shake green

Jiang Shi was overwhelmed by her sentence, I also want to participate in your emotions.With her head tucked into her shoulders, she said with red eyes, "I, I may not have a home anymore."

A few days before the Mid-Autumn Festival, my cousin sent her a message saying, Cousin, are you going home for the Mid-Autumn Festival?I heard from my mother that grandma called your mother that day and asked if you want to go home.Grandma doesn't seem to know anything about you yet.Just say your phone can't get through.

Jiang Shi's grandmother's home is in a local town.

It's about an hour's drive back from the city. When Jiang Shi was a child, he often went back to his grandmother's house with his mother.Mother is the last little daughter of my grandmother, and there is only her, only one child.

The other brothers and sisters don't say they have both children, at least they all have second children.

She was the only one who gave birth to Jiang Shi.

The relatives nearby also persuaded Jiang's mother to have another one, but there seemed to be no movement.Jiang Shi didn't know the specific reason.

Jiang Shi hadn't had a deep chat with his family since he was a child, and it was basically arranged by them.She can just listen with her ears.Moreover, they always felt that Jiang Shi was still young, and there was no need to worry about the miscellaneous things at home.

When Jiang Shi was very young, her mother would take her to and from her grandmother's house.

Later, when he grew up, Jiang Shi was busy with his studies, so he went back during the holidays.It was only later that Jiang Shi learned that when Jiang Shi was young, his grandmother often called his mother to go back, but they were actually trying to persuade her to have another child.

No wonder they like to push Jiang Shi away every time they talk.

Let her play outside the house by herself.

Later, it was decided that Mother Jiang would not have any more children, and the adults no longer shy away from her.Grandma also feels sorry that she has no siblings since she was a child. As long as she is on vacation, she will call her back to play.

On the day after he had a big fight with his family, Jiang Shi moved his cell phone and his phone was stolen.

Jiang Shi's original number often received sales calls. After losing her mobile phone, she simply changed her phone number.

All the previously saved numbers are also gone.

Including grandma when she would occasionally call her home for dinner.

Jiang Shi has been busy enjoying the things he loves for the past few months, temporarily forgetting what happened before.

That's when she realized—

She seems to have no family anymore.

No matter how much she wanted to escape or felt suffocated, it was her home anyway.

Jiang Shi roughly told Ni Ran about the conflicts she had with her family members before she resigned. After hearing this, Ni Ran tried to comfort her and said, "Maybe they also thought about contacting you, but they found out that you changed your number or something. I can't get in touch. So it's not that you don't have a home. Your family is there, including me, and I am too."

"If you don't want to go back to that house, you can go to my house."

"At present, my mother and I are alone in my house, and my mother doesn't care about anything."

Jiang Shi lowered his head: "Am I being too capricious?"

Because of his own selfishness, he broke with his family.I also thought about trying to compensate with money.But--

How can we be equal?

Although the love her parents gave her was indeed suffocating, they still stood behind her when she was helpless in the past.

When Jiang Shi had menarche for the first time, she wondered if she was going to die.

How could she bleed so much, she dared not tell her mother, for fear of being scolded.Because my mother is a very clean person, and she dyed the sheets and pants at home red.In order not to let her mother find out, she secretly washed the sheets and quilts herself.

But no matter how you wash it, you can't clean it.

I am also embarrassed to go to the supermarket to buy sanitary napkins, so I just use paper pads.

She didn't know why, but she felt the shame of menarche.She heard people say that when menarche comes, it is a woman.Not a little girl anymore.

She is afraid of being a woman.

Fear of the development of bulging breasts.

So she often sticks her chest to her back, making herself look like a girl who has not developed.

Later, what she hid was still discovered by her mother.

Mom really scolded her.

But it's not because she dirty the quilt and pants because of her menarche, but because she doesn't take good care of herself.

Her mother took her to the supermarket to buy sanitary napkins and taught her how to use them.

I also told her that during her menstrual period, she should not eat iced food, nor should she catch a cold, and should drink more hot water.It is best not to wash your hair and take a bath for the first two days, and you must pay attention to personal hygiene.

That night.

She slept very restlessly, and her abdomen was in pain.Even breathing felt very tight in the chest.It was her mother who was always by her side.She also covered her stomach with a hot water bottle.

She will talk about the past with earnestness.

"When I gave birth to you, I was in pain for more than ten hours, and my life was almost lost. At that time, I thought, or I would have a cesarean section. My throat was so painful that I couldn't make a sound. But you Grandma insisted that the birth should be natural. Natural birth is good. She said that she had so many births, and they all had natural births. There is no cesarean birth.”

"I also said that your aunt and aunt all had natural births."

"It's unlucky to have a cesarean section."

That was the first time Jiang Shi heard her mother talk about giving birth, and she had never heard it before.

"After giving birth to you, I don't want to give birth again. It's useless to persuade anyone."

"Whether he is a boy or a girl, I don't want it."

At that time, Jiang Shi was young and didn't understand the certainty of his mother's words.

Sometimes she feels that her mother is very pitiful, and her life almost revolves around herself.What the relatives around her said the most to her was that you should have another one.And never asked her, how are you doing.

On the day of the conflict, she was so angry by Jiang Shi that she was hospitalized.

Jiang Shi never thought about it, she has been taking care of her in the hospital.It was because of the memory of her mother's gentleness to her at that time.

When she was young, she wanted to ask her mother a lot.But it seems that there is no way to ask.Plus her menarche made her feel unwell.I didn't ask any more questions.

later.

Until Jiang Shi was about to graduate from junior high school, when relatives at home visited, occasionally someone would say that there should be another one.Jiang Shi was tired of hearing it.But relatives always come to them with a condescending attitude and say, how about one child, how good two children are, and three will be even more lively.

Jiang Shi grew up in such discourse since he was a child.

But my mother never told her these words, only let her study hard.There will be profit points in the future.Don't let others look down on you.

Jiang Shi only found out later, because there was only one child in their family, and her relatives looked down on her parents more or less.Especially the relatives on the grandma's side.The relatives of Grandma Jiang Shi's side have boys in every family.

Fewer second births, more third births.

Only Jiang Shijia is an only daughter.

Some harsh words, Jiang Shi only found out later.

Grandma once said to her mother that if she didn't have a boy, it would break the incense of the Jiang family.But she was beaten back by Jiang's mother. She said, do you want to inherit the throne in your family? You have to give birth to a boy.Why, the girl is not her own, right?

……

But those, Jiang Shi only found out later.

Jiang Shi only knew that her grandma's relatives didn't like her.

Even if she is admitted to a good school and has a stable job after graduation, she is not as good as her cousin who got married and gave birth to two boys at the age of 20.

Jiang Shi thought that her parents were never on her side, but on her relatives' side.

But one day, she suddenly realized that in fact, all the relationships are handled by her parents.When their relatives say that it is useless to study too much, it is better to marry a husband, have two cubs, and play mahjong every day like Xiaoru, and they will answer directly. Mom is worried about her life, but some people are born to study.It's impossible to say, don't let her read it.

In today's society, don't be illiterate.

After all, she is a housewife who has heard too much about her parents. No one dares to offend Mrs. Jiang when it comes to yin and yang.

The relatives all listened to the truth.

There is a smile on the face, but secretly it is serious.

Mother Jiang opened her mouth to support her daughter.Naturally, she pinned all her hopes on her daughter, and she couldn't wait to hope that her efforts would be rewarded.

I hope that my daughter can be proud in front of everyone.

I hope she can have a good life, a good career, a good future, and a good partner.

She asked Jiang Shi, as a mother, I hope my daughter will have a good life, am I wrong?I have spent so much time cultivating her, I hope she can have a good life, don't be like us, do nothing for the rest of my life, am I wrong?

At that time, Jiang Shi didn't realize all the things she had endured as a mother over the years.What she thought of was that she saw the light of freedom.

She has to fight, jump out.

Can no longer be bound here.

She fought back, her words turned into sharp knives.

Stabbing hard at their chests, she wanted her own life.It has nothing to do with others looking up to her or looking down on her.

Occupation does not distinguish between high and low.

There is no absolute stability, and there is no absolute smooth sailing in life.

She wants to do something that she likes to do.

She wants to be with the person she likes.

Could it be that there is something wrong with this?

Can't she have her own life?

Why do you have to look at other people's eyes to live? Those people, do they live well?

No.

Nor are they necessarily doing well.

So why follow their lead.

Why do we have to live in the mundane world? It's so painful.

Jiang Shi has been asking this question in the past, but she forgot——

What everyone cares about is different.

Not everyone can find the persistence they like and love, most people are mediocre.It is enough for them to live a good life in front of them.

As Mother Jiang said, some people are born to be mothers to worry about their lives, so they will care about the shortcomings of their parents.But some people, she has her own pursuit and love.No time to care about the eyes of others.

Also like Ni Ran.

Several times, Jiang Shi also asked himself.

As a child, couldn't she have a life of her own?

"I'm alone. According to them, I'm really not happy. They only see the stability of teachers, but they don't know that I'm in such a bad environment, I'm going to die."

"But they feel that I don't know good from bad."

"I go after the life I want, is that wrong?"

Jiang Zhi choked up and said.

Ni Ran patted her on the back lightly and said, "You are not wrong."

"But your parents, you can't say they were wrong."

"Why don't they want you to have a good life, right? Besides, there's nothing right or wrong about the relationship between parents and children. "

"Perhaps this is the worldliness of life. Every family has scriptures that are difficult to recite, and everyone has their own troubles and anguish."

"But if, you miss them, we can go back and see them."

"If you don't want to, come home with me."

……

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31. Shaking Green 31