Jellyfish under cherry blossoms

Note -10

Today, at the alma mater swearing-in meeting, I applied for the opening speech, and it was only when I was on stage that I suddenly remembered that the child should only be in the second year of high school, and he might be sleeping in the classroom at the moment, so what else can I do? The speech I applied for is crying finish.

Or say I was lucky, God gave me a big gift when I was born, I was destined to be luckier than others in other aspects, the rostrum had a wide view, and I quickly found him outside the fence.

The kid was too indifferent, before he even looked at him a few more times, he turned around and gave me the back of the head, haha, it doesn't matter, summer is still long.

Note -11

I found a kid in the old street, the kid is too stupid, so obviously he was fooled when he said he was fooled by Pengci, even though the person who is Pengci is me, he can trust me, if it is someone else, should I give him a candy He just followed, no, find a time in the future to popularize self-protection awareness for him.

The kid didn't recognize me, so he was a little disappointed, but it was normal. He was still young at that time, so we shouldn't be too strict in life.

Note -13

There is a boy next to the child every day. It can be seen that their relationship is very tacit, and they must have known each other for a long time. Am I coming too late? (crossed out) Well, he had someone by his side to take care of him until I showed up.

Note -14

Others say that I don't have the self-consciousness of a terminally ill patient, how can I live so relaxed and comfortable, like a normal person, without any sense of depression or sickness, look at what they say, I will reply jokingly, "I Shut up on the spot and show you?"

I take good care of me and rarely get sick. Maybe it’s because of this that I have a sense of luck. Accidents will not come to me so easily. Before it comes, I don’t need to be anxious all day long. For all the healthy people in the world, I cherish every day very much. I want to live a good life, find my little friend, and be with him as long as possible, longer than his life.

The kid is so smart, he discovered my illness. At that moment, I felt that I was not a normal person for the first time because of my illness. The friends around me were very kind to me, and they would not treat me specially because of my illness. , but there are so many people in the world, I can't ask everyone to be like this, there will still be people who hide away from me, for fear of getting into trouble, I don't blame them, I respect them.

What did the kid say, it seems to tell me not to give up, I can't remember, I just went to see him, anyway, it's stupid.

Note -18

Now that the kid is a boyfriend, I almost fell ill on the spot.

Note -23

The child asked me if I knew him before. I think he should have remembered something, but I can’t confirm it. I plan not to tell him. I want to do an experiment. They say that the older you are, the farther your memory is. I can’t remember just putting the reading glasses on. Where is it, but I remember arguing with my neighbors over a trivial matter decades ago. I want to see if I will sit on the recliner and suddenly think of the hospital when I am old.

At that time, I was in the hospital. It was the first time that the disease was so severe that I was hospitalized for an operation. I was very scared and dared not sleep every night. My adoptive father was very good to me, but he also had his own affairs and could not accompany me every night.At night, I would shrink under the quilt, unable to sleep and not daring to show my head.

But one day, a little boy suddenly lifted my quilt and slipped in at night. He didn't say anything, and fell asleep in my arms. I saw his appearance clearly during the day, he was a neighbor. The child of the bed patient, the adults in his family didn’t seem to care much about him. He was probably afraid of sleeping alone. For the next few days, he got into my quilt and slept with me every night. I was not so afraid anymore.

His parents called him Lin Liunian, he was a cute and well-behaved child.

Note -26

I went to visit the prison today, and every time I see my adoptive father, I always feel stuffy in my heart. Some things seem to be far away from you, but they are actually around you. When they appear, they can always destroy your life with a single blow.In the past, I only knew that my adoptive father was very kind to me, but he cared less for him. If I found out earlier, I might have a chance to redeem it, but it’s too late to say these things now.

Suddenly lost contact with Liu Nian, I couldn't get in touch with him, I knew I should go to him, but I didn't, I hesitated, maybe some things didn't belong to me, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't catch them.

Maybe I didn't live in the real world in the past, I was only fighting with myself, but now I am facing the real life, full of accidents and losses.

It's just that I can't be reconciled.

Note -27

I haven't written a diary for a long time. I went back to school to defend today and met Fleeting Years.

God knows how much I miss him, I want to see him, I want to hug him, I want to kiss him, I want to rush to him and ask him loudly why he suddenly cut off contact with me, I want to cut his heart out to see how much he used to treat me My heart beats, I want to rub him into my flesh and blood, and I can never leave my life.

This wasted for two years, fortunately, fortunately...

Note -35

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Note -36

Fleeting Nian suffers from depression, I... If I can make up for his pain in the past two years, I am willing to exchange everything I have.

Note -38

The adoptive father was released from prison, and before I had time to go back to Jincheng to pick him up, I received the news that he was murdered by the enemy in revenge, just because the adoptive father surrendered himself and gave some names.

I don't want Liu Nian to know about these things, so let's leave for a while to deal with my adoptive father's affairs, I'm sleepy.

I got a call from Lu Chuyuan, who found out about my adoptive father and asked me to meet him.

He asked me if I knew about fleeting depression. I said yes. He said that this disease has suicidal tendencies. I know. He talked a lot about the two years of fleeting years. To the middle of the road, these I do not know.

"If you really love him, think about him more. Isn't the matter of your adoptive father enough to make you realize the problem? Fleeting Nian is a person who is more fragile than others. What he needs is the normal and stable life of ordinary people, and As for you, you don't know when you will suddenly get sick, and you don't know when your adoptive father's enemies will come to your door again, you can't even give him the most basic security, let alone stay with him all the time."

I can't speak, I can't give any guarantees, let's go back to Jincheng first, maybe I shouldn't have provoked him in the first place, the last thing I deserve in my life is to have fetters with people.

Note -39

The funeral is over, and during this time I have been fabricating lies about Fleeting Years, my guilt has piled up, I can't let it go, I dare not see him but I really want to see him.Fleeting Nian was very sad on the phone, saying that he felt that he was about to lose me, I was very distressed, and told him no, I would go back to see him soon.

When I hung up the phone, there was only one thought in my mind, life is so short, I will give my all to make myself stronger, I must protect Fleeting Years, otherwise I will contact him with any unbearable things in this world, I will take God from him Return the joy of leaving to him bit by bit, and I will always be with him.

But after all, fate didn’t give me a chance. The results of the hospital’s reexamination came out, and my condition worsened. I didn’t want to answer any questions, and I didn’t know what went wrong. Maybe my luck was overdrawn long ago. Use life to change.

Note -40

I haven’t touched a pen for a long time, two years have passed in a blink of an eye, and Liu Nian also graduated. After returning to Jincheng that time, I never went back to school. I was transferred to another hospital for treatment, and disappeared into his world just like Liu Nian had cut off all contact information. Before that, I called Lu Chuyuan.

I don't like Lu Chuyuan, there is no reason, but I know he is sincerely fond of Fleeting Years, I begged him to take good care of Fleeting Years, and he agreed.

I opened a coffee shop, please ask Zhou Sheng to take care of it for me, I still have some places I want to go, if I don't do it sooner, I won't have the chance.

Before I left, I went to find Lu Chuyuan, and learned that Fleeting Nian is doing well now, and the medicine is slowly being weaned off, so I feel relieved.I still felt a little regretful that I didn't see him, even if I looked at his back or profile.

Note -50

I passed a church in a small town in Europe. The tour guide was a woman. She mentioned my faith to me. Although I knew it was rude, I told him that I didn’t believe in gods and Buddhas.All the religious philosophies in the world are human beings looking for explanations of some things in different ways, looking for comfort of the soul and liberation of the soul.

In reality, God can do nothing.

I love him, God cannot make me stop loving him, and God cannot make me continue to love him.I only wish for one Lin Liunian in this life, and gods and Buddhas cannot fulfill my wish.

Daci Buddhism says "dependent origin and emptiness", the truth of life is a word of suffering, and the origin of this suffering lies in human desires and pursuits, so there is "emptiness", all appearances are false, All possessions are "fake possessions".

I believe half of it, but I can't let it go. I can't realize it after countless nights. If it recedes, it will rise in the next second, and it will never stop. How can I realize Wukong in just a moment.

Since you don't believe it or understand it, you have nothing to ask for.

But God, I love him so much, I really love him so much...