Nankang Bai Qi, if he knows you left

"Wow-wow-" The river is rolling in waves, and the cold autumn wind keeps blowing past you, making your face feel cold all of a sudden, you stop, feeling the heat on your face has been blown by the cold wind You can only feel the coolness, but your eyes subconsciously just stare blankly at the Xiangjiang River behind the railing outside the grass.

The river follows the trend of the wind blowing bigger and bigger and turns up waves. You just stare at the river in a daze, as if you are being pulled into another big world that doesn't fit in, and you are at a loss.

But only the hands tightly clenched in the sleeves are trembling, even the legs are trembling unconsciously, the fingertips clenched the palm of the hand with ruthless force, it feels as if the palm of the hand is pinched by nails, and it hurts, but you have a look on your face. Looking at the river palely, his mouth was trembling and he didn't know what to say.

"Huh—" The wind blows harder and harder, and your whole body is rooted in the soil like a tree, unshakable, but the next second you take a deep breath, watching the sunset that is about to be swallowed by the darkness again, and close your eyes tightly. Closing his eyes, he finally said cautiously: "...Little boy?"

Careful tone, mixed with gentle emotions, blending in the cold wind, I don’t know who to talk to, there is no one around, this time was originally a college reunion, but you found an excuse to run out, on the way to the Xiangjiang River But very difficult.

But you also know that you did this to see him...

----

On the way of driving, you looked at the Xiangjiang River that was getting closer and closer to you, and you lost your mind for a moment. You didn't know how to face it for a while. This was the first time you used the time of the class reunion to find him.

Find the river area where he is.

But your hands that usurped the steering wheel were clenched unconsciously, cold sweat suddenly broke out on your face, and "plop--" flashed in your mind for a moment. , but never appeared again.

wrong.

wrong,

This is not true!

With this uneasiness, you look at the Xiangjiang River that has already arrived. There is nothing on the river, but your heart seems to be fascinated, and you stare at it with your eyes. Is it here?"

Outside the door is the strong wind blowing the tumbling river in the same direction, your eyes light up along the phone, and your hands trembling flip through the screenshots in the album, the introduction about Nankang Baiqi.

It says -

Nankang Baiqi (between 1980.05.26-2008.03.9~03.12), born on 1980.04.13 in the lunar calendar, male, from Liaoning.Born in Liaoning, grew up in Inner Mongolia.

It’s obviously a screenshot. You’ve watched the introduction countless times in the car or even at home, but after watching it so many times, your hands will tremble unconsciously. Your phone almost fell on the floor. Fortunately, you caught it quickly .

As if opening up the memory not long ago, the novel of Six Chapters of a Floating Life of the little hairy boy reads: "Once when talking about the fate between people, I said: "It's terrible, you were born in Shaanxi and grew up in Gansu , I was born in Liaoning and grew up in Inner Mongolia, thousands of miles apart.China has a population of 13 billion, yet we were admitted to the same university and lived in the same dormitory.Do the math, the chances are frighteningly small, if something goes wrong, I won't be able to meet you. "

Suddenly, he looked at you with a gentle smile in his mind, and his tone was a little relaxed, as if sighing that he didn't miss it, and said to you in a relaxed manner.

At this time, there was a strong wind outside the car window, and you were pulled into the memory for a moment, and his gentle smile flooded into your mind instantly, holding your hand under the sun and explaining with a smile.

Your hands subconsciously want to touch the person who is warm right now. You still remember what you said before, and some of you were subconsciously asked: "Little hairy boy?" Suddenly your eyes became hot, and you watched the familiar figure disappear in a daze. , When you blink again, there is an empty seat in front of you, and there is no one else but you.

You choked up and held the steering wheel tightly, staring at the information below, and your heart beat even harder. Your most disturbing moment is coming.

On March 2008, 3, at the age of 9, he committed suicide by throwing himself into the Xiangjiang River in the Dongting Lake system of the Yangtze River in Hunan.

...

...

Your heart skipped a beat, and then you followed your gaze towards the Xiangjiang River in the distance, your eyes slowly turned red, as if you couldn't stand it, you immediately opened the car door, and slammed the car door in front of you again regardless of the strong wind outside , You were a little dizzy from being hit, but you looked at the distant river very clearly in your mind, and then walked weakly, slowly walking towards the railing beside the Xiangjiang River.

The cold wind blows towards you all of a sudden, your eye sockets are slowly moistened, your hands are already clenched and numb with pain, and you feel that your hands are slowly being penetrated by nails, and then the warm liquid is exposed, you just try your best to sniff your nose to keep the tears from coming early One step came out, and then he said hoarsely: "Little boy? Zhou Bogang? Are you really here?"

The rolling waves on the water keep rushing forward, and the surrounding trees are shaken by the blowing. In the end, you still shed tears unconsciously, and the warm liquid flows down your cool cheeks. The river water is in front of you, but you can’t find him figure of...

But you know that he has already gone here...

sink in here...

Just waiting for you.

You exhaled hot breath, feeling more and more heat sources in your eyes, and finally trembling, you said: "Are you really gone? Zhou Bogang..." But the tone immediately shouted, and the anger and sadness of the whole person poured into this scene In the river, there was no reply from him.

"fraud……"

"I can't believe you've thrown yourself into the river..."

"You must be avoiding me, right?! Avoiding me?! Zhou Bogang, do you really don't want to see me again?! Use a dead excuse to avoid me? Right?"

"Where the hell are you?!"

You roared angrily at this river, your eyes gradually became blurred, the river became unclear in your blurred vision, but the suppressed anger in your heart was filled with deep torment, as if you were opening your heart to that person to sue.

You clenched the railing in your hand in disbelief, but looked at the distant river with red eyes in disbelief and said, "Why did you throw yourself into the lake? You! Are you stupid? You! Why did you leave and leave me alone?" There are so many troublesome things! Why do you want to die...Little boy" Your tears blurred your vision, and you couldn't see the river in the distance. You finally vented your anger against the railing.

There was some blood in your hands and you felt swollen, and your blood-red traces were already printed on the white railings. You cried and shouted to Jiang: "Qi... don't go, come back, okay? You Don't go, I miss you so much, Ah Qi" Your breath trembled along with you, looking at the gray weather in front of you, the wanton tumbling river water made your mood colder and colder .

"I waited for you to be 30 years old, but I will never reach 30 years old, so I will wait for you forever, and the result... this is the result of you waiting for me? Hahahahahaha" You looked at the river water dumbfounded, crying It has been blown by the wind and flowed into the corner of your mouth, tasted a salty taste.

"You are really cruel...Zhou Bogang." You said with some coldness, but you thought very uncomfortable in your heart: How much courage did you have to jump into this river?

Are you really not in love?

Did you really leave me and make up your mind to leave like this?

Is it better to be drowned in water than to leave me?

Zhou Bogang, you are really amazing at what you do!

You looked at the river and talked without energy, until the blood on the railing dripped into the river drop by drop along the railing, and you suddenly imagined his outline immersed in the river...

"Ah Qi!!" You yelled, wanting to take advantage of the trend, but found that you were yelling at you with a loud voice: "What are you doing! Don't you know WeChat here?!" The security guards on the side suddenly patrolled and found you doing some dangerous moves I hurried to stop you.

"...Let me go! Get out!" You rudely pushed him away and yelled, and then continued to hold on to the railing: "Ah Qi... I'm here, I'll save you..."

The security guard at the side frowned, gritted his teeth and pulled you off, saying, "Calm down! There was an accident a few years ago, do you still want to have an accident?!" The security guard yelled at you, dragging you further away from the river. Far.

"but I………"

The security guard turned his head and said angrily, "What are you?!"

"But I don't want him to leave so alone..." The security guard was stunned for a moment. The person in front of him looked like he was in his 30s, but he was crying worse than a child. The security guard looked at you in a daze and cried, "He It was because of me, because of me, because of me..."

The security guard froze for a moment and then said seriously: "You are sober, sir?!" But you cried very sadly: "Why did he leave me like this, why...".

In the gray weather, there is a strong wind blowing all around them, and they make terrible noises. There are burning pains and liquid sticky sensations on your hands. Only the tears in your eyes keep falling, and the river is rolling in your ears. "哗哗—" sound, but you know that there is no one to respond to you anymore.

he really left...

Sinking into this big river...

----

One afternoon a few years ago, on March 3, the security guard suddenly received a call from a fisherman saying, "A man committed suicide by throwing himself into the Xiangjiang River, and his body flowed to the lower reaches of the Xiangjiang River..." The security guard was stunned for a moment. Zhu hurriedly said seriously: "I'll come over right away!"

When he rushed to the scene quickly, he found a lying corpse surrounded by people. The corpse was already swollen. The security guard found that it was an adult man in his 25s. He didn’t look big. Why did he throw himself into the river? ?

He breathed, sure he was dead.

When he tidied up his surroundings and waited for the medical staff to arrive, he found that there was a PHS in his pants. He was going to discuss with the police later to see if there were any clues on the mobile phone.

But the mobile phone has been submerged for several days and cannot be used. He can only remove the card to find the contact number on the computer. He found that there are only his mother's phone number and his sister's phone number.

And the medical staff inspected the dead body for too long.

What happened to such a 25-year-old man to throw himself into the river?

When I found the latest whereabouts by chatting with Koukou, and contacted the policemen around the parents, the security guards never imagined the parents' shocked tone and unbelievable voice slowly rang out in the quiet police station.

He frowned a little, what could young people do to be forced to throw themselves into the river?

But after a few years, he was stunned when he saw a crying man lying on the railing who no longer cared about the blood on his hands. He subconsciously pulled the man who wanted to jump into the water along the railing and shouted: "Be careful!" Do you know that accidents are easy to happen?!"

But the 30-year-old man in front of him cried very sadly and said: "He left because of me..." You suddenly froze for a moment, remembering the swollen corpses that were caught on the shore in those years, you My heart trembled: "Is it because of him?"

Generally, the expression of sinking into the water and being drowned is very painful, unable to breathe and desperate, and slowly suffocated to death, but that day his expression was very peaceful...

You finally yelled: "Wake up sir!" Try to pull this crying man out, don't kill another...

But you are also thinking in your heart, why didn't you come earlier, he has been drifting for more than ten days...

Not even the fish hurt him.

But he could only hear him crying constantly: "Why did he leave me! Why..."

The security guard also thought depressingly: "Is there any reason for a fool who can do this?"

Sighing in his heart, he quickly pulled the man into the car and sent him to the police station.

gray sky,

The river water is also gray now,

Turning the car key, when he was driving, he suddenly heard the radio in the car, looked at the low-pitched man and sighed: "Young man, don't do dangerous things at all times!" He was going to play gentle radio music to calm his heart.

Your face is covered with tears, and your eyes are a little dull looking at the leaving river and the trees passing by. You heard the security guard sighing: "You...don't come here early..."

People have been soaking for more than ten days, and the parents are all crying and can't find the reason. I didn't expect to meet you today.

When you didn't understand what he said for a moment, the security guard shook his head and didn't explain because he was afraid that he would subconsciously open the car door if he said it, so he could only light on the music and said, "I'll go to the police station to take notes later, it seems that you know him."

The security guard smiled gently at him and said, "What's your name? Are you friends with him?" You looked at him coldly and said, "Zhang Jilong."

But the mouth opened in the next second, and the sentence he wanted to say, "I am him..." The ex-boyfriend still couldn't say it, so he could only frown and say, "Good friend."

The security guard seemed to be sighing. Looking at the gray weather, he wiped away the fog that gradually covered the glass from the car window. Seeing the vehicle in front of the window becoming clearer, the security guard sighed: "What kind of dispute did you have to make him Leave like this?"

You continued to be stunned, and slowly lowered your eyes to look at your injured hand, his smile, his coquetry, and his calmness and unconcealable sadness when parting flashed in your mind.

And the sentence on the phone: "I'll wait for you until you're 35 years old." After that, the phone call that couldn't get through, the sadness of classmates, and the crying of his family, told you that he had left.

The security guard looked at him even more gloomy, so he didn't ask any more questions, and then said in another way: "Sorry, I shouldn't bring up things that make you sad. We're just making a record later, just tell us It’s fine if you’ve had any contact with him in the past few months, because I really can’t figure out why a man in his 20s would choose to commit suicide by throwing himself into the river, and we also want to give the parents an explanation…”

Your heart sank to the bottom, and you recalled his parents holding your arms tightly and crying, asking, "What happened to him recently? Do you know? Why did he leave suddenly?!"

You remember being in total shock.

With guilt in your heart, the security guard also sighed: "Have you never met their parents?" You nodded and said: "Yes, but I was stunned at the time, I didn't expect it to be true."

How he wished it was fake...

The security guard was silent for a long time, and finally amplified the sound of the radio and said: "Listen to the song, it's almost here." You looked around and saw the playlist on the radio, and the songs were being switched one by one.

Pop music spreads in the car, your mood is filled with joy and then into sadness, and you can only look at the disappearing Xiangjiang road in confusion.

Suddenly came a low and slow accompaniment, this accompaniment sounded a bit sad, just as you had no choice but to pick up your phone and flip through his photos, you seemed to hear the voice from the female announcer——

"Listen next, I'll wait for you from Watermelon Jun until you're 35" You blinked fiercely, feeling suddenly uneasy in your heart, but just smiled helplessly, how could it be such a coincidence.

How can anyone else promise to wait for a person to be 30 years old?

Only he has been waiting for himself...

There is no one else but himself...

And the male voice slowly came from the quiet car: "Wake up and open your eyes again until the early morning" with a deep voice and the accompaniment began to progress——

"Make sure you're the only one left"

"Six Chapters of a Floating Life still talks about stability in this world"

"The world is now divided"

"I've been laughing all the way to fool myself"

"Don't ask if the blessing is fake or real"

"How painful it is to let go of seven years of existence"

"Who gets deeper than who"

"Don't be so honest"

"Why bother to ask more questions"

"Truth is crueler than lies"

"Don't be so serious"

"Time fades scars"

"Maybe letting go is the new life"

"How tough is the road in the restricted area"

"Growing tired eyes"

"The guy who said wait until 35"

"Has crossed the gate of life and death"

"Don't be so cruel"

"Someone is just getting married"

"There are people in the cold water of the river"

"Don't be so religious"

"Whose Soul on the River"

"floating and refusing to sink"

"Too Afraid of Separation"

"Breathing is so familiar"

"Love you is equal to life"

"Familiarity is like palm prints"

"But it's just this life"

"The Unspoken Identity"

"Ripples Under the Bridge"

"Twilight Floating on the River"

"How secure it is in this world"

.........

……

Who wrote this?

Your tears suddenly fell down again, looking at the lyrics and saying: "Who wrote this?!" The security guard at the side was startled: "What's wrong with you?!" When Kang Baiqi got up, he felt as if he was being shocked by an electric shock. He was stunned when he saw many comments about Nankang Baiqi's words with trembling hands.

There is a comment: "From day to night to yin and yang, the ending should be guessed from the moment of falling in love. The world praises love but the world never recognizes love. What is right and what is wrong? Nankang, 35 years old, Xiangjiang The water is too cold, I'm afraid you are alone in the distant heaven, and he, with a woman and maybe a child, is in the heaven at home. Nankang, do you regret waiting?"

Have you ever… regretted it?

Have you ever regretted it?

Regret meeting me?Little hairy boy.

There was an indescribable pain and discomfort in your chest, and you lowered your head with a silly smile and said, "Have you ever regretted waiting for me to be 30 years old?" The dry tears became more warm liquid flowed down the cheeks again. , and the security guard looked at you blankly and said: "You..." Seeing you crying heart-piercingly, covering your head and crying, he said: "What's wrong with you?!"

And the singing had already ended, when suddenly a gentle voice came from the broadcasting station——

"All of a sudden, I saw many listeners leaving messages, asking why this song is so depressing? Next, I will read Nankang Baiqi's autobiography for everyone, and everyone will know that he wrote a waiting statement to a man named Mr. Zhang—I will wait for you By 30 years, these sentences may be a little sad."

Mr. Zhang...?

"Husband!" He seemed to hear him calling to himself gently, sitting on a chair with himself to enjoy the warmth of the sun, and said: "I feel that the sun is not as warm as you when I am with you."

The security guard looked at you helplessly and said with a smile, "Your surname seems to be Zhang too?" He picked up the toilet paper and handed it to you, but your hands were trembling, and your eyes were fixed on the page of the radio station.

"Some people say that if the pain is extreme, the wound will heal faster, but I can't guarantee that I can bear it."

"I look forward to his happiness more earnestly than anyone else in this world, but I still feel very sad when I think that this happiness is not for me." When your eyes are blurred, the gentle pairing suddenly reappeared in front of your eyes. You laughed at him, standing at the gate of the station waiting for your arrival.

"Look at this man, he said he likes me, and it makes me so sad."

"I'm not innocent, but I'm not guilty either. I just like someone." I remembered that day when you packed your luggage in your house and saw him standing quietly on the balcony watching you leave. People are very lonely and pitiful, how could you have thought that you would already have some depression when you left him?

How did he grit his teeth and write down such suffocating and sad words?

How painful should he be?

Why... I can't come back anymore, Zhou Bogang.

"So many times, I am not willing to wait, but have to wait, knowing that I will never meet another person in my life who can make me like this. I want to be with you forever, for the rest of my life Nor separate."

.........

...

You are still crying sadly, no matter how much blood is flowing from your hands, sticking to the face you keep wiping, the security guard on the side is also shaking his head and speeding up the car, and the gentle voice of a girl is in your ears, seriously substituting His once depressive love for you is expressed in every word, but with helpless emotions and sad and depressive background music.

Suddenly, some raindrops hit the car window, and the security guard clicked his tongue and said, "It's raining." Seeing that the police station was about to arrive, he slowed down the speed of the car, and the voice of the radio was still coming gently: "Go to the nearest bus At the station, sit on a bench, watch one bus after another, and watch the people coming and going.”

"Every time he sees me, he is always very happy, and I am also happy, because others can see that he has been drinking, so I have a reason to support him openly."

"How much did you drink?"

"a little."

"Are you drunk?"

"a little."

"Do you want to throw up?"

"No, it's okay."

"The two of them were talking like this while walking slowly towards the house."

You are trapped in the memory, you can’t tell whether it’s sad or happy, you just smile at the warm memory, but the next second the car door opens, the cold wind blows in, and the security guard stands at the car door and sighs to you: "Have you finished crying? It’s okay." let's go."

You just smiled gently at the empty space in front of you, as if he was there and said, "You haven't come to pick me up for a long time, Qi." Then you wanted to reach out your hand and hold the gentle him who smiled at you .

Listen to him worrying about you again: "Are you okay?"

The wind outside is strong, but you can't hear it anymore. The tears that flow down in front of your eyes are mixed with the cold wind to remind you that he has left. This is reality.

The guy who was waiting for me on the bus never came back.

----use up