hold a cigarette

05 Jin Shengyang

When I was about to leave work, I saw a box of matches on the ground.

I usually smoke a lot, but I always use my own lighter, and the matchbox is definitely not mine.

When I bent down to pick it up, I suddenly remembered that Li Mu had just left my office two hours ago. At that time, I vaguely heard something fall on the ground, but I ignored it.

It should be his.

It was a common thing, but when I saw the words printed on the matchbox, my whole body seemed to be electrified, and I even lost consciousness and consciousness for such a short moment.

This box of matches is from a bar I frequent, where I am a different person.

I've been going to that bar for almost ten years.

In fact, I thought a long time ago that a person like me should not be a regular customer of any place. However, after visiting a few places, it is the only place where I feel comfortable.

For ten years, I have been vigilant and safe. Some of the displeasure that happened before did not originate from here.

But now it seems that the danger is really coming.

I was holding the cigarette case in my hand, when I left the office, Li Mu was still working there.

On Saturday, he and I were the only ones who came to work overtime.

I didn't stop for a second when I walked past him, as usual, when he wasn't there, I walked away.

He must have done it on purpose.

I can't say how well I know Li Mu, but I can feel that he is restless from not having much contact with him.

When I arrived at the underground parking lot, I sat in the car without moving, rubbing my fingers vigorously against the words printed on the matchbox.

Did you find it?

I sat in the car thinking about the countless possibilities for this box of matches. If I had faced this situation more than a year ago, I must have been in a mess, but it is not that time after all.

No one lives in fear forever, especially one who has been suppressed for a long time.

I just sat there, and after an unknown amount of time, I saw Li Mu's car passing in front of me.

I'm not sure if he saw me, but the car drove away without stopping.

As I watched him go, I made a decision that required almost as much determination and courage as killing the man.

I went home, changed, and drank half a bottle of wine.

It was already night when I went out again, the twilight was all around, and the clouds were thick.

I don't know when the rain will fall, just like no one knows when the knife on my head will fall.

I took a taxi to the bar and opened the door at a quarter past nine.

The singer of this bar was singing that song again, lazy and enchanting under the dim light.

Roses are the most charming, and roses are the most beautiful.

After I entered the door, I walked to the bar without squinting, and the bartender knew what I wanted to drink with a touch of my finger.

Before the wine was delivered, there was already a person sitting next to him.

Li Mu said, "Can I buy you a drink?"

In a bar, if a man invites a woman to drink, then what he wants to do is definitely not just drinking.

I never drink wine invited by others. If any man buys wine for me on his own initiative, I will just stuff the money and return it.

When Li Mu was talking to me, I was fiddling with the matchbox in the bar. He glanced at it and waited for my response with a smile.

Soon, Li Mu called the bartender and ordered a glass of spirits for me, his bad intentions were clearly revealed.

The wine I ordered was delivered almost at the same time as his order, Li Mu lightly clinked glasses with me, and said with a malicious smile: "Your cheongsam is very beautiful."

I laughed softly and took a big sip of my wine.

He kept looking at me while drinking, and his eyes fell on my Adam's apple.

I didn't deliberately hide it, but usually because the cheongsam has a relatively high neckline, I don't pay attention to it deliberately, and I don't notice my Adam's apple, but he must have seen it.

Until now, I am sure that Li Mu already knew my secret, but I am not sure when and under what circumstances he found out.

Still, I'm curious what he wants.

Like that guy before?Expose my secrets in front of everyone in the company, making me ashamed?

I don't care that much anymore.

The music in the bar is great and the wine is also great.

Li Mu has been sitting at the place closest to me, not hiding his interest in me at all.

He didn't say it, and neither did I.

Everyone has their own ghosts, drinking late into the night at this place.

There were a few times when our legs touched and neither of us moved first, like a test of willpower.

In the end, Li Mu was the first to lose. He put down his empty wine glass and said, "I'm going to the bathroom."

While he was going to the bathroom, I bought him a drink, paid for it and left.

In the dead of night, I was sitting on a bench not far from the bar street, smoking a cigarette and looking at the unrepaired church.

This church has always protected me before, giving me a place to hide, a place to hide.

But now, it is burned and no one is allowed to enter.

My sanctuary is closed to me, all I can do is face it.

When smoking the third cigarette, Li Mu came over.

He was wearing the same outfit that we met at the company during the day, a light blue shirt with cuff buttons rolled up to his forearms.

There was rumbling thunder above the head, and the sweltering night made people feel sticky all over.

Distraught, I looked up at him.

He said, "Thank you for the wine."

I smiled and blew smoke rings at him.

When I got up, I deliberately bumped his shoulder, and he grabbed my wrist.

When Li Mu posted it from behind me, the sky had already started to thunder and lightning.

I was facing the road, and he was right behind me.

His voice came from behind me, his hot breath hitting the back of my neck.

He said, "Will I see you again tomorrow night?"

I didn't answer.

He laughed, and the rain began to fall.

"Or, other times are fine."

I took half a step forward and turned to look at him.

The unfinished cigarette in his hand was put into his mouth, and then left a lipstick mark on his shirt collar, he patted his face with a smile, and left.

Play tricks with me.

Then let's play together for a while.