Chasing bamboo horses with games

"Survival is not the ultimate goal."

"Little Qi, you put too much pressure on yourself."

"Little Qiqi, are you okay?"

……

Lu Junqi slumped down on the steps, with a look on his face that was about to cry.

The more uncomfortable it is, the easier it is to think of those fragmented sentences, admonishing, reprimanding, comforting, and even praying... Words and sentences continue to run over my heart until the whole body becomes heavy and dull , until I remembered the unfinished sentence again:

"Little Qi...live..."

What do you live for?survive?How to survive?Everyone said that he should live on, as long as he was determined to live on.But, mother, why am I willing to live and still suffer so much?If you knew that I was living in such pain, would you still let me continue to suffer?Mom, why don't you and Dad take me with you?Why should I survive alone?I'm really, really tired.

The tip of the nose seemed to smell the sticky, salty smell again, which couldn't go away, like the fine scales of a viper rubbing against it, and the chill suddenly rose when the smell passed by, just like protecting him that night The coldness brought by the gradually stiffening body, in fear, in dizziness, in the hope of death but not in, endure...

Occasionally, yellow or white lights flashed past, and then disappeared in the night.Finally, his tired body still couldn't resist the dizziness caused by the huge impact, and gradually passed out, but because of the tense nerves, he was always in a half-dream and half-awake, restless.

If only I could fall asleep, it would be great if I could keep sleeping.

"Xiao Qi! Xiao Qi! How are you doing?"

Who is it?

"Little Qi!"

"Stop shaking." Lu Junqi opened his eyes, almost a little irritated, who the hell is disturbing him again.

"Xiao Qi, you're awake, are you okay? Is there any pain?"

Lu Junqi struggled to open his eyes, the voice-activated light above his head emitted light and heat amidst the noisy calls, reflecting on Wen Shaoyou's face, just like the sun shining on the yellow cordon that day, for unknown reasons, But it is reassuring.

"You're so noisy." Lu Junqi was half embraced in his arms, closed his eyes again in dizziness, listened to his rapid heartbeat, couldn't help complaining like a sigh.

Wen Shaoyou hugged him tighter as if angry, and said aggrievedly: "Who told you to lie motionless on the ground, it scared me to death."

"I'm just tired, just lie down for a while." Lu Junqi finally felt stuffy because of being hugged too tightly, and struggled to sit up by herself, but when she raised her eyes, she saw Wen Shaoyou's slightly red eyes. Knowing whether to be moved or embarrassed, "Are you a little girl at a young age? You cry when you have a big fart."

"Who is crying? I stayed up all night until my eyes were tired. Aren't you dirty lying here?"

Lu Junqi raised his right hand that had been in close contact with the ground and the wall, and wiped Wen Shaoyou's coat viciously: "Cleanliness is a disease, and it needs to be cured."

"You have to learn what it means to pay attention to hygiene." Wen Shaoyou looked at the out-of-fit marks on his coat and wanted to cry without tears.

"Have you two flirted enough? How long are you going to stay on the ground?" Chai Xiaonan felt that the eyes of a good straight man were hot. Don’t wake up? Why don’t you get up quickly to check if you have broken your brain? By the way, Old Wen didn’t lie, his eyes were indeed red from staying up all night, but he couldn’t wake you up, and found that he didn’t wake up after staying up all night. Before I had the strength to hug you, the red was not so conspicuous."

……

Lu Junqi looked at the mocking person who had never met him before, and then at Wen Shaoyou who had almost written "embarrassed" on his face. He didn't know whether he should feel ashamed that he was exposed, or should he be ashamed. Fa Xiao really cares about himself and is happy, or simply has nothing to do with himself and gloats.

"Comrade Chai Xiaonan, why don't you usually talk so much nonsense?" Wen Shaoyou had the urge to bite his old classmate to death.

"I just can't stand two gay guys doing a poor job of deceiving themselves in front of me."

"Gay guy?" Lu Junqi automatically ignored the quantifiers, looked at Wen Shaoyou in surprise, and then nodded in agreement. A man in his twenties is always crying over trivial things. Such sensibility is indeed more emotional than five or six. Like a gay guy, "Xiaoyou, you don't need to hide it from me. I won't change my attitude towards you just because of your sexual orientation. You can tell by watching five or six, so don't think too much about it."

Wen Shaoyou's heart is like riding a roller coaster, going up and down, who the hell can tell him what this unfolds, and asking Chai Xiaonan to send him here is really the worst decision today: "Chai Xiaonan, if you still If you want to stay in the testing department, leave me immediately."

"You are so angry from embarrassment."

"Fuck off."

Chai Xiaonan's heart was like pouring steel, and he couldn't see any ups and downs from the inside to the outside, so he really kept that mocking expression and turned around to leave, leaving only Lu Junqi and Wen Shaoyou in the corridor looked at each other.

"Get up and move around to see if there is any pain."

"Yeah." Lu Junqi was pulled by Wen Shaoyou to stand up, raised his arms, moved his legs and feet, and said, "It doesn't matter, I didn't fall too high. Why are you here?"

"After you hung up, I was afraid that something might happen to you, so I called Aunt Wu and told her that I was free to pick you up today. It just so happened that she had a meeting after the outpatient clinic today, and I was worried that you would be here all day. Boring, as soon as I said it, I got the address of the hospital as a matter of course."

"What can happen to me?" Lu Junqi turned his head away, and began to count the number of vine leaves painted on the wall, feeling a little guilty.

"Is it me who fell down the steps? Fortunately, I didn't get hurt, otherwise I'll see how you pass Aunt Wu's test."

"Ha." Lu Junqi laughed dryly, unable to refute.

"Why did you fall?" Wen Shaoyou muttered, bending over to help Lu Junqi pat the dust off his body.

"I don't know. I wiped the dust on the wall. I got tired after a while. Then I sat on the steps and leaned against the wall to rest. Maybe I accidentally fell asleep and rolled down."

"Why are you wiping the dust off the wall?"

"The wall is painted with dust, and it looks good after it is wiped off."

"Won't it wipe off the wall painting?"

"It's not that easy to smear, just lightly."

"Well, then sit and rest for a while, and I'll wipe it for you." Wen Shaoyou pulled Lu Junqi to sit on the next step, rolled up his sleeves, and wiped away the stains on the morning glory little by little with his fingers. dust.

"Xiaoyou." Lu Junqi called him in a daze.

Wen Shaoyou said without looking back, "It doesn't matter, it's already dirty anyway."

I mean, why are you here?Lu Junqi tilted his head against the wall, looked at the back figure who was close at hand, and asked in his heart.

"Little Qi, you're going too far."

"What?" The sudden accusation made Lu Junqi's body stiffen, and the familiar dull pain and suffocation made him purse his lips, thinking bitterly: Well, I also feel that I have gone too far.

"Think about it, I'm penniless now, and I still have to rely on you to support me. I live with you and I don't have time to do housework. I finally took the opportunity to help you share some negative emotions. You also hung up on me. Isn't it too much?"

"You helped me share a lot of negative emotions." Lu Junqi was a little glad that his answer was not what he thought, but couldn't help but secretly laughed at himself for being too sensitive and hypocritical, and at the same time tried to change the subject. He didn't want to talk about it. "Speaking of which, won't your work progress fall again when you come out now? You should go back quickly."

It's a pity that Wen Shaoyou was determined to talk to him about it before he arrived at the hospital, and ignored his question at all.

"A lot? I don't think so. For example, your negative emotions are like a trash can in a smoking area in a public place. The only thing I can see is the point on the lid that is used to put out cigarette butts. You can't lift the lid to have a look." Let's be honest?"

Lu Junqi didn't speak, and went to count the leaves again.

"Huh?" Wen Shaoyou didn't get a response, so he stopped wiping, squatted in front of Lu Junqi, and stared straight at him, as if he would never give up until he reached his goal.

Lu Junqi's eyes were evasive, but he refused to meet Wen Shaoyou's eyes, and he was a little anxious after being stared at, and said, "It's boring."

"What's the point?"

"It's just self-pitying nonsense. It won't change anything if you say it. It will only make you worry. It's better not to say it."

"How do you know it can't be changed if you don't say it?" Wen Shaoyou focused on the key points, ignoring everything else.

Lu Junqi knew that Wen Shaoyou was concerned about him, but his serious and flat tone made him feel like he was being questioned. He couldn't help feeling a little annoyed, and his tone became stiff: "It doesn't make sense. Theories are just theories after all. Even if you get the answer, so what, it can’t change the current life.”

"Where do so many meaningful things come from?" Wen Shaoyou sighed, and finally said in a soft tone, "Many things are meaningless in themselves, and they become meaningful because they are done successfully, but success is a What? Everyone wants to be successful, because success gives them satisfaction, makes them happy, but what is it?”

"I don't know." Lu Junqi shook his head dully, he didn't even understand what Wen Shaoyou wanted to say, and his intuition told him not to follow his pace, "I don't want to know either, let's wash our hands, since you don't If you are in a hurry to get back to the company, then send me home first."

Wen Shaoyou held down Lu Junqi who was about to get up, looked straight into his eyes, and said with a bit of aggression: "I know, do you want an answer?"

Lu Junqi couldn't break free, so he could only shake his head and refuse: "No, I don't want to."

"Don't you really want to know the answer? Is it important to be successful or not? What is meaningful? How to live is meaningful? Do you really not want to know?"

"I don't want to." Lu Junqi refused again, but he didn't realize that just two words could fully expose the trembling in his voice.

Wen Shaoyou suddenly smiled again: "Then you want to know, to me, what is my success and meaning?"

"What?" Perhaps it was Wen Shaoyou's sudden change of attitude that confused Lu Junqi, causing him to ask the question unconsciously; perhaps it was because he had been saying things against his will and looking forward to the answer, and this was only related to the answer. Wen Shaoyou's questions made him feel that he would not reveal his thoughts.

The corners of Wen Shaoyou's red eyes were finally stained with a smile at this moment. He opened his arms and hugged him: "Your reappearance, our reunion, made my persistence meaningful. You exist in front of my eyes. My greatest success."

Lu Junqi let him hold her in a daze, her twitching brain nerves became more and more active, making Wen Shaoyou's words drift near and far away, making it difficult for him to understand.When he heard his voice sound again, he quickly concentrated and listened hard, not letting go of any word.

"I know you are very tired, maybe you can't let me be self-willed once, just to satisfy my vanity, let me continue this rare success, please continue to be tired. I can borrow you when you are too tired Rely on, can you make my existence the meaning of your life?"

Wen Shaoyou's sudden choking made Lu Junqi a little helpless, he opened his mouth but couldn't make a sound, his mind was in a mess, he still couldn't understand the meaning of Wen Shaoyou's words, he just felt that his hair was sad , needing comfort, but he couldn't speak, so he raised his arms and hugged him back, but before putting his hands on his shoulders, he heard him say again:

"Little Qi, I need you."

Lu Junqi heard it clearly, this time he heard it clearly, and silently reasoned out what Wen Shaoyou said to him in his heart: Xiaoyou said that he needs me, my existence is his success, and he also hopes to be The meaning of my life.

He felt that maybe he really should pay attention to his hygiene. He must have rubbed his eyes with dirty hands unconsciously, otherwise why would he be so painful that he couldn't open them?Apart from hugging the person in front of him tightly and making his fingers ache, he couldn't find any way to relieve the pain in his eyes.