hold a cigarette

04 Jin Shengyang

Sometimes I don't know whether I should continue to live like this, or simply put it to death with him.

This question has been with me for almost ten years, and I still don't have a clear answer.

Early on Friday morning, I went directly to my sister's house, locked her inside, turned around, and drove towards the prison.

After exiting the high-speed station, it takes about 10 minutes to drive to the prison. This is not the first time I have come here.

I once wondered if there was a possibility that he would die directly in prison without any of us doing anything.

As it turned out, that possibility didn't happen, and he got out of prison.

The prison guard told me to go there around ten o'clock, and I arrived at seven o'clock in the morning.

The gate of the prison was closed, and besides me, there were other family members of jerks who had served their sentences waiting outside.

I pulled over and leaned against the door to smoke.

I am not a heavy smoker, but while waiting here, I can only consume my energy by smoking and use it to numb my nerves.

I have a knife in my car and I have multiple options today.

When I was smoking the fourth cigarette, I turned on my mobile phone, and soon my sister's call came in.

She said, "Where the fuck are you?"

"Slept well last night?"

"Jin Shengyang, let me tell you, you bring him to me properly."

"Did you see the steamed stuffed bun on the tea table? Heat it up before eating."

"Did you hear me fucking talking to you?"

"This bun's price has increased, so I won't buy it from his house next time."

My sister was angry and anxious over there, she was crying while scolding me.

I can't see her like this, and it's also because I'm always worried that she will cry because of me, so I dawdled until now and still live like a dog.

"Why are you crying?" I said, "Hurry up and wash your face and eat."

"Get out of here."

"I'm all over the place." I raised my hand and looked at the time, and said, "I'm here, it's not appropriate to see one side."

"Come back and open the door for me." She suppressed her anger and said, "I'll go there with you."

"No, I'm afraid you'll really kill him when you come, and then I'll have to find a lawyer to defend you."

"I don't need to defend my mother. I will surrender directly after killing him."

"Then I can do this too," I said, "You still have a husband and children, I'm different, I'm just myself."

"Do you have a conscience to say that?" My sister cried even harder.

I just laughed at her: "You know whether I have a conscience."

She didn't say anything, just cried over there.

I feel uncomfortable when I hear her cry. No one has treated me well in this life except my sister. She loves me from the bottom of her heart. She always stands in front of any bad things and will always protect me.

She knew that there was a big problem in my life, but when she knew about it, the culprit who turned me into this had gone to nowhere, and when we heard about him again, he was in prison.

Burglary, and accidentally injured the owner.

When my sister and I knew he was in prison, he had been in prison for almost two years, and I was still in college at that time.

At that time, my sister told me: "When he gets out of prison, I will pick him up and kill him directly."

Unexpectedly, seven years have passed so quickly. Seven years have passed, and sometimes I feel that I should just forget about it, but my sister still remembers it.

I said, "Sister, don't cry, my head hurts."

"Then you come back."

I know why she doesn't let me here by myself, just as I'm afraid of her coming by myself.

I didn't agree to her, just hung up the phone, and threw the phone down the window into the driver's seat.

There was the knife in the back seat, and I stared at it for a long time as I puffed out the smoke.

Just like that, as soon as a pack of cigarettes was finished, people began to come out one after another.

It seems that there are quite a few bastards released today, and they lined up to go out.

As soon as those people came out, the family members waiting outside embraced them.

I was far away, just looking at it, and recognized the person I was waiting for from the row of people at a glance.

The man is there, and the knife is here.

I smoked my last cigarette standing up, opened the door and sat back in the car.

It's ridiculous to say it, but after serving his sentence, I can assure you that some of them should have died more than once.

At this moment, they can't wait to beat gongs and drums to celebrate their "rebirth", but what about those who have been framed by them?While they were serving their sentences, was there ever a chance of rebirth?

I took the knife back, the blade was so sharp that I cut my own hand in a daze.

Blood was dripping on the steering wheel, I could see it, and when I looked up again, there was no one in front of the prison door.

My sister called again, and she said, "Your brother-in-law is back, we are going out now."

"Don't come." I threw the knife stained with my blood into the passenger seat, fastened my seat belt, and started the car. "He's gone."

There was a silence on the phone.

"I didn't meet him," I said, "and let him go."

My sister breathed a sigh of relief and asked me to go back quickly.

I spent the whole Friday at her place. My brother-in-law cooks and cooks several delicious dishes. My nephew pesters me to play with him when he comes back from school, but my sister drives me to do my homework.

I said, "Actually, I saw him. He was bent over, showing his ugliness."

My sister didn't speak, she just sat aside and didn't know what she was thinking.

"You have to live your life well," I said to her, "Look at my brother-in-law, look at Hanghang, don't be like me, don't be impulsive."

"I've thought a lot about it today." She finally opened her mouth, "Thinking about it makes my brain hurt."

"Then forget about it."

"No." She looked at me, rummaged through boxes and cabinets to find a Band-Aid, and covered the wound on my finger.

I laughed at her: "It's almost ready, you just remembered to wrap it for me."

"I know this hurdle is hard to get through," she ignored me and continued to talk about herself, "It's too difficult."

I didn't speak, I pressed my wound hard.

"However, no matter how difficult it is, it seems that we should try."

She looked up at me, her eyes were red: "Today I suddenly realized that after all these years, I seem to have done something wrong."

"why?"

"I always wanted to protect you, but I never encouraged you to look forward." Her tears began to fall, "This is what your brother-in-law told me today. I never told him those things. My sister has to give you Keep it secret, but he is right, none of us can change the past, what can be changed is the present and the future."

I raised my hand to wipe her tears, and she said, "Why don't we go see a doctor? It doesn't matter if you don't see it here, I'll find you a doctor somewhere else. Killing him won't solve any problems, I'm really afraid that he really died Yes, we are both alive."