father - home

This is a deep, narrow and dark alley.I turned in naturally and walked forward aimlessly.The alley is quiet, without the bustle of the main street, and the dim lights in the windows facing the street are being extinguished one after another.Perhaps, the people here are as unconcerned with the glory of the empire as I am.Looking up, the three- to four-storey building leans towards the street, revealing only a thin and long line of sky.The dark blue sky was not as wide as the alley's ground, and the moon could not be seen, only a few stars were faintly visible.

I stood in that dark corridor with the flickering gas fire at the end, and stayed in front of the door for a long time, not knowing why I came, why I hesitated, and what to do next.

A faint light shines through the gap between the door and the floor.she is at home.I don't seem to have any reason to go back here.I knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" There was an answer almost immediately.Is she waiting for someone?Are you waiting for me?Who else would she wait for besides me?

The first time she knocked on the door of her house, she asked who it was, and her tone was full of expectation and panic. At that time, I knew that the person she was waiting for was not me, but Ernst, so this time...

I went in and sat down at a table covered with a worn red velveteen tablecloth.

"You don't look well, Lieutenant."

"Have you anything to drink here?"

"Yes, Ernst still has half a bottle of Schneipp's."

Mary brought wine and glasses, and a medicine chest.

I drank one cup, drank another cup, and after a while, I drank it all.

Mary kept her head down and helped me bandage the wound on my hand without saying a word.

Under the light, black hair covered the forehead.

"Zhao!" I held that pale hand, "Zhao!" I put my arms around those slender shoulders...

I awoke to find Mary sitting at the table with the worn red velveteen tablecloth, reading by the light.

Marie was a small, frail woman, thin in breast and waist, with an unpainted face, thin cheeks, and eyes that did not show joy when she smiled, and darkened and more anxious when she laughed.She was wearing a black dress with reddish-brown trim.The last time I saw him, he seemed to be wearing black too, no, maybe reddish brown with black trim.

Red cotton curtains, faded wallpaper, the cabin is cold.I touched the bed sheet beside me, it was also cold.I have a headache, not sure what happened last night, or just now?

On the table lay the empty Schneippe bottle.Mary did not marry Ernst because she had not yet divorced her husband.Maybe she didn't want a divorce, and they didn't plan to get married, so now that Ernst was gone, Marie got nothing, anything that belonged to Ernst: death notice, letter of condolence, pension, relics.All she had was this bottle of Schneider Ernst once drank, which I drank.

oh!Yes!I drank the wine that Ernst left behind!I used the woman Ernst left behind!I felt ashamed, angry and weaker than I had ever felt.

I jumped out of bed all of a sudden, dizzy for a while.

"Why are you up? It's not yet dawn."

"sorry!"

Mary didn't speak, and shook her head gently after a while.She looked at me steadily, but she didn't seem to see it.She seemed to be searching for the memory of a face and a voice that had been silenced deep in her heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, Mary, I, I'd better go!"

"Oh! Don't go!" She looked at me beggingly as if she had come to her senses suddenly, and said, "Be my friend. Don't be angry. Don't go. I don't want to be your mistress... You don't talk...women have no place in your life. But me, I'm so alone...I can't lose the only...the only thing that has life." Her voice trailed off.

"But……"

She grabbed my hand and said softly, "Don't go..."

I walk over to her. "Mary, I won't give you love, but maybe a support, a friend..."

When I kissed her, she suddenly opened her eyes and looked at me with a frightened, unfamiliar expression, as if she had just woken up.She said: "This is not, it must not be love. Don't blame me. I will not fall in love with you. Tonight, I am so lonely and hopeless..."

I don't know why I stay, because I am also lonely and desperate, I need this place, I need this corner, here I feel peaceful, here I don't need to pretend, I don't need to fight, I don't need to be on guard, or for She, the poor woman.

After a misfortune, some women rise up stronger, like vipers, only thinking of biting...others shut themselves up, as in a prison.

Mary Buschman is like being in a prison...

At least I can be her friend, a support, at least when I am sober, I will be called "Mary" instead of "Zhao".

She committed herself to me again, but without opening her lips to say a word, to kiss.

Since then, we have seen each other several times until…