father - home

Suddenly, Zhao turned his head and grabbed my wrist, "I know!"

I trembled all over, Zhao's eyes, pain, anger, rage, anxiety... No!These should not belong to you!this is not you!I turned around and ran.

I'm too slow, even if I break free from his hand, it won't help.He tore off the blanket on me from behind, grabbed my shoulder with one hand, and pressed his knee to the hollow of my back knee, and I knelt on the ground obediently with a thud.I propped myself up on the ground with one hand, and with the other I tried to break his hands away from my shoulders.However, things went against his wishes, and he grabbed his wrist instead and twisted it behind him.I didn't expect Zhao's strength to be so great, and the direction and skill of his force made me even more terrified.The arm twisted by him, from top to bottom, was numb and weak, as if it was useless, and it was impossible to gather the strength to fight back again in a short time.

He twisted my other hand behind my back too, his voice was icy cold. "Remember? I said that when I recover, you will not be my opponent at all."

Fear gripped my heart.I turned my back to him and knelt in front of him, naked, trembling all over, and my teeth were chattering so that I dared not speak easily.The bonfire is less than half a meter away from me, but I am in a world of ice and fire, suffering from freezing and burning at the same time.

Zhao folded my two wrists that were cut backwards to the back, and controlled it with one hand, leaving the other hand as if doing something.

No matter what he's doing, it's an opportunity.But I was wrong, no matter how hard I struggled, I couldn't get rid of his shackles, instead I made myself out of breath and embarrassed.

I tried to push my legs, but my legs were pressed by him, like pressing on reinforced concrete. My efforts only made the muscles of my legs move internally, and nothing happened to the outside world.I want to break free with both hands. After all, he is controlled with one hand. Even if I break free, I will lose my center of gravity, fall to the ground, touch the wound on my head, and bleed again. I don’t care.But that doesn't work either. Don't look at him with just one hand. His jaws and fingers are like vices and handcuffs, and his whole body is so rooted that he can't be shaken.

I turned my head, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw his profile lit by the campfire, half glowing with gold, the other half hidden in darkness.The top buttons of the white shirt were unbuttoned, the sleeves were rolled up to two inches above the elbow, the hem of the shirt was tucked into the waist of the trousers, and the suspenders of the breeches hung over the shoulders.He knelt on one knee, with one bent leg slightly outstretched, and the slightly gleaming muscles under the shiny riding boots and breeches were so vigorous, beautiful, and full of temptation.The reflection of the bonfire made the lines on his face extremely cold and hard, with the furrowed brows, fire-breathing eyes, the increasingly high nose bridge, and almost invisible lips, I was both fascinated and afraid.With his free hand he was pulling the long shirttail out of the waistband of his trousers.

The painful scene came back to my heart again, I didn't see anything that time, but this time... no!don't want!I suddenly bent down, pushed my upper body forward and downward, and at the same time straightened my legs suddenly, and threw myself down with all my strength, hoping to get rid of his control.

At first, Zhao might be led forward by me, but immediately, he grabbed my shoulder, and at the same time, the hand controlling my wrist pulled back, and I returned to the original posture.

"If you don't want to get hurt, don't move around!" Zhao ordered coldly.

I was so annoyed that I didn't know what to do for a moment, but no matter what, I couldn't just sit and wait for death.I stabilized my mind, tried my best to control my voice so that I couldn't hear the trembling, and asked the question knowingly. "What do you want to do?... Zhao." Before calling his name, I hesitated.I can't call out, on such an occasion, but, perhaps, this call can bring back the sanity he has lost.

"Didn't you want me to understand my heart? Didn't you ask me who I have desires for? I understand now."

"no no!Zhao, this is not you!Even if you are angry, even if I am wrong, don't treat me like this.

"You're right, I had a desire for Jade. I remember very clearly, in the summer of '38, in Wannsee, when my desire for her was so strong that I was forced to stay in the water for a long time. Dare to go ashore. But since the reunion with Yu this time, I have no feelings for her anymore." Zhao stood up, but still clasped my wrist.

"Zhao, let go." I twisted my body in vain. This kind of showing weakness and begging is simply a shame.

"Let go? Why? Didn't you say that I have no desire for you? Didn't you use this to prove that I don't have the love for you as I thought? Well, then I will tell you! Not only tell you, I I have to show you clearly, and feel, my desire for you! A desire so strong that it is difficult to control!"

Zhao grabbed my hands and pulled back, and my back bumped into his hard body. I rushed forward reflexively. Maybe Zhao didn't expect my reaction to be so violent, or maybe he was distracted at the moment. Regarding the matter, he didn't hold me back, so I fell headlong to the ground, there was a bang in my head, and my eyes were dark.

The pity is that I didn't avoid it, Zhao pulled me up again, the pain came as expected, and it didn't relieve half of it because of the pain on my forehead, it was clearly, deeply and vividly conveyed to every cell in my body, every root nerve.Sleeping memories are awakened, fresh blood flows out of old wounds, the pain is doubled, and the skin is cut to the bone.The pain made me feel weak and my consciousness began to blur.

I don't want to fall over here.The cold, sarcasm, and no warmth can be heard, as well as the frustrating and embarrassing situation, are mercilessly mocking my pride and gnawing at my self-esteem.He is fully clothed, but I am naked.I can't fall down, and I can't show the slightest cowardice at this time.I put my hands on the ground, digging my fingers deep into the dirt, pushing my hips back with all my might to meet him.I turned my head the other way, so that the flames would not shine on my face, and he would not see the blood all over my face.I gritted my teeth to keep myself from screaming, because I wasn't sure what would come out of my mouth if I let go.Is it a curse filled with righteous indignation, or a moan of weakness and helplessness, or a groveling pleading?These are not what I want to express to him, I think... I think... the pain of the body, the exhaustion of the spirit, it is difficult for me to sort out my thoughts, I just follow him according to the feeling, accommodate him, cater to him, This seems to be the only thing I can and want to do right now.

It's strange, completely different from what I expected. In the chaotic consciousness, I try to find the source of the pain. I hope to perceive it clearly, experience it, and remember it. I don't want to sink, get rid of it, don't want to forget, I want to have .I realized that it was different, the person was different, the heart was different, the feeling was different, everything was different.

Gradually, the pain became numb, a swollen, hot, powerful feeling of attention and need, a kind of fulfillment for my empty heart, cold body and humble soul, A kind of warmth, a kind of redemption.However, happiness is not so simple, not so easy to get, and I am not the only one who is hurt.

"Listen up! My baron! My master! Sir! Marty! Listen up, you see, it's not withdrawal, it's not a fucking morning, it's night. No , not only this night, but every moment, from dawn to late night, every minute of 24 hours a day, and my whole life from now on..." I heard sobs hidden under the roar. "I have an uncontrollable desire for you...damn, damn...I have an uncontrollable desire for you! Fucking gay, fucking Marty, what's going on in your fucking scientist's mind, I don't want you?! ...Then what is desire? Tell me, damn it... You don't come home for three weeks, I'm sitting on pins and needles every day, I don't keep my mind, I dare not ask my wife, dare not call, dare not tell anyone, the only thing I can The only people I can confide in are Yinjian and Chitu, and I have to force myself to smile in front of others. Even if we meet each other, I dare not hold hands and smile casually. How can I express my desire to you! Only I know, every time I am suffering from desire all the time. Desire not only comes from the body, but also from my heart."

Zhao stepped forward and entered the deepest part of my body.The sharp pain in my abdomen made me lose control and let out an "ah".I quickly closed my panting mouth and swallowed back the moan.I was afraid of him hearing, afraid of his hesitation, afraid of him stopping.I began to yearn for and obsess over this feeling.The pain is numb, the fear is far away, the past has become a memory, sweetness and enjoyment may not be mentioned, but intimacy, frankness, youthful recklessness, yes, I am obsessed with this feeling, this is my precious wealth, I want to be good collection.

"Did I cover it up too well? Did I have too many scruples? It made you doubt our relationship? Or did you rekindle your old relationship? It just happened to be smooth sailing? Is it just a pretense of helping me? Huh?"

Zhao pinned the back of my neck, I couldn't hold it anymore, and my face was on the ground.In this way, I save a little effort, and my hips can be raised higher, but in this way, I have no way to answer his question.Under his violent impact, it is already very good to be able to stay awake and breathe evenly.Blood was pouring from my eyes, which made me teary, and I buried my face under my arms, hiding in the darkness, so that he wouldn't see me.I don't want him to stop, I don't want him to be sad, and I don't want my late, rare happiness to end in such a hurry.

"speak!"

I kept silent, Zhao would be worried, his movements were obviously slower and lighter.No!Don't stop! "I didn't!" I yelled desperately.

"No? You go to Joseph's cabin, I watched you go, I have been waiting for you!"

"I'm back."

"But that was five hours later! I waited for you for five hours! I stood by the window and waited for you for five hours! I kept imagining what you were doing with him, and I was going crazy! You know? I Going crazy!"

Going crazy... Going crazy... His roar echoed in my ears, and my heart was shattered, dripping blood in pieces.