bad derailment

I finally ran away.

Gu Mingsheng sees me too clearly, and also sees himself too clearly.

His world has a clear dividing line, with feelings on one side and interests on the other.He said I was very important, but that was only in the 'emotional' world.Once shaken by the other party, the so-called deep love is nothing but empty talk.

But I can't refute, every sentence of Gu Mingsheng hits the heart.His preference is both arsenic and honey to me. We can be friends and lovers, but it is impossible to be lovers.

Always run counter to each other, always drift away.

Always expect to fail, and it will never be possible to give the other party the stability they want.

Before I knew it, my legs finally gave a signal of discomfort after walking for a long time.I stopped, and the pale golden sunset poured down from the rows of tall buildings in the distance, falling softly, dispelling some of the coldness in my body.

A bit late, but still in time.

I didn't dare to send any messages to Jiang Qiushi, he should have seen through many truths that were tried to hide long ago, but he didn't say anything, and accompanied me to pretend to be calm on the surface.

I understand better than Gu Mingsheng what the real Jiang Qiushi is like. He is complicated and contradictory, restrained and allowed himself to be temporarily presumptuous.These qualities come together to weave his secrets, a side he hides veiledly, tearing a corner inadvertently.

I don't know why he let me go at this time, maybe it's just a small thing, maybe it's not too late to talk about it another day.

But after that phone call, I suddenly felt like this was going to be fruitless.In this increasingly chaotic relationship, there must be a person who raises the blade cruelly and cuts off the redundant and withered branches and leaves, so that it can regain its vitality and restore its previous health.

Give up this opportunity, maybe everything will really be too late.

A door separates the two worlds, and I dare not knock on it for a long time, and a trance flashes before my eyes. That day in the hospital, I also stood in front of the door like this, as if there was a scourge hiding behind it, and it would fall on it the moment it was pushed open .

I discarded those distracting thoughts, took a deep breath and finally knocked on the door.

A moment later, there was a crisp unlocking sound from inside.

The picture that greeted my eyes was not as bad as I imagined. The living room was warmly lit, and the volume of the TV was not heavy.I stood awkwardly at the door, looked at Jiang Qiu and naturally took out my slippers, and closed the door for me again, "You came earlier than I thought."

My heart skipped a beat, and I was suffocated by the meaning behind this calm.After staying at the entrance for a while, he changed the subject without confidence: "How is your afternoon inspection? Are you busy?"

Jiang Qiushi paused, his back turned to my direction, and only after a while did he come back with a steady answer: "There is a nurse here, so I can come over here. Sit down first, do you want some water?"

He didn't accuse anything, just passed it off with a light sentence.But I felt an indescribable discomfort stuck in my chest, "It was Xiao Nan...and Gu Mingsheng's assistant who called me. He had something to do with him, so I had to hang up the video. Next time, check me Go with you again."

I don't know why I made such a promise. It may be Jiang Qiushi's unique magic power, which makes me always involuntarily blame myself for the mistake.

In fact, the guilty person is indeed me.

I really want to ask Jiang Qiushi if he heard the phone call in the car clearly - he probably did.But this kind of subjective judgment always brings some expectations, thinking about whether it is possible to hit an option with a small probability, and pretend that nothing happened.

And Jiang Qiushi seemed to be able to understand the struggle in my heart, and crushed hope to pieces with the next sentence.

"It's okay, have you finished your work with him?"

In fact, he didn't have much emotion, and said this sentence in a voice that didn't fluctuate or even be said to be peaceful.But I felt that my whole heart was being squeezed by a big hand, and I couldn't breathe out the accumulated stale air for a long time, and my voice couldn't help being hoarse.

"...you heard it all?"

Jiang Qiushi poured himself a glass of water with his uninjured right hand, and also poured a glass for me, and put it on the table as if to entertain guests politely, "Yes, I heard."

At the end, he thought for a moment, and then added: "Did he misunderstand our relationship?"

These words are like a basin of cold water pouring over my head, extinguishing all expectations and eagerness to move.Yes, it was a misunderstanding. What is the relationship between me and Jiang Qiushi?It's just that they have been ambiguous, kissed, and finally returned to the original place, relying on a cat to trigger the connection that sometimes appears and disappears. They have said not to disturb countless times, but they still step into each other's territory time and time again.

The familiar irritability jumped up again, and a sultry fire burned in the body, jumping up and down.I have never been so eager to tear his calmness and rationality, pushing the uncontrollable voice out of his throat.

"Did you know that from a long time ago?"

Jiang Qiushi asked, "Know what?"

"Gu Mingsheng, and...Chen Feng."

The last two words were spoken, and there was a heavy tone that hurriedly landed on the ground.

"I know," Jiang Qiushi looked at me, and his voice fell unhurriedly, "You were the one who introduced them to me when I was in the aquarium."

"I didn't mean that."

I couldn't help rebutting, and suddenly felt very tired, how ridiculous and embarrassing it is to keep hiding and trying to maintain the surface peace.

"Lin Yao, I know what you want to say. If you ask these questions, you have already guessed the answer."

Jiang Qiushi was silent for a long while, and the deep meaning in his eyes was slightly swaying, as if I had never seen through this person, and had always been clouded by this relationship.

"I didn't think about hiding it. This is between you and them, it has nothing to do with me. I just wanted to give you enough space so that you wouldn't feel offended, but the result was just the opposite," Jiang Qiushi slowly lowered his eyes, separated Looking at the lens, I can only see a glimpse of unhidden waves, "Lin Yao, I don't want to discuss Gu Mingsheng, Chen Feng, or anyone else with you. They are just strangers to me, and I don't care what strangers think , only your mood is meaningful.”

It was as if I was hit hard by something, and the depression in my heart spread and turned into a more unspeakable emotion, which melted into the blood and accelerated the flow, agitating the beating of my chest.

"I......"

"But I know you want an answer."

Jiang Qiushi raised his eyes, and his eyes penetrated my mind with the courage to absorb people's hearts, "I knew the relationship between you and Chen Feng when we met for the second time, and then it was Gu Mingsheng. I think your purpose of hiding these things is not Wish I knew, that's why I kept pretending I didn't know until I met you at the bar door that day."

"The second time... was when I went to school to find Nuonuo?" When I looked at Jiang Qiu in disbelief, my voice couldn't help trembling, "You knew it since then?"

"Actually, that was the third time we met. The second time you didn't know it. I saw you walking with Chen Feng across the road. Later, he held your hand."

Jiang Qiushi's voice fell gently, hitting my heart heavily and forcefully, followed by a burst of absurdity after a moment of trance, as if everything was predestined.

I remember the quarrel with Chen Feng that day, when I crossed the road, I caught a glimpse of a figure that looked very much like Jiang Qiushi.It's just that I was too flustered and not sure. I never thought that it was his possibility.

It turned out that he already knew everything. At the beginning of everything, I was the only one who was played around in this relationship.

"Then why are you pretending not to know? Why didn't you tell me until now?"

I asked one after another, almost out of control.In fact, there is no explanation and reason, and Jiang Qiushi has no such obligation at all, but I still can't help igniting the irritability in my heart.

"Lin Yao, I've never thought of this before."

Jiang Qiushi pursed his lips, his blood was a little pale, his quiet eyes seemed to be unable to express the thoughts in his heart, even when he fell into loss and hesitation, it still moved my heart so much.I can't help but want to scold myself. In fact, it's not the first time I've done this, but what else can I do?

I can't really get angry with Jiang Qiushi at all.

Even at this time, restlessness is mixed with throbbing, impatience and restlessness are intertwined into a mood that is about to break through the restraint.In the silence of everything, Jiang Qiushi spoke softly.

"Actually, I want you to come here today, just to be ready to tell you all the reasons. Lin Yao, I am far from as good as you think, and I am not perfect, and may even run counter to what you imagined. But I will not be forever Keep it secret, now is the best time to explain everything."

Before I could fully react from the shock, Jiang Qiushi had already stood up, and I almost subconsciously made the same move, my throat tightened: "What are you going to do?"

Jiang Qiushi just picked up the coat hanging at the entrance, took the key, turned around and smiled, the corners of his lips were lifted up, the eyes under the lens shone faintly, and endless warmth spread under the soft light.

I remember that I once fantasized that although Jiang Qiushi has a cold and indifferent face, the appearance of smiling will be very gentle, which makes people think of a warm lamp, a page of books, and half a sheet in the middle Leaves bookmark.

Just as beautiful as I imagined.

"I want to take you somewhere," he said.

When Jiang Qiushi sat in the driver's seat with his gauze-wrapped left hand on his head, and drove towards the middle of the road with one hand on the steering wheel, I finally realized the danger of this move.The words of dissuasion were kept in his mouth, but when he said it, he replaced it with: "Is it far away?"

Jiang Qiushi said, "It's far away, but it should be closer than you think."

I don't understand what this sentence means, and I have a vague feeling that I am about to see a completely different Jiang Qiushi, but I am not sure if it will be just my own sentimentality in the end.

The car was speeding up gradually on the road, I held on to the seat belt tightly, and I couldn't help looking at Jiang Qiushi's side face from the corner of my eye. It was quiet and steady, as if it wasn't with an injured hand at all. speed.

The scenery on both sides whizzed past, like a revolving lantern, replaced by a new picture before it was noticed, turning into afterimages.There are no stars in the night sky, and a few dark clouds hang over it, as if to cover up the secrets hidden in the dark night.

I opened the window a little bit, and the cool breeze rushed in, blowing over the cheeks and hair. After refreshing, it was mixed with subtle moisture, and the feeling of sticking to the skin was particularly vivid. When I licked the corner of my lower lip, it tasted slightly salty.

"arrive."

Jiang Qiushi slowed down and stopped on the side of the road.I followed his gaze, and the cold waves of the moon were reflected on the calm sea in the distance, turbulent and undulating layer upon layer, beating softly and forcefully against the gravel and reef.

The salty sea breeze lingered along with the coldness of the night, and after getting off the car, there was a burst of refreshing, a little cold, but there was a kind of comfort of spreading the limbs and soul, and seeping into the inside.

Why is it here?