Strange disease

I froze in place, and it took me a while to react, and I bent down to pick up the little note from the ground.

This sticky note should have been placed in some document. On it was a line of beautiful handwriting, which came into view clearly.

"Teacher, I brought you a chocolate chip cookie I made myself and put it on your table. If you don't mind, you can try my handicrafts~ Can I have dinner with you at noon? 0v0"

There is also a hand-painted sunflower pattern at the end of the sentence. It seems that the owner of the handwriting is a very cute little girl.

I stared at the line for a long time, then put my hand down silently.

I didn't know where the note was originally placed, so I had to flip through the large stack of papers and insert it back.

I didn't feel in the mood to clean for a while, I dropped the mop, sat on the ground, hugged my knees, and was slightly lost in thought.

In the afternoon, the weather was fine, and I was still holding the ice cream and sitting on the railing of the balcony to enjoy the breeze.

Now it is almost autumn, and the temperature is neither high nor low, which is the season suitable for enjoying the cool air.

The clouds in the sky at sunset are especially beautiful, as if the oil paints of red orange and dark blue are overturned together. In the vast sky, the gorgeous colors are strangely but harmoniously blended together, reflecting the layer upon layer of wavy clouds. Beautiful.

I suddenly felt a little lucky, I thought, fortunately I am back, otherwise I would not have seen such a beautiful and magnificent Huoshaoyun.

The little entanglement in my heart seems to be temporarily ignored.

It's as if Xi Rong and I are nothing more than a drop in the ocean in this vast world. Xi Rong is the whole world to me, but many times I actually ignore it. Not worth mentioning.

We are all mortal, and there are bounds that cannot be overcome and crossed, such as life and death.

It was a greater sense of sadness, more likely just a sober awareness of our own insignificance, there are many things we can do nothing about, everyone has their own life, it shouldn't be mine, it's not mine after all.

I was fascinated by looking at the distant sky, but at some point, Xi Rong had already returned.

I was on the balcony, the door was closed, and I couldn't hear anything at all.

When I realized it, a pair of big hands suddenly passed through my waist, clamping my whole body tightly, and I felt that those hands were trembling in an inconspicuous manner.

I opened my eyes wide and didn't understand what happened. I just felt that my body suddenly lost its balance and I leaned back. Xi Rong hugged me off the railing of the balcony.

Back in the house, Xi Rong put me on the sofa and squatted in front of me, and I saw that Xi Rong's complexion was quite bad. He frowned slightly, and his expression fell on my face inexplicably.

I was at a loss and didn't understand what made Xi Rong so nervous and anxious all of a sudden.

His expression was very serious and dignified, and I blinked in puzzlement.

He looked at me for a long time, and asked in a hoarse voice, "Are you really unhappy?"

I paused, wondering what he was referring to.

It seems that I was just sad for a moment, but he also found out. Am I so obvious?

Xi Rong touched my face, her movements were gentle and restrained, and she said in a low voice, "Staying by my side, does that make you uncomfortable?"

He squatted on the ground, looked up at me, and there was an unspeakable sadness in his voice.

What's wrong...he looks so sad...

Why do you show such an expression...

I was a bit overwhelmed and had absolutely no idea how to respond.

Did he misunderstand something?

It can only be said that my nerves are really big. After thinking about it carefully, I vaguely understood what Xi Rong misunderstood at that time.

It was about me sitting on the balcony, and he happened to see me when he came back. He thought I was going to fall, so he rushed over in shock and hugged me down.

Did he think I was going to commit suicide?

No wonder I said that...

While I was in a daze, Xi Rong stood up from me, walked to the door, and after a while, threw a brand new key in front of me from the drawer of the shelf in the entrance.

"You can go," he said.

I didn't move for a long time, and for a while, my mood was extremely complicated.

I didn't expect that he didn't really want to lock me up. There was a key at the door, but I didn't search it carefully after all.

Maybe... In my subconscious mind, I don't want to escape from him, from this home full of traces of our lives and past.

In fact, I was not as determined as I imagined. Every step I took, I wandered back and forth in regret and entanglement, suffering back and forth.

I was holding the key in my hand... but the pink post-it note on his desk suddenly flashed in my mind.

The shape of the note is like a shining love heart, which is a warning and a declaration.

——I may not be the roundworm in his stomach. Everything before is just my own speculation and delusion, which cannot be counted.

Maybe the real fact is that he actually cares less about me gradually.

Perhaps he was finally disappointed in me and began to waver. After all, there were obviously countless easier paths in front of him, and there was really no need for him to hold on to me.

...if so, it's best.

I am not worth his wasted energy at all.

Sometimes when I toss and turn at night, I don't think about why Xi Rong still seems to have a heart for me, even if I am already dead and utterly unwilling to let go.

I think it's probably not because of how worthy I am. After all, it's not so rare for mediocre guys like me to be caught one after another in the world.

It was probably only at the beginning that he was full of love. Seeing how pitiful my parents were after they both passed away, they took care of me, but who knew that after taking care of me, they became more and more caring about me, because people always pay more attention to things they have invested in. Pour affection, and it is the same with people.

There is a word in economics called sunk cost, which means that for example, I have spent a lot of money to buy an annual movie ticket. Emotionally, I feel that it is worthwhile to watch more movies. If you are not interested, the end result is to sit in the theater wasting time and make yourself quite unhappy.

The same can be said in a relationship, the more energy and devotion to a person, the more difficult it is to let go, the essence may be the same——

It's not because of how much you love each other, it may just be that the high sunk cost makes it impossible to make rational decisions.

This is just a natural human nature, as if we are born to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.

But in the end, people still have to look forward when they live in this world. It is never a wise thing to indulge in the past. Xi Rong will wake up one day, and he will understand that everything today is just his head, and it is no big deal.

Just like when people are young and frivolous, they will always feel that someone is the one, and the vows of mountains and rivers are not enough to describe the vigorous level of a relationship, but when you really grow up and look back, you may only feel that you were so stupid at that time.

In short, he was just out of his mind for a while.

And now, I've taken a big step toward bringing him to sobriety, which is really gratifying.

The author says:

There will be a longer chapter tomorrow!Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone?(?)?