is crazy

"I originally asked me to keep it a secret, saying that it would not affect my child's study, but... well... the illness is not serious. Your mother is just too tired. She always calls Xiao Hong and cries on the phone, saying that she is not sick. This ability has now become a burden to the family again..."

Wen Yingguo's words kept lingering in Lin Lian's heart, haunting him forever.

He suddenly felt that he was not a fucking thing.

Lin Lian was lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling, and wanted to call his parents, but he didn't dare.

I was afraid that he couldn't help crying when he said "Hello" for the first time. I was afraid that he would have a gnat in his throat before he started asking "how is my mother's illness?" Pretend not to care and say "It's okay, we are busy, and we will come back when we are free."

There are very few times for them to really chat, and there is one phone call a week as usual. Apart from "have you eaten", "do you have enough money", and "how are you studying", there is no other content to talk about.

Like a wind-up machine, it gives instructions according to established procedures, and it is difficult to say anything other than orders.

It seems that without knowing when, they faded out of their own circle of life, and became an important but dispensable existence.

What a contradictory sentence.

He remembered the age of his parents and their birthdays, but he didn't know what they liked to eat, whether there were wrinkles on their faces, whether there were white hairs on their heads, whether they couldn't walk like flying when they went up the stairs.

Time is fair, and they also missed Lin Lian's best years. They couldn't watch him give a speech under the national flag, couldn't watch him win No.1 in the sports meeting, and couldn't take care of him when he was sick.

Breast cancer is not a terminal illness, as long as it is treated well and rested, it is not a big deal. Older people will always be sick to some extent, but...

It's just that Lin Lian didn't expect that it was an illness that made him miss his parents again.

Tossing and turning on the bed for a long time, he still couldn't fall asleep, he picked up his shirt from the bedside table irritably, and was still going to make a phone call.

There was something like a piece of cardboard in his pocket. He was puzzled, and suddenly remembered that this should be the small red envelope that Jiang Cun stuffed for himself—a palm-sized red envelope with a tacky "囍" printed on it. He opened it and took a look. , only a thin piece of paper with a Q version of Lin Lian drawn on it, saying "Happy New Year. Jiang Cun will always like Lin Lian. Send me a message after seeing it."

Lin Lian laughed, opened WeChat and sent a voice message directly: "Baby, you are so stingy."

Then send the past 250 yuan.

[Handsome Lin]: Look how generous I am.

[Handsome Lin]: What are your intentions? There is also a happy word on the packaging. You can't wait to marry Brother Lian.

Jiang Cun didn't receive it, so he replied almost instantly, and sent a red envelope called "Refund me a piece", saying: "I bought the painting set as a gift for that package. It's not specially prepared for you."

Lin collected the money and found that Jiang Cun had sent the whole hundred. He sent a dollar over in a ridiculous manner, not knowing what he was going to do.

[Peach Planting Taoist]: You send me a sentence of I love you.

[Handsome Lin]: I love you.

[Peach Planting Taoist]: Did you see that there are hearts falling down on the screen.

[Handsome Lin]: Did I see a fart?

All kinds of complicated emotions before have been suppressed a lot, and Lin Lian's mood has gradually calmed down a little during the casual chat - it is close to eleven o'clock, and they are probably already asleep, and it is not clear if they call now , It’s better not to disturb parents’ rest.

There are many things that make people feel tormented, and this is the first time in his life that he has experienced what is called worry; he can't do anything now, and he can't even sleep, the only way to divert his attention is by talking to Jiang Cun. Force yourself to think of something uplifting.

[Peach Planting Taoist]: I have them here...[/Picture]

[Handsome Lin]: Alright, I know you love me.Why don't you accept the red envelope I sent?

[Peach Planting Taoist]: Take it, take it, if you don't spend money for you, you will lose your temper.

[Handsome Lin]:?

[Peach Planting Taoist]: 99 yuan, for a long time.I am superstitious.

"Okay, go to bed early," Lin Lian was in no mood to continue chatting, "Good night."

For the first time, Jiang Cun also sent a voice message.

"Brother Lian, if you're in a bad mood, you can tell me. I won't comfort you, I can't say anything nice, I can only tell you, I've been listening."

"Silly, how do you see that I'm in a bad mood?"

"Intuition. Go to bed early. I'm going to bed too. Good night."

Heartbroken for a long time, Lin Lian still typed the words on the screen.

The description, discussion, and narrative show that among the five ways of expression, Lin Lian dislikes lyricism the most.

He hates those lingering and artificial words, hates those flashy rhetoric, hates those exclamations that moan without illness; but the current him has to express his inconsolable emotions through words.

"baby."

"My mother, she is sick."

"Breast cancer, not too serious."

"She seems to be planning to come back for the Spring Festival."

"But she should be in the hospital by now."

"They didn't tell me anything about such a big thing."

"I miss her."

"I miss my dad too."

"real."

"I feel a little uncomfortable, and I still want to hold you."

The nerves in his head trembled into disorganized lines, and Lin Lian didn't know what he was talking about with Jiang Cun. Those sensational sides that he never showed to everyone in the past were all exposed, and he unscrupulously portrayed his smoldering emotions. years of affection.

He himself forgot when he fell asleep. When he woke up the next morning, he found himself curled up in a ball. The phone had been thrown under the bed. When he turned on the screen, the first thing that appeared on the interface was the news from Jiang Cun.

[Peach Planting Taoist]: If you miss them, take a good rest and call them tomorrow.

[Peach Planting Taoist]: When you feel uncomfortable, you vent and cry, no one can see it.

[Peach Planting Taoist]: Brother Lian, I fell asleep.

Looking at the time, it was past eight o'clock. Lin Lian began to wash up as if performing a sacred ceremony, tidied up the desk, dialed the number, and at some point a thin layer of sweat broke out on his palms.

What are you nervous about?

Don't be nervous.

It took a long time to get through the phone. I don't know if the person on the other end of the phone is as cautious as him.

"Hello, Dad? I'm Lin Lian. It's nothing...just, Happy Chinese New Year."

He took a deep breath.

"I miss you."

Lin Jianshu seemed to smile wryly, probably because his son had never spoken to him in such a tone before, and he didn't know how to respond.

The father and son babbled for a while, and the content was not too much, "Is your study hard?"

There was an obvious pause during the phone call, followed by a cover-up: "It's just a cold, it's okay. I'm staying with her in the hospital, and I asked her to answer the phone."

This technique of lying is really clumsy - who would spend the Spring Festival in the ward because of a cold?

Lin Lian didn't poke it. Tao Xianxia just said "Hello" when he felt his voice had a nasal sound: "Mom, don't be too tired. Listen to the doctor and come back when you recover. You know, I've grown taller again."

Probably because there is no need to face each other, no one can see anyone's expression, Lin Lian's tone of voice is very light, trying to disguise himself as a child who is willing to act like a baby to his parents, so that they can feel that he is living a good life and there is no need to worry.

He exaggerated the interesting things in his life, and finally, finally, he mustered up the courage to confess the truth.

The voice is small and calm.

"Mom, I know all about it. Uncle Wen told me everything. You can rest easy and recuperate. Don't think about anything. Everything is fine here. I have a very good attitude towards studying this semester. I have passed the first grade exam.

"The next time I get the first place in the exam, you guys have to come back, otherwise I'll be really angry.

"I'm hanging up, I'm going to read. Bye."

He didn't want to get any reply from his parents, so he turned his mobile phone to airplane mode, spread out the historical materials and Chinese readers, closed his eyes, and opened them again after a while; anything other than .

He has no way to change many things, so he can only choose to accept, choose to hone himself, wait until he is stronger and has the right to speak, and then arrange things as he likes.

Just as he cannot evaluate whether the history teacher's behavior is correct, he also has no way to evaluate whether the parents' approach is reasonable: adults have their own difficulties, children have their views, and no one is perfect.Walking in this world is always going to be a bit of a pain. The past cannot be reversed. Sometimes even I can’t see the truth of the matter clearly, so don’t try to dissect other people’s thoughts in vain.

Most people can't face their hidden "hate" towards their parents. In fact, it is not the case. Emotions are very complicated things. Often times, there is no conflict between love and hate.

Lin Lian just felt that if he had a child in the future, he would definitely not live like himself—he would give that little life enough love, so that he could express his emotions freely, so that he would not develop extreme thoughts, and let him I think the original world is actually quite interesting.

Entrance to Tsinghua University and Peking University is not the goal, nor is it to make a lot of money. Lin Lian's ideal in life is one word - chic.

This goal is too ambitious, but he is not in a hurry, there is still time, let's take our time.

There are only a few days of self-study at home, and it is still the daily routine of making up lessons as scheduled.After returning to school, Lin Lian hadn't studied for a few days, and suddenly found that his legendary local tycoon, who had never seen his head and tail, had returned to the dormitory, which made him a little unbelievable.

The bed had already been covered with blankets and pillows, and the table in the aisle was almost full of things—his basin, his backpack, his various reference books... and it seemed that he had obsessive-compulsive disorder, everything They were all neatly arranged and looked inexplicably comfortable.

"He, Jing, Ran..." Lin Lian stared sideways at the note stuck on the suitcase, couldn't control his curiosity, and read aloud.

"Why did you call me?"

He Jingran was wearing a black baseball uniform, and he was holding some musical instrument in his hand, standing at the door of the dormitory with a displeased expression on his face.

It’s fine if Dad doesn’t let the driver take him to school. Anyway, it’s not expensive to take a taxi, but the number of times he moves things up and down is too frequent. The aunts in the dormitory on the first floor recognize him as a perverted porter on the seventh floor. , Fei pulled him to ask questions.

After finally getting all the things up, and seeing someone blocking the door, reading his name with a stupid face, Mr. He suddenly became stinky.

"Let's go, I'm going in."

Just as Lin Lian was about to let go, he heard the mouthy thing speak again.

"You are so fat, the aisles are all blocked."

Damn, the aisle is already narrow, if I don't stand here, you still have to walk sideways?

"Is something wrong with you?"

"Rang Rang, you're blocking me from receiving IQ signals," he said, feeling wrong again, as if scolding himself, He Jingran immediately changed his words, "I mean, I can't prevent you from receiving IQ signals, go away .”

Lin Lian laughed softly, already labeling this young master as "brain-dead" in his heart, took out his own book from the cabinet, and didn't respond again.

Only idiots play word games with idiots, and you brother Lian lets you and doesn't care about you.

When he was leaving the dormitory door, he suddenly thought of something, turned his head back, and met He Jingran's eyes like dead fish: "He Jingran, is there any order in your house?"

You are in order, your whole family is in order - Lin Lian has even predicted what he will say, but he probably knows why he has a kind of familiarity with this dude in front of him the first time he meets feel.

Sure enough, there was more death in He Jingran's eyes, but this kind of expression on his face always seemed to be out of harmony, with a deliberately funny meaning: "How do you know?"

Could it be that Lin Lian didn't know that at that time, that girl chased him so shockingly, since she went to learn taekwondo in the second grade of elementary school, she was pestering him like a follower, He Youxu said, "From the moment I saw you, I I can't hold back my passionate heart, and I am eager to have a spiritual exchange with you" - this is one of the lines in her confession letter when she was in the second year of junior high school.

Ming Lian persisted until he graduated from the third year of junior high school. Later, Lin Lian stopped learning Taekwondo, and He Youxuan never came to see him again.

Just thinking of the eventful years in the past, Lin Lian would still tremble with aversion to the cold.

"Nothing, I'm just curious."

He prevaricated He Jingran a bit, took out his mobile phone and sent a message to Jiang Cun.

He wants to share with his boyfriend the most "brilliant" experience of being chased back in his life.

[Handsome Lin]: Baby, fuck me.

[Handsome Lin]: The rich second generation in our dormitory came to school today.

[Handsome Lin]: I also found out that I know his sister.

Jiang Cun replied almost in seconds.

[Peach Planting Taoist]: So you want to make me jealous?