salt by salt

"Will this one be too exaggerated?"

"Is there? I think it's okay." I closed the watch strap and chose a dark coat in the closet to wear.Looking at myself in the glasses, there was a bit of a bluffing deep look on his face when he was expressionless, "Isn't it just like this during the Chinese New Year? It's not to borrow money, of course you have to show that you are living well. And no matter what I do they Everyone will be jealous, so it's better to let nature take its course, it's so boring to wrong yourself."

Song Cheng said softly: "Junyan, just deal with them a little bit. If someone speaks badly, don't give in, let alone take it to heart. With me here, you don't have to swallow your anger."

I lowered my head and tidied up my sleeves, and hummed: "I know. But I'm hot right now, and it's too late for them to curry favor with me. Who would dare to offend me in person. You should leave as soon as possible. After all, you are relatives. It would be impolite to go late."

Today is New Year's Eve, and Song Cheng and I made an appointment early on. I was socializing at Xu's house, and he went to his uncle's house to visit the elders, and then we came back to have a gathering alone.Some time ago, because of the matter of Andre and Yang Chen, the two of us had a very unpleasant fight.

I won't miss the appointment, I didn't tell Song Cheng in advance last night, I went straight back to his residence.The main reason that allowed me to make such a free and easy decision was that Xiao Wang, the nurse, did not go home for the Chinese New Year because of the generous bonus he offered me. I can safely entrust Andre to him for two days without worrying about any problems.

It was already late at night when Song Cheng came back. When he saw me sitting on the sofa, he was stunned for a few seconds before he could react, and then he showed a surprised and delighted expression, and hugged me full of arms.

He pressed against my forehead and kissed me again and again, never mentioning the previous stiff relationship, only saying that we will have a good year together.

Song Cheng probably just got out of the entertainment, and his body smelled of alcohol and tobacco, which was a bit choking.He doesn't smoke or drink, but I know that he has been helping Hou Guangyue, and the possibility of being alone on many occasions is almost zero.

He was probably very tired yesterday, and after taking a shower, he went to bed with me for a while, and then fell asleep with me in his arms.The slightly longer forehead hair hangs down, covering a slightly tired face even in sleep.I traced his deep brows lightly with my fingers, and there was a flash of pain in my heart.

This time I slept until almost noon, Song Cheng, who has always been self-disciplined, woke up before I packed up and went out.He was wearing pajamas, his hair was still a little disheveled, his mature and cold aura had faded away, and he finally showed a youthful appearance that fit his age.

"It's okay. I said hello to my uncle, and I'll go again in the afternoon. I'm not in a hurry. How about we go have lunch together?" Song Cheng hugged me from behind, and he kissed the side of my neck with a soft voice, "Then I'll drive Take you to Xu's house."

"No need." I paused, feeling that the refusal was too cold, so I turned around in his arms and climbed onto Song Cheng's shoulders, "I'll go early and return early, anyway, we're going to have New Year's Eve dinner together at night, keep it Appetite waits until then."

He looked at me for a while, and stroked my cheek with his fingers: "Junyan... really don't want to go with me? What happened that year won't happen again, I promise..."

"Song Cheng, now is not the right time." I don't understand Song Cheng's insistence on introducing me to his relatives. He clearly knows that our relationship will not be able to stand on the stage, "I will be very embarrassed. What are we? Classmates? Friends? There's no need to do that."

Besides, I have no interest in fitting into your family.

Song Cheng didn't say anything, just lowered his head and kissed my lips, and tightened his arms around my waist.There was a faint smell of mint between the lips and tongue. After a long time, he let me go and sighed deeply: "Go early and come back early."

"Of course." I smiled, "See you tonight."

"Toshihiko."

Because it was the New Year, my mother wore a well-tailored red dress with a bright diamond necklace and earrings, which made her elegant and beautiful face look radiant, as if she was only in her early thirties.

When I walked into the downstairs living room, she was sitting on the sofa chatting with her third aunt, and she no longer looked cold when she saw me, with a hint of kindness in her tone.The taciturn housekeeper took my coat, and the third aunt waved to me, affectionate enough: "I haven't been back for a long time, and I didn't dare to recognize Xiaoyan at first glance. more and more handsome."

"Mom, third aunt." I sat aside, nodded and smiled at third aunt, "I haven't seen third aunt for a long time, and third aunt is still as young as before."

"Xiaoyan is so sweet. I'm not young anymore. Xiaoyu is already in her junior year." When she smiled, some fine lines had accumulated in the corners of her eyes. She talks to you more."

I vaguely remember that Li Zhiyu, a lively girl, was well protected by her parents, away from the cruel situation of intrigue and conflict, so I bent my eyes: "I haven't been back to my alma mater for a long time, so I just asked her what's going on now, is the cafeteria the same?" Unappetizing."

"There must be no change. Xiaoyu complains every day. Xiaoyan, you don't know, she has liked the law since she was a child. What's the point of those rules and regulations, Xiaoyu told me that there are many interesting things in it..."

When talking about her daughter, Aunt San suddenly lost her previous fake kindness, with a bit of unconcealable joy on her face.Although Li Zhiyu grew up in such a family, she didn't need to worry about her studies at all, but because of this, her motivation and hard work are particularly valuable.

My mother watched me chatting with my third aunt, with a smile on her lips, she was gentle and quiet.It's just that the curvature of that smile hasn't changed at all, like a beautiful portrait.

I caught a glimpse of her expression out of the corner of my eye, and thought, Mom probably doesn't even know which university I went to.

Today is New Year's Eve, a day when everyone should gather together.But my uncle’s health has been going up and down since the pancreatic surgery that year—I think a serious illness may not be enough to take away his energy, but no matter who he is, he has to face his two sons one after another before he recovers. Life-and-death struggles, betrayal by the beloved little sister, etc., are hard to return to the way they were before.

Xu Yucheng and Xu Yuzhong showed up, but one of them sat in a wheelchair and stayed for less than an hour, refusing to say that he was not feeling well, and left early; the other left in a hurry after seeing Mr. Xu, without speaking to any relatives.

It's not a good reputation for brothers to fight against the wall. Everyone tacitly pretended that nothing happened. Whitewashing peace has always been the Xu family's forte.

I looked up at the stairs leading to the second floor. With the current situation, I really can't tell who is more wrong.

Is it because of Xu Yuzhong's incompetence, Xu Yucheng's greed, or the uncle's arbitrariness and the old man's stubbornness?Or, if it wasn't for the intervention of Mom and Andre, everything wouldn't be so bad?

It is said that it is the reunion night of the Xu family, but the real protagonists are only my mother and me.Suddenly, I looked across the crowd and met my mother. I smiled at her, and she still had an impeccable polite smile. She glanced past me and turned to talk to another uncle.

She and Mr. Xu have always disliked me, and their attitudes are the same as before, without any change.But the attitudes of other people have changed so much that I realized what a world of difference is.

Although the Xu family has not lost my food and clothing for so many years, almost no one has given me a good face.If the elders usually regard me as a transparent person, then bumping into me on New Year's Day will bring bad luck to them.

The corners of the mouth that were once slumped were raised sharply or implicitly, the mouth that said "go away" spit out caring words, and the eyebrows that were frowning at me in disgust were unfurled, as if crumpled paper was forcibly forced by invisible big hands. smooth.

The name of that hand is Money and Power.

The room was so warm that it was almost sweltering, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom and made my way through the crowd to the back garden.I just took off my coat in the living room, and I was only wearing a sweater. The cold wind suddenly hit my face, one cold and one hot, which made me shiver and couldn't help coughing twice.

My shoulders were suddenly surrounded by warm heat, and I froze for a moment, only to realize that it was my mother who had walked to my side at some point, and she took the scarf from the housekeeper and put it on for me.She is quite a bit shorter than me, and it was a bit difficult for me to tidy up. I quickly lowered my head, and my mother said calmly, "I'm such a big person, I still don't know how to take care of myself, and I don't wear more clothes when I go out."

"The person in charge of the hospital told me about Andre, your wings are stiff, and you can do the thing of taking him away directly." She raised her eyelashes slightly, her tone was flat, "Since you are willing to take care of him, then Just follow you."

I can't listen to her indifferent words, it's okay to be cruel to me, after all, my birth is not glorious; but Andre is obviously her favorite child, how can she hurt him so cruelly?

"There is a mother like you." I murmured, "Andre is ruined, don't you feel sad?"

"Junyan, you made a mistake. Not every mother must love her children. I brought you and Andre into this world to make you into perfect works of art, not to love you."

"We are not your creation." I knew I couldn't convince my mother, so I could only smile bitterly, "Even if you want Andre to be what you want, you shouldn't push him to this point."

"Andre's father's family has schizophrenia inherited from the family. His grandfather and aunt are all crazy, and he will go crazy sooner or later, which has nothing to do with my treatment of him." Mom looked at me, "Pregnancy, childbirth, How easy is it to raise a child to the age of 20? How can I not be heartbroken if all my efforts are ruined?"

Perhaps because she has no love for her children, she can easily shirk responsibility with a few words.I stared at her small and delicate face, and the sweet fragrance of her body lingered in my nostrils.

How beautiful, how selfish.

This woman loves herself more than anything else.

Over the top of her hair, I looked ahead at the brightly lit main house, which was noisy with people.This place tonight is finally like my "home". Everyone is very kind to me, and mentions my childhood fun and achievements like a few treasures, as if I am really an outstanding junior who they have watched grow up and placed on everyone's expectations.

I don't feel elated, I just feel sick.

Every corner and everyone in the Xu family stinks from the inside to the outside, never before has it made me want to vomit.

"Mother."

I called her even though she never responded.

"I'm not good-looking, I'm indecisive, I can't do anything well, I don't meet your requirements, I'm a failure."

The scarf she put on me was so tight that I couldn't even breathe.I stretched out my hand to tear off the scarf, took a deep breath of the cold air, and said softly, "Mom, you shouldn't have given birth to me."

You should not irresponsibly bring your life into this cruel world, let alone give me such a normal life. If I were half like you, Lu Changbai, and the Xu family, I would not feel pain.

"Is there anything wrong with this? You've grown up so much, can I change you back?" She frowned, "Junyan, although you're not smart, you won't lose your mind if you train by my side for a while." Performed poorly."

I didn't answer, and casually tossed the scarf to the housekeeper who was standing not far away: "Last time I promised you to celebrate the New Year at Xu's house, and now the festival is about the same, I'll go first. If you have any questions, please contact me. If you're fine... "

I paused for a moment and smiled at her: "...don't come. Neither Andre nor I want to see you."

Despite dragging a crippled leg, I tried to pick up the pace as I turned to leave.I thought of Andre saying in the dark room that he was scared, that he was held tightly by his mother, that he didn't want to be trapped in a cage to be perfect, to be a flawless model for portraits.

He loved me over and over again, wet and tear-stained face, whimpering like a puppy, hugging me tightly and refusing to let go.

I walked through the garden, which was full of camellias, well cared for and still beautiful in winter.It was also here a few years ago, with red double-petaled flowers supported by green leaves. Andrei stood among the flowers and smiled at me, as beautiful as an oil painting.

elder brother.He held out his hand to me, and we left this place together, far away, never to return——

When I was eight years old, I stood in the shadow of the staircase and peeked.

The woman came over and lifted my face, her fingers were white and soft, and there was a sweet smell on my body.Those beautiful almond eyes are full of scrutiny, as if looking at an object, not the biological son who reunited after many years.

I don't want you to be my mother.

Xu Yan, you are terrible.