father - home

Mother's bedroom door was open.I want to talk to her, but not right now.Unexpectedly, when I passed by her door, my mother stopped me.I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and walked in boldly.

"What is it, mother?"

"What's the matter with you? Marty, you look so ugly."

"It's nothing."

"Are you worried about Zhao? Marty, didn't you say he's fine?"

"Yes, mother, he's all right. I'm just a little tired."

"Then you go back to the house and have a rest, there is still time before dinner."

"Okay." I replied without moving.I knew my mother wouldn't call me in just for that.

"Marty, remember to wear a suit for dinner."

Why?My back tensed.I opened my eyes wide and looked up at my mother.My head hurts so much that it is difficult to even open my eyes, but I have to open them. I want to look at my mother, see the expression on her face, and see her true intentions.My mother always makes me worry and wonder, why is she?What on earth does she want?

"After Joseph came back, because of your absence, we have not welcomed him, so tonight, we will hold a family dinner. This has been agreed a long time ago, but you don't know it."

"Family banquet? But Zhao today..."

"Yeah, it's really a pity. I didn't expect such a thing to happen, but fortunately, the protagonists are you and Joseph."

The mother's voice was still gentle and peaceful, but the meaning in those words was so harsh, Zhao was an outsider, always has been.She has isolated Zhao from our family and from me.But she has always liked Zhao, and took care of Zhao meticulously.What is going on?Why?Mother, why did you treat Zhao like a different person in just a few days?Is it because I hid it from you?Then you should be mad at me.Why so against Zhao?Is it because Joseph is back?Don't you always disapprove of me and Joseph?You keep preventing us from meeting.We have been apart for five years, just because you won't let Joseph see me.Wait, Joseph is back.How dare he come back?Without his mother's permission, he would never have dared.I suddenly figured out something.My headache was about to burst, but my thoughts were exceptionally clear.It's not that my mother suddenly changed her attitude towards Zhao, but that she has always been like this. It's just that we are immersed in our own happiness, and we only see one side of things, the side we are willing to accept, and the other side of things is quite different. On the other side of the opposite, we unconsciously ignore, we turn a blind eye.

"Mother, it was you who wrote to ask Joseph to come back?"

This is a serious question.I want to be able to talk to my mother calmly, even if in a cold tone, without being overly rude, because she is my mother after all.But just because she is my mother, I can't control my emotions.She is my mother, she can be arrogant and cruel, but she is also noble, upright, and aboveboard, she should not be hypocritical, and should not do such despicable things.

Mother timid?Scared?Because you also know, is it wrong to do this?Mother lowered her eyes, turned around, put the reading glasses she had been holding on the desk, stood up, walked to the open window, and raised her head slightly.The rain has stopped, and the high clouds have formed a yellowish cloud in the western sky.

"I sent Joseph back. He's a good boy, and you are all good boys."

The answer I knew a long time ago, being said by my mother at this moment, I am still shocked.Ever since my father suffered a stroke and the family changed, my mother has become the soul and pillar of the family.The strange thing is that I didn't rely on my mother as much as I do now, but since I have Zhao, I am more and more eager to get her support. I need her wisdom, experience, and her tenacious will.With her acceptance, with her as my strong backing, I will not be afraid of anything, and I have the strength to overcome everything.But all this is false!All are fake, hypocritical.She just didn't want to tear off that layer of kindness and tolerance so quickly!

"Why? Mother. You have always opposed me and Joseph. You used Joseph's honesty, cowardice, loyalty to the family, and love for me to forbid him to meet with me and let us suffer separately. But now, you use Joseph to Torture Zhao, torture me. Mother, why? Why are you in such a hurry? Why can't you tolerate Zhao? He is going to leave after all, but he is not in good health yet, why are you in such a hurry?"

My mother didn't look back, nor did she answer my questioning.

"Mother, it's my fault. I didn't tell you everything, but Zhao is innocent. Why did you force him like this? Do you know? He has proposed to Yu." I was devastated, I was begging , crying.I hope to get my mother's understanding, at least comfort.A mother should understand the heartache feeling when she learns that a loved one has proposed to someone else.

I thought my mother would get angry, but she didn't, she just sighed deeply, talking to herself, and still didn't look back. "Zhao Xiangyu proposed?...He is such a good boy."

"Now you are satisfied, your goal has been achieved." I smiled bitterly in disappointment.She won't give me what I want.

I don't know why, but I didn't tell my mother about Yu's refusal of Zhao's marriage proposal.I can't say it.Maybe it's for self-esteem. I don't know if it's Zhao's, mine, or Yu's. I believe I don't want to say that it has something to do with dignity.At this time, I felt that special connection with jade again, and I didn't want to show this connection to others, because I thought no one would understand.

I staggered and walked out, my feet seemed to be on sponge, and my mother whispered in my ears: "I'm sorry, child."

"Why? Mother, why did you force him like this?" I also said to myself.I'm just asking the mother in my heart, I hardly know this lady in front of me.

"For you!"

"Me?" I stopped by the door, just reaching out to hold the door frame.My chest hurts so much that I can't breathe. I should rush to take medicine, but I want to know what my mother will say next.It's not easy to love someone, it's even harder to hate someone, let alone she is my mother.

"Marty, I'm your mother, I know you better than your mother."

Mother didn't look back.She thought I didn't leave, and she was also afraid of facing me.This is the best, I don't want my mother to see me the way I am now.I leaned gently on the door frame, looking at my mother's back.

"You're not going to agree that I'm the one who loves you the most, or that I know you best, but you're the most important thing to me. You don't know what a problem you're giving me, Marty. I Like your father, I can't understand you, let alone agree with you. But I'm afraid of losing you, Marty, you are my only child, and I can't let the tragedy of your uncle Friedrich repeat. I admit it , I accept..." There was a choke in the mother's voice, a trace of excitement, and she tried her best to restrain it. "Joseph is not allowed to meet with you because of the current situation. I am afraid that you will lose your sense of proportion and ruin yourself. Of course, there is also a little selfishness in this. I hope you can change. If you have not seen each other for a long time, the relationship will gradually fade. It would be great to be able to return to normal. But after you came back this time, I found it impossible. The relationship between you and Joseph has faded, but you still love the same sex, and you are madly in love with Zhao. I am not wrong Like Zhao, if you only love gays, it's a matter of course to fall in love with him. But he's leaving. I don't care about anything else, he's a foreigner, he was a prisoner, he's not healthy, I don't care I don't care, I only care that he is leaving."

Mother turned around.I quickly stood up straight, turned around, and pretended to be going out of the door, so I didn't see whether there were tears in my mother's eyes.Mother, don't come here!I muttered in my heart.I straightened my back.No matter how you explain it, it can't change the fact that you hurt Zhao. I can't forgive you on this point!

"Marty, do you understand? I'm your mother! Since you can only love the same sex, since you can't change it, then I can only ask God to let you love someone who can be with you for the rest of your life. Marty, I don't want you I've been lonely all my life, and I hope that after I'm gone, someone can take care of you and accompany you."

"Then there's no need to be in such a hurry. Everything will be restored when Zhao is sent away."

"Marty, that's why I said, Zhi Zi Mo Ruo Mu, you don't know yourself. You are too much like me, I know, you are already addicted to it, and if I don't pull you, you can't climb up by yourself."

I turned my back to my mother and nodded, which meant: enough, I don't want to hear any more.For my own good, of course.How can a mother do something that hurts her child?It's just that this is good for me, I don't need it.

I went out the door, turned the corner, and my mother was out of sight.With my last breath, I rushed into my bedroom next door.The coat was on the bed, and I rushed over to feel the white, smooth, cool sheets.I want to reach for the coat, but I can't reach it, I want to pull the sheet, bring the coat over, but it won't work.I desperately watched the coat go further and further away, my heart was sinking, people were sinking.Out of sight of the coat, out of sight of the bedsheets, all the sparkle of gold stars before my eyes, and then darkness, endless darkness, and I sank.