love and feelings. You are also adults, and some things must be carefully considered. This is a lifetime thing. My mother still hopes that you can have a normal family in the future."

Is Niang implying me that he knows our affairs and understands us? What a considerate mother, maybe there is no second one in this world, maybe it is because Niang has suffered enough from love and has seen through everything , see through love. But how did she know? What Xiaojie said? Impossible!

"Mom, do you know?"

I asked queerly, feeling like a child who made a mistake!

"Oh, I overheard the ring and what you said in the room last night. I heard such reports on TV, but I didn't expect it to happen in our house. Let it be, mother will not interfere with you , Mother knows what it feels like to lose love. Alas"

Alas, we are so careless! Fortunately, my mother understands, but this is a feudal and conservative countryside, and it may be God's will to have such thoughts. But the few sighs of my mother, I can hear more helplessness , is caring, tolerance, and forgiveness. I finally unlocked a lock in my heart. I hope my fate can be changed.

[in another room]

The two bears lying on the same bed were worried about the same thing, neither of them spoke, they tossed and turned with their own thoughts.

Xiaojie was thinking, how should I tell my brother about my relationship with Xiao Tian? And Fatty was thinking, how should I explain to my brother the kiss between me and Tian'er?

"Brother, do you know why I know Oda?"

Time passed by, and finally Xiaojie couldn't help but speak first.

"why?"

The fat man was worried, he was nervous about what Xiaojie would say next!

"There is something I have to tell you, I am in love with Akita, I know that you like Oda very much, and I know that Oda likes you very much, but his heart has not been completely given to you, during the period of my life with Oda During the days, I gradually took a place in Xiaotian's heart. I like him, and the indescribable feeling after seeing him may sound surprising to you, but brother, I hope you can understand and give Xiaotian to me. "

Xiaojie finished speaking in one breath, and the fat man was speechless. The fat man was stunned, he didn't believe it was true, but he knew that his younger brother couldn't play such a joke with him, the sudden words made the fat man momentarily Still can't accept it, he doesn't want to let Xiao Tian go, and he doesn't want to hurt his younger brother either.

"You're telling the truth?"

Fatty's mood was completely messed up at this moment.

"Brother, if there is no Xiaotian, you still like Xiaolu, right? You are different from us, you are bisexual, you have the right to choose girls, but we don't, we don't have the slightest love for girls, and Our mother only has us two sons, I can't give her a grandson, but you can, I know it's cruel to you, I also know that I would be selfish, but I really can't give up Xiaotian, put It doesn't matter if it's an excuse to persuade you, or it's deceiving and hypocritical, brother, let me take care of him?"

Xiaojie endured the helplessness, guilt and pain to finish speaking, the inner struggle, the unbearable sadness, he felt that he was so selfish, so cruel, and so sorry for his brother, but the fact is what he said, the fat man is bisexual, Only he has the qualification to give Xiaolu happiness, and only his withdrawal will minimize the damage.But love is selfish, who would be willing to give up their favorite?However, the fat man really did it. He is suffering from angina at the moment, like thousands of needles piercing into his heart at the same time. It gets deeper and deeper and hurts more and more. He has never felt like this before. He has no choice. Because, because he wants Akita to be happy, because he wants Xiaojie to be happy, because she wants Xiaolu to be happy, because he wants the whole family to be happy.He could only withdraw, leaving him alone in a corner to grieve.

"Brother, Tian'er has no memory and can't stand stimulation. Tell him more stories at night. He loves to listen to stories. He likes to eat fish. Try to cook the best fish for him. Also, he has been seriously injured and cannot Too tired, make more soup for him, it’s good for his bones, he’s afraid of the cold, you have to hug him to sleep, he likes candied haws, remember to buy it for him next time...promise me, you’ll make him happy, okay?”

Biting his lip, the fat man choked up and finished speaking these words.

"Um"

Closing his eyes, the strong fat man shed the most manly tears at this moment, because he gave up the most important thing in the world, because he gave up his happiness with his own hands, because he turned his lover into something that will never be Changed loved ones...