phone lover

Like in the darkness, the knight riding a thin horse in the sunflower field has long been swallowed by darkness.

Song Zhifei smiled and said that guests can do whatever they want, and asked Anyuan to arrange a few dishes for him, and Anyuan naturally chose to serve them proudly.

Served one by one, although it is Western food, it is eaten in Chinese style, which is also one of the characteristics of this restaurant.

An Yuan likes a more casual life. He hates the rigidity of formal Western food, and he doesn't like the roughness of Western simple food, so he chose a compromise solution. The dishes are authentic Western style, but they can be freely combined as one likes.Naturally, the wines had been paired well before. Xu Pingchuan still drafted a wine list during the dish tasting that day. He originally wanted to wait for Shu Yan to refine it, but it was too late now. An Yuan knew that Song Zhifei was someone who knew wine. I am using this excuse to ask him to criticize and correct me.

Song Zhifei took a look at the wine and said with a smile, "It's actually Italian. You know a lot about Anyuan."

An Yuan hurriedly said, "No, I asked someone to help me."

"This wine is very good, it goes well with this dish."

"Yeah, that would be great."

An Yuan watched Song Zhifei drinking, not knowing what to say.

This reminded him of the days in high school, he was so far away from him and had no chance to talk, and now he was finally so close to Song Zhifei, but he had nothing to say.

He kind of wanted to smoke one, although they were sitting in the smoking area, but he wasn't sure if Song Zhifei would mind if he smoked in front of him.

Song Zhifei is a very competent guest, he doesn't talk much, but he won't stand in the cold.He and An Yuan casually talked about the old school days, talking about insignificant things and people, and also talking about the current situation, three strokes and two strokes, An Yuan sat across from each other, and discussed with a smile, It looks very harmonious, pretending to be like an old friend reminiscing about the past.

It's the last dessert.

Song Zhifei swayed the white wine, and his eyes finally stopped on the wall painting.

"It's a pretty picture."

"thanks."

Song Zhifei withdrew his gaze, and continued their innocuous topic.

An Yuan was extremely disappointed in his heart.He saw Song Zhifei's eyes looking at the painting, which was very calm and without waves.

Song Zhifei seemed to have forgotten, of course, maybe he didn't care at all.

In the class reunion held before Song Zhifei left that year, he took away Song Zhifei's wine, and among the piles of farewell gifts for Song Zhifei was a greeting card he drew.

It is also a large sunflower sky, but the sky is blue.

"Can I have a cigarette?" Song Zhifei asked with a smile.

An Yuan was stunned, he didn't expect Song Zhifei to smoke, he nodded and said, "Of course, this is a smoking area."

Song Zhifei took out his cigarette and smoked it skillfully.

"Do you want one?" Song Zhifei pushed the cigarette in front of An Yuan.

An Yuan declined foreign cigarettes, he was not used to smoking.

What An Yuan took out was still his own Changbai Mountain. After all these years, he still likes this taste.

After exhaling that breath, Anyuan felt a little more comfortable amidst the smoke.

Sitting and smoking, chatting and laughing maturely, An Yuan waited for ten years, and finally sat with Song Zhifei, but this seemed far from what he wanted.

The two dutifully chatted until ten o'clock, and the drama of the old classmates was well played.

When Song Zhifei said goodbye, he said that this place is really good, and when it officially opens, he will definitely bring friends over, and he will be given a discount at that time.

An Yuan smiled and said that no matter when Song Zhifei came, he must be a VIP in the store.

Looking at Song Zhifei's back, An Yuan felt very empty.

When he picked up the car and was about to go home, An Yuan found that the indicator light on his personal mobile phone had been flashing. His heart was beating violently. When he turned on the mobile phone, the word "baby" was displayed under the missed calls on the screen. .

He remembered the text message he sent, and he remembered the day when he found out that the man who was brought home by his cousin answered the phone casually.He used to think that he would never be able to contact his baby again. Every night, he called the other party's phone, but the phone was turned off every day.That day, he sent Shu Yan back to the dormitory with the expression of crying at any moment.It was only on that day that he forgot his mobile phone at home and missed the call from the other party.

Shu Yan.

An Yuan thought of this boy who looked clean and thin.The way he looks at himself is always focused and careful, contradictory, just like on the phone.

An Yuan guessed that Shu Yan was the person on the phone.

He wasn't completely sure, but he was ninety percent sure.

A young unprofessional wine taster from a small city.

How can it be such a coincidence that everything fits together.

And the clear and clean voice of the phone call that day traveled thousands of miles along the air, An Yuan closed his eyes, he thought, I found it.

The screen lit up again, An Yuan looked at the phone, but didn't answer it.

The bell echoed in the car over and over again, and he was a little scared.

He had just had a pleasant dinner with Song Zhifei, and he watched Song Zhifei get in the car and leave, feeling that even his hair was tired.And now he is sitting in the car, he can't answer the phone call from the person who gave him the most tenderness and comfort, he is very afraid that he will not be able to call out baby, he is very afraid that he cannot hide the irritability, and this irritability, It may be really hard to tell who it is for.

An Yuan was completely confused, and he began to resent himself as he did every time he mentioned Song Zhifei to the other party on the phone.He didn't want to bring any unhappiness and harm to the other party for the sake of others.He knew that there were some things he shouldn't say, but he couldn't help it. He didn't know why he was always so unscrupulous to that person on the phone.It's not that An Yuan is not afraid of consequences, he is terribly afraid, but he will always be reckless in the tenderness of the other party.

In fact, in the final analysis, it is because I am a selfish bastard.

The phone rang over and over again, and An Yuan drove the car extremely fast.

The phone was still ringing when I entered the door.

An Yuan returned to the room and put the phone beside the pillow. He listened to the ringtone again and again...until there was silence.

At this time, the sound of male and female love came from the next door, An Yuan thought:

Why?The world is so bad.

Received a text message from the other party in the morning.

The other party acted as if nothing had happened, and said that he could contact him after nine o'clock in the evening.An Yuan felt even more sad after seeing it.

What allowed me to hurt him again and again?

An Yuan didn't dare to think about it.

Today is the day to make an appointment with Xu Pingchuan, and he really wants to escape.He didn't know how to face Shu Yan, he might still know nothing about himself, his real self, and An Yuan.

But Shu Yan did not appear.He thought that he could breathe a sigh of relief, but when Xu Pingchuan said that Shu Yan was ill again, his heart tugged again.

Maybe yesterday's call was to ask him for help?

Maybe he's too sick to get up and just wants to hear his own voice?

Before he was thousands of miles away, he couldn't really do anything by himself, but now he is in this city, and he still hasn't become his support.

After get off work, An Yuan drove to the outside of the community where Shu Yan lived.

At eleven o'clock, it was raining heavily.An Yuan smoked a cigarette, flipping through the records on his phone.He hesitated for a moment, then took the last puff of cigarette vigorously. He rubbed the screen of the phone with his thumb, and then slowly moved to the call button.

There was only one ring, and the other side was connected.

No one spoke.

An Yuan leaned his head on the steering wheel, closed his eyes and said:

"Baby, I miss you."

An Yuan whispered, "I really miss you."

There was no sound from the other end of the phone for a long time.

An Yuan didn't speak any more.

It seems that after a long time, there was a slight choking on the other end, and the other party whispered:

"sorry……"

An Yuan closed his eyes, feeling that his heart was broken into scum, he said: "Don't say sorry, don't say, you are not wrong, don't say sorry."

"No no, I'm sorry! At that time, I just thought, let's forget it...so I suddenly..."

"Stop talking. Let's stop talking about this." An Yuan said, "Stop talking about this..."

An Yuan said, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

fraud.An Yuan thought about this little liar, he was obviously not good.

He often fell ill, and he just joined a new job. He stood alone under the street lamp in a daze, and he was wandering alone in a foreign land.

An Yuan knows this feeling. He has known this feeling since he was 15 years old. He doesn’t know who to share with when he’s happy, and he doesn’t know who to talk to when he’s sad. He also has good friends, but he can’t give all his feelings to him. It’s so lonely. , but still smile at others.

"I... am now in Jiangzhou. Jiangzhou is really big, as expected of a metropolis. I have changed to a new job. It is what I have always wanted to do. It is wine, you know. Then I am very busy every day, My friends treat me very well, my teacher treats me very well, I am quite happy...really...I am very good, you...don't worry."

An Yuan wanted to cry a little, it was hard for him to imagine the pale boy saying these words to himself while holding the phone.But what could he say now?What is he entitled to say?He can only say that I can rest assured?But I'm not at ease, An Yuan thought how could I be at ease...

"How about you, how have you been these few months?"

"I, I'm fine too..." Apart from thinking about you, I might be fine.

"...You, you rarely talk."

The voice on the other end of the phone hesitated, An Yuan knew what he should say, maybe it would be the same as before: talk about work, talk about life, say some complaints, tell a little joke.

But he really can't say these things now, it's like a stone is blocked in his heart, making him unable to breathe.An Yuan took a deep breath and said, "That day, yesterday, I didn't answer your call."

"Ah... yes. I called many times... until the battery died. I saw your message and called you, but it seemed, it was too late. I know, it's me... I'm wrong , and suddenly disappeared in a wayward way before. But I won’t now, and I’ve figured out some things through these two months…”

"Baby, baby, baby, can you listen to me first? You listen to me." An Yuan interrupted the other party's words. He felt that if he listened to it any more, his sense of guilt would overwhelm him.He thought it was better to come by himself, let himself, come on.

"Baby, I'm sorry, let me call you baby, don't refuse. I think I might really like you. In the two months since you disappeared, I have been calling you every day, and I hope to hear from you again voice, I want to talk to you again, baby, I'm really, really anxious, I'm used to having you, so many nights, it's hard for me to be alone, thank you, thank you for being with me. I know I don't Interesting, I am also very selfish, but thank you, thank you for being willing to accompany me like this..." An Yuan buried his head very low, his face was pressed against the phone, his face was a little hot: "But, baby, baby you You know, I'm supposed to be an asshole. I, I'm troubled, I think I like you, I like you so much, but, but in the daytime, at some point, when I meet, when I meet some people, I may, may Not so sure. I know there is a problem with this, it's my problem, but..." An Yuan paused, he couldn't continue speaking, but he felt that he couldn't control his mouth.

"I know why you disappeared, I know it all, but I'm really such a selfish person, I can't even deal with my own feelings. Baby, I'm really bad..."

An Yuan spoke incoherently, he was lying on the steering wheel, his brows were twisted into Sichuan characters, he felt like a patient at this moment, he couldn't organize his thoughts.

After a while of silence, the other party asked softly:

"Did you know when I called you yesterday?"

"……Yes."

"But you still didn't answer, did you?"

"……Yes."

"why?"

"I put my phone in the car before, and when I found out, you had already called a few times, and then... and then you called again..."

"You choose not to answer, do you?"

"Baby, I……"

"Are you with him?"

"no."

"Have you seen him?"

"Yes."

"Contacted?"

"Yes."

"You still like him?"

"I, I'm not sure."

"Ah. That's it." The other party was silent for a while and continued, "I... wanted to pretend that this person didn't exist."

"Just like before. Every time you mentioned him before, I would tell myself that I didn't care. Because I was just a friend of yours at night? No, maybe a friend isn't even a friend, just a stranger you can talk to But later, I couldn't help caring, because I didn't want to be just a stranger. But I don't have the capital to care, I don't have it. So I can only think about this time, this time as if he doesn't exist, if you and I Speaking of me, I forgot about him when I hung up the phone. After all, I was trying to get myself closer to you, and I should have the awareness to face this. Of course, in my case, it has always been Treat escape as confrontation..."

The boy's voice was very calm, so calm that Anyuan felt scared.The boy continued:

"But it's hard, it's really hard. Why are you so honest? You can, you can lie to me. In this way, I can still have the courage to persevere...Although it's silly to think so, isn't it?"

"No, no, you're not stupid, no, it's me who is stupid, I'm just messed up, I'm really messed up in my head."

"You've worked hard too, now, maybe, maybe I don't show up anymore, it will be better..."

An Yuan felt a splitting headache and said, "It's not like this...it's really not like this, I miss you very much, I miss you very much."

"I don't know your name. I just saved you as Mr. A in the phone, because A is the first letter, so your name will be in the front. Of course, I don't have other people's numbers in my phone card. I used to I thought I knew you very well, but when I arrived in Jiangzhou and returned to reality, I found that I knew nothing. I thought, in fact, you are the same to me, right? No matter how close we are on the phone, when it comes to reality, who are we? I don't know anyone."

"I know what you're messing with, I know it all...in fact, we know a lot of things...just, I just don't want to say it. You keep saying that I'm empathetic, so, bad guy, let me do it..."

Hearing these words, An Yuan said anxiously: "That's not what I meant, really not, I didn't want to disconnect, really not, I never thought about us, we don't contact..."

"And then? Then we continue to contact, continue this inexplicable relationship, will I never be able to see the sun for the rest of my life?"

"Mr. A, I'm in Jiangzhou now, I just said it many times, but you didn't want to see me... did you?"

An Yuan was depressed, he said: "I just need time, I don't know what to do when I see you now, my life is a mess, what should I do when I see you? I..."

"...Stop talking. Give me the last bit of dignity." The voice on the other end of the phone suddenly softened.

He said, "Thank you for calling me baby, I love it. Then... goodbye, Mr. A."

An Yuan said in a hurry, don't hang up, don't hang up, you let me finish talking, it's not what you think, I just want a little time to deal with things, can't I?It's not that I don't want to see you, I can see you now, right now, don't hang up, don't...

The beeping sound of the phone reminded Anyuan that none of his words had been delivered.An Yuan called again, and there was the familiar sound of shutting down the phone.

He leaned on the seat and raised his head. He felt that he had experienced a war, embarrassed, dangerous, and defeated.

He fumbled out his Changbai Mountain, and there was only one in the crumpled cigarette case.

An Yuan lit it tremblingly, and then took a deep breath. He raised his head and drank the cigarette, and the heavy rain poured down outside the window.

He wondered if it would be different if he got off the car and ran to Shu Yan's dormitory.

However, the boy said that he always regarded avoidance as confrontation, and An Yuan thought I was the same, so was I.

A little time, I just need a little time.