phone lover

Goodbye, Mr. A.

Shu Yan hung up the phone, feeling his mind went blank.

My heart hurts, that is, it really hurts, and I feel that my heart will stop beating in the next second.But this heart was beating extremely fast, so fast that it was about to burst through the chest.

Shu Yan often suffers from heartache.

The phone call during the New Year's Eve, the unspoken farewell before coming to Jiangzhou, the voice of other men on the other end of the phone, the phone you dialed that has been ringing all night has been turned off, and there are too many, In my hometown, in Jiangzhou.Day and night, Shu Yan would feel heartache, and every time he thought that there would be no more painful things than this, there would never be.

But Shu Yan was wrong.It turns out that it really hurts to say goodbye.

Lying on the bed, Shu Yan thought: This pain will pass one day.All I have to do is boil.Go through it day by day, there will always be a day to get through it, it is very simple, not difficult.

If it was wrong at the beginning, then it should be too late for me to correct it now.

Shu Yan stretched out his hand to touch his left chest, the heart under the skin was still beating violently, he really wanted to touch it, or ask this heart:

Are you still whole?

The eyes are dry and cannot be closed.Shu Yan thinks that people are really amazing. The day before, he cried heartbreakingly because the other party didn't answer the phone, but today, he couldn't shed a single tear.

It's really not that he doesn't want to cry, he actually wants to cry, sometimes this world is cruel to men, as if men shouldn't cry when they were sad, when Shu Yan was crying when he was a child, his parents would say that you are a boy, you Can't cry.When he grows up, he is embarrassed to cry when facing his teachers and classmates. If he is really wronged, he only dares to cover himself with a quilt and cry in his room. When he grows up, he will not cry at all. He feels that there is nothing worthwhile. Cry, maybe there is, he doesn't care.However, in the past six months, Shu Yan paid all the tears of the previous twenty years to one person at once.He thought, just let me be hypocritical, let me act like this, let me be self-willed...whether the heartache hurts, the tears don't flow, it's all like this, thoughts and everything are at his own disposal...but The thoughts were scattered in every corner of the room, and they were not gathered together.

I can't think, even if I try hard to think, but I can't stop thinking, because I don't know when those plots that don't know where they fell will appear in my mind.

Shu Yan thought it was really too painful, if it was like this, I would never want to be in love again.

As usual, Xu Pingchuan didn't return all night, and only entered the house in the morning to take a shower and change clothes, and then prepare to fight in the arena again.He saw Shu Yan sitting on the sofa and seriously reading the new issue of the wine magazine.

Xu Pingchuan walked over and circled Shu Yan, Xu Pingchuan asked: "What's wrong with you?"

Without raising his head, Shu Yan said, "I'm fine, I'm not reading a book."

Xu Pingchuan said, "Do you know what time it is?"

Shu Yan took out his mobile phone and looked at it: "06:30."

"Do you know what time you usually wake up?"

"Can't I wake up earlier?"

Xu Pingchuan shook his head and said, "No."

Xu Pingchuan said: "At that time, you were not even afraid of being deducted from your conduct points, but you had to sleep in the dormitory and never do morning exercises. Every time you called me after work, you would complain to me that you were always late for work. Even when you arrived in Jiangzhou, my subordinates never slept for a long time. Someone who never got out of bed until the last second, sitting here at 06:30 in the morning with a magazine in hand and talking to me, if you say you're fine, who will believe it?"

Shu Yan thought for a while, put down the magazine in his hand, then straightened his back, and said to Xu Pingchuan with a serious face: "I'm broken in love."

Xu Pingchuan was stunned and didn't speak for a while.

"I really fell in love this time."

It was only at this time that Xu Pingchuan came to his senses and said, "The lovelorn you mentioned doesn't mean your phone lover?"

Shu Yan turned his head away, he refused to answer.

Xu Pingchuan pulled a chair over, put it next to Shu Yan, sat down, and then said to Shu Yan: "I think, you have never been in love, so it is too easy to get emotional, so you will There are all kinds of illusions.”

"illusion?"

"Yes. Illusion." Xu Pingchuan looked at Shu Yan seriously: "You don't really feel that you are in a relationship, do you? Do you know what a relationship is? A relationship is not just a phone call, a chat about life and coquettish You don't like to listen, don't you? When someone is on the phone, he is very gentle, strong or something, anyway, there is something that attracts you, so you can easily fall in love with it, right? Speaking of falling in love, Hua Qian Yue Xia, may I ask if you are Hua Qian? Or Yue Xia? I have never interfered with you before. I think this is, this is a child’s trick, and you will always be educated by the facts, but you are serious now. Tell me you are broken in love. Is your love so worthless?"

Shu Yan glanced at Xu Pingchuan, stood up and said "I'm going to buy breakfast", and then left without looking back.

He didn't want to explain anything to Xu Pingchuan, because what Xu Pingchuan said made a lot of sense.

However, whether it is an illusion or not, feelings have already been paid for. Shu Yan doesn't know how to make his feelings more valuable, but he doesn't regret this relationship, this relationship.

The phone call may be fake, and the person on the other side may be fake, but your own happiness, worries, sorrows, and sorrows are not fake.

It is true to be lonely, it is true to not be lonely, it is true to be happy, and it is also true to be unhappy. The person on the opposite side has influenced me, and now I have to learn to control myself.

The world will not stop turning because of anyone's mood, and this time will not stand still. On this wet spring morning, Shu Yan can only choose to go all the way forward. Although he can turn back, he should try not to. .

Before reaching the breakfast shop, Shu Yan saw a familiar figure, it was Mr. An.

Shu Yan didn't really want to see him at this time, no matter Mr. An was Mr. A or not, he didn't want to contact him at this time.After all, he was the one most like Mr. A, who existed in his world a few hours ago.

Shu Yan turned around to leave, but saw that Mr. An seemed to be in some trouble.

An Yuan was carrying the breakfast he had just bought at this time. He fumbled in his pocket, but couldn't seem to find anything.He was embarrassed, Shu Yan could see it.

Seeing An Yuan handing the bag back to the boss, Shu Yan sighed and walked over.

Shu Yan pressed An Yuan's hand holding the bag, and then asked the owner of the breakfast shop how much it was.

An Yuan looked at Shu Yan, and Shu Yan also looked at him.

Then Shu Yan smiled and said, "Mr. An, why are you here?"

An Yuan looked at Shu Yan's face, hesitant to speak.

In the end, he still chose to lower his head and said softly, "I'll wait for someone."

Shu Yan nodded, didn't continue to ask, just said: "Okay, Mr. An, I'll go first."

An Yuan wanted to grab Shu Yan's arm and say don't go, but he still watched Shu Yan's thin figure disappear at the corner of the street.

An Yuan lay on the guardrail by the river with his breakfast bag, smoking a cigarette and looking at the river.The fog in the morning has not completely dissipated, the whole city is dark and cold, and the river is so muddy that it seems to swallow people.

At this time, Anyuan thought of his hometown far away in the sky, a vast plain, as long as there is a small pool in the city, it will make people feel refreshed.At that time, I was still a half-year-old child, and I was sent out by adults to buy breakfast: buns, fried dough sticks, soy milk, and a bowl of tofu nao, topped with thick marinade.The stall owner said that he looked awkward and always liked to pick the big one for him. He knew that his sister who was two years younger than him came out of the bungalow across the street and she was sneaking at him again.

The people in the class always called him the monitor, as if it was his name, and they crowded around laughing and laughing. An Yuan was similar to all his peers in that city, and he squandered his youth.

But later it was different.

An Yuan's fingers were sore from the heat of the smoke, and he realized that he had almost reached the bottom, and the memories dissipated in the pain.

He didn't hold Shu Yan, although he wanted to.

But when he saw Shu Yan turn around, he felt that he might not be good enough for this boy.

Maybe he guessed that he was Mr. A in his mouth, maybe not.But the boy still came over and smiled to himself.

His face was pale, the dark circles under his eyes were frighteningly large, he smiled forcedly, and his body was thin and emaciated.

At that time, An Yuan wanted to disappear by himself, in front of this boy.Because compared with him, I was too dark, so I could only hide in the corner.On the phone, he asked himself if he was never going to let him stand in the sun, An Yuan wanted to say no, of course not, the one who dared not stand in the sun was his despicable self.

An Yuan thought about it, let's forget it, let's go back to our lives.

But whether that boy can return to life, An Yuan doesn't know, but he really can't go back.

An Yuan returned to the car, he decided to take a day off today, he thought he should have a good sleep, then sort out his thoughts, and then think about what to do next.

But he didn't want to go home. Going home meant facing his cousin who didn't know where he came from and her boyfriend who didn't know where he came from.He doesn't have any jobs to offer them, of course, there are still some, they are capable of sweeping the floor and answering the phone, but the other party doesn't think so. Here, blowing on the air conditioner and typing, and then the monthly salary is over [-].

Bad, everything is bad, An Yuan doesn't know how he lives his life like this.

In the eyes of his high school classmates, he is a pheasant flying on the branches. Of course he is not worthy of being a phoenix.A pheasant is a pheasant, An Yuan doesn't care.He is not as extreme as he was in high school now, and he has finally learned in reality that if he can't love everyone, then he doesn't have to expect everyone to love him.

An Yuan thinks that as long as there is one person who loves me, it is enough, it is really enough.

In the end, An Yuan chose to go to a hotel and open a room to sleep.

He was woken up by the phone ringing.

The caller was Lin Li.Lin Li asked him to meet tomorrow, and wanted him to design a house, An Yuan hurriedly agreed.

Lin Li is the best friend among Anyuan's few friends.He is his classmate in junior high school. He met unexpectedly when he was in college, and they got in touch again. He is the person who knows most about the mess in his family, so An Yuan will not hide some things from him.

An Yuan thought that this appointment was just right, and he was in a state of confusion, so why not tell Lin Li about it, he felt that he could no longer bear it alone, the so-called authorities were obsessed, he hoped that bystanders could give an opinion.

When he got home at night, he opened the door and saw that the house was in a mess. Everything that could be broken in the house was broken. If he hadn't seen his cousin sitting on the sofa crying, he would really have thought that a thief had entered the house, but which thief would not move? Things only drop things?An Yuan laughed at his own thoughts, he thought about it all the time, and he still had the mood to think about it. Sure enough, numbness is the best way to treat anger.

An Yuan carefully walked around the glass shards, porcelain shards, and some of his own decorations and small appliances. Before entering his room, An Yuan said, "Remember to clean it up later."

The cousin looked up at An Yuan suddenly, as if someone had pushed the switch. Her face was ferocious, without her usual coquettishness. She almost yelled, "Didn't you see that I was crying? What do you mean by saying that now?" ?! I know you look down on me! But what are you?! You think you have a Jiangzhou hukou and have been here for a few years and you are from Jiangzhou?! Aren’t you a countryman like me! Countryman Ah, do you understand!"

Then there was another loud howl.An Yuan looked upset and hid in the house and couldn't come out.

The crying outside the door had already turned a few corners, An Yuan heard his cousin curse her boyfriend's betrayal to cry that her life was miserable, and finally said "Brother, you have to make the decision for me!"

An Yuan wished he could open the window and jump out.

He kept thinking that I am not worthy, that I am not worthy, that I am not worthy of whom I love, that I am not worthy of anyone, such a self, such a family.

Finally, after a long time, the crying stopped.

An Yuan opened the door and went out. Sure enough, his cousin didn't know where he went. He began to clean the room slowly.

An Yuan once thought that as long as he worked hard enough, he could escape from that kind of thinking and that kind of life, but the reality always hit him in the face.Ten years ago, he was fascinated by Song Zhifei. He felt that Song Zhifei was so modest, magnanimous, and self-cultivated, and he was simply the self he wanted to be in his fantasy.But that is not me after all, but maybe I can try to make him my own?When he was young, An Yuan blushed and his heartbeat was frightened by his own thoughts, but he couldn't bear it anymore.

What now?Now Anyuan is constantly trying to make himself better, do more work, and earn more money. He has a design studio and opened a restaurant. He tries to make himself less philistine and less vulgar. When he gets home, he doesn't even need to go home, just need a phone call from home, and he will be called back to his original shape.

He knows that many times, this belongs to the inner demon.

But he couldn't defeat him, and it was really difficult to rely on himself.

An Yuan cleaned the room and sat on the carpet under the sofa. This room finally belonged to him again, although he didn't know how long it would be his own.He was facing the computer on the square table cross-legged, which reminded him of the days when he was on the phone with Shu Yan. He drank wine, looked at the computer, chatted casually with the other party, the long fluff on the blanket scratched his legs, The air conditioner is always on high, making it so warm that winter.

The self on the phone may not be good, but it is by no means unbearable in reality.

Baby likes Mr. A on the phone, not An Yuan who is in such a mess now.

It was only when Shu Yan returned to the dormitory that he remembered that he forgot to buy breakfast.

Seeing him coming in empty-handed, Xu Pingchuan asked, "Did you eat all the food on the way?"

Shu Yan looked at his empty hands and said shyly, "I'll go buy that now."

Xu Pingchuan said: "Ancestor, forget it, don't turn around and throw yourself on the road again, hey, haven't you lost your love? I'll treat you to something good, let's go old Shengchang! Big brother treats you!"

Shu Yan said: "Stingy, what a good old Shengchang..." Then he followed Xu Pingchuan out the door.

After eating noodles with scallion oil and vegetable buns, Shu Yan felt a little better in his heart. When he saw An Yuan, he was still a little uncomfortable, and he didn't dare to go to see him, but he thought it was over, and what was An Yuan? It doesn't matter if it's not Mr. A... Maybe it's important, but he can't think about it anymore. He has thought enough and is tired enough. He needs to rest at this moment.

Xu Pingchuan reminded him not to forget to attend the training course tomorrow while eating the steamed bun.Shu Yan was shocked, obviously he didn't remember this at all.

Xu Pingchuan said: "Love hurts the country, can't you drink enough water with love? Don't say you haven't succeeded in this job, even if you succeed, you can't just think about love coming and going every day, right? You come to Jiangzhou to do it. What? You came here specifically for dating? I thought you were here to pursue your dreams and fall in love, but then I thought you might be here to pursue your dreams while falling in love. Now I think you are self-abuse. Shu Yan, I’m with you Say, today is today, now, you will be born again, forget the phone, forget sex, don’t stare at me, my voice is not loud... let love go to hell, only career is the destination of a man. Look at me, brother, Am I in a relationship? Am I preoccupied with work?"

Shu Yan said, "You zip up your trousers first."

Xu Pingchuan quickly lowered his head and found that Shu Yan was lying to him. He curled his lips and said, "Anyway, here's what I'm talking about. You can figure it out for yourself. Don't forget tomorrow's class, but remember to keep a distance from Li Lin, especially you This kind of person who just fell out of love is easy to be tricked by such an old fritter."

Shu Yan nodded, he knew that what Xu Pingchuan said at the moment was correct.I left everything to come to Jiangzhou not only because of Mr. A, but also because I want to work in a job I like.Xu Pingchuan provided himself with such a good platform, why didn't he try harder?Since there is no love, use your career to satisfy yourself.

When Shu Yan and Xu Pingchuan came to the winery, they found that Li Lin was also inside, and he was taking wine out of his backpack.When Li Lin saw them, he called them to come quickly and try the wine. He took two wines with slightly different colors but the same overall design as he was talking. He opened them and poured some for each of them. one time.

Shu Yan said, "Don't you need to sober up?"

Li Lin smiled, and said, "The matter of sobering up is a matter of opinion. You can drink this wine. I personally think that there is no need to sober up."

Shu Yan picked up a cup and smelled it first, then tasted some, he looked at Li Lin with some doubts.Li Lin smiled and motioned him to take another cup, Shu Yan drank the same cup just now, Li Lin asked: "How is it, tell me?"

"One is Cabernet Sauvignon and one is Merlot. Both are single varieties?"

"Okay, how do you like the wine?"

"Hmm... this..."

"be honest."

"I think the wine made from a single variety is a pass line? The characteristics of the grapes are very obvious, but I feel that the taste is a bit rough, um... the wine is just average."

Li Lin nodded, took the calculator that was on the side, pressed two numbers, and pushed it in front of Shu Yan and Xu Pingchuan.

"At this price, do you want it?"

Shu Yan has not been in this business for a long time, but he also knows the price of wine. The price Li Lin gave was unexpected.

Xu Pingchuan was obviously very interested, he directly asked how many there were.Li Lin said: "Of course there are not many. There are 28 cases of Merlot and [-] cases of Cabernet Sauvignon. Take a look, what to do, you can buy them all at once, sell as much as you like, or treat them as my consignment here, and then Let's discuss the cost."

Shu Yan felt strange, isn't Li Lin also considered a shareholder, why would there be such a proposal at this time.Later Xu Pingchuan said that Li Lin was mainly responsible for the training, and the winery also took on some private training work. This is usually done by Li Lin or Li Lin finds someone to go, and this part of the income is credited to the winery. Regardless of the purchase and sale of goods, I occasionally bring some wine for consignment. This is actually the first time to sell wine directly.

In the end Xu Pingchuan bought out the 58 cases of wine at one go.Li Lin said that money is not in a hurry, but he wants cash.Xu Pingchuan asked why, but Li Lin just laughed, and said, "I want to pay the breakup fee, the other party only wants cash, I don't bother to get it, so I have to drop by your side."

Xu Pingchuan happily patted Li Lin on the shoulder, and said, "You, you, please stop and let those ignorant youngsters go."

Li Lin raised his eyebrows and said, "How do you call letting go, one is willing to fight and the other is willing to suffer."

Xu Pingchuan asked, "Then are you the one who was beaten or the one who beat someone?"

Li Lin approached Xu Pingchuan and whispered, "I was beaten when I gave money, and I was beaten when I fucked people."

Xu Pingchuan pushed Li Lin away with a smile, and said, "Rabbits don't eat grass by the side of their nests, you'd better stay away from us, and go harm others."

Li Lin glanced at Shu Yan who was drinking at the side, then at Xu Pingchuan, and said with a light smile, "I didn't mean that, you two are not my type."

After speaking, Li Linhuang sat down beside Shu Yan, picked up the wine and explained the label to him.It wasn't until the lunch break that Li Lin got up to say goodbye, saying that there was a company training in the afternoon and he was going to give a lecture.Before leaving, Li Lin did not forget to ask Shu Yan to remember to go to the training class tomorrow. This rare opportunity is not a perfunctory class. The lecturer is his teacher Feng Yi. He is now a well-known wine critic in China. Will give lectures.

Shu Yan repeatedly agreed, and couldn't help but look forward to the next day's class.

The next day, Shu Yan got up early in the morning. When he was washing himself in the mirror, he looked at his pale self in the mirror. He thought that everything should start again. From now on, I am Shu Yan who lives and works in Jiangzhou, not The inanimate person on the phone.

Shu Yan is not sure when he can really come out, and he is not sure if he can really come out, but he is willing to take the first step.