father - home

I hung the infusion bottle on the crosspiece of the iron gate and gave Zhao a drip.

"You really have brought everything."

"It was prepared by Qiu and the head nurse. They missed you very much. After you were taken away, Qiu looked for you everywhere and finally knew you were here, but they didn't let him see you."

"For making them bother, I really don't know how to thank them." Zhao sighed lowly.

"Zhao, as long as you get well and get free, they will be satisfied."

"free……"

"Yes, Zhao, I'm ready. You will be free after completing the guarantee procedures tomorrow, and you don't have to go back to the concentration camp."

"Guarantee? You guarantee?" Zhao didn't seem to understand, and seemed a little panicked, with a trace of fear in his eyes.

"Yes, Zhao, it's most suitable for me to be the guarantee."

I was very excited, but Zhao didn't, but closed his eyes in pain.

I thought he was just tired, so I said, "Do you want to sleep for a while? The light is too dazzling, why don't you turn sideways?" I unfastened my military belt, took off my military jacket, and covered Zhao.

Akira grabbed my hand and opened his eyes.Hands are cold. "You know everything?"

"Yes."

"I didn't mean to hide it from you, so don't blame me."

"I know. How could I blame you? I just regret it, I'm just sad. If I hadn't been so reckless and impulsive at the beginning, I could have stayed by your side and wouldn't have become your burden, and you wouldn't have to save me , I had to write down that testimony against your principles; if I had known about Lieutenant Schlakoff earlier, maybe I could have thought of other ways, so that he wouldn't have to make such a big sacrifice, and you wouldn't have to suffer so much In that case, maybe your illness will not be so serious."

"You still blame me."

"Yes, of course I blame you. Why do you always bury things in your heart and carry them all by yourself? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you have to let me find out by myself? What can't you say?"

"At first, I wanted to tell you that you were here, but you were not here. Later, when I saw you, I really couldn't open my mouth." Zhao squeezed my hand tightly.I was surprised that he had such great power at this moment. "When I wake up and see you so tired, haggard, and dragged down by me, do you know what I want to say to you most at that time? I want to beg you, don't let this happen again. Save me again."

"Why didn't you say it? I remember you said: 'How many times?'"

"Because I know that you won't agree, and it's useless to say it."

"Since you know, why do you still..."

"I can't stand it, I can't stand it because of me, adding more pain to you... Just like just now, I know you will blame yourself because of Christine, but it is actually my fault. I always thought that as long as I don't say it, you will No one will know. Christine stayed at the school after graduation. We still contacted him, but he was in the new student training office at that time. I thought you would not run into him. I didn't expect him to be transferred to the school office. It was such a coincidence .”

"Stop blaming yourself, okay? No one can foresee this kind of thing." I tried to comfort him, but I couldn't even comfort myself.

The pain and sorrow in those black eyes were so heavy, whether he no longer concealed it at this moment, or couldn't conceal it at all.Zhao shook his head and said, "If you know the truth, you will be more..." Zhao choked up.

I hold his hand.

Zhao took a deep breath and continued: "Kristen didn't tell the truth, he took everything on himself to save me. You know, Marty, I didn't just go there once, I went there many times. He didn't lie to me either, from the very beginning, he told me the truth. He didn't ask me to go, but I went by myself. And, it wasn't just Natalie, it was their whole family."

"The whole family?" I didn't expect, the whole family!This impact is really too big.

"Yes, the whole family! Natalie's grandma, her parents and younger brother." Zhao Qiang endured the pain of the wound and the suffering in his heart, and did not let the tears flow.

Tell me, what can I do for you?my sweetheart.There is nothing I can do but understand, listen and share.

"Christine is the leader of the trainees. Sometimes I can't get out, so I help him deliver things. Sometimes, we also go together. Natalie's father is knowledgeable, her mother is beautiful and kind, and her grandma is kind. They are always warm Welcome me, treat me like a family member, let me feel the warmth of family in a foreign country. I can't forget to be with them every moment, they are so hard, hiding in the cellar, attic, in order not to be found , they dare not go outside, cannot light a fire to cook, drink cold water and eat dry food for several months. For them, it is a great luxury to be able to walk under the moon and drink a sip of hot coffee. But they still So optimistic, humorous, and caring for each other. Natalie’s father is a professor of German literature, he told me about Schiller, Faust, European history, the root of war..." Zhao was silent again.

I could feel his excitement, his chest heaving violently, his hand unconsciously clasping mine. "Marty, do you understand? It wasn't Christine who took Natalie to turn herself in. It was the gray-haired grandma, the loving parents who, after hiding for so long, took their only sent her daughter to a concentration camp and watched her die with her own eyes just to save me.”

I am really worried that this kind of spiritual pain will make Zhao's condition worse again.However, these pains buried deep in his heart need to be confided. It is he who bears it alone that makes him so tired and bitter.He lay on my lap, hoping my body could give him some warmth and strength.

"They still have to risk being discovered. Christine was arrested, what will they do in the future? Will someone help them?"

"Yes, I'm sure someone will help them. You have to trust Christine. If he doesn't make arrangements for them, he won't surrender himself."

"hope so."

"Don't worry, maybe I can figure out a way to let you see Christine again. If he can trust me, I will help Natalie's parents as long as they need it."

"Really? Are you serious?"

"Yes, of course it's true. But first you need to get better. Only after seeing you will Christine trust me and tell me the whereabouts of Natalie's parents."

I don't know if this counts as deceit, I'm not completely sure of finding Christine, I just want to give Zhao some strength to overcome the disease, first of all, to overcome the shadow of the soul.When a person is needed, he becomes extremely strong.

"Zhao, I brought it to you." I took out the Montblanc gold pen and the painting, and handed them to him.Since the bright lights make people unable to sleep, and since the scar in the heart has been uncovered, then simply clean the wound thoroughly, apply medicine, and the wound will heal faster.

"That testimony, did Karl ask you to write it?"

Zhao took the painting.The light was very bright, but Zhao seemed unable to see clearly, so he held the painting very close to his eyes.Who did he see?Is it Fabian?Gabriel?Or Carl?Zhao looked at them for a long time, he should have looked at them one by one, maybe even said something, I hope it was a farewell.Zhao will not go back to the concentration camp, I hope he forgets everything there, including them?Zhao will never forget you, I hope that the memories you leave for Zhao will be warm and gentle.

Zhao pressed the painting to his chest. "I woke up that day and thought it was you sitting by the bed, but it was Karl. He told me that Captain Piolkovsky would want my testimony, and he wanted me to write what he said. Of course I I will not agree, I cannot distort the facts and pour dirty water on Karl. Karl said: "You have to write like this. By writing like this, you are not insulting me, but fulfilling me." On the day Karl entered the camp, one of them A well-known homosexual was insulted, beaten, and tortured to death by Schenk in front of all the prisoners. Since then, Karl knew that his life was in danger, and he only had one belief, which was to do everything possible to survive. As long as you are alive, you are victorious. For this, he is willing to do anything. I have known Karl for a long time. Without him, I might not have the chance to meet you at all. Therefore, Karl is also my savior.

"But that day, Karl said: 'I can't escape anymore, I must die, no matter what the cause is, who is the mastermind, homosexual prisoners doing this in the SS club, it is a capital offense in itself, this level, I It is absolutely impossible. As for Shenk, his fate has nothing to do with your testimony. You are a gay prisoner and he is an SS guard. No matter what he does to you, even if he beats you to death, no one will care Yes. Your testimony will only affect the fate of yourself and Lieutenant Meissenbach. If it is said that Schenk persecuted you, the higher-ups will definitely think that you seduced Schenk; if the lieutenant injured Schenk out of anger, then The reasons must be investigated from above; if these things are investigated to the bottom, the commander, Captain Piolkovsky, will be the first to be angered; if he is not involved in it, then there will be no more miracles, and neither you nor the lieutenant can escape. '

"Carl said: 'Captain Piolkovsky wants to keep calm in the battalion, make big things small, small things small. You have to live tenaciously, for Fabian, Gabriel, for me, for us who have suffered Soul of humiliation, live proudly. You still have to protect the lieutenant, he is a good man. For the one you love, any sacrifice is worth it. And me, I once lived in humiliation, and now I am going to die, I hope to be able to die It must have some meaning. As long as you are alive, it is our victory. As long as you and the lieutenant can retreat unscathed, we will succeed and win." Karl also said: "We should have the courage to give everything for this love, life, dignity , because what we strive for and protect is not only a love affair, it is first of all rights, freedom, and human dignity.'

"Karl was right, but I still couldn't make up my mind. In the end, Karl became anxious. He knelt beside my bed and begged: 'Please! Zhao, let me die with some dignity and make my death worthwhile. I am just a maggot in a concentration camp, lingering until today. But the death of this maggot can completely defeat Shen Ke, I am very relieved and proud. Zhao, in this cruel and deformed world, nothing is static , as long as the goal is correct, the method is completely flexible.'”

I barely know Carl.Too bad we missed it, thank you!Karl, because of you, I didn't miss Zhao.

"You know, Marty, I hesitated for a long time. If I stick to the facts, Schenk will be fine. Carl will die, and I will die, and you, maybe not, but you will be persecuted, and you may die." I will also face everything I have experienced. I can't imagine, I can't stand it. If I do what Carl said, it will be disgraceful to Carl's reputation. For myself and my lover, can I do this?"

I do not know how to put it.I have lived in this country for 26 years, I have experienced the same social changes as Karl, I understand Karl's humiliation, Karl's struggle, for gays in Germany, reputation has long been a red nose on the face of a clown, just for fun.If it were me, just for Karl, I would do it.Only in this way can Karl's soul rest in peace.But Zhao didn't have these experiences, could he understand?He doesn't want to hurt anyone, let alone betray his friends in order to protect himself.Doing so is a serious violation of his code of conduct.What finally made him make up his mind?Is it Shilakov's sacrifice, or Zhen Yu's brave sacrifice?In any case, his heart must have been in extreme pain, and he finally broke down completely after learning that I had signed a ten-year work agreement with the professor in order to save him.

I hugged the person in my arms tightly, and comforted me softly: "You are right to do this. In this way, you can live and I can be saved, but you are not doing this for our own sake. Like Carl said , To live is to win. You carry too many people’s lives and sustenance on your body, you can’t just die like this, you have to live, no matter how tiring and bitter life is, you have to live.”

"Yes, Marty, I am very bitter and tired. Without you, I would not be able to keep going." Zhao buried his face in my arms, sobbing silently.

I caressed Zhao's slightly trembling shoulders, and pulled up my coat to cover his eyes.Gradually, Zhao calmed down, stopped crying, and breathed evenly. He was extremely tired and fell asleep.

We didn't talk about Zhen Yu, which is a topic we dare not touch.Zhao kept silent all the time, just because he was afraid of making me sad, and he was also in pain.