Strange disease

Holding the extra umbrella in my arms, I felt as if all the blood in my body had froze.

At that moment, there were only two distinct and contradictory emotions left in my heart.

It's pain, it's joy.

It is three points of relief and four points of bitterness, intertwined together, enveloping me, making my vision blurred and my perception numb.

I feel a little relieved, as I wish, he will have a normal life, I no longer have to worry about him, there will be another person who loves him and is better than me to take good care of him for me.

There is a voice in the bottom of my heart saying--

You should be happy that everything is going your way, shouldn't you?

Yeah, I should be happy.

Someday...maybe in the not-too-distant future...

He would be someone else's.

He will also have a home with others, will sit and eat together after get off work, go on picnic dates on weekends, and occasionally show a gentle look on his cold face because of the other party, and finally hold the other hand and live a happy life.

All the good things he has done to me will belong to someone else.

Everything will be back on track, and the page between me and him should have been turned over long ago.

Even though I understand the truth, at the same time, my heart still feels like a sharp sword pierced through my chest, with sharp pain and soreness.

He was... originally my man.

Xi Rong saw me, lowered his head and said something to the girl who was a little shorter than him beside him. I didn't hear what he said, but his appearance was tender and gentle, like a pair of natural lovers standing side by side. In a beautiful painting.

And I, just an untimely louse next to the painting, accidentally broke in and disturbed them.

I thought, I really shouldn't have come.

After Xi Rong finished speaking with the other party, she walked towards me.

I couldn't move, my limbs were stiff, just watched him get closer and closer to me, my hand raised uncontrollably, he stepped into the rain, and I caged him under the umbrella.

He shook my hand, which was blown cold by the wind, and asked, "Why are you here?"

There was the smell of soil and grass being washed in the air, and his voice was as cool as this rainy night.

I moved my lips and looked at him helplessly, but no sound came out of my throat.

The wind was too strong, and we two big men squeezed under one umbrella was really stretched. I wanted to cover my arms and handed him the clean other umbrella, but he stopped me, hugging me and getting wet from the rain half shoulder, covered me with his coat, and led me slowly towards the parking lot.

Half of our bodies were pressed against each other, amidst the crackling rain, he seemed to ask, "Why are you shaking?"

I rolled my throat and struggled to squeeze out a word: "Cold."

It didn't matter if I didn't speak just now, but when I made a sound, I just felt that my voice was so dry and hoarse that my voice was trembling, as if I was about to cry.

Xi Rong hugged me even harder, and said in a low voice, "Be patient, I'll be there soon."

No, no, not because of the cold.

I didn't tell him that I didn't feel cold when I ran all the way facing the strong wind just now, it was like a chicken blood, and I didn't feel anything at all, it was really amazing.

But now it seems that something in my heart is suddenly broken. I feel like my whole body has been emptied of strength, and even my body temperature has dissipated. An extremely cold feeling seeps out from the inside out.

Xi Rong's car was parked right next to the outer wall of the hospital. I rubbed my eyes, feeling a little funny in my heart.

He drove the car, but he didn't need me to pick him up at all, and I came to give him an umbrella like a fool, which was superfluous.

But I didn't expect this at all, so I ran here as soon as my head got hot.

He stuffed me into the car, turned on the air conditioner and seat heating, and said, "Is it still cold?"

I silently shook my head.

He drove me home.

We entered the house one after the other, and I asked him, "Have you eaten?"

He said no, just had surgery.

I breathed a sigh of relief and felt a little uncomfortable, thinking that at least he didn't deliberately not reply to my messages.

I said, then let me serve you a bowl of noodles.

He said, good.

I took out the fine noodles from the cabinet and put them into the boiling pot. I put ham sausage, a boiled egg, and two green vegetables, and the heat was dense.

Xi Rong sat aside and looked at me. He propped his head up. From my angle, I could see his perfectly curved side face and sharp jawline, as well as a small piece of his slender eyelashes cast by the warm yellow light. shadow.

At that moment, I had a feeling that he seemed to be very close to me, but he was actually far away from me.

Even if I once had it, I will finally lose it.

The noodles were ready soon, I took out the bowl and put it in front of him.

He ate quietly, and I sat opposite him with my chin resting on my hands.

He didn't explain a single word to me. I wanted to ask, but I didn't know how to ask.

The noodles just out of the pan were steaming hot, blurring the vision in front of us, as if an invisible wall had been erected between us.

During the time of a bowl of noodles, I hesitated for a long time in my heart. I opened my mouth many times, trying to organize the words, but finally swallowed it back.

Finally, before he was about to finish eating, I said cautiously: "Well, who is the little girl I saw just now?"

Xi Rong raised his head, his eyes were unclear, and after a while, he replied softly: "The new intern."

Oh... I remembered that pink sticky note again, and my intuition told me that it should be the same person.

It turned out to be an intern, and he looked like he was only in his early twenties, no wonder he was called Teacher Xi Rong.

I gritted my teeth, and inquired nonchalantly: "I think she looks good, do you consider developing it in the exam?"

The air seemed to be quiet for a while, Xi Rong stopped, staring at me deeply, neither admitting nor denying.

I felt a little embarrassed, smiled dryly, and said with difficulty: "I think you two... are a good match."

For heaven's sake, I do sincerely think so, and even the utterance of such a short sentence is enough to make my heart ache like a blunt knife cut through my flesh.

But what is my feeling, is my feeling important, I am already a dead person, the big deal is to drink a few more bowls of Mengpo soup when I leave in the future, and I can forget even the most unforgettable feelings.

But who knows, I'm still fine, just after saying this, Xi Rong's face suddenly darkened, as if I suddenly provoked him.

Xi Rong put down his chopsticks with a slap, and there seemed to be dark undercurrents in his eyes, and he said in a stiff and cold voice: "I'm going back to my room."

"Ah?" I was a little confused, and tried to persuade him, "Stop eating? Will you be hungry at night..."

"No appetite." With a dark face, Xi Rong dropped a few words abruptly and walked away.

I just heard the door of the bedroom being closed forcefully, I stayed where I was, and was stunned for a moment, feeling quite puzzled in my heart.

I think this is a decent and respectful question, and it’s fine if he really doesn’t want to talk about it. Could it be that he still thinks I’ve inquired into his privacy?

What's wrong?Didn't I just say that you are a good match, I'm not angry at all, why is he angry?

It's not me and the female intern who were flirting with each other, it was you who flirted with her, and they even gave you biscuits and umbrellas, what I did, can't I just say a word?Why are you angry at me?

I'm just asking calmly. If he really intends to develop a relationship with the other party, not only will I not obstruct him, but I can also help him make a match so that a good relationship can be achieved.

I just wanted to know what he was thinking, and if he told me that he really meant that, I would be relieved.

Can't you find another "ex" who is more tolerant and open-minded than me in this world?

But I am so painstaking and tolerant, he not only doesn't appreciate it, but also throws a face at me. What's the reason for this?

It's so weird.

After a long time, I saw that Xi Rong didn't intend to come out of the room. I guess he won't come out tonight. He probably fell asleep, so I sighed silently and brought him the unfinished bowl of noodles. To the bucket to dispose of.

The noodles that have been stored for a long time are a bit rotten, and they are completely cold. They are clumps there like a mess, and it really makes people lose their appetite. I have to dump all the noodles into the trash can, and then take the bowl to the faucet. Rinse down.

The sound of water rushing, I held the bowl, feeling a little dazed.

I am not such a motivated person, and I don’t ask for much. When I was young, my biggest dream was that I no longer need to count the ticking of the second hand to spend long lonely nights. I only hope that my future partner can accompany me more Me, I can wait for him to get off work, cook a bowl of noodles for him, and then we sit and chat together, I can lean on his side, lean in his arms, talk about boring topics, and kill time.

This is already the best life I can imagine.

But my cooking skills are terrible, and the food I cook is always unpalatable, even the next noodles will be mushy.

But the harder I try, the more I seem to mess things up.

But fate was wrong, and good luck made people, so I couldn't get what I wanted, so I deserved it all if I couldn't even satisfy such a small wish.

After I finished washing the dishes, I wiped the kitchen and the dining table with a rag, and was about to go back to my room. When I turned around, I saw Xi Rong leaning against the wall of the corridor at some point, with an expression like a glacier, and eyes like an abyss, which made me unable to see clearly. .

He didn't move and didn't make a sound. I didn't know when he stood there, staring at me for how long, which really shocked me.

"...What's the matter with you?" I don't understand why he waited for me so solemnly, I always feel confused and have no idea.

Obviously, I used to have the closest relationship with him, but now, I often feel that I can't understand what he is thinking.

In order to break the awkward silence, I said dryly: "Are you not full? But I have poured down the noodles..."

But Xi Rong didn't seem to be in the mood to detour with me at all, and said bluntly: "Have you really forgotten what happened between us?"

I froze suddenly.

I intuitively felt that he seemed to have guessed something, because I heard his tone, it was not a question sentence.

I coughed, managed to maintain my composure, and my words flickered: "Are you kidding me, Xi Rong, stop doing this."

"I know you've remembered." Xi Rong looked directly at me, and with just a few words, I was immediately shocked to the ground.

"You are full of loopholes, and you can't even act like it." Xi Rong looked cold and said in a calm tone, "Why do you pretend to have amnesia? You don't want to accept me, do you?"

"You have to push me to other people, have you asked me? Why, you have long hoped that I would like someone else, so that you won't bother you anymore, right?"

His words were earth-shattering, as if a turbulent wave had been set off in my heart, and I was almost shot to death on the shore.

I was stunned, stunned in place, I didn't expect the showdown to come so quickly.

...It turns out that he has already seen it.

What was going through his mind when he watched me put on a show without exposing me?

I've obviously gotten the answer from his words.

To a certain extent, he didn't misunderstand anything, just like he thought, pretending to be amnesiac, pretending to be crazy, all I did was because I didn't want to accept him, and I wanted to get rid of his entanglement.

Nothing is wrong, nothing is wrong, I have carefully arranged a script, just to let him think so.

But why does it hurt me so much to hear him speak out with such a cold expression...

As if an invisible big hole had been poked out in my chest, my heart seemed to be bleeding, but I could only nod reluctantly.

"Xi Rong, you and I are just in the relationship between a patient and a doctor." I paused, trying to force out each word, "Before... we may have been very close, but now, everything is different..."

Xi Rong, let me go, and you too.

...I can no longer love you.

All the unfinished words are only short of this last kick, and I know that as long as I say this sentence, everything will be done.

But his throat seemed to be blocked suddenly, and there were only a few short words stuck in his throat, he couldn't get up or down, and couldn't spit it out.

It hurts, it hurts.

Only the phrase "I don't love you", I tried my best and took all the courage, but there was nothing I could do... I said it against my will.