[Tuyan] Yimu

#after many years#

After Shen Tu got married, she completely withdrew from the association.I heard that his wife is from the south, and he took his wife back to her hometown.

He is going to be a father soon.

This was the last time I heard that he was in Yanping. Since then, he never came back.

Sometimes, the brothers who live in Yanping meet for dinner and drink, and when they reminisce about the old days, they can hear news about him from Lao Zhang who is drunk.Every time Lao Zhang said "Little Master Uncle", the fat brother under the table would stomp on him hard.I immediately woke up when I heard these words, I pushed the fat brother and said, don't gag Lao Zhang, let him speak.

What Lao Zhang said is nothing more than homely.From him, I learned intermittently that Shen Tu's child was born without any disease or disaster, could walk at seven or eight months, learned to speak at one year old, and entered elementary school at six years old. The 12-year-old girl is very smart and was admitted to a key middle school in the province.

Lao Zhang was very cautious when he spoke.He never only mentioned the situation of Shentu's daughter. When he talked about the little girl's mother or Shentu himself, he always glanced at me before the fat brother had time to kick him. The market is turbulent and even the black market of magic tools is rising in price.

When I was more sober, I often caught him and asked what Shentu was doing recently. Old Zhang always said that he was not guarding a deserted facade like that, but recently he seemed to have bought the small supermarket next door and expanded it.

I giggled. With his elm head and low EQ, he didn’t lose money in business. CCTV [-]’s "Getting Rich" should ask him to record a program.

Life is very ordinary, there is no great wealth, but nothing bad happens.

Walk the path that ordinary men should walk, marry a wife and have children, start a small business, be self-sufficient... I think there is nothing wrong with having a daughter for the elderly and enjoying family happiness when I grow old.

Just a place where I don't exist.

There's nothing wrong with that either.

#after many years#

When I don't know, I take the opportunity to ask how he is doing recently.After hearing that he was living a good life, when he sobered up, he became gloomy again, hating that his life was so stable.

The numbers in the bank card piled up, but my life was always a mess.When Shen Tu was around, he took care of my three meals a day, got up at six o'clock in the morning to practice, and would definitely kick me up for breakfast who was sleeping next door.After he left, I once fell asleep alone until four in the afternoon, woke up hungry and disheveled, only to find that it was Rachel's phone call that woke me up, telling me to catch a plane to the mission location at night.

The refrigerator is empty again, only half a bowl of rice from yesterday's lunch is left.I simply scrambled an egg fried rice, took two bites, and found that the eggs were all rotten, so I poured them all down, and went out hungry to catch the bus.

I thought in the cold wind, with your wife cooking for you, now you don’t have to frown to eat my dark dishes...

Without me, do you feel that life is very happy?

#after many years#

A few years after Shentu got married, it wasn't that I was depressed and thought about finding another one.Fat brother and piggy took turns to help me find several girls with good conditions. I always shook my head when I saw the photos: "No, we can't talk together." After finishing speaking, seeing their darkening faces, biting Cigarette butt smiled helplessly, the girls are all pretty, but they really don't call.

Little Pig sighed and said, "An Yan, why don't you deny it so quickly, you haven't even seen it before, so you can't judge someone by their cover?"

I said it very seriously, I really don't have the feeling that I was enlightened when I saw him back then.The colored contact lenses were not as good as his natural silver eyes.

"You don't only like men, do you?" Fat Brother said cheerfully, "Fat Master has a few newcomers here, all of whom are bachelors and fresh meat, do you want to introduce them to you?"

I extinguished the cigarette vigorously in the ashtray, looked at him and said, "Brother Fat, you should have a limit when you joke with your brother."

The three old buddies fell silent together.My tone is a little off, but I don't need to explain.

Because they all understand.I am not a question of sexual orientation, I am a question of pimples in my heart.Even if I choose one of the girls, the negotiation is successful, we get married and have children, and within a few years, we buy a house and a car, and someone keeps me eating and cleaning the house on time, and sleeps with each other. Someone warms the bed, and my heart is still forever hungry.

I finally gave up the idea of ​​finding another person to live my whole life with.

If the purpose of marriage is only to satisfy the desires of the body, to relieve one's loneliness, just to falsely show that I can live well without him, then I am only delaying marrying my girl.

Fat Brother suddenly said: "Forget it, little pig. Let's not bother."

He fixedly looked at me, put away the photos on the table, lit a cigarette, and said, "Your illness has been dragging on for too long, it's already terminally ill, and no one can cure it unless it's that Kui Dao kid."

"I've been waiting for death for a long time." I said half-jokingly.

This time, he won't save me.

#after many years#

The last time I got drunk and cried bitterly at the dinner of the association, it was because Lao Zhang was so drunk at the banquet that he accidentally slipped his mouth and told the news that I thought I would never hear again in my life.

Shen Tu is going to move back to Yanping.

Years later, with his wife and 15-year-old daughter.

The memory of him, the hatred for him, all exploded like a tsunami under the influence of alcohol.His leaving made my life a mess and it was time to heal my bipolar disorder and suicidal tendencies.Although my life pattern and work and rest time are still disordered, at least there is some improvement in my conditioning after more than ten years of hard work.There is a good income from completing tasks in the association. In my spare time, I start writing books on the Internet, and occasionally drink with Lao Zhang, Fat Brother, and Jiang Xiaozhu, and listen to interesting stories about their lives.

I finally managed to face the reality and calmly narrate the things that have haunted me for several years, thinking that he is already a scar in my memory, almost healed in the cliché, even if the scar is not too obvious .Looking at it now, everything is just my illusion.

My life will never be cut off from this person.He intervened from time to time and still touched my wound.

You didn't come when the association was disbanded, and you never attended the meeting of old members. I safely thought that I would never have to see you again.You just stayed in the south like you did in the past ten years, the climate is warm, your life is comfortable, and you are thousands of kilometers away from me, what's wrong with that?

Why do you want to come back and let me have such a dramatic one-sided reunion with you?

The heartbeat is like a sudden burst.

When I peeked out from behind the wall again, they were already far away.Fortunately, he didn't notice that while I was peeping, I felt a sense of loss that was hard to ignore.

The city is full of people, so we may never meet again after this farewell.I thought of the glimpse just now, and the years had left traces on his face, but the look of his eyes was still alert and sharp.

So much the better.He thought he hadn't seen me, and I could just treat it as an accidental memory out of control, without suffering for too long.

Goodbye.