This is a nurturing essay

After quietly adjusting his emotions for a while, Lu Yu finally spoke.

"Actually, Dazai-kun. My first impression when I saw you was that my Xiaozhi has grown taller..."

Dazai shuddered.

"It's about the same height as me." Lu Yu stroked his hair one by one, "It's just too thin, how could it be so thin..."

"Isn't it the leader of the port mafia? Doesn't the mafia feed its own leader?"

The young man complained in his soft voice, with a little tremor in his voice.

"The face has also grown. It looks good, but it doesn't look like me at all, and the baby fat is gone..." The young man's hand moved to Dazai Osamu's face, and the left side facing up was covered with bandages.

"My brother's Xiaozhi, why did he grow up in a place that my brother didn't know..." Lu Yu's voice trembled even more, with a faint cry, "When I grow up, I still don't know how to take care of myself. How can I rest assured..."

Osamu Dazai curled up on the bed stiffened into a stone.

——Lu Yu was grieving for him.

The memory brought by the "book" belonging to another Osamu Dazai constantly shows a sense of existence in his mind.Someone was touching his head, someone was hugging him, someone was crying for him...

It's exactly the same as what he got now.

To "him" and not to him.In the final analysis, he is just a sad thief who stole the memory of another self, secretly coveting the light that does not belong to him.

"But I'm not your Xiaozhi..." Osamu Dazai's soft voice sounded, "Your Xiaozhi won't become the leader of the mafia, he has a bright future..."

"But you have his memory, don't you? You also remember the fireworks we experienced together, don't you? You know what I said and what I did, right?"

Lu Yu's voice was as gentle as Mr. Monster who belonged to Shuji Tsushima back then, but it was filled with a different kind of grief that was born for him.

"So, you are also my Xiao Zhi. Xiao Zhi grew up secretly in a corner that my brother didn't know..."

Tears finally fell down and landed on Dazai Osamu's unbandaged skin, scorching hot enough to make people frightened.

"You know all about it, why are you still on this path... Is it because I'm destined not to save you..."

In Lu Yu's almost crying words, Osamu Dazai clenched his fists and his voice was dry.

"Sorry……"

Sorry to disappoint you.I was a vicious mafia boss who committed suicide in the end.

"I'm very sorry……"

I'm sorry to let you see such a bad future for "Dazai Osamu".

"I……"

I just……

Lu Yu completely stopped hiding his sadness, and tears kept falling from his kite-colored phoenix eyes.He leaned over and hugged the frail young man vigorously, as if he wanted to melt him into his flesh and blood.

They sat staggered and leaned toward each other.In the warm embrace, Osamu Dazai raised and lowered his hands feebly.

It had been many years since anyone had hugged Osamu Dazai like this.The leader of the port mafia is aloof, controlling the lives of tens of thousands of people, and no one dares or wants to approach him.

Only Lu Yu would do this, hugging him tightly, as if he was something very precious.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I know, you are protecting the world, I know everything..."

How ridiculous the world is. Although they met for the first time, they already knew each other's existence.Obviously they have "know each other" for a long time, but they only "know each other" at the last moment.

"You didn't find 'Lu Yu', did you? I'm the one who wants to say sorry, sorry, I'm late..."

But you obviously don't have any obligation to come to me, silly brother.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for making you struggle alone in this lonely world..."

But you obviously have nothing to do, brother idiot.

"I'm sorry, after trying so hard for so long, I couldn't relieve your pain..."

It's not your fault, you're good enough.Those memories are really happy, very happy.

It's just that I'm doomed to miss it.

"Sorry for holding you back wishfully..."

You don't need to apologize for saving people, brother idiot.

"But I really can't watch you leave with self-satisfaction like this, Dazai-kun. You said you saved the world, but it's still fragile and crumbling, didn't you? You said you saved your friend, he never knew you, even if You also have those happy memories, but those 'Dazai Osamu' are not you!

"You haven't really been through the—

"My child, you actually got nothing..."

The words choked up and uttered were too cruel.It tore apart the illusion that Osamu Dazai had been maintaining, revealing a cold reality.

Dazai opened his eyes sharply.

"It's too cruel, brother..."

His voice gradually turned into a cry, and his words were slow and trembling.

"Do you have to tell the embarrassing truth..."

"Dazai, can I call you Zhijun?" Lu Yu hugged him a little tighter and asked softly.

Dazai nodded weakly.

"Zhijun." Lu Yu rested his chin on Dazai Zhi's neck, tears kept falling down, the bandage wrapped around Dazai Zhi's body was wet, and a large number of marks were secretly fainted.

"It's cruel, but this is your life."

"I am also hesitant. Am I qualified to intervene in your life? Should I really hold you back? I don't feel the same for your pain. Do I have the right to ask you to live?

"But..."

Lu Yu's voice began to be mixed with crying and choking, and became hoarse.

"It makes me sad to think that you planned your own death so lightly.

"Thinking that you may be cold when you fall, and you may be afraid when you lose your support, my heart hurts like being squeezed.

"I feel suffocated when I think that your life is just a dream that is not your own, and that you are falling down with this illusory dream.

"I can't just watch you fall like this... Tell me, what should I do? I really want to save you, Zhijun..."

The broken cry finally broke Dazai Osamu's defense.A tear fell quietly and hit Lu Yu's shoulder.

"Brother... Brother Liuliu... I should ask you this question..."

"What should I do……"

"It's so painful to be alive... Brother, teach me, is there a way for me to live without pain..."

The uncrowned emperor in charge of the darkness finally lay down in his brother's arms and cried.He raised his hand and hugged Lu Yu with his backhand. His pale fingers grabbed Lu Yu's clothes tightly, and his fingertips turned blue and white.

"Why……"

Why is my life so sad, shameful and ridiculous.Why choose to care about such a me.Why should it appear when everything is over.

"What should I do……"

What should I do, I don't have the energy to live anymore, and I don't want to die.

"I don't know what to do anymore, brother..."

"Then look at me more, Zhijun. I am here, I am in this world. Regarding my memory, the past does not really belong to you, but the future will. The memory that belongs to you will be shared by you and me." Let's create together." Lu Yu didn't look up, but his hand slid up Dazai Osamu's back and touched the bandage behind his head.

——He pulled off Osamu Dazai's bandage around his left eye.

"Let's try again, shall we? Try again, and I will accompany you, work hard with you, and struggle with you in this world."

"Zhijun. I selfishly ask you to stay in this world for me..."

A hoarse voice rang in Lu Yu's ear.

"……it is good."

Where Osamu Dazai couldn't see, Lu Yu closed his eyes, and the corners of his mouth curled up gently.

It is a very heavy word to save a person.He has to be strong enough to be another person's anchor, to be able to carry the weight of another person's life.

Once he was confused, not knowing whether he was doing the right thing.It was Lu Xue who patted his head and said, you have grown up, go on like this.

Although his mother is not with him now.

But Lu Yu knew——he needed to walk firmly to Dazai Osamu as before, and walk with him.

Take it as selfish and arrogant, Zhijun.

I will work hard to make your life less painful.

What's wrong with this kind of thing?

It's just an idiot brother who wants to save the life of a idiot brother.