This is a nurturing essay

How to spend a day with Lu Yu?

Osamu Dazai said——I can’t do anything at all.Lu Yu stared at him like a male mother, protecting him like a porcelain doll.

He lay on Lu Yu's lap, read a novel on Lu Yu's mobile phone for a while, and couldn't stay idle anymore.

"Brother, I want to check on the situation of the Port Mafia and make arrangements for the follow-up." He sat up with a rare serious tone.

"Have you figured it out?" Lu Yu closed his eyes and opened his eyes, his eyes were burning, "I chose to let go before."

"Because the leader's death and disappearance are completely different things." Osamu Dazai's eyes were heavy. "If the leader disappears, it will be difficult for the next leader to take office. After a long time, the Mafia will fall into chaos."

"Then what do you want to do?" Lu Yu was noncommittal.

"Brother, just help me get a phone card. I won't go out, and it won't end well if they find out." Osamu Dazai waved the phone again, "Also, brother continue to lend me the phone."

"Sure?"

Lu Yu gave him a deep look, which seemed to contain many emotions.He didn't say anything else, and quickly got off the bed.

"Stay well and wait for me to come back."

The young man walked out of the bedroom and grabbed his coat by the door.

It was crisp and clear, without muddle along, and without any other entrustment.

so easy?

Looking at the closed door, Osamu Dazai blinked slowly.

Ah, so that's the case, won't it hinder what he really wants to do...

The thin young man leaned against the head of the bed, leaned his head back against the wall, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

Too sly.

Lu Yu believed him.

Believe he won't leave alone.

Osamu Dazai turned his head and looked out the window, he knew very well that this was the last chance.

——Lu Yu took the initiative to leave him, the last chance to choose.

Just jump down and it will end everything.There is no need to worry about the port mafia, as long as his body is found, Chuya will be able to take over the mafia smoothly.The person who knows the truth about the "book" has successfully become two people, and this world of lies can continue.

Brother would return to his own life too, and his page would take him back.The suppressor itself is equivalent to most of the "disqualification in the world", and it can trigger the singularity.

In order not to leave the body in the house that had had a lovely time, he could choose to try the same death.

He looked out the window without moving.

It's very close to Butei, so Odasaku might see it, and Ranpo-san might see something.

Besides, the broken body must not look good. If his brother sees it, he will be sad.

And, jumping down this time, no one will hold him, hug him, and cut him off from the bitter wind.

--"wait me back."

He said so.

Dazai smiled weakly.

That's terrible, brother.All your chips are actually "Osamu Dazai cares about Lu Yu"...

The world is as cold as ever.

In his life, however, there is an extra light—it is no longer an illusory light that cannot be grasped, but it is close at hand and within reach.

Osamu Dazai stood at the junction.

On one side is the death of longing.

On one side is the world of pain.

And Lu Yu stood in the world and looked at him.

How to do it?

In the end Dazai Zhi still leaned there motionless until Lu Yu came back.

Lu Yu, who came back with big bags and small bags, immediately went to see Osamu Dazai in the bedroom.Osamu Dazai greeted him weakly: "Ah, brother."

Lu Yu stared at him blankly, breathed a sigh of relief, and couldn't help laughing: "Mr. Dazai."

The pale-skinned young man looked at Lu Yu seriously, and quietly grabbed the bed sheet with his fingers.

He said: "Brother... can we talk about it now?"

I'm at a loss.

Can you tell me what should I do?Can you teach me like you taught "Osamu Dazai"?

My—father.

"……it is good."

The big and small bags I bought were thrown aside, the door of the room was closed, the curtains were drawn, and the small room was plunged into darkness.

Lu Yu sat by the bed, put Dazai Osamu's head on his lap like last night, and gently stroked his soft curly hair.Osamu Dazai curled up quietly, waiting for Lu Yu to speak first.

And after a night and a morning of precipitation, Lu Yu did think a lot about what he wanted to say to him.

Osamu Dazai is at a loss, so why isn't he?

At that time, seeing a "Dazai Osamu" falling, it was Lu Yu's subconscious reaction to rush up and grab him.

But after that, in that cramped small room, looking at the tired and lifeless leader Zai, Lu Yu fell into a confused mood——

Is it really right to stop him from going to death?

He thinks he understands the essence of "Dazai Osamu" very well.The understanding of Mr. Dazai three times and Fumino Dazai in his previous life, coupled with the experience of raising Xiaozhi in this life, made Lu Yu a qualified Dazai scholar.

... The individual "Osamu Dazai" is extremely lonely and pessimistic.He wandered in this mixed world, saw through everything, but couldn't blend into it.He hates the world, but he hates this "disqualified" self even more.

For him, life is painful and meaningless.

But if someone wants him to live, then he will struggle hard and continue to find the meaning of living.

Just as Chuya Nakahara awakened the 15-year-old Dazai Osamu's desire to survive, Oda Sakunosuke left Dazai Osamu with a motivation to go to the light.

This child...

He wanted to die, but he wanted to live even more.

So he struggled, struggled, struggled desperately in the human world, grabbed the driftwood, panted for a few times, and fell into a deeper and deeper struggle.

What he pursues is not the "meaning of being alive", but the meaning of "Osamu Dazai" living in the world.

However, it is destined not to be found...

His life is like this, full of pain and contradictions, loneliness and despair.

——Is there really something that is worth prolonging the painful life to pursue?

Osamu Dazai actually knew it.

How could that good boy who is as clever as a god fail to guess?

But he still stubbornly walked on this painful road of life, persisting in the hopeless pursuit.

—God.

Why did you do this to him?

You gave him a perfect appearance, but didn't give him enough love; gave him eyes that can see through people's hearts, but didn't give him an invincible heart; gave him hope, but took it away; gave him enough talent, It also made him "disqualified in the world"; gave him the concept of meaningless good and evil, but made him gentle and sensitive...

Does his awkward and painful living posture please you?

One day, his desire for death will surpass his desire for life.At that time, he will bloom once brightly like fireworks, and then leave.

So Jae, the leader who got other memories of himself, chose to protect the world and his "friends" and died.

There is nothing else that can make him pursue alive even if he does not hesitate to prolong his painful life.

He is very tired...

All he can have is the once-in-a-lifetime "death" without a return ticket.

and so……

Should I really, have to hold him?

Maybe, I should let him go, and let him go to the other shore that he has been yearning for for a long time.

Lu Yu had enough confidence in himself.He is very clear that as long as he speaks firmly, Osamu Dazai will live for him—because this leader is actually his grown-up Xiaozhi.

But the words were twisted thousands of times on the tip of the tongue, but still failed to make a sound.

Osamu Dazai.

I don't want to make you miserable.

As someone who loves you, I hope you are free to pursue what you want.

Even if it is to leave this world.

...but ah.

Human emotions and reason are sometimes completely separated.Reason made him hesitate and weigh, and choose the best path for the child; but emotion...

As a pure "Lu Yu", I only stand on my own point of view.

I really want you to live happily - like every ordinary person...

You haven't really tasted my crab yet.

You haven't played with my scythe yet.

There are still many songs that I can sing, and you haven't heard all of them yet.

Thousands of miles of rivers and mountains, joys and sorrows in the world, you have never seen it with your own eyes.

I want your face to be no longer pale, your eyes no longer black, your hands no longer thin, your smile no longer fake, and your eyes no longer tired.

I want you to live well...

Contradictory thoughts continued until just now.

Even, he left Osamu Dazai for a while, giving him a chance to choose——

If you still really want to leave after meeting me, then go.I won't stop you anymore...

Even if my heart breaks and aches.

But I still choose to respect you, my child.You have the right to choose your own ending.

Only now, when Osamu Dazai looked at him, he finally made a decision.

This child is also at a loss, he is asking him for help...

I understand.

Lu Yu will hold Dazai Zhi.

every time.