withered color

For so many years, I have always lived with my grandmother.

The grandmother's name was Zheng Qinglan, and she had brought Xu Liangyun to meet him.

After Xu Liangyun took him back home, Chen Yan also took him back to his grandmother's house.When he went home that time, he showed Xu Liangyun all his affairs.

His family lived on the third floor of an old community, and the furniture in the house was so old that it had an antique taste.Chen Yan took Xu Liangyun into the house and showed him a photo next to the TV in the living room.

It was a family portrait, with five people on it, and one of the women held a baby in her arms.

Chen Jian pointed out to him: "This is me, this is my mother, this is my father, this is my grandfather - when I was three years old, they went out together, leaving my grandmother at home to watch me. There was a car accident when I was going out , all three are gone."

"My mother is an only child, and my father is a married woman. My grandma despised him as a married woman, and told him that once I got married, I would break off the relationship with my mother. In the end, I really broke off the relationship. She ignored us all these years. Fortunately, my family still has a supermarket, which was opened when my parents got married, and I have been living on it all these years."

When I was tired of talking about this, my grandma happened to wash a bowl of strawberries and came out.

"I've managed the supermarket very well," the little old lady shook her head triumphantly, the same as when Chen Yan was happy, "Now I can earn more than 1 yuan a month!"

Statement disgusted to look at Xu Liangyun.Xu Liangyun's expression was stunned, he never thought that this would be the case in Chen Yan's family.

Grandma is always happy, she is very satisfied with Xu Liangyun.

Many years passed, and in the cold February, Chen Yan led Xu Liangyun around the cemetery, and finally stopped.

On the tombstone in front of him, the words Zheng Qinglan were written.

Xu Yizhuo is considered a martyr, that's why the tombstone is so big.

Zheng Qinglan's face is much smaller, and the face in the posthumous photo on the stele is still the same as that in the distant memory of Chen Yan.

Unlike the last grandmother he remembered.

Chen Yan squatted down and put the flowers in front of the grave.

He didn't say anything, just squatted on the ground, looking at grandma on the tombstone motionlessly.

He's not very good at talking to dead people.

So there was a sound of wind running around.

A sound of wind blew the place into a long silence.After a while, Xu Liangyun asked, "What cancer?"

His voice trembled a little.

"Lung cancer." Chen Yan squatted in front of the grave and replied calmly, "Chemotherapy shaved all my hair, coughed up blood, couldn't breathe, couldn't speak clearly, I couldn't breathe, my face and neck were very swollen, She's skinny and skinny."

His voice was very soft, but every word was so heavy that it was hard to breathe.

Xu Liangyun took a deep breath, the sound of footsteps took two steps back, and there was a sudden plop.

Statement Yan was taken aback, and when he turned his head, he saw Xu Liangyun kneeling on the ground, leaning forward, as if apologizing.

Before Chen Yan could say anything, Xu Liangyun put his head on the ground and kowtowed twice to the tombstone.

"Xu Liangyun!?"

Statement Yan was frightened and rushed over to pull him up.

Xu Liangyun couldn't get up, his voice was trembling: "Don't pull me first."

Statements: "..."

"I'm sorry for you." He said, "I'm really sorry for you...I'm not here at a time like this. What am I doing for food?"

"...No, this..."

"I said it. I obviously told you, and I obviously said it in front of your grandma... Damn it, don't pull me, you make me kneel."

Statement tired speechless.

He knew what Xu Liangyun was talking about.When he brought Xu Liangyun home for the first time, the day he told him that he only had a grandmother, Xu Liangyun looked at the photo of their family and said, I'm tired of making statements, and I will definitely treat you well in the future.

Grandma was there at that time.

After Xu Liangyun finished speaking, he turned his head and said to grandma, don't worry, I will treat him well in the future.

Later at night, Xu Liangyun slept on the same bed with him in his room.He held the statement cup in one hand, and the two of them looked up at the ceiling together.

Xu Liangyun suddenly turned to look at him, and said to him, I will treat you well in the future.

"I will treat you well in the future, and I will treat you very well in the future." Xu Liangyun said, "I will definitely make up for all the love you have lacked in the past 20 years."

Chen Yan was taken aback by what he said, couldn't help laughing, and said, "Why do you keep saying this today?"

"I love you dearly." Xu Liangyun said when he was young, "I wish I had met you earlier."

The statement was silent.

He looked at Xu Liangyun in the darkness, and he saw that there were too many emotions in Xu Liangyun's affectionate eyes. If he had to sum it up, he could only say that he was very sad.

Xu Liangyun knelt on the ground with his head on the ground, and the sound of taking a deep breath was particularly ear-piercing.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm really sorry, I really missed so much... I'm just a jerk."

"...You didn't, get up quickly," Chen Yan pulled his arm, "Stop kneeling, cancer has nothing to do with you..."

"Don't pull me," Xu Liangyun said, "make me kneel."

"..."

"I will be nice to him in the future, I will really be nice to him in the future... I will never let go again, I will not let him be alone, I will not let him be alone."

He knelt on the ground, so murmured.

His hands are shaking.

Time slowly moved forward, and the sun set in the west.

The two sat in the car, looking at the setting sun in the sky.

The warm air is blowing in the car.Chen Yan turned his head to look at Xu Liangyun, and saw that his head was leaning against the car window, frowning slightly, and there was a large bruise on his forehead, which must have just come from kowtow.

"Why don't you go find someone else?"

Xu Liangyun said suddenly.

The statement was taken aback.

"...I don't mean anything else. I mean, you don't have a family, and it's tiring to live alone...Why don't you find someone new. I don't mean anything else, I just... feel sorry for your lonely life A few years...it's too uncomfortable. Why don't you find someone...to help you carry it."

The tone of the statement is calm: "Just because I don't have a family, I find someone new. I don't think I can find what I want based on this goal. Even if the other party is with me, I think he likes me [-]% Seventy to eighty are all mixed with feeling that I am pitiful, I don’t want a person to like me because they feel that I am pitiful.”

Xu Liangyun: "...you really haven't changed."

Chen Chen smiled helplessly, and said again: "Don't think about it, it has nothing to do with you, it's cancer, and it's not because you're there that it will be cured..."

"I'm not there." Xu Liangyun said, "You must have needed me the most at that time. You were alone in the hospital to take care of your grandma. It would be inconvenient to do a lot of things with gloves on. Your hands...fuck."

He couldn't continue talking, and began to curse at himself: "I'm a fucking bastard."

Statement tired and helpless, went to hold his hand, patted the back of his hand lightly, and said, "Okay, okay, don't think about it."

Xu Liangyun sighed heavily, his voice hoarse: "Don't you blame me?"

Statement Yan shook his head.

"You don't blame me for not being there." Xu Liangyun's eyes were red, "I hate myself now."

Chen Yan said: "You walked too long and too far back then."

The corner of Xu Liangyun's mouth twitched.

"I don't blame you, I really don't blame you, you don't have to be sorry for me. And to be honest, at that time... I seemed to understand you a little bit."

Xu Liangyun was startled.

Statement Yan said this, his eyes were very calm.

He said: "Grandma shaved her head during chemotherapy, and she smiled at me and said that she changed her hairstyle. She was coughing up blood with a respirator, and for a long time she couldn't eat, so she could only infuse nutrient solution... I did. So much but no use, she was pushed into the operating room again and again. At that time, I seemed to understand your feelings."

"There's nothing I can do, that's all I can say." He said, "Thinking about it, I don't seem to know how to hate you since then. And it's really useless for you to be there. I take care of my grandma, isn't it As it should be..."

Xu Liangyun couldn't take it anymore and went to hug him.

He started shaking again.

"Stop talking," Xu Liangyun said, "Stop talking, don't think about it."

Statement tired voice choked up, no longer speak.

He suddenly felt a little strange.He also cried heartbreakingly for his grandmother's departure, and despaired that he was really alone in this world, but now he sees these things calmly.But Xu Liangyun is now like him in the past, as if he is sad with him in the past across time and space.

"I will treat you well in the future and always be good to you," Xu Liangyun said, "I really won't let you go alone."

"Ah."

"I'll treat you well," Xu Liangyun murmured, "I won't let you go."

"...Well." Chen Yan said, "Let's go home."

Xu Liangyun nodded, hugged him and breathed a trembling breath.

When night fell, the two finally arrived at Xu Liangyun's house with their big bags and small bags.

Xu Liangyun's mother came to open the door, and the cat in her house didn't recognize her birth, and followed suit with a big tail like a feather duster.

In the past five years, she has also aged a bit, with a few more wrinkles around her eyes, and she has lost a little weight, but it is not much different from the appearance in Zhang Yan's memory.

As soon as she opened the door, she shrugged her shoulders nervously when she saw Zhang Yan, and smiled sarcastically: "Xiao Chen is here? Come in, come in... Why are you still carrying things, you don't need to bring them for me."

The cautious look was exactly the same as when Chen Yan first met Xu Liangyun five years later.

The statement answered twice in disgust, saying that it's okay, you can just keep it.

He was talking, but his eyes were attracted by the cat following the door to welcome the guests.This cat is white and fat with long hair, cute and noble.

It was the first time he saw this cat at Xu Liangyun's house, and he couldn't help being a little surprised: "When did you raise the cat?"

Xu Liangyun said, "I bought it for her two years ago."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm bored at home by myself, and I'm too lazy to go out for a walk with the dog, so I raised a cat. You can hug it if you like, it doesn't recognize life."

His mother pushed open the door while talking, and took two pairs of slippers from the shoe cabinet. When she looked up again, she saw that her son's forehead was bruised.

She was taken aback: "Why is your forehead still green? How did you get hurt?"

Xu Liangyun touched his forehead silently: "It's okay, just kowtow to apologize."

His mother was obviously told something inexplicable, but the statement was annoying, she didn't ask any more questions, she just said that you go to the bathroom after eating, get a towel and soak some hot water, apply hot compresses, and then go to the kitchen after talking.

"The meal is ready. I was afraid it would get cold, so I didn't dare to serve it for you in advance. I'll go now. Let's eat right away."

Xu Liangyun's mother trotted into the kitchen while nagging, and the slippers were being wiped all the way.

Chen Yan changed into his slippers, and as soon as he entered the room, he saw a table full of vegetables on his coffee table.What crab, squid, pork belly, prawns and chicken wing meatball soup is comparable to a full banquet.

Statement Yan couldn't help but let out an exclamation: "Wow."

Obviously, Xu Liangyun had never seen this posture before: "My God."

The two walked in wearing slippers.His family's cat really didn't recognize its strangers. As soon as they entered the house, they began to rub against the two of them, so that their legs were covered with cat hair.

Statement Yan squatted down and stroked the cat twice.

The cat raised its head and was very receptive.

Chen Yan smiled lightly, and asked Xu Liangyun, "What's its name?"

"Okay." Xu Liangyun said, "My mother said our family is not good."

The statement choked up, and suddenly fell silent.

He saw a photo of his father behind Xu Liangyun.The photo was framed and placed on the table, and the special police officer in black was smiling happily.