salt by salt

The astonishment just flashed across Wu Mian's face. Since I said this, I didn't really care about his opinion, but at least I didn't feel offended by his calm and objective attitude.

I pretended to be relaxed and smiled: "He has been abroad. To be honest, I didn't know him well at the beginning... we slept together for no reason. Maybe it's because I don't think he is my brother, but maybe it's because I'm a moral man. Depressed people."

Wu Mian paused, and said slowly: "The Westermark Effect shows that two children who grew up together in the early years will not be sexually attracted to each other as adults; correspondingly, children who are originally relatives but have no common life Experience, they will still have sexual attraction, psychology calls this genetic sexual attraction (genetic sexual attraction, GSA for short).

"Junyan, it's not your fault, it's because of your same genetics. This kind of sexual attraction is stronger than that of people who are not related by blood. The closer you are, the more obvious the effect will be."

I was silent for a moment: "...these are just excuses. It is precisely because I understand these from the beginning, I know that there will be an attraction between us that is different from ordinary people, but I should have restrained this abnormality from the beginning The desire to be a good brother. Actually I don't, and that's my mistake."

Wu Mian nodded, with a serious tone: "Then can you tell me the reason for your choice? Or... your thoughts at that time?"

"Because he's good-looking." I said without hesitation.

He smiled slightly: "If possible, I would like to hear some deeper reasons."

"Ha...that's a lot."

"It's okay, I'm listening."

I frowned, trying to go back to the first time I indulged myself to seduce Andre, and recalled what I thought when I seemed to be completely bewitched by beauty.I like to analyze my own thoughts, like putting myself on the cold dissecting table, or being a ghostly bystander to the painful past, although this self-knowledge often does not help the situation.

"Part of it, I think, was revenge on my mother. To get back at her for ignoring me for so many years by sullying the perfect child she doted on. And then... my brother was cold to me. I wanted to get his attention, wanted to Let him see my brother in his eyes, and want to... control him in this way, at least in bed."

Having said that, I stopped. I don't know when Wu Mian played the music, and the gentle sound of the piano was rippling in the living room.I took a breath, and then exhaled deeply: "The last reason...it's funny to say it."

"Whatever it is, I'd like to hear it from you."

I looked towards the warm light, and after a long time, I whispered:

"He...he just stood there and I could feel the attraction, it was going to consume me. When I made love to him, I felt complete - it was an indescribable feeling, as if we were meant to be In this way, and I finally made up the missing part of myself, I finally am me."

Wu Mian patiently listened to me, then sighed softly: "Junyan."

"Ok?"

"You know yourself too well," he said. "Isn't it hard work?"

I shook my head.

The female doctor back then pointed helplessly to where my heart was, and she said: Xu Junyan, in fact, you know where your illness is, and you have become your own doctor.

No.I only diagnose, not cure.I know the source of all pain, but I can't fix it.

"Through your description, I will provide some of my opinions. If you have any objections, you can interrupt me at any time."

Wu Mian said softly, "Junyan, your brother is a collection of things you lack. He represents family affection, being cared for, and the love of your parents. These are his auras that attract you. Having sex with him seems to be able to stain his light, In this way, you can indirectly feel those things that make you whole. But in fact, this is just a substitute placebo, which does not satisfy the real psychological desire, and even forces your nerves to become more and more tense."

"What we need is to solve the problem, then we will satisfy the need. What you need is not sex, but real family affection, real love."

After all, Wu Mian is a single father, and his caregivers are meticulous and considerate.He tidied up the guest room and let me stay. I originally wanted to stay in a hotel, but he insisted on refusing: "It's almost one o'clock in the morning, tossing and tossing and tossing and tossing and tossing and tossing is not good for your health. You have to go to bed early to be happy."

I feel very embarrassed, I'm sorry for my emotional outburst in the middle of the night, but he waved his hand: "I'm a doctor, and my mobile phone is turned on 24 hours a day to let you ask for help. How polite are you?"

After Andre's topic, Wu Mian didn't take the opportunity to get to the bottom of it, and talked about some light topics to calm me down.I'm very surprised about this, he doesn't seem like other psychiatrists I've met, he can't wait to empty out my thoughts at once, but he restrains his "curiosity".

Wu Mian just smiled lightly at this: "Late at night is indeed a good time to 'reveal the truth', at this time it is always easy for people to express their deepest feelings emotionally...but most people will regret it afterwards. "

"Compared to asking you to tell me everything now, which is almost opportunistic, I believe that one day in the future, after careful consideration, you will entrust the past to me with a gesture of trust." He said, "Many people come to ask for help. It took a lot of courage to take a step, so I want to preserve the dignity that my patients deserve."

I was silent for a moment, and pursed my lips: "You are a good doctor, and I feel comfortable getting along with you."

"We'll see each other again next weekend." He said, gently closing the door for me, "Toshihiko, thank you for opening your heart to me today, good night."

"Good night."

A night without dreams.

The next day I woke up a little early, quietly left Wu Mian's house, took a taxi outside the community, and went back to my house to get documents and clothes.

As soon as I took out the key and inserted it into the lock, the door opened from the inside.Andre stood behind the door with a tired face, and the blue color in his eyes was particularly obvious on his fair face.The moment he saw me, he cheered up and showed a soft smile: "Brother, come back..."

"Why haven't you left yet?"

The words blurted out, and I saw his eyes dim instantly, and even his brilliant blond hair lost its former brightness.

He who had always been arrogant and indifferent managed to maintain a smile at this moment: "I...I will wait for you to come back, lest something happen to you."

"What can happen to me?" I took off my coat and threw it on the sofa. I took it casually in my anger and collapse last night, and I didn't notice that it was Andre's windbreaker.I ignored him and turned around to get my clothes. Andre followed me like a puppy, and I almost bumped into him several times when I turned around.

"What are you going to do?" Although I had calmed down overnight, I gritted my teeth and said, "Andre, don't forget what you said last night..."

"I was wrong." He immediately picked up the conversation, "I'm talking nonsense, brother, I didn't mean to say this, I didn't mean to think so. It's all because I knelt too much when you came back..."

"Are you still taking drugs?!" The anger that was finally restrained went straight to the top of my head. If I hadn't rushed to work, I would have slapped him twice, "Are you crazy? How do you want me to explain to my mother?!"

Andre hugged my waist and rubbed his head against my neck: "Brother, I was wrong, I was wrong, please forgive me! I just haven't tried it, I want to try it! My brother told me The best...well, brother, I didn't sleep after waiting all night..."

If he had a tail, he'd be wagging like a big dog.At this moment, the figure of him acting like a baby overlapped with the cruel and vicious man last night, which gave me a subtle sense of absurdity.After being made such a fuss by him, the cruel words I had planned were all stuck in my throat, so I could only push him away irritably: "Okay, I'm going to work, stop acting!"

Andre raised his head, but his eyes were full of tears.With tears in his eyes, he sniffled, let go of his hands and turned his face: "Well... I see, brother, let's go. Breakfast is on the table... Remember to take it with you. Well, I will reflect on myself."

I had a terrible headache, knowing that he was bad in nature, and all this was acting to trick me, but I couldn't help blaming myself for being too hard-hearted—even if it was acting, the blue and black in front of me are always real.Andre has invested a lot of money, which at least shows that my brother is not as unworthy as he said... His eye circles are reddish, he bites his lower lip tightly, his long eyelashes flicker with a few small drops of water, I really feel sorry for you.

I rubbed the center of my brows and said softly: "Don't cry... well, why is such a big man crying? Cough... I don't mean to hate you, but I'm really in a hurry, you... oh, Ender Lie, I forgive you, okay?"

"Yeah, that's great." He quickly pecked and kissed my face, tears were wiped away, and I was dumbfounded, "Thank you brother."

"Why on earth are you...forget it."

I glanced at my watch, and it would be really troublesome if I didn't go out to catch up with the rush hour, so I had no choice but to stop talking and tidy up quickly.Andre seemed to understand my unspoken question, and said softly, "Because you are my brother."

I had already changed my shoes and pushed open the door, and stopped my steps when I heard his voice: "What?"

"I said... because my brother can only be my brother." Andre said the familiar words from my former self in an almost tender tone, "but my brother will always be my brother."

We looked at each other the moment the door closed, and I realized how similar the scene was to last night.At that time I couldn't see half of his face in the dark, and now I find that I can't understand him at all even in the light.