puppy love [disheartened]

I don't understand true love, because no one has given it a specific definition, so that everyone's heart is different.

I am not a good person, I have lied, deceived others, spread rumors, laughed at and bullied a classmate with poor intelligence in elementary school.I am stubborn and always want to be superior to others.Sometimes I even hate myself.

H is right, I have always regarded myself as Miss Republic of China.

However, I just like the lady's temperament.

Such a me, Zi Han will always be with me?

苦香

The winter vacation is fleeting, and the next one is the cruel exam.There is no exaggeration in the endless questions and endless white papers every day.

My relationship with H also gradually changed a little bit.I want to rush forward again, but she always has topics that attract me.The mantra became "Hey, you know what?"

Of course I don't know, I have completely lost the Internet.

There are a lot of homework every day, and the teacher often takes up evening self-study, even if I secretly write homework below, it is too late.I have less and less contact with Zihan.Basically just "good morning" and "good night".At most, during the monthly vacation, I saw words like "Come on" from her on the phone.

Simple, but the corners of your mouth bend every time you see it.I have repeatedly warned myself to be content and happy, and it seems to be useful.

But this sweetness can also have bitterness.Like she said:

"I miss you so much. Do you know? I have a lot to say to you. But you can't answer and I'm sad, so I can't speak."

"The pear blossoms here are blooming, your favorite. You told me that the pear blossoms are not stinky, but bitter. I went to see them today, and they didn't smell good, but I also picked up a few fallen ones."

(image)

"I knew you were reluctant, so I didn't break it off the tree. It's a pity, the one on the tree is more beautiful, but you are not allowed to take pictures. I don't understand."

"If you want to see it, just tell me, and I will secretly take pictures for you."

"I'll take pictures if you don't answer me! Look, doesn't it look good? It's just a piece of white flowers. Don't you really think that Begonia is more beautiful?"

(image)

"Today, there are a group of children who almost bald the tree. It hurts to see it."

"The pear blossoms are all gone, why don't you come? Although I know it's hard to be with me at this time, but Feifei, I really miss you."

…………

Every time I can only reply a few words, I feel distressed when I look at it.Silently saved all the pictures she sent and handed them over to the phone.

For some reason, I want to save everything about her.

2021314

Before Qingming, I went back to northern Jiangsu. When I came back in my uncle's car, I encountered a big traffic jam. I was dizzy at first.As soon as I got out of the car, I received a call from H. She said, "I taught your partner a lesson."

I was dizzy.It's basically the feeling of being too angry to speak.

But H helped me after all, I calmed down and asked, "Why?"

She said: "I feel sorry for you. Doesn't she know it's already 2021314?" I can't remember exactly what she said, but that's probably what she meant.

"Then... I thank you, really. But please don't harass my people without my permission in the future, okay?"

"What is 'harassment'?"

"You also know that I can't make an oath to her forever, but she is mine after all, and she has nothing to do with you if she forgets or does it on purpose. I appreciate your kindness, and you have worked hard So many words. I don’t understand what you mean when you take a screenshot, do you want me to take credit? Or let me see that others bully Hanhan without my knowledge and I can’t do anything?” I spoke bluntly, and she was taken by me I was taken aback for a while.

I didn't want to offend others, so I added another sentence, "I don't blame you, I thank you for wanting to be an assist, I appreciate it, thank you. I just got off the bus now, can we talk at school tomorrow?"

She hung up the phone, and I secretly sent a voice message to apologize and explain to Zihan.Zihan sent me a video, which she wrote herself:

2021314

love you love forever

Finally wrote "To: Liu Qingfei".

I like what she wrote and saved it.But when it showed "Saved to the phone album", I felt distressed and my throat was sore.

"I hope you do what you want, and don't wrong yourself because of others. Although festivals are important, you are even more important."

"Well. Don't wrong yourself, don't work too hard at school, don't treat yourself badly." Zihan said.

"Also, if there is a chance, I don't want to live forever, I want to live forever."

What she got in return was a doting smile.

I arrived at school the next day and put on a "mask".

H asked for leave for half a day.At first I thought it was because of me, but later she said it was all right, but I don't know if there is anything wrong.

"You know, I just love you. You see, on 2021314, my Qianqian sent me a message early in the morning to accompany me."

"I was in northern Jiangsu at the time, so I don't know."

"Hey, I sent messages to your partner while crying, and you are still fierce to me."

My heart softened immediately, and I asked her how she was doing, and the matter passed.

Spring tour

Everyone likes social practice. What I never expected is that there will be one in the third year of high school.

Going to the ancient town, I searched for talents in every possible way and got my mobile phone, planning to find a quiet place to call Zihan and have a good chat.Unfortunately, Zi Han was in class that day, so I could only go with a few girls who could chat with H.At that time, my relationship with H was still very good, and it didn't matter if she usually hugged me.Two people walked in the drizzle holding an umbrella.The bus also came together.

But I really want to get to know another girl in our class who has a good relationship with H.Because that girl was the girlfriend of a boy I fell in love with when I was at the same table in high school.I didn't know why they were divided, it seemed that the boy didn't want to affect his studies.

After being with H for a long time, I discovered many of her shortcomings that can be said or can't be said.The girl named Zhongli and I usually treat each other with courtesy, and occasionally we will have sex together.

During this social practice, I got to know her a lot because I lost the little goldfish together.

But H is not happy.

On the way back, I told H that I would attend a free special training class at night.That is, the kind that allocates half of the evening self-study to give lectures in the next classroom.I said I wanted to give it a try because I did very well in the last monthly exam.

H's tone was not right, so he said very calmly: "Can I overtake you for two weeks?"

To be honest, I really don't believe it, there is still a gap between her and me.At that time, I guess she said it on purpose when she learned that I couldn't accompany her for the whole evening self-study.He replied half-jokingly: "How is it super?"

"My boyfriend can teach me." She said half-smugly.

Please appreciate how to resolve embarrassment below.

"Study with your family Qianqian? Come, come, tell me a question. Okay, I understand, I will. Come and reward yourself, shall we?" I laughed.

She also laughed and pushed me down, "Nonsense." But the corners of her mouth couldn't stop rising.

selfish

For a while, in the cafeteria, at noon. H always said how scumbag her boyfriend's brother was, which made her speechless.

It has nothing to do with me, but she once said that her boyfriend and brother encouraged her family Qianqian to send her scary pictures in the middle of the night, which scared her.Then a friend of hers also said that her male best friend did the same, and then the two almost broke off the relationship.

"Don't tell me, he is really naive, really speechless."

"What's wrong with that man? Is there a serious problem with his brain?"

"I really don't want to say it. I almost cried in fright, you know?"

Sentences from H's complaining friends, some unbearable obscenities hit me.

The time was tight in the third year of high school, and I became angry when I heard it.

Is it because I can't keep up with the times?Are all the girls this hypocritical now?If you are not happy with it, can you ask him to change it?Is it necessary to pass on bad feelings to others?

I didn't say these words, I just got up and said "something" and left.

As a result, the next day H was talking about how her Qianqian brother was not specific when he went to meet girls online.Although it is indeed not specific, why didn't H think about himself when he had five or six boyfriends?Of course, I don't care about these, and I left without eating enough that time.

On the third day, I made an appointment to sit with Zhongli, who happened to be in school recently.Before going, I specifically told H, "I'm sitting with Taozi (Zhongli) today."

"Why?" She asked in a questioning tone.

"I don't like it when you gossip and swear during dinner." My time is precious now.I didn't say that.

She rolled her eyes at first, and then said: "Have you found that you are a very self-righteous person?"

"What do you mean?" I really didn't understand.

"I just hope that the whole world revolves around you." After she finished speaking, she left.

I was blown away.

"No, what does she mean? If I'm self-centered, then I'll just sit there and tell her to shut up, okay? I can't bear it now, I don't want to hear it, so I hide myself. Does she still blame me?"

"It's okay, maybe she just can't bear it. Do you want to go back?" Zhongli said.

"I won't."

Later, even at the end of the semester, I ate with Zhongli. Both of us ate very quickly, saving a lot of time.

A few days later, the evening sprint course began.In the evening meal H first accompanied me for three days under my show of weakness, and because the management was not strict at night, two boys also came over.

After three days, it was just me, a table of six.For some reason, Zhongli doesn't go to study at night.

I also have a good friend, in the third class, but he is a boy.Later he said that he wanted to come over when he saw me alone many times, but he felt a little embarrassed.I also wanted to go there at the time, but because of face, I just missed it.He is my boyfriend and enemy, Ni Gong'an.

crack

A model test, close to the college entrance examination.Take the six exams in two days.

The day before, I felt that my performance was a bit abnormal, and H didn't raise my grades with me.The math papers were approved after school, and when I returned to the classroom for evening self-study, H asked me if I had read the papers.

"Yeah. Jing and I went to see it together. My brother is also there. (Ni Gong'an)"

"How much?" she asked.

"I didn't pass the exam, one hundred and one."

"Cut, Versailles." She said disdainfully.

I did not do well in the exam, worse than usual, worse than normal performance. It makes me uncomfortable to say that.

She was very proud after the exam the next day.This school is quick to approve papers. I went to look at the physics papers after school, and accidentally found that she had scored more than 80 in the exam.

I was skeptical, but said nothing.Looking at the paper that I was one point away from the passing line, I thought I should take care of myself first.This time it was backed up badly.

When I went home and secretly told Zi Han, she said: There may not be rewards for hard work, but it must be memorable.

I know why H got that way in the exam, she did it before.At the end of that time, he directly rose by [-] places.I don't know how much higher it will be this time.

Later, when I went to school to see her looking forward to my ranking, I realized that it was during that social practice.

To my surprise, although my ranking dropped, she did not surpass me, and she was three places behind me.

Next, I want to talk to her, because not everyone can enter the evening sprint class, at least [-] grades are required. H happened to be stuck at [-] this time.I want her to come to class with me, and I also hope that someone can accompany me.You can still study together, why not do it?

But H misinterpreted my meaning.She thought I was laughing at her.

"What do you mean? Ignore me when I don't have grades, come talk to me as soon as I get grades? I'm lower than you, are you happy? Happy? Why are you so cheap!" she roared after class.

There is one thing to say, I am really happy, there is no need to be too merciful to others, I am not stupid and sweet, and I am not a "good person".

I yelled back then, not really yelling, just raising the volume.

"What do I mean? I just want you to come to the class. Have you seen your ranking? It's just fine. Don't talk nonsense if you don't hear clearly. I never thought I would be higher than you. Besides, you insist on being with me Competing for what? Why don’t you surpass yourself?”

She burst into tears all of a sudden, crying like a pear blossom with rain.But this time I didn't offer comfort out of kindness, but just walked away.

I started walking with Ni Gong'an from Class [-] every day after school. Of course it wasn't just the two of us, but also his brother Yu Huan, who was also my sophomore classmate.

I told them about the chores in our class, and sometimes I listened to them chatting about games. As a rotten girl, I often silently said in my heart: Wow, they are so good together.

In this way, for half a month, my mood will be much better. I was buried in the test papers at school, and I have no time to talk to H.Just talk to Zhong Li every day.

It would be fine if it continues like this, but Zhongli and I are getting closer and closer. Zhongli and H have known each other for several years.

Once Zhongli and I went to dinner together, H suddenly patted the two of us from behind, and then whispered in our ears, "If the friendship between the three of us can't be maintained, let's give up."

Later, I took the time to write a note to H, which probably meant: You and I are not friends anymore.Zhongli and I are friends, and you and Zhongli are friends, so I don't accept the term triangular friendship.I have also shown weakness before, you don't want it, I can't help it.There has never been you between me and Zhongli, just like there has never been me between you and your friends or Zhongli.

Unexpectedly, this note was later used by her to make a fuss.

quarrel

On the day of the graduation photo shoot, H and I had an argument before the graduation photo shoot.Because of my father.

That morning, she hated the teacher for having too much homework, so she started scolding again.Since I didn't go to school in this area before, the school management was strict at that time, and I would never abuse the teachers.

H is the leader of the language team, she does not write or report her name.I wrote something for two or three hours, but she didn't move a single word and abused the teacher.At that time, I thought she was going too far, so I replied: "My dad said that these homework are always good."

"Then your father is just like the teachers and the others. He doesn't care about you at all. My mother told me not to write it at the time. What's so good about this homework? Mentally retarded."

Does this mean my father doesn't care about me or is it mentally handicapped?I told her at the time, if it wasn't for the classroom, my fist would have been on your face.

During lunch, I told Zhong Li about this, like an after-dinner joke, it's been a morning, and I don't want to hold grudges in the last few days.

Unexpectedly, Zhongli and H talked about it.

Before taking graduation photos in the afternoon, H put on lipstick and asked many people if they could see it.Whether those people could see it or not, they all said that they couldn't see it, and some of them might really not see it.

When I went downstairs I asked her if she was wearing lipstick and she gave me a supercilious look.In fact, she didn't know it herself, her lips were peeling, and she could see it if she looked closely.

Then I went to chat with Zhongli, H pulled Zhongli over and told her that I was really good at pretending.

Later she said: "You know what? She has held grudges for what I said casually this morning."

"What do you mean?" I snapped.

"It's boring. I just want to educate Tao Zi about how hypocritical and cheap you are!"

"I don't understand. If you don't scold my dad, will I tell Tao Zi?"

"I scolded your dad?" She grabbed a boy and said, "She said I scolded her dad. I just said that the teacher had too much homework." Then she let go and looked at me, "I have a problem with my comprehension, and I still bite people."

"Is it my comprehension problem, or are you telling stories and turning black and white? Okay, then I don't blame you for this matter, can I just treat it as a slip of the tongue?" The girl was habitually modest.

"Look at her, look at her." H pointed at me, "What you say is what you say. You blamed me just now, but now you don't blame me? You must admit your mistake."

I clenched my fist.

"I have talked about you with other people who are my friends. Because I am a person who has many friends and is willing to listen to other people's opinions. Do you know what they say about you?"

"..."

"Of course, my friends are against me. But your former classmates and friends say that you have a bad character."

My heart went cold, and the image that I maintained for a whole year of not looking for trouble and not causing trouble was ruined.what did she say?My character is not good.Does she really know what character is?

"Who?"

"you guess."

"Ni Gong'an?"

"Oh, I don't know your brother well."

"Who is that? Yu An?"

"No, but when it comes to you, she also shook her head. She also said, I can't do it, why didn't I make you cry?"

It's ridiculous, except for the two of them, none of my other friends know this person.

I laughed at myself, tears fell inexplicably, and slapped me. "I'm fucking you! Why are you a shrew? Shameless!"

It's really a disadvantage for me to scold girls, and H is a single-parent family, so I can't "bully" her.

The hand stopped halfway, it was myself.The other said to me: "Don't. It's not worth going to the exam if it's for this person."

H found that nothing happened and started again, "You can scold and beat if you have the ability. I tell you, you are fucking cowardly!"

"Would you like to meet us in the bureau. Or yes, how about I go to the teaching office to report you for cheating in the exam? Cheating in the mock exam is very beautiful." A very reasonable sentence, I said it in fragments, because when I cried Can't stop, no way to stop.I like this, the happier H is.

"Go. You go now. No one is stopping you. Go and report me and make me disqualified from the exam, okay? Go, kid."

"..."

Zhong Li came to persuade him. H held Zhongli's arm and said, "I told you a long time ago that Liu Qingfei is not a good person. After getting along for a long time, you will find that this person's character is not good."

"What are you pulling her for?"

"Of course you robbed me of my friend. You, a person who doesn't like to interact with others, are so affectionate with Tao Zi in front of me, thinking that I can't see it? You also wrote that note to kidnap me morally."

"You think too much."

Zihan where are you?If you were here, would you help me?