withered color

"After that, he started chatting with me on vx."

"The two of us are becoming more and more familiar, but our relationship has never been closer. Xu Liangyun is a piece of wood - I didn't scold him, he is really a piece of wood. Every time I remind him cryptically, or carefully test him Sometimes, he can repay me in the most speechless way."

"I wasn't rejected. I knew very well that he didn't understand what I meant."

"I told him that the moon is so beautiful tonight, and he said, is it? The moon is brighter on the [-]th. You should take a good look at that time. I said I miss you a little bit, but he said how do you talk like a girl, miss me What are you doing. I said what do you think of me, and he said I think it’s okay, your paintings are beautiful. I asked him if he liked anyone, and he said no, do you want to introduce me? I said I have someone I like Man, he said oh yeah, congratulations."

"He really never understood what I meant. And ten years ago, homosexuality was not particularly popular on the stage. Basically, they were all regarded as monsters and perverts. I didn't dare to speak out to him, but I wanted to give up but couldn't give up. , it’s all about him when you open your eyes and close your eyes.”

"I liked him so much at the time."

"I can't help it, who made him sit on the bench and dazzle my eyes that day. He is so good-looking, let's count it as my debt to him."

Zhou Dengzhou smiled helplessly, and asked: "Then how did he find out? Did he find out by himself?"

"No." Chen Yan said, "I was pushed into a hurry."

He was really pushed that day.

This delicate relationship between the two lasted until the early summer of the second year.

It was a weekend in late May, and Chen Yan and Xu Liangyun were walking by the lake in the park one after the other.It was late at that time, and they walked back together, preparing to go back to school.

It was the road by the lake.

At that time, it was dark, and people walking in Yunhai Park came and went in twos and threes. The street lamps were emitting warm yellow light, and mosquitoes gathered under the lights, buzzing and buzzing, which was a bit disturbing.

Xu Liangyun and Chen Yan were already very close at that time, and they would basically tell each other everything.

At that time, Xu Liangyun was saying that the school would have training next week, and that they would train with sniper rifles.He said that he is very good at this, the school has it every year, and he has never fallen out of the top three every time-but as he was talking, he suddenly changed the subject and said, "Oh, yes, I may to go home."

Just like the statement, Xu Liangyun's home is far away, five hours by high-speed train.

It was late May at that time, and it was still very early before the holiday, and the university did not have Lunar New Year's Day.

Going home at that time was a bit inexplicable.

Chen Yan asked him, "Why do you go home at this time?"

"My mother said to introduce me to a girl." Xu Liangyun said, "She said that I will go out for an internship next year. The boss is so old that I haven't even talked to a girlfriend. The police are busy, and it will be more difficult to find after work. It's better now. Hurry up and talk to each other."

Statement Yan's heart skipped a beat, and his footsteps slowed down.

Xu Liangyun didn't feel it at all, and just walked forward, chattering habitually.

"I think it makes sense. I haven't had a relationship since I grew up. I also know that I have to talk about one, but I don't know why..."

The narrator stopped suddenly.

Xu Liangyun took a step or two forward, and after babbling for half a sentence, he realized that the footsteps behind him had disappeared, so he turned his head.

Statement Yan just stood there and looked at him.He didn't know what Xu Liangyun saw of him at that time, all in all, Xu Liangyun was stunned.

He was stunned for a long time, and then cautiously and tentatively called out to him: "... Are you tired of presenting?"

Statement tired of looking at him, silent.

Then, Chen Yan said softly: "Do you want to fall in love?"

Xu Liangyun's breath subtly choked, and he stopped him all of a sudden.

do not know why.

Statement-weariness doesn't seem to have that much patience to wait for his answer.Xu Liangyun didn't answer, so he asked again: "Do you want to fall in love?"

The voice was a little hurried, trembling with anxiety.

Only then did Xu Liangyun come to his senses, he hastily responded with a couple of hums, his tone inexplicably dry: "Yes, but I..."

He seemed to want to explain something, but his mind was muddled, and he didn't want to hear what Xu Liangyun said anymore.

He was full of thoughts that Xu Liangyun would go on a blind date after returning home this time, he would have a girlfriend, and the statement was over, and Xu Liangyun had nothing to do with him in this life.

He didn't want it to end like this, he was not reconciled.

So, a sentence ran out of the mouth of the statement without even thinking about it.

He said: "I can also fall in love with you."

Xu Liangyun's words froze all of a sudden.

After a long time, Chen Yan heard him say "Ah?" in disbelief.

Chen Yan saw the stiffness in his eyes, saw the daze in his eyes, and saw his whole body frozen there, as if he had been slapped by reality with his arms rounded.

Xu Liangyun was dumbfounded.

The statement is boring.

The evening wind was unreasonably strong, blowing the luxuriant leaves of the summer night, making a mess of their thoughts and hearts.

Statement is tired and unwilling, but he knows that everything is over.

He said it, he said it all.

It's over, Xu Liangyun doesn't think he's disgusting.

The panic was only short-lived, and soon, the statement bored quickly thought of it in a few seconds.

He thought, let's just leave it at that.

The jar was broken.

In the evening wind that made his hair messy, Chen Yan said very stubbornly to Xu Liangyun who was looking at him stupidly: "I can also fall in love with you."

"I draw for you because I like you and want to talk to you."

"I never paint with such bright colors."

It was only here that tears trickled down from the corners of his eyes.The moment it dripped down, Chen Yan realized that his hands were shaking, his voice was trembling, and he couldn't even see clearly.

Only then did he realize that he was scared, flustered and helpless, even terrified.

He was afraid that Xu Liangyun would stay away from him, and that he would feel sick.

He was so frightened that his whole body became cold.

But he is very calm.It was all over, he thought calmly.

So he took a breath, lowered his head, and added something to himself: "But that's it, I won't bother you in the future, you can deal with that painting as you like, and you can throw it away."

After saying this, he nodded towards Xu Liangyun just like when he stopped Xu Liangyun from giving him the painting that day, took two steps back, clasped his hands together, bowed to Xu Liangyun inexplicably, then turned his head and left , quickly fled the scene.

He really wanted to run quickly, so he started running without taking two steps, stumbling and crawling, only to hear Xu Liangyun call him a statement loudly from behind.

Later, Xu Liangyun said that he was so frightened that night, he was stunned for a long time before remembering to chase him.But when he was chasing him, he said that he ran away too early, and he ran for an hour in the park but couldn't find him.

When Xu Liangyun gave up and went back to school, he realized that he had already passed the dormitory entrance control point.He couldn't get in, so he had to hang around outside for the whole night, his mind was in a mess like a mess of twine, and he didn't feel sleepy for the whole night.

Of course, Chen Yan ran out of the park and went to the subway station to go back to school.

The mind of statement-hate is likewise a tangle of twine.

After leaving the park, he wandered to the subway station in a daze.Just walking on the road like that, he suddenly felt that it is better to withdraw voluntarily than to be rejected, and he can leave himself with a broken can and broken face.

So he deleted Xu Liangyun's vx account and blocked it, and threw away all the empty water bottles that Xu Liangyun bought for him in the past—yes, he kept them all the time.

It's just that he couldn't throw away those notebooks full of Xu Liangyun's paintings.

He looked at the loving eyes outlined with a few strokes, and couldn't bear to throw them away.

Then a week passed.The weather was very stuffy that week, and it was so hot that people's hearts were stuffy and painful—but probably only Xiang Yan felt that way.

Until Friday, there was a thunderstorm.

Chen Yan ran into Xu Liangyun on the way home.

The other party confessed to him yelling in the raging thunderstorm.

At that time, Chen Yan was dumbfounded by his shouting. Holding an umbrella, he looked at Xu Liangyun in the turbulent thunderstorm, and his eyes slowly turned red.

He couldn't believe his ears, so after staring at Xu Liangyun for a long time, he asked stupidly, "What?"

"……fall in love."

Xu Liangyun blushed like an explosion at that time.After making a fuss like this, he shrugged his shoulders again, took a deep breath, and yelled loudly at Chen Yan: "Fall in love with me!! I've loved you for a long time!!"

His voice overwhelmed the majestic thunderstorm, and also overwhelmed the beating of the heartbeat as if he was tired of the statement, and it was clearly transmitted to his ears.

I can't hear the statement clearly.

He stared at Xu Liangyun in a daze for a long time, then suddenly laughed, tears fell out of his eyes.

His reaction was so strange, Xu Liangyun never expected him to be like this, and was stunned for a while, as if he was a little at a loss.

At that time, Chen Yan spent a week preparing for the end of everything, but in the end, the thing he was about to give up actually ran over by itself.

Statement disgust was so wronged, after a laugh, he reached out and dropped the umbrella, squatted down slowly, covered his face with his hands in the raging thunderstorm, grabbed his hair in the rain, and wailed loudly.

Xu Liangyun was frightened to death by him, and quickly ran up with an umbrella to cover him from the rain, and squatted down again.

Before he had time to ask anything, Chen Yan stretched out his arms to hug him, and threw himself into his arms, crying so hard that he was out of breath, quite tragic.

He felt Xu Liangyun's body stiffen, but soon softened.

He heard Xu Liangyun sigh, then put his arms around him, and said sorry for wronging you, it's been a long time, I was wrong.

He heard Xu Liangyun say, I won't let you cry in the future.

He said so.

Xu Liangyun said this.

State disgust.

Xu Liangyun told him a lot.He later said that what he didn't finish talking in Yunhai Park that day was actually "he also felt that it was time for him to fall in love, but he didn't want to go home for a blind date. He wanted to find one by himself. He always felt that there was a suitable one around him"—he didn't He felt that he was tired of making statements, but in the dark, he felt that there was someone around him that he liked and liked him.

It’s just that he’s so blunt, it’s all about feeling.

It wasn't until Chen Yan exposed this matter in the evening wind that day that Xu Liangyun slowly figured it out.

But it was too late, the school started training on Sunday, and it was still fully enclosed. Xu Liangyun tried to pretend to be sick, but failed to find a fake and ran to find a statement.

He was completely dazed by then, and one of the five shots he took to test the waters on Sunday morning went straight to someone else's target, and hit the fucking heart.

This shot made the classmate's face turn green, and he scolded Xu Liangyun if he could stop insulting people in this way.

Xu Liangyun himself didn't listen to a word, his face was blank, and his head was full of statement weariness.

Xu Liangyun was crazy about wanting to go out in those few days, and said to his classmates: "Why don't you give me a shot."

His classmate: "...how about I ask you to go to the mental hospital for leave."

Xu Liangyun: "It's fine, it's fine, don't pick."

classmate:"……"

Xu Liangyun was really autistic in those days.

However, he was tired of reporting and blocked his vx, and he couldn't talk about it online.

Xu Liangyun was out of his mind in those few days, and fell out of the top three in the sniper training for the first time in three years.

He is sixth.

Later, the instructor felt that he was too noisy these days, and he was restless and restless. The instructor said that he forgot a sentence, so he deducted ten points from him as a punishment.

Xu Liangyun fell to ninth again.

Xu Liangyun always sighed afterwards, saying that the [-] points were deducted, he deserved it, he really deserved it, if he had realized earlier that he likes to hate statements, why would he have been deducted [-] points, not to mention [-] points at that time, he would admit to [-] points, if he made a mistake, he would have to stand at attention beaten.

Laugh when you are bored with the statement.

When Chen Yan said this, he let out a long sigh.

At this point in the story, he felt a little lost, but also wanted to let out a long sigh of relief.

He asked Xu Liangyun why he likes him, and Xu Liangyun said he didn't know, anyway, before he entered the park on weekends, he would start running to the lake, and start counting the days until the weekend with his fingers every day, and then slowly Begin to memorize each and every statement.

Xu Liangyun said that he remembered the hand holding the pen when he was tired of painting, the squinted eyes when he looked into the distance, the inexplicably lowered eyebrows and eyes when he looked at him, and the paint that was accidentally smeared on his face sometimes. From time to time, the little chirp in the back of the hair will be tied up, the Adam's apple will roll when drinking water, and the eyes will slightly narrow when laughing.

And that "Xu Liangyun" that was plainly yelled out by others, but inexplicably palpitating when said in a tired statement.

Xu Liangyun said that he really seemed to be calling the clouds in the sky, and his voices were illusory and dreamy, just like the gentle hometown where many heroes were buried in high school textbooks.

At that time, Xu Liangyun was very kind to him.

Once in winter, he would cross the entire Liangcheng to come to Liangyi, always carrying the best milk tea from his school in his arms, and it was still warm when he handed it to Chen Yan.

But Xu Liangyun cursed annoyedly, telling him that what he wanted was hot, but he still hasn't played this shitty winter after covering it all the way.

The statement is too disgusting to laugh at.

Xu Liangyun would also take him to the movies, buy him grape oolong with less sugar and more ice, and kiss him secretly where no one was seeing.Sometimes when they go to eat oden, Xu Liangyun dislikes it being hot, picks out the food and blows it for a long time before stuffing it into Zhang Yan's mouth.

Xu Liangyun liked his hands very much. He was careful when holding him, and always held his hands with a very pious expression on his face, saying that these were the hands of an artist, clean, white and tender.

Chen Yan laughed helplessly, saying that it was all a lie. When he painted, it was full of lead gray paint, which was not clean at all, like a coal digger.

Xu Liangyun said I don't care, anyway, I feel clean, I like it.

Xu Liangyun really likes his hands, he doesn't let them turn red in winter, and always puts his hands in his pocket, saying that the artist's hands are fate.

Sometimes when Xu Liangyun attends a training class, he will tell Chen Yan in advance and ask him to visit the police academy.

The statement is tired of going to see it every time.When he passed by, he could always see Xu Liangyun among the crowd on the playground of the police academy.

He saw that he was holding a sacred black sniper gun and shot the red heart in the distance.

The classmates cheered, and the teacher was not surprised.

At that time, Chen Yan was standing outside the police academy, looking at his back, thinking that Xu Liangyun would be the embodiment of justice in the future, and would stand in front of him and many, many people.

He will protect many things.There is statement weariness in many of these, but it is more than statement weariness.

After Chen Yan thought about it, he realized that those things that should have been swept away by the raging hatred had already taken root, and they would not be swept away at all. He could still find them after searching.It's just that these have been cast with a layer of hatred, and the brilliance of the past has long been lost.

Xu Liangyun did not protect him, and he could no longer draw Xu Liangyun sitting on the bench back then.

"Xu Liangyun is sorry for me." Chen Yan murmured, "He is sorry for me...but he was really good before."

Seeing him like this, Zhou Dengzhou followed him in silence for a while.

Then, he asked: "Then... what happened? Why did he suddenly treat you coldly?"

"..."

The statement lowered its eyes in disgust.

He was very reluctant to talk about this incident, but he was willing to tell Zhou Dengzhou all about the past.

He pursed his lips tightly and tried to speak several times, but he really didn't want to mention these bloody things.

After hesitant to speak and stopped a few times, Chen Yan gave up, sighed, and smiled wryly.

"Go back and read it yourself." Chen Yan said, "Five years ago, there should be records of the Ye Xia case on the Internet."