salt by salt

"What do you think of me as a person?"

Yang Chen and I sat down against the wall on the steps of the roof. Although it was a bit cold, the starry sky in the winter night was clear.I thought about it carefully: "Not so good."

"How to speak, say something nice."

Yang Chen seemed to be in a good mood, he smiled and patted my forehead, he was very strong, I rubbed the sore place and complained: "It really hurts, can you get rid of your habit of using hands and feet?"

"Does it hurt?" He said in surprise, "I didn't try hard, it's because your skin is too tender, but it's better to be tender..."

This person inadvertently spoke yellow accent again.I rolled my eyes, the cold wind blowing outside made me really sleepy, so I shrank my neck and hid in the down jacket, chatting with Yang Chen.He hooked my finger: "Xu Junyan, do you know that I often come here for lunch in high school."

"I always thought your behavior was very stupid. Our class is on the first floor, and you go to the roof of the seventh floor to have lunch." I told the truth, "It's purely idle."

"Your mouth is really poisonous after drinking." He commented.

"I just said what was in my heart." I wanted to withdraw my hand, but he held it. I didn't pull it back a few times and I didn't bother to be hypocritical. I interlocked with his warm and dry fingers, and my heart moved, " If you have such a bad temper, whoever pays attention to you will be unlucky."

"Then why don't you still be with me?" He looked at me sideways with a smirk, his beautiful peach eyes were slightly raised, and he was flirtatious and seductive.

"It's just that you look good." I muttered softly, "Who's going to be with you? Aren't we friends with benefits?"

Yang Chen didn't speak for a long time. When I thought he had fallen asleep, he suddenly said, "Xu Junyan, to be honest, do you like me? Otherwise, what have you been trying to do all these years?"

"You look good." I said sincerely.

"Xu Junyan." His voice was deep, "I want to listen to the truth."

I looked at the white mist in my breath, he held my hand tightly, and I heard my own voice: "I have, I can't tell."

"What do you mean have been?" He sat up straight and looked at me, "Say it clearly."

"I liked you before, you were pretty handsome after all. But that was a long time ago, and I probably don't like you now." I said, "What's the point of asking, does it matter if you like it or not?"

Yang Chen looked at me quietly for a while, then suddenly leaned back and said, "It's quite boring."

I know what he wants to hear, it's just because I like him that I've been by his side silently for so long.But it's too difficult—even if I'm used to cheating and concealing, I don't want to use such words to please him.After all, I still have a bit of broken dignity, so I won't be like a dog who remembers whether to eat or not, and then give the remaining square inch on the tip of my heart as a whetstone that Yang Chen doesn't care about.

"Did I do a lot of wrong things?" he said, "Do you hate me?"

I don't know what happened to Yang Chen tonight, anyway, I waited for so long and finally waited for the day when his conscience was discovered.The original idea of ​​scolding him vigorously did not come true. I just moved my fingers, and I didn't even bother to move my lips: "It's all over."

"Will you... forgive me?"

The sky has eyes, and Yang Chen, who is as proud as he is, would bow his head to me and beg me to forgive him. If it wasn’t so cold that he didn’t want to move, I should have recorded this episode and played it on a loop every day. After listening to it, I want to make people akimbo and laugh.

"I don't forgive you." I yawned and said slowly, "You are so strange today, you actually talk so much."

Yang Chen and I seldom talk, most of the time we make appointments after we have sex, or he is unhappy and wants to quarrel with me, but I can bear it and let him sneer and taunt me wantonly.I'm not that dull. Growing up in a place like Xu's family has tempered my instinct for concealing maliciousness in language. I can understand the meaning behind every sentence of Yang Chen.But I gradually found that it would only be uncomfortable if I understood it, so I didn’t want to understand it anymore. Occasionally, I could see him choking on my numbness and sulking, which was not bad.

"Why are you in a daze? Are you sleepy?" He didn't answer my words, but leaned over and pinched my face, "Wake up, chat with me for a while."

"What are you talking about..." I couldn't keep my eyes open. It's strange to say that I am usually full of energy at this point, even if I drink alcohol, I won't be so sleepy.Yang Chen saw that I was staggering and really fell asleep, and suddenly pinched my chin viciously and kissed me.

"Damn it!" I kissed him for a while, then remembered in a daze that this was on the rooftop of the third grade department, so I immediately regained my senses and pushed him away, "Don't be in heat anytime, anywhere, okay, if I get caught, I will Shameless?"

"At most, I will be deducted class morality points." He stroked my lips heavily with his fingers, his eyes were frighteningly bright, "Do you remember that we did it here? But there was a room at that time..."

I remember that.

At that time, there was a small shed set up by the school’s meteorological interest club on the roof. Yang Chen dragged me into it. He didn’t tell me to do it the day before, and I didn’t do the expansion before I went to school.He couldn't get in for a while, and was so angry that he pinched my waist hard.I was thinking that the door was not locked, and I was afraid and in pain. I held back my tears and knelt down to give him oral sex.His action was very rude. He grabbed my hair and pushed it in. I could only swallow as deeply as possible, trying to make him finish quickly so as not to be discovered. Because the deep throat was too long, my eyes turned black and I thought I was going to suffocate to death. .

"It felt like drowning."

This sentence flashed in my mind, it was a novel I was reading.My weak struggle was forcibly suppressed by Yang Chen, who was burning with lust, and could only hold his shirt hem tightly, using instinctive swallowing to please him.Hurry up, hurry up, or I'm really going to die.

He ended up cumming in my face and when I got back I found bruises all over my waist.Here are all my memories of that sex.

"Do you want to do it again?" I am no longer as ridiculous as I was at that time and blindly obeyed to please him. This kind of sex that can't please me at all should be called unilateral violence. If he wants to do it again, I will always Punch him in the face.

"No, you cried badly that time."

I don't remember crying, probably physical tears, but every time I finished my face would be dirty by him, and I couldn't tell whether it was tears or semen.He let out a breath, as if talking to himself: "I was young and ignorant at the time."

"Say something pure in school, what do you want to do in the future?" I changed the subject, because I really don't want to discuss the past, it's tantamount to tearing the scab off and showing people what's inside Fresh meat dripping with blood, and the person holding the knife at the end even said lightly that he was young and frivolous at the time, don't care about stabbing you a few times, it makes your teeth itch.

"What to do?" Yang Chen really thought about it, "Invest in the direction I'm interested in, and show the old man some tricks, so that he won't say that I'm not doing my job properly."

I nodded, and he looked at me with interest: "What about you? I haven't heard much from you about what you want to do."

"I used to want to be a policeman, I was just an ordinary policeman."

Yang Chen laughed: "I can't imagine what you look like in a police uniform."

"I can't think of it, and I don't have a chance." I stretched, "I don't want to be a policeman now, I only have one wish waiting to be fulfilled."

"Oh? What wish, tell me."

I cherish the atmosphere now, making up for the unfulfilled fantasies I once longed for.The two of us adults talked about everything that might happen in the future, our ideals and all unrealistic dreams on the rooftop like real high school students.

"I have to sleep with at least a few handsome guys in my life." I said with a smile, "otherwise I won't be able to survive."

"It's a beautiful idea." He snorted softly.

I stood up and patted the dust on my coat, stretched out my arms to embrace the night sky happily, and turned to him and said——

"Then committed suicide by jumping into the sea on his 29th birthday."