ashamed

【wedge】

It is said that people will not feel any pain when their time is approaching.

Si Jun felt that the person who said this was completely fucking bullshit.

He was in pain, so painful that it was unnecessary to even breathe, but this was the only thing he wanted to do and the only thing he could do now.For an old man in his destiny, the first half of his life was spent desperately struggling to save face, and only the last long and tormenting suffering remained.

He knew he deserved to die.

Few people who live to this age can't figure out how much they own. Si Jun has no faith, but he also understands the theory of karma.Only then did he belatedly think that one cannot live without faith.Otherwise, what should you think before you die?

Miss parents?How many years has it been buried.

Want property?Anyway, I will not take it with me if I die.

Want a wife?

So when his glued thoughts finally moved here, the sound of an ambulance came in a timely manner, and the red and blue lights on the chaotic retina continued to cycle alternately, shaking him so much that he almost vomited.

The discussion of the surrounding crowd was noisy and sluggish. A man in a white coat got out of the car and stopped in front of him, bent down to look at him silently, his expression seemed to be compassionate, but more of it was indifferent.

He did nothing.

Si Jun understands that Tong Youming's patience and love in this life have been wiped away by his shameless squandering.

He deserves it.This is fate.

But even now that he was unable to hide the matter, even though he hated the embarrassment at this time, he still wanted to touch the burning embers with his hands before he died.

He stretched out his hand to Tong Youming from the pool of blood.The veins on the back of his hands are criss-crossed, and he looks like he's returning to life, and he even wants to tease him a few words, such as Tongtong, why are you still so good-looking in your 40s? When will you get divorced? , Be my wife, okay?

But the knife on his neck was too deep, and his vocal cords must have been severed, and blood gushed out when he breathed out.

Let Tong Youming watch.Look at how miserable he is.Si Jun thought to himself, as long as he can stop hating me, take pity on me.

And when his bloody fingers were about to touch Tong Youming's cheek, he directly moved his eyes in the other direction, and turned his head naturally, without any embarrassment or nostalgia.

—He didn't understand it until he died.

Whether it is hatred or pity, the only thing that can really cut off all turning back is despair.

Si Jun's eyes stopped blinking.

Tong Youming saw the light in the muddy and moist pupils that instantly dissipated, and Si Jun's hand froze in mid-air with nowhere to fall, and then made a dramatic curtain call for the master, and dropped it heavily.

Tong Youming gathered up her white coat and stood up abruptly.

The medical staff who came and went did not show too much surprise at this. After all, based on their years of experience in the industry, Si Jun was already hopeless.He just stayed in the world for a moment relying on the obsession that has not yet disappeared, which is not enough to change the doomed ending.

Doctor Tong finally made a move.He and the nurse carried Si Jun's body onto the stretcher, went to the side and took out his mobile phone. When someone asked him if he wanted to contact his family, he just lit a cigarette and took a puff.

"No, he has no family."

He looked at the photo of his wife and children on the screen saver of his mobile phone. Their smiles in the sun were not cloudy, which was enough to soothe his heart that was surging at the moment.

He took a deep breath. "Just register and write my name."

This is the last thing I can do for you.

Who made me love you.

(One)

When we were very young, we knew that "people are always going to die".

At that time, we had no idea about it. No one knew what it felt like to die, and the dead could not speak. This is a process of going back and forth, and it has maintained a proper horror and mystery for thousands of years.

Si Jun knew very well that he was dead.

This feeling is so obvious and thorough that it runs through the entire vivid dream.

——He sat up from the white bed sheet in the hospital. Because of the excessive force, the upper part of the spirit cap was numb, and he couldn't see clearly like a mosaic in front of his eyes. He could barely make out the figure of a young man.

At the same time, some sharp fragments slid down against his chest.

Si Jun still couldn't see who he was, so he had to ask, am I dead?

A very ridiculous and mentally retarded question.But the person in front of him not only didn't laugh, but also thoughtfully shook his hospital gown for him, and held down his hand full of various ferocious infusion tubes.

For some reason, Si Jun felt that this touch was very familiar, as if his mother quietly walked into the room to tuck him in the quilt every night before going to bed when he was a child.

The dizziness got worse.

——If it hadn't been for something different from natural phenomena and beyond the scope of human understanding, he believed that he was dead.

51 years old, with a bleak evening scene, dead body lying on the street, a pool of blood flowed down, he was so desolate that he was ashamed to see others, and he met his lover who had been entangled with him for many years at the most ugly time before his death.

Then he died.Die thoroughly, die solidly, die with conviction.

But he woke up again?

"You're fine."

A young voice answered gently.

"But it's really dangerous... I almost got hit by a wall. If you feel a little dizzy, it's normal to have a slight concussion, just take a week off."

He spoke very seriously, his voice was a little dry, he must have not drank water for a long time, Si Jun finally wanted to understand where this feeling of deja vu came from, but the conclusion was so weird that he still couldn't believe it.

He pondered for a long time, until the little intern in front of him was a little at a loss and wanted to leave. Si Jun reached out and grabbed the hem of his white clothes in his hazy vision, and called out, "Tongtong?"

The little doctor was startled, "You...how can you call me by my nickname..."

Si Jun's face was extremely serious.

When all the clues coincided with the memory, he forced himself to accept the reality with the fastest reaction speed.

——After he was hacked to death at the age of 51, out of some unexplainable opportunity, he "traversed" back to an accident that almost killed him 24 years ago. The reason why he remembered it so clearly was that It was because he met Tong Youming, an intern at the university, in the hospital where he was convalescing during this catastrophic accident.

Si Jun heard his own violent heartbeat.He wanted to wait until his eyes could see clearly, then what he saw in front of him should be——

A male student wearing a blue shirt in a white coat.His short black hair is neat and clean, his skin is a healthy color that is different from the paleness of the hospital, his slender neck draws the shadow of his jawline, and the most beautiful thing is his eyes, clear and calm, like the sunshine in midsummer June outside the window, projected onto What I felt when I was on my body was not heat, but tranquility.

On his chest is a gray plaque uniformly issued by the hospital, and inside the plastic case is a correct and rigorous one-inch photo, his name is Tong Youming.Age, 20 years old.

20 is old.

Si Jun understood everything now.

Thinking of this, he noticed an empty dark green rope around his neck. The jade hanging on it was now broken into a handful of large and small gravels, and the ones that hadn't been shaken were falling on his crotch.He lifted up his clothes and looked at the strong and muscular abdominal muscles in his prime, without any wrinkled skin. According to this conversion, he is now 27 years old and just over two months old.

Fuck, rejuvenated, reborn as a human being.

He worked hard to control so that he would not be dazzled by the sudden ecstasy. This year, his father was still alive, with ample food and clothing and a smooth life. It was the peak of his life.

Could it be because this piece of jade died for me once?

His breathing was almost trembling and frightened.

God finally didn't treat him lightly.Even though he did countless bad things in his "previous life", he still generously gave him one more chance, so it can be inferred from this that since he already knows that if he continues to live as desperately as before, he will still be unable to escape when he grows old The ending of dying in broad daylight.

In his previous life, he had borrowed a knife to kill someone, betrayed his promise, disregarded his parents, killed his own flesh and blood with his own hands, cheated in front of his lover, and finally died a bad life.

What about this life?

He looked at the lover in front of him, and suddenly understood what it meant to be like a lifetime away.

"I only saw the first letter of your business card."

He didn't show his face, but he clenched the corner of his clothes tightly.

"My name is Si Jun. Nice to meet you, Doctor Tong."

A long-haired man aggressively walked through the corridor of the hospital, followed by two secretaries flying on all fours, and smashed open the door of Si Jun's ward——I'm afraid it's a bit wronged to use "push" to describe this strength, Tong You Sitting on the chair, Ming staggered back involuntarily.

This time coincides with the same score as before, and Si Jun is still a bit out of shape. After all, the people who came here have completely faded out of his life after many years; 20 years ago, he would still grab him by the collar of his clothes and rush at him. When you get angry, you can be praised by others. The handsome face is so angry: "You fucking dog, the disaster will last for thousands of years!"

The formal and solemn suit on his body was ravaged and messed up during the running, and his eye-catching long hair was also messed up by the wind. Si Jun, a tall man with a height of 1.9 meters, was lifted from the hospital bed by him. After mentioning it for most of the time, Tong Youming stood dumbfounded, and opened his mouth hesitantly, "Sir, he is a sick person..."

Mr. Chu Qing squeezed out a few words through his teeth, "He's a bitch."

Doctor Tong didn't dare to say anything.

But soon it became clear that it was unusual.That is, he was clearly prepared to have a fight with Si Jun before he came, but this dead dog who is usually violent and arrogant has no intention of playing rough with him at all.

——His expression looked a little moved, as if he was his own flesh and blood that had been separated from him for many years...

Chu Qing twisted her face, and was quickly disgusted by her curious thoughts.

He swung his hand aloofly, watched the dead dog fall back on the bed unconsciously, and couldn't help asking the young intern next to him suspiciously, "Did he smash his brain? Why is he so stupid?"

Tong Youming shook his head.Si Jun seemed to have finally regained his soul, and he replied bitterly, "You are the fucking idiot, I feel very clear about it."

So Chu Qing breathed a sigh of relief, and put his hanging heart back into his stomach.

Then he rushed forward frankly, held down his own hair and beat him violently.