father - home

I packed up the papers, put them back in the portfolio, opened the box again, looked at it for a while, then closed it, and called out, "Sergeant!"

"Yes! Sir!" The sergeant's red face appeared at the door almost immediately.

"I want to borrow this medal." I shook the box in my hand at the sergeant.

"Medals? You mean medals?"

"What? Can't I borrow it?"

"No! No! Of course you can borrow it, sir, you just have to register and sign it. I mean, I didn't know he had a medal. He's really..."

"That's good." I interrupted the sergeant, stood up, left the portfolio on the table, and walked out of the back room.

The sergeant returned to his desk before me, unscrewed the cap of the ink bottle, arranged the wet pens, ink bottle, and register neatly, and pulled out the chair to wait for me. "Please, sir!"

I sat down, pulled my gold Montblanc pen from my breast pocket, unscrewed the cap, and asked the sergeant, "Where is it written?"

The sergeant was a little embarrassed, his outstretched fingers trembling. "Here, sir."

"Ok!"

I filled in the form with "date", "prisoner number", and "file content" borrowed. When I filled in the list of "reasons", I stopped to think about it, and finally wrote "medical experiment".I don't know how to justify this "medical experiment", but this is all I can do, and I only have this authority.In the concentration camp, my medical experiments were overwhelming, and I could make any demands based on them, and the camp had to cooperate.

I signed my name and got up and walked towards the door without even looking at the sergeant.From the sergeant's voice, he could hear that he was a little dazed.Yes, how could this "medical experiment" be a reason to borrow the archives?But my military rank made him afraid to say "no".

"Okay... that's all right, sir, is there anything else I can do for you? Then, you go, sir." The sergeant helped me put on my overcoat, and I put the box in my pocket.

Putting on my military cap and gloves, I walked out of the file room feeling refreshed and refreshed.It turned out that there was a musty smell in the hot air at room temperature.

There was no one in the ward.

"Enny!" I called out.

Even though I knew Zhao would be fine, I hurried to the hospital bed to check.The blood transfusion is still going on, Zhao's breathing is steady, his expression is peaceful, his lips are already rosy, and his hands are warm.I looked through the medical records, and Ernst had just made a note 10 minutes ago.

"Why have you been here for so long? What's the matter?" Ernst opened the door and came in, holding a white enamel water bottle with a bouquet of flowers in it.

"Where did the flowers come from? It's icy and snowy."

I didn't see the bouquet until Ernst got closer.The color is not bright; the petals are not delicate; and there is no fragrance; it turns out to be a bouquet of fake flowers.

"Martin and the others did it. Although they didn't do it very well, it was always a thought." Ernst put the flowers on the bedside table.

"Really?" I muttered, feeling sick at the sound of Martin's name.

"I know his name."

"It's more than a name. You know, his file is here."

"Really!" Ernst also became excited. "Look at you, your eyes are smiling, there must be a major discovery."

"Look, it's in his file." I took out the box, handed it to Ernst, and started taking off my coat.

Coming out of the file room, I have been trying to control myself not to laugh out loud.Still, the smirk that was always on my lips made me embarrassed several times when I came across saluting junior officers or soldiers.

"It's true. He really won the Iron Cross, and he was among the first to be awarded the medal. It's incredible." Ernst carefully picked up the medal, walked to the window, and looked at it carefully in the sunlight. "It's so beautiful! I didn't expect to see the real thing. When I read the newspaper, I thought that the first batch of medals must be gone, maybe the later ones will be fine. I'd like to get one sometime." Ernst put the medal back in the box and handed it back to me, sighing. "Hey! Then you have to get out of this ghostly place first. Doing these shitty things all day long will definitely have nothing to do with the medal."

"Don't worry, there will always be a chance." I comforted, feeling happy in my heart, as if the medal belonged to me.

"Oh, no, Marty, the medal is in his file, which means it hasn't been issued to him, and maybe he doesn't know it yet."

"I think so too, he doesn't know the existence of this medal yet, so..."

"So, he appeared in your dream with this medal, which means that it is not him who summoned you, but God and the Lord."

"It's the Lord! It's the Lord!" I repeated these two words in a low voice and eagerly, and my eyes that stared at Ernst gradually became moist.

Ernst looked solemn. "Congratulations! Marty!" We hugged each other tightly.

That's why I couldn't help smiling.After reading Zhao's files and knowing what happened to him, I feel sorry for him and worry about him, but I am also ecstatic.Because I got confirmation: My homosexuality was blessed by the Lord.

Although, I am born to be independent and do my own way; although I never think that the love affair with Joseph is dirty, vulgar, and ulterior; however, the cruel reality makes me have to keep this secret for a long time.This kind of concealment, cover-up, falsification, this kind of fact that I dare not mention in front of people for a long time has in turn affected my heart.Five years, five years of loneliness, desolation, and confusion, my heart is no longer so firm, so proud, so fearless.The once pure, loyal, and proud feelings have really become maggots in the gutter and rotting corpses in the grave.After my father knew this and yelled at me and forbade me to go to church, I never really set foot in any temple again.

It never occurred to me to turn my back on you, my Lord.However, I am afraid, I am afraid that you will really despise me and spurn me.How many times have I wandered outside your holy hall like a ghost.How many nights, I looked up at the sky, praying that you would show me, forgive me, accept me, and let my soul be at peace.I even begged, if you think I'm really guilty, tell me, I'm willing to be punished, I'm willing to suffer anything as long as it can be redeemed.I haven't seen Joseph in five years.I didn't go to him, but I was waiting for your will.

Without your forgiveness, your forgiveness, my lord, I am in a daze, like a walking dead, lost the direction of life.In the face of evil and suffering, I am insensitive and help others; when true love comes, I avoid and shrink back, not knowing how to cherish it.I am not a coward, and I am not afraid of losing everything I have because of this. I am afraid that my love is sinful and cursed, and I am afraid that it will bring more serious disasters to the lover in my heart.I was wrong, I almost made a big mistake, I should not doubt, I should believe in your kindness and generosity.You love the world and never change.

Now, at last, I have your blessing, my Lord, so good.I believe I understand what you mean, you know the details, you know that my feelings for Zhao are not only admiration, respect, or friendship, it is love, longing, and attachment. Yesterday, I was still thinking about my passion I am ashamed, but today, with your blessings, I am more determined and brave. I believe that Zhao will wake up and recover soon; I believe that I will make him walk out of here alive and send him home; I also believe that he Will finally accept me and love me.

"Why did you take off your coat too? Are you hot?" Ernst patted my shirt-only shoulder.

"Huh?" Leaving Ernst's chest, it was really cold. "Enny, I don't want him to see this black military uniform at first sight when he wakes up, so not only me, but you don't wear a coat when you are in this ward, okay?"

"You're afraid of scaring him. Good! For you and for him, it's worth freezing to death."

"You're so kind, Ernie!" I put on my white coat.Ernst grabbed his coat and was about to go out. "where did you go?"

"I've changed my mind. I don't want to freeze to death here, so you just stay alone." Ernst gave me a wink and went out.

I knew Ernst was joking, for thinking too much, and maybe for being a woman, mother-in-law.

I put the medal next to the bouquet and arranged the flowers.Look carefully at the bouquet of flowers, the material is quite rich.It is made of red cloth. In order to make the soft cloth into the shape of petals, the cloth is starched and the edges are slightly rolled outward. There are two roses, one in bud and one in full bloom.It was made of red paper, no, these papers should not be red in the first place, but old paper with faint writing on it, probably dyed with red ink, the paper was crumpled and pulled apart, it was a carnation.There are also three cornflowers, which are thin and thin slices of wood, and are fastened together with thin wire.

The disapproval just now is gone.I approached those flowers seriously, as if I really smelled the sweet fragrance of roses.I put the flowers on the windowsill, and under the sunlight, the bunch of flowers became bright and vivid.Although these aren't real flowers, fakes have the advantage of being fake and they won't wither right away.When Zhao wakes up, he will see flowers blooming on the windowsill, and he will see kind and smiling faces.He wonders where he is?I hope he can forget about the concentration camps and the SS for a while, even if only for a moment.Oh, by the way, that medal, I want to hand it over to him right away...

I thought beautifully and dreamed.I woke up from the dream very quickly, and soon, I had to put the medal in the drawer, not daring to touch it again, and the bouquet of flowers on the windowsill was almost forgotten.