[Xiu Xian] Master, let's talk about life

The temple is hell.

At that time, I thought so.

"Were you ever a monk?" Chen Xiuping asked Meng Xiaobao like this.

Meng Xiaobao's smile seemed a little strange, he glanced at Chen Xiuping from the corner of his eye, and asked, "How do you know?"

Ye Tan actually told Chen Xiuping about this.

Ye Qin may have already guessed something, after Cheng Yin left Du Jie, he always came to Chen Xiuping frequently, that day and night Qin came to discuss formation with Chen Xiuping, and suddenly mentioned Meng Xiaobao - she called him Zhao Zicun.

"He has many names." Ye Tan said.

Chen Xiuping is already in charge of the sect at this time, and if he is in front of outsiders, he already has considerable authority, but in essence he is still a little afraid of this lazy but imposing princess of the Ye family, but he has learned to put on a show, just in front of her There were not many words in front of her, and after hearing what she said, she only asked back: "A lot?"

Ye Tan let out a "hmm", adjusted his posture, changed his hand to support his face, and raised his eyelids lazily: "Didn't you call him Meng Xiaobao, it seems that the current Taoist name is 'Fuzhen'? I know him At that time, his name was Zhao Zicun, and I heard that it was his layman's name."

"A common name?" Chen Xiuping repeated Ye Tan's words like a parrot.

"Well, when he was a young monk, his dharma name was... It seems to be called Ming Kong, um, is it called this, I don't quite remember."

But Chen Xiuping knew for the first time that Meng Xiaobao had been a young monk before.

So he asked, but when he heard Meng Xiaobao's question, he just smiled and didn't answer. He just asked: "Then you should have dabbled in Buddhism and Taoism? There have been many Buddhist disciples recently, and everyone doesn't know why get along with them."

He felt that Meng Xiaobao might not want to talk about the past, so he didn't go deep into it.

But Meng Xiaobao shook his head. He turned his eyes to the void, as if looking at another world through the clouds, and said, "So, one thought becomes a Buddha, and one thought becomes a demon."

He seemed to be sighing, and his voice came out like a cloud: "I don't know anything about Buddha, I don't understand at all—I'm not even a layman. I'm a person who can't get close to Buddhism."

In the mountains and forests, the majestic and solemn Jialan is still visible.

But after passing through the gate of the temple, the Hall of Heavenly Kings has collapsed, and the Daxiong Hall also shows a sense of dilapidation. The bright yellow high wall looks gloomy due to dust and mildew. It is said that it was still solemn and glorious decades ago. A place, but now it seems that it is invaded by demonic energy.

The first time I walked into the Buddhist hall, I saw the tall clay sculpture Buddha, but what I saw was not the compassionate Buddha light that saved all living beings, but the gloomy, dark darkness that could swallow all the light. I couldn't help but want to step back. But Master's hand pressed my head, the palm was as cold as a rock, and made me calm down.

For a long time after that, my memory stayed in this Buddhist hall. My brother, my master and I lived in this dilapidated temple, like a wild dog barely finding a place to shelter from wind and rain, but We are still wild dogs. I chant sutras and Buddha every day, but my mind is still full of thoughts that I can’t live without. The Buddha is watching us from above my head. When I look up, I feel that it is a cold Rakshasa.

But I am an obedient and successful young monk, and I have never been beaten when I meditate, but my senior brother is often beaten, the ruler slaps on the scrawny back, the red marks turn into black and blue, and they have not faded away. Superimposed new ones, I feel sorry for the senior brother, but the senior brother only said it was his own fault.

"Because I'm not as smart as my younger brother, and I can't calm down. Master just hopes that I can do better."

I really want to tell him that I have never felt that I have calmed down. I just try to make myself look like I am not thinking about anything. In fact, I am thinking about many things. I am thinking about the Rakshasa above my head and the hanging curtain. Bu, I was thinking about the ant nest in the corner, and even wondered if Master was going to beat up my brother again... But Master never noticed it, does it mean that I concealed it very well?Or meditation is such a thing.When I think about it this way, there is no guilt in my heart, and there is even a kind of complacency.

Although my master is strict in practice, he is actually a kind-hearted old monk. We used to wander around, and every time we made alms, as long as the master recited a Buddhist name, we would always succeed. People would like to believe that an old monk with an appearance like him must be a good person Monk, after coming to this dilapidated temple, the master opened a vegetable garden by himself on the back mountain, and sometimes stood in the field wearing a bamboo hat, except for his fair skin, he was no different from an old farmer.

The elder brother was in charge of the meals—he was responsible for many years until the temple was repaired and there were more and more monks. He naturally became a classic. At that time, the master became the host, and I was the zhike.

I am happy to take on such a role, because I look forward to the outside world like a prisoner in a cage. When I have my own ideas, I often think, is this all we have to do?Staying in the Buddhist hall, reciting scriptures that only you understand, and thinking about koans that no one else can understand, I think we are recluses who only live in our own world. In such a gorgeous world, we isolate ourselves from them .

I want to go out and see.

I don’t know when, this idea filled my heart, like a beast about to burst out of my chest, often making my chest tight and speechless. I looked at the temple that had been cleaned and repaired, but felt that what I saw was still the same. The gray and dilapidated ruins are still the cold and terrifying cage, which imprisons not even my body, but my soul.

"At that time, I often asked myself why I did such a thing, why, I didn't go outside to see." Meng Xiaobao's tone was very calm, but the turbulent undercurrent in his calmness made Chen Xiuping feel tight in his chest and short of breath. .

He glanced over Meng Xiaobao, making sure that he didn't see any gloomy or nostalgic look on his face, he seemed to be telling someone else's story, he was an outsider.

He stopped talking here, but his expression made it difficult for Chen Xiuping to determine whether he wanted to continue talking.

After a brief silence, Chen Xiuping answered: "It's not like monks can't travel, can they? I heard that monks also travel far to other temples to make orders, or to walk around in the secular world."

Suddenly there was a strange light in Meng Xiaobao's eyes, and the corner of his mouth was raised, with a half-smile: "Is there any difference?"

"What?" Chen Xiuping frowned.

"Is there a difference? It's not my body that's locked in the cage, and it's not my body that's been struggling."

"When I was a little novice in the past, I saw that Master's daily schedule was chanting sutras, eating, meditating, meditating, chanting sutras, and sleeping. I felt very boring-but I didn't say it at the time, because I was a lost dog, and I needed such a cage Make me feel safe."

"But when I gradually found my soul, I was going crazy - I wanted to escape this life, I thought - and I thought, if my life is only a few decades, why should I How about this kind of life?"

"My brothers and sisters can't understand me. They have lived such a life since they were young. They think that this life is everything. What's so strange, but I feel restless and uncontrollable, like someone Tens of thousands of insects and ants are biting in my heart, and a voice keeps telling me, leave quickly, leave quickly.”

Whenever I said in a roundabout way that I wanted to go out and have a look, Master didn't speak, but just looked at me quietly, with a kind of quiet compassion in his cloudy eyes.

He was old, his skin was flabby and wrinkled, and he looked older because he was so skinny—I think this is a symbol of his own imprisonment. Isn't one of the purposes of practicing is longevity?

I became more and more skeptical and anxious, and finally one day, when my master was giving me a lecture, I asked him: "Do you want to live this kind of life every day? If you only have a few days left in your life, or you tomorrow I am about to die, do you want me to be held here to listen to your chanting?"

Master nodded.

I felt ridiculous: "Why don't you do something more meaningful, don't you understand that your life is going to end?"

The master was sitting on the futon. In the dark room, he also looked like a clay Buddha statue. He looked like he was about to die, but he suddenly yelled: "Mingkong, you are possessed."

At that moment, I was taken aback, because the master looked as if he would hit me on the head with a ruler in the next second. In my eyes, his expression was like a ghost, as if—yes, just It's like a clay sculpture of a golden body in a Buddhist hall.

What's more, in my mind at that time, being possessed by demons was a very serious matter, but after thinking about it, I felt that my thoughts did not have any tendency to become possessed.

"I'm very sober." I said, "There are many Yunshui who come to the temple to place orders, and they all think like me. Are they all possessed by demons?"

When I was talking about this, I suddenly felt that I knew the reason why Master would say this, because he is a narrow-minded monk, and he may only agree with his own Buddhist rituals. Thinking of this, although I don’t want to be like this, I still despise it in my heart .

What's more, Master really said: "Yes, they are all possessed by demons."

I finally stood up. My expression at that time must have been quite proud and contemptuous. I couldn't see my appearance with my own eyes, but now that I think about it, I must have looked like that. I said: "You are the one who is enchanted, Master."

Chen Xiuping said: "Master is indeed a bit stubborn."

Meng Xiaobao laughed softly, he felt that Chen Xiuping, who tried hard to make himself smooth, looked very funny, although he tried hard to appear sincere, but Meng Xiaobao could still imagine that Chen Xiuping must be slandering in his heart at this moment: Your master is very foresight, you are indeed possessed .

"From the point of view of the result, I was indeed possessed." Meng Xiaobao said, seeing that Chen Xiuping really showed a clear expression of "it was like this", he continued, "But now that I think about it, from the process point of view, I really did. Obsessed with demons——my master is indeed a remarkable eminent monk, and the strange thing is that he didn’t subdue demons and eliminate demons.”

A trace of confusion flashed in Chen Xiuping's eyes, but soon became clear, revealing a clear color: "The person who is too persistent is actually you."

Meng Xiaobao nodded with a smile: "Maybe it's one aspect. On the other hand, I did enter a demonic realm at that time. When I was sitting in meditation, I often had the illusion that I had passed the Dharma to sentient beings. I thought it was some kind of success that I would succeed in." In that situation, you wouldn’t think it’s a demonic realm.”

Chen Xiuping has heard of this kind of thing, just like Taoism practiced into samadhi, when the Buddha practiced meditation, he would also have a wonderful state, that state is more vague and elusive, it is called the Buddha's state, but if you don't check your thoughts, you will be enchanted.

He glanced at Meng Xiaobao, although the other party did not show any dejection, he still comforted him: "Don't think about it, you are just not suitable for practicing Buddhism, you see that you are doing well now, your thinking is actually very righteous Energy."

Meng Xiaobao smiled and stopped talking.

He still had many things that he did not tell Chen Xiuping, for example, he resolutely betrayed his sect, but later he was only at a loss, for example, his Taoism was related to Buddhism, but although it was related, it was more of the opposite, for example, many Years later, he is still influenced by the education he received as a teenager, but if he practiced and discussed Buddhism with the real Buddha, he might be immediately classified as a wild fox Zen.

If Chen Xiuping were his Taoist partner, he might have told everything, but now everything is done, he can't even tell what the feelings in his heart are, just like he can't tell the experience of practicing Buddhism when he was young What the hell.

Maybe they are nothing.

As the proverb says, all things in the heaven and the earth have images but have no images, come from nothing, and return to nothing.

Ha, nothing nothing.

Everywhere is hell.

Later, when I walked through the world of mortals and the abyss thousands of miles away, when I looked back, what I saw was a piece of scorched earth, so I thought.

My heart is purgatory, so it doesn't matter if I become a demon.