father - home

In the next few days, I worked hard, hoping to numb myself.At night, he looked for all excuses to stay in the laboratory, and those excuses were used to convince himself.Because I know that if I am in the dormitory, I will not be able to control it.

Even in the laboratory, whenever dawn is approaching, I still unconsciously go to the window, open the window, and look up at the sky.The top floor of the hospital is all my territory, including wards, treatment rooms, autopsy rooms, laboratories and offices.The office is at the far east end, with an east window.Looking out from here, beyond the grids and gun towers, you can see the grasslands and forests outside the camp.Watching the sunrise here is not very ideal, but it is much better than on the playground, and the view here is wider.Standing in front of the window, welcoming the first morning sun every day, remembering that the sun was shining and warming him at the same time, my chaotic heart got a moment of peace.

No matter how I evaded and hid, I still didn't escape Ernst's eyes.No, at lunch, he sat across from me, staring at me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I stared back at him, annoyed.

"Are you OK?"

"Of course it's okay, why do you ask that?"

"Are you okay? Look at you, your eyes are bloodshot, your face is pale, and you don't have any appetite. You shouldn't be sick, right?" Ernst reached out to touch my head.

I opened his hand and said impatiently, "What are you doing? Don't move."

Ernst was not angry, but still asked with concern: "Are you really okay?"

He really cares about me, but I don't like the feeling of being watched.So I whispered: "That's still fake."

"It must be too much work."

"Probably." Seeing that he stopped asking questions, I followed his words, but I wasn't lying. "You know that the experiment has not progressed. I am very anxious. I really don't know how many people will die."

"Think about it, they are all going to die anyway."

His tone was a bit too casual. After hearing that, I frowned and shouted dissatisfiedly: "Enny, how can you say that, they are real people just like you and me."

"Shh! Why haven't you gotten used to it yet, my young master." Ernst rolled his eyes nervously, leaned over his head and lowered his voice, and said, "Just say this to me, but don't tell others. "

I looked up at Ernst.I thought: don’t tell others, who can I tell?To be honest, I have already figured it out. They are the guinea pigs in my laboratory, the test subjects with the same physical structure as us, but with language and feeling, but luckily they have no soul.But when I saw him that morning, I suddenly remembered that he was also one of them. Could it be that he was also a guinea pig?No!He is not!Absolutely not!He has a soul, a noble soul.

"Noble soul?" I suddenly felt a pinprick in my heart and had to close my eyes.

"Don't be hard on yourself, this is not what we should think about." Ernst patted my shoulder and sighed silently. "Okay, let me help you find a reason to give yourself half a day off."

Hearing this, I understood his real intention. "What? You're going to Munich again?"

Ernst went to the SS warehouse in Munich once a month to bring back the needed medicines and consumables.Had it once last month too.That day, he asked me to cover half a day's shift for him.In fact, nothing to do, really can have a good rest.

Ernst nodded. "Hmm, how about helping me work half a day?"

"Do you still need to ask, no problem." I readily agreed.

"You're so kind, my dear." Ernst smiled cutely, and pouted his lips forward.

I was amused by his funny look, and I dodged away. "Don't, you bastard, take off your mouthpiece."

We laughed for a while and temporarily forgot about those annoying things.

All afternoon, only one soldier came to dispense some medicine for stomach pain.Being bored, I read a book for a while and then dozed off.In any case, the days are always easier to pass than the nights.It was almost six o'clock when I woke up, and it seemed that there would be no more patients today.I stood up, ready to pack up, Ernst should be back.

It stands to reason that Ernst should have come back long ago, and he must have gone to meet his lover again.I know that he has a lover in Munich, a married woman, and I heard that her husband is an officer in the Wehrmacht and has gone to the front.This woman seemed to have a special obsession with military uniforms. Her husband in green military uniform left and found another lover in black military uniform.

I was standing behind the door taking off my white coat when someone knocked on the door.

Who came so late, luckily didn't leave.I hurriedly buttoned the two white coats I had already unbuttoned, then opened the door, and said, "Come in!"

Unexpectedly, the person I least wanted to see appeared at the door—Second Lieutenant Will Schenk, and I was secretly taken aback.

The second lieutenant was also quite surprised: "Sir, why is it you, Lieutenant Rauscher?"

I let go of the doorknob, without concealing my dislike, and said coldly, "Lieutenant Rauscher is on a business trip. I'll take his place. What's the matter with you?"

"Of course I'm here to see a doctor, sir." Shenk seemed a little uneasy.

"Okay, tell me, what's uncomfortable." I went back to the desk and sat down, but Shenk didn't follow.

"It's not me, sir, it's a prisoner in my battalion."

prisoner?The SS would never bring a prisoner to see a doctor, unless... I felt a thump in my heart, but I still managed to maintain a proud and indifferent expression on my face.

Faced with my indifference and arrogance, Shenk didn't care. He had recovered from the initial surprise and anxiety, and a mocking and triumphant grin gradually formed on the corner of his mouth.

"Come in, 79475," Shenk called out to the door completely unnecessarily.

He got his wish, and the sound of "79475" hit my heart hard.I tried my best to control myself, not to tremble, not to be impulsive, trying to maintain the usual reserved and majestic.The confrontation with Shenk started again, always when I was off guard.The last time was intentionally arranged by Shen Ke, but this time it was completely coincidental and God's will.

The Chinese walked in.This is my second close look at him after two months.He's lost weight, a lot.Black and white eyes are bigger and more attractive.His face was pale, and even his lips were bloodless.He was only 21 years old. When we met for the first time, there was still a little boyish shadow on his face. The cute "baby fat" made his face like a crown jade, and his cheeks were beautifully contoured and delicate.And now, in just two months, he is fully grown.The chin is thin, its lines are resolute and tenacious.I searched his face, searching for that unforgettable look.He also looked at me without avoiding it, but I couldn't meet his gaze.I can't touch him. I used to feel so close and familiar to him, but now he is so far away and so strange.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Cough," he replied.No emotion, nervousness, fear, shame, anger, pain, nothing.

"Take off your shirt," I said.

He hesitated for a moment, but didn't act right away.

"What? Do you want me to help you?" I'm sorry, that's all I can say under Shen Ke's viper-like eyes.

He took off his shirt and stood there with his hands down.

I have always heard that Chinese people have good skin, and it is true when I saw it today.But what firmly attracted me was not only his smooth and delicate skin, but also the scars on that skin.I can't help but sigh: What has he experienced in such a young and beautiful life?

There are many old injuries on the back and shoulders, which I think are caused by shrapnel.Although it is an old wound, the scar is still uneven, it seems that it was not long ago.There are some new, long scars on the chest, back, neck and arms, like whip wounds, the scabs have fallen off, the pink, new skin is very thin, and bloodshot in some places, as if It was someone who forcibly picked off the scab that hadn't grown well yet.There are still some bruises on the chest, neck and ears, not too many and not too serious, but it is shocking to me.

I suddenly asked as if I had been greatly stimulated: "How did you do this?"

As soon as I said it, I regretted it.These injuries, don't I know their origin?Why even ask?Why poke his sore spot?

I was embarrassed by my own recklessness, ashamed of being narrow-minded, and felt my face burn.I thought he would be embarrassed by my question, but I didn't expect him to remain calm and reply with a deadpan expression: "It's from a grenade shrapnel."

"On the war zone?"

"No," the Chinese smiled, "During the exercise."

That smile was shyness, not shame.I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What's the matter? Sir." Shen Ke kept staring at us and asked maliciously from the side at the moment.Schenk was visibly discouraged.When I asked the Chinese about the origin of those scars, Schenk was obviously excited, but he was disappointed. The performance of the Chinese made him angry, and the result disappointed him.

I am secretly happy. "It seems that your prisoner is seriously undernourished, and his physical condition is not very good. Come, let me see what is going on with your cough."

I carefully checked the Chinese man's heart and lungs with a stethoscope, turned him around, listened to his back, and asked him to take a deep breath, hold his breath, and cough.His physical condition worries me: although his heart is not beating too fast, for a young man with strong muscles who was a lieutenant in the Wehrmacht two months ago, such a heart is enough for a "weak heart". "To describe.He still has obvious symptoms of anemia, and his spirit doesn't seem to be very good. In short, he is completely different from two months ago.just cough?I don't understand.

Shenk wouldn't stop there, he stood aside and began to speak slowly. "You don't know yet, sir. A while ago, 79475 had a pneumonia. It was very dangerous at that time. The high fever persisted for several days. I asked Lieutenant Rauscher to show him and used the best medicine we have here. He was finally rescued. But look at him, we all thought he must be in good health, otherwise how could he be a mountain troop, and he is a lieutenant. The mountain troop can be regarded as a special force in the National Defense Forces. But who knows Well, he hasn’t fully recovered yet. Last night, he coughed so badly that it scared me to death. I poured water for him and beat his back again. I struggled all night. Ah, it’s possible He caught a cold again. You know, sir, in order to let him recover sooner, I specially asked him to come to my dormitory to sleep at night. Our dormitory is much warmer than his barracks. And I found him a lighter Work, at the Soldiers Club, but he won't do it, he has to go back and carry stones every day. I can't help it. What can I do? He, you know, who can make him do what he doesn't want to do. Seeing that the weather is getting colder, I prepared him a warm woolen jacket, so that he can wear it warmer when he returns to the cell in the morning, but if he doesn’t wear it, there’s really nothing I can do about it. Sir, you said he’s nutritious Insufficient, this is wronged. If the other prisoners in the camp are similar, he is different. You know, every night, I prepare a supper for him, cheese, sausage, cake, what to eat Yes, I kept them for him. God knows, I did everything I could for him. He was undernourished and I don't know why."

Listening to Shenk's words, my mind was buzzing, and a hostility surged up in my chest.

"How is it, sir?" Seeing that I finished checking, Shen Ke asked with concern.

"I don't think there's any problem." I slammed the stethoscope on the table and squeezed these words out between my teeth.

"What? What did you say, sir?" Shenk asked deliberately loudly.

"I said his body is fine." I roared fiercely.

Suddenly, the Chinese body shook.I looked up, his eyes were full of sadness, only sadness, endless sadness, his lips were tightly pressed, and he slowly closed his eyes.

He stood there naked to the waist, shivering slightly, as if very cold.There was actually a heater in the room, but he was shaking.He was already trembling, started trembling while Shenk was talking, but I didn't see it.No, it's not that I didn't see it, I just turned a blind eye.

What's wrong with me, I was bewitched by Schenk's dirty lies, I was irritated by Schenk's foul language, I just thought, he ruined the best image in my heart, he gave in, he begged.I'm violent, I'm resentful, I don't even think about who said it, why?I should have shut Shenk up, I should have protected him, I could, I have the right.But I didn't, I left him there alone for Shenk to humiliate.Schenk is humiliating him, saying this to humiliate him in front of me, because I've made him a hero, because he hasn't surrendered, his noble heart hasn't surrendered.Schenk won again, and I lost, lost again, in my own selfishness, cowardice, and hypocrisy.I feel distanced from him, not because he is away from me, but because I am away from him.

"Is there really no problem?" Shenk was obsessed with his performance and continued to ask with concern after seeing the good effect of the performance with satisfaction. "Since there is no problem, why does he keep coughing?"

It's disgusting!

"I mean there is no major problem. There is no noise in the lungs. However, he is very weak, so he is not recovering well, and he catches cold repeatedly, and his cough disappears."

"Then what should I do?" Shen Ke put on the prison uniform exaggeratedly, but I pretended not to see it.

"Well, I'll give you some medicine. If it's still not good, come and see. But remember not to catch a cold again."

"Thank you, sir. Then we'll take our leave." Shenk took the medicine, turned to him and said, "I heard you, you must be obedient in the future, don't always be so stubborn, or you won't be in good health."

They left and I just stood there until someone knocked on the door again.