Chasing bamboo horses with games

Not far away, the camphor leaves rustled, some chased Night Breeze away from the branches, but were abandoned by Night Breeze, helplessly, kept them, fluttered, fell, and then were caught by the wheels that would pass by at some point crushed.

Lu Junqi looked down at Wen Shaoyou, the tingling pain in his chest caused by the momentary mood swings was fleeting, and now even the aftertaste was gone.Having been seen through, it hit her heart, and she didn't have the strength to become angry from embarrassment.But is it timid or selfish?His head was so dizzy from the wind that even he couldn't figure it out.

In the end, it was Wen Shaoyou who spoke first. He got up from the ground with his head down, dusted off his clothes, and said listlessly: "It's time to go back. It's too cold today. If you blow it down, you'll catch a cold."

"Go back first." Lu Junqi realized that his voice was hoarse as soon as he opened his mouth. He coughed twice before continuing, "I sent a text message to Ms. Wu before, and she said that she will be back soon, I will wait."

"Is there really something wrong with her?"

"En." Lu Junqi nodded, and added the second half of the sentence in his heart: Now it is.

"Then I will accompany you."

"No need, go back quickly, you only wear a little, be careful of freezing, go back and take a hot shower and rest."

"I don't mind."

"I want to be alone."

For a moment, Wen Shaoyou couldn't tell whether it was Ye Feng who was colder, or Lu Junqi's voice was colder.He froze for a while, then said "OK" and left.

Lu Junqi sighed, huddled around himself in the wind, buried his face in his arms, as if no one would bother him this way.

"Little Qi?"

Lu Junqi raised his head in a daze, the double images in front of his eyes were scattered, and he couldn't recognize who was in front of him for a moment.

"Little Qi, what's wrong with you?"

"Ah, Auntie, you're back."

"Did you quarrel with Xiao Wen?" Ms. Wu took off her scarf, wrapped it around Lu Junqi's neck, and lifted it up to cover his red ears. I."

"Didn't he go home?" Lu Junqi buried his face in the scarf, and the sour feeling rushed from his throat to his nasal cavity.

"No, he forgot to bring the key. I gave him the spare key and asked him to go back first. So, what can you do with me?"

"Can I see Dr. Huo now?"

"I will help you ask."

"Ah."

Ms. Wu didn't avoid Lu Junqi either, and straightened up to make a phone call.Even though he was close at hand, he couldn't hear what she was saying clearly, as if the night wind was really strong enough to blow away all the sounds.

The call didn't last long, and Ms. Wu quickly relayed a reply.

"He has time now. I'll take you to his house. I'll go to the hospital tomorrow to help you complete the formalities."

"Well. Auntie, can I trouble you to pay the bill in advance? I don't know how long it will take, and the money may not be enough." Lu Junqi said in a softer voice, but still suppressed her shame to express the meaning completely.

"Okay, just pay me back the manuscript fee after posting, don't make it cheap for Xiao Wu again." Ms. Wu pulled Lu Junqi towards the parking space, and half-jokingly said, "That kid sent a text message to show off, saying that you love him deeply , It’s a thousand for every shot. Sigh, tell me, who does he look like? He’s my son, why doesn’t he look like me at all?”

Lu Junqi opened his mouth, but no sound came out, and he lowered his head dejectedly.He knew that Ms. Wu said these things to arouse his emotions, and he also knew that the Wuliuhui mentioned this matter to Ms. Wu because she was worried that he didn't have enough money and asked Ms. Wu to pay more attention to his diet.He clearly knows everything, but he can't respond well, as if he doesn't keep his mouth shut and will utter evil words because of irritability.He hates himself like this.

He didn't speak, and Ms. Wu didn't ask too much, she knew he needed to be quiet.

Even on a cold winter night, there were many vehicles on the road, and it took a lot of time to get to Dr. Huo's house.At the destination, the silence along the way was broken.

Without exchanging pleasantries, Dr. Huo directly took Lu Junqi into a small room. The layout was similar to that of a consulting room, but more cozy.

"How do you feel?" Dr. Huo handed him a glass of boiled water, "I won't make tea for you at night."

Lu Junqi took it with both hands: "Thank you. It's okay."

"It was you who asked to come to see me?"

"Ah."

"It's rare."

"Doctor Huo..." Lu Junqi hesitated to speak.

As if he didn't care at all, Dr. Huo warmed his hands while holding a teacup, and asked casually, "What's wrong?"

His state made Lu Junqi relax a lot, and he said honestly, "I'm very tired."

"Lie down when you're tired. Come on, tell me what happened?"

Lu Junqi shook his head, stared intently at the rim of the cup, and said in a low voice, "I just suddenly felt very strange. Why do I want to live? If it's for Aunt Wu and the others, as long as I live, it means that I will always trouble them , if they die, they may feel uncomfortable, but there will be one less burden, and after a long time, everything will pass. What am I insisting on now?"

"If this argument applied to everyone, we wouldn't know each other."

"But they're not like me."

Dr. Huo shook his head and asked back, "Do you know why your Auntie Wu can't take over to treat you?"

"Because she knows I have some things I can't say to her."

"Not exactly. Some medical departments have regulations. Doctors cannot treat patients with close relationships such as family members. Our hospital naturally has this regulation. Caring is a bad habit that everyone has, even if you are a psychologist. It doesn't mean that she can handle everything calmly. It's not that she doesn't want to take over, but she can't. She knows very well that professional knowledge is not enough, and she can't treat you as an ordinary patient."

Dr. Huo paused, and seeing that Lu Junqi was silent, he continued, "Didn't you accept this fact a long time ago? In fact, it has indeed achieved results, and it has responded to their expectations very well. Finally, I can be alone Living, and even working to make money, why do you have this kind of doubt again? This is not the same thing as wanting to die."

Lu Junqi understood what Dr. Huo meant, raised questions, gave answers, and provided reasons for taking action for the thought of dying, which would probably bring everything back to the original point, or even worse.This sense of reason and tired body is not unfamiliar, but it always feels weird, as if he is divided into two halves.

He felt that he should say something, but he didn't know where to start.

Dr. Huo looked at the confusion on his face, and asked at the right time: "Did something happen today? What did someone tell you?"

"Ah."

"Being said to be the center of the matter, a little bit of self-esteem has been frustrated?"

Lu Junqi suddenly felt a little embarrassed: "Yes."

"What did the man say?"

"I'm always self-righteous, thinking I'm thinking rationally, but I'm actually a coward who doesn't even know what I'm thinking."

"Exact words?"

"No, that's probably what it means."

As soon as he said this, Dr. Huo guessed that it was almost the same.No matter what the original words were, it was like this in Lu Junqi's ears.I don't think it's surprising that a depressed patient is really ill. If you tell him that the weather is nice today, he may also think that you are trying to persuade him to die quickly.It seemed illogical to outsiders, but the patient himself really felt this layer of non-existent malice.

"Do you think the way you're thinking right now is bad?"

"No. I'm selfish. It's okay for me not to have any unrealistic fantasies, but it seems to hurt others. I don't know what he is thinking, what he wants to express. After so many years apart Yes, I tried every means to find it, and it was still very good for me.

"Occasionally, I can't help but think, can I adapt to a person's life after he leaves? So I tried to drive him away before, but it didn't work, and it seemed to make him feel uneasy.

"It's the same today. I was just playing games and joking at first, but then I suddenly became unhappy. I don't know where I made him angry, and I don't know how to deal with it. I even think his attitude is very strange, and I feel that there is such a It’s shameful to think about it. He’s just a kid, he’s been so kind to me, it’s fine if he’s not grateful, and he’s just suspicious.”

Lu Junqi spoke slowly, but Dr. Huo didn't interrupt him, seeing that he had no intention of continuing, he asked, "What's so strange?"

"He seemed very reluctant to leave, and said he didn't want to be my brother. I couldn't tell if it was the truth or out of anger."

"What are your suspicions?"

"He likes me."