record likes

"When you said 'I like you' to me, I rejected your liking. Looking at your smile that was more uncomfortable than crying, I slowly lowered my little head, tears began to accumulate in my eyes but I tried to hang them, and I was pale Face, trembling voice but tried to calm down, said to me 'I'm sorry, I always trouble you', and then ran away. So these three days, we have not been by each other's side as usual. I guess, maybe in the future You will no longer be by my side like you used to.

"I guess, you must have cried when you got home. You are always like this, poor and arrogant, pretending to be strong, every time you quarrel with others, you look like you are the most unreasonable, but you hide everyone behind your back Even if you win the rare fight, not to mention that you fight to the death, it is already very uncomfortable to be beaten by the weak, and you have to receive the belt education from your uncle when you come back, but no matter how painful you are, you still hold your tears , I only hid under the blanket and cried to heal my wounds when no one else could see. I have been so familiar with the way you hang your tears over the years, but I don’t want to, because one day you cried because of my rejection.

"When you ran away, I actually wanted to grab you and tell you a lot of words, many words that were beyond my understanding of my own thoughts. But I still let you go. After hesitating, you disappeared from my sight, as fast as The few minutes of the confession was my fantasy illusion, as if you had never appeared. Hesitant, because I don't understand, 'like' this kind of thing. I don't think there is a 'like' for you, but it's not the opposite of it' Disgust', I can't explain clearly, it can disturb people's mood the most, I was at a loss for the first time, so I hesitated...

"We have been growing up together, but you told me that I am actually a 'familiar stranger' to you. You can't see what emotions are expressed on my expressionless face all the year round, and you can't guess the real thoughts of Sanhao's outstanding elite students. But even so, you feel at ease when I am by your side. In fact, I can’t see through and guess. For you, I want to see you smile. You have always been heartless, making people hate you , but also very cute. Can cute be used like this? Although it is strange to use it on boys, I just thought of this word and firmly used it in your description.

"In retrospect, I feel that these can't be called 'like', right? Spend a lifetime with you? Get along with you day and night? I don't think I have realized it. Ask yourself again, what is 'like', I like you? I have been passively accepting you The 'harassment', those thoughts that often bother you, I don't seem to like it... Respect and alienation, maybe it's my attitude towards all human relationships. I can't figure out the difference between you and others, special or not special?

"It's really disgusting, such a hesitant and confused self.

"I'd rather reject you than perfunctory you. Sorry, seeing you sad, I seem to understand 'sad' too. If I learn 'like', I think I'll have the courage to come back and tell you. At least make it clear to you , I don't hate you, I think you are cute, I don't deserve your sadness, please don't bully yourself to cry. Maybe it's because you always cry, that's why I thought of the word 'cute'.

"If, I also fell in love with you, the kind of 'like' that I know the definition, the 'like' that I am no longer confused, if I have that kind of 'like' for you, I will tell you well, even then , you don't like me anymore.

"Thank you for telling me you like me."

On the third night after that idiot confessed and was rejected by me, I finally sorted out some thoughts that have been bothering me these days, so I wrote this diary.

I write this in the way I spoke to him, as if I hadn't hesitated, grabbed him, and told him what I was thinking coherently and without confusion.

These words are my summary of this matter and the beginning of my determination to learn to "like".

This kind of determination is really wonderful, because it is the same as these days of distress, I can't tell the purpose, I don't know the way.I just feel that at least I have to give him a serious answer, not simply rejecting or accepting, not the end of our relationship, but being responsible for his liking and my distress.

In a word, I persuaded myself not to avoid the ambiguous thoughts that have signs, and the unknown thoughts. Even if I want to put aside my troubles and pretend to be carefree, I must tell myself to face the problems with patience and courage.Because if one day regrets after escaping, wouldn't this life be a loss.

Like those test paper exercises that have never been difficult problems in front of me, there should be no problems, how can there be problems?There are only lazy escapes, and there are no unsolvable problems.So we must learn, the so-called "like".

We two bamboo horses and bamboo horses have entered the ranks of adults in less than a year.It suddenly occurred to me that every birthday in the past 17 years, without exception, he and I celebrated together.

Although we celebrate together, he is the happiest every year.In fact, I don't think there is anything to celebrate on a birthday. I bother to prepare gifts and deal with congratulations.I don't want to perfuse everything and everyone, so I spent a lot of thought.And these troubles only made me feel that I wasted the time of studying, and I didn't have too much joy of "being one year older".

My mother said that I wasted such an energetic, optimistic and cheerful bamboo horse, but I am also very grateful to him for being willing to play with me, a little old man who has no childishness, over the years.I complained that I worked tirelessly to help him pass the exam, and my mother was surprised that I, who had been silent all the year round, would complain.Do you really think that I am a nerdy student who only reads sage books...

Neither my parents nor his parents knew that he was not an optimistic and cheerful boy, but a sensitive and pretending fool.He cares about many people and things, but he is also out of tune with many people and things, so he is sentimental, and in order not to let others think he is sentimental, he pretends to be strong and optimistic.Tired and unremittingly persisting in this way, the cycle is sentimental.I think he's just plain stupid.

Still a fool that I have to take care of all the time.

I have always remembered clearly how our pair of bamboo horses and bamboo horses grew up together.Of course, the memories of my childhood are gone, but my mother likes to help me recall our danzi days, that is the time when she thinks I still have a little bit of childishness, and I also like to listen to her nagging, because I grew up The process seems to be the process of "emerging infinite troubles" and "solving infinite troubles". It is very challenging and fun, but also very tiring, so I love the era of carefree and pure play together.

My mother said that I realized that he was my partner when I was only a few months old, because I liked to hold his hand when I was sleeping, and I would take pictures with him when I saw something novel, and be alone. He has a good temper, even if he grabs my little hand and puts it into his mouth to gnaw, I will gnaw it for him with a good temper, but then I will hold his head and gnaw it back.

At that time, whenever these two foolish couples who couldn't take care of the children were lazy to coax the children, they would stuff us together as each other's toys. After a few rounds of rubbing, they found that a few hairs on one head had been licked wet. , a small hand was bitten sticky.

"You should be allowed to sleep naked, maybe you don't need to bathe you - lick it clean!" The mother who has become an ordinary woman said stupidly... I am glad that my IQ and character have inherited from my father.

The idiot bamboo horse said that the reason why his academic performance hovered at the pass line was because I ate away his IQ, and the reason he always fought with others was because I ate away my chances to do it.He insisted that he gnawed in the wrong place at the beginning, and always wanted to gnaw it back to balance his IQ, but he was always discouraged by my expressionless and stern aura. I just watched him silent, and he didn't dare to look me in the eye anymore. I can only obediently listen to my lectures on the exercises to save him from falling below the passing line if he is not careful.

But one time when the adults came home late, he insisted on sleeping with me all night. When I woke up the next morning, I felt like my hair was chewed by a dog. Maybe it was because he practiced "gnawing" while I was asleep at night. IQ Project".I also feel strange, I usually sleep lightly, and the sound of the car starting downstairs can wake me up, but that night he slept next to me, but I slept surprisingly well.Perhaps, it is because of the sense of security of having a partner atmosphere similar to that of the Danzi era.

Friendship and love, the conscious understanding of these two concepts began when teachers in elementary school advocated friendship and warned against puppy love.I don't care about defining the categories of "friendship" and "love" for the people around me, because I don't care about such emotional entanglements at all.Born indifferent?He said so.When he made such an irresponsible evaluation, did he think that one day he himself would erase the boundary between friendship and love from us and come to confess to me.

If a friend is a person who can confide in his heart, then I actually have no friends.I have never confided my so-called concerns to him from the bamboo horse, or I have nothing to confide in.Now that I have something on my mind, but it is because of him, how should I confide in it?So I need to vent, I can only write down what I want to say to him, and give him a diary.

According to my mother, I displayed an amazing instinct of indifference in kindergarten.At that time, I could only follow him and watch him make friends, watch him play, and watch him fight.But in elementary school, there was only study, study, study, and by the way, watching him fail, and watching him fight.Finally his parents realized that he, a weak little chicken who doesn't like to study and can't win a fight, must be trained, so we were a little alienated after we went to elementary school, and the adults turned him into a top student who had to follow me all the time , to learn how to be a good kid.So we became "close" again.

The house is opposite the door, and the parents are a pair of good friends. They seem to go to and from school together, do homework together, and play together as it should.He was always yelling that he was tired from studying, and always asked to play games or go out with me, but he was always suppressed by my air-conditioning field, locked into the room to study one subject by one, and confiscated the pocket money of [-] cents for a wrong exercise.He himself was cut into pocket money, and he was fined to be in debt every day, but he dared not resist my oppression, at most he lowered his head, quietly red eyes and sniffed his nose and tears.

At that time, one yuan was not a small amount of pocket money for a child. He loved the brown sugar that was [-] cents a piece. He didn't dare to resist me and complain to his parents.

He said that I was born to beat him, and I said that as long as your score is higher than mine, I will definitely not be able to beat you, so he worked hard to get a higher score than me.Unfortunately, until the day he came to confess, he was unsuccessful.

There is a [-]% possibility that it will not succeed in the future.

To a certain extent, his coming to confess is also a case of me overcoming him...

After frantic tutoring efforts in the last year of elementary school, he was finally trained by me to the point where he was admitted to the key middle schools in our district. So, after I played a summer vacation game with him, we stepped into the The middle school campus began the middle school era when I continued to train him.

This is a key middle and high school in the city. Just like elementary school, I continued to watch him make friends with others and fight with others. I continued to help him with his grades that were below the passing line, and continued to train him to be a good boy.Everything seems to be nothing special to pay attention to.

I thought, we would just graduate from high school like this, then go to university where we might separate or continue together, then graduate and go to society, or continue our studies, then work, then find a woman who is well-matched and pleasing to the eye, fall in love, then get married and have children, and start a family like this .Our life seems to be arranged in this order.

It wasn't until I discovered that he was different that I didn't know that this life arrangement didn't work for every boy growing up.Because, people are different.