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After our 16th birthday celebration, almost a year ago, I discovered that he was different from the average male sexuality.

This is the "derailment" of the so-called "normal male life arrangement", and the development that cannot be understood according to common sense has begun.

Looking back now, it was the first birthday he didn't jump up and down to celebrate, he just quietly obeyed his parents' arrangement, smiled perfunctorily at his parents and my parents, smiled at me perfunctorily, and lived like that It's over for my 16th birthday.

At that time, I was a little annoyed - I didn't show any impatience, but you dare to show me face?

Seeing his absent-minded appearance, I guess he is in a crush.As for love, with his charm as the criterion, I directly rejected the possibility that he would be in love with a girl.

His parents could also see that he was absent-minded, and quietly asked me to investigate to see if he had a puppy love.Auntie's attitude towards his relationship is very cheerful, like my mother, these two mother characters are always unexpectedly open and off-line... no wonder they are good friends for more than 20 years.Uncle is more serious, and earnestly asked me to take him to "study hard and don't mess up things." This sentence reminded me of the fried pork with belt that he used to eat in elementary school, which shows the serious and responsible role of strict father.

I agreed to the entrustment of my elders, and allocated part of my energy to study and student union work to him, and paid more attention to his words and deeds than usual.

After entering high school, that alienation was placed in front of us again.Maybe it's because the classes are different, and we can't go together in the same class like elementary and junior high schools, eat and sometimes live together. We have joined different clubs. His art and painting club is not very busy yet, and I joined the school student union, and I am often called by the teachers. "Volunteering" a lot of competitions, so our time together was reduced to the usual weekend tutoring like before.I even found that when we met occasionally at school, he would avoid my eyes.

What he said to me became less and less week by week, until there was only silence between us except for me lecturing to him.

Although I think I like silence and don't care if he talks or not, but that silence is really... mixed with unspeakable irritation.For him, but also for myself.

So it was a very pleasant thing to agree to the elder's entrustment—I only realized the original joy in retrospect—because I could care about his life and state of mind in an open and more authoritative and reasonable way.

So the location of the tutoring was changed to his room instead of my room which has been a stable base for several years.I have been tutoring in my room before, mainly because my room is tidy and clean and his pigsty is almost invisible. After I went to elementary school once, I firmly stipulate that the tutoring place must be in my room, and his game console I moved the comic books and so on to my room with the affirmation of both parents, so that he would not be distracted from studying when he went back.But after the high school entrance examination, he didn't take the initiative to turn in his comics. I have some regrets. Maybe he will rebel against his parents when the rebellious period is over?

After five years, Mud Monkey's room was much tidier and cleaner, although I still saw a few pairs of socks under the bed that were obviously swept in with one foot...

He blushed after I looked around the room.

"That...it's not as clean as yours, but I cleaned it for half the night! Who told you to change it to my room...let's make do with it!" He said bluffing.

So the dark circles are from staying up all night to meet my parade?Just cleaning to achieve this effect, how dirty and messy it must be before cleaning... Uncles and aunts can tolerate him, his room and the rest of his house are simply two worlds.

In fact, I suspect that he didn't stay up all night to clean, but to hide things that are inconvenient for me to see, such as pictures of girls he has a crush on?Like a love letter?For example, the color books rented in the small bookstore on the street in front of the school?I heard the boys in the class talk about that bookstore, secretly operating some color books and periodicals that school teachers and parents hate.Once, because the student union came back late from work, I happened to see him coming out of the small bookstore who was supposed to be home early according to the schedule.

I specifically told him that I want to warm the cup, wash the tea and boil the ripe Pu'er made from mineral water, and send him to make the tea, so as to buy time for my investigation.

I was forced to train him to make tea with his own hands. I love tea, but he loves sodas like Coke and Sprite the most.The process of making good tea is cumbersome and you have to pay attention everywhere. I used the excuse of cultivating his patience and temperament to force him to learn how to make tea and practice making various kinds of tea. After that, whether he comes to my house or I go to his house, the work of making tea It's all his.Now I already feel that what I made is not as good as his.

Seeing him in the living room holding a tea brick and diligently picking up tea leaves with a small awl, and then pouring mineral water to boil the water, I felt relieved and started digging through the pig's nest that he had cleaned up for half the night...

"This is an act authorized by the investigation, not because of my bad conduct." I comforted myself.

I don't know what kind of expression my guilty conscience has. Is it like what he said, it has not changed at all, even if I am wrong, I can show that I am not wrong, and I look like I am the truth.In fact, although I seldom have a guilty conscience, I still have these psychological changes, but I don't know why, and it is really not my subjective wish that the expression does not change.

It's not difficult to find out his secrets. His small mind, from when he was talking to me intentionally or unintentionally glanced under the bed where the dirty socks were hidden, I felt that the secret was probably there.Because I also saw two obviously unwashed underwear on the glove box at the end of the bed. He ignored the conspicuous underwear and glanced at the bottom of the bed. How dare he act more idiotic, idiot bamboo horse...

Sure enough, deeper under the bed, behind the dirty socks, he took his precious Potter's wizard wand and drew out a magazine with a glimpse of the model's naked body.

The name of the magazine is "HOMO", I don't understand, but it's strange that the models are fit, fair and tender European and American men.I opened the magazine and looked at a few pages at random, all of which were English and European and American models with pictures.

Even if I didn't read the English text carefully, I guessed the content of this magazine from the pictures of heroic feelings-male, gay.

There was a crisp sound at the door!

I looked over and saw him standing there with a pale face, the two cups of tea that should have been in his hands fell to the ground, and his socks were wet.

It’s a good thing he was wearing socks and long trousers, otherwise he would be in trouble if the broken glass splashed and hurt him-this was my first thought at the time.

Fortunately, my uncle replaced the carpet with a wooden floor last year, or I should have accompanied him to earn money for cleaning the carpet—this was my second thought at the time.

"Why are you in a daze and don't take the rag and the trash can!" - This was my third thought and first sentence at that time.

"Oh... oh!" He went to get it.

In fact, I didn't act so calmly. The number zero thought that really flashed by was my guilty conscience of being caught sneaking through his magazine... But it doesn't matter, his appearance is obviously a little more guilty than mine. hundred times.

After that, we cleaned up the broken glass and the floor together. In fact, I mainly cleaned it up, because I saw his hand shaking when picking up the trash, so I asked him to carry the trash can to do it.

After the floor was done, I dragged him into his room who had washed the rag five times and was about to wash it the sixth time, closed the door and locked him, sat him down on the bed, picked up the magazine, and handed it to his head with his chin on his chest Next, try to be as gentle as possible and say: "Confess, be honest and be lenient. If you don't want to be lenient, I will use force to make you strict."

It doesn't seem very gentle... because, he shed tears...

"Oh..." I actually sighed out loud.

I pulled two facial tissues and stuffed them into his hands, sat next to him, and had to patiently persuade him to answer the questions.

"When did you buy this book?"

"A... a week ago..." He choked up.I feel a little guilty.

"Are you sure you are the same?"

"Hmm..." He began to tremble and gasp... My guilt rose to three stars.

"I don't blame you... Don't be nervous, stop your tears too!" If I don't stop, I'm going to start coaxing the child!Guilty five stars, okay?

He wiped away his tears with crumpled facial tissues, and I took two more to help him wipe them myself.I feel like, over the years, I've literally been babysitting.

There was silence after that, he didn't make a sound, holding the ball of paper as pitifully as he was clutching the last straw, staring blankly at the floor, not knowing what he was thinking.I guess I didn't think about anything, I was just simply scared and nervous, just like when he broke his big vase when he was a child, he hid in my room in fear and was in a daze after crying.

I didn't continue to ask him. In fact, it was obvious that his absent-mindedness was due to the discovery of his own unique aptitude.It’s not normal for boys of our age to have no sexual thoughts. Even I would like to watch fashion models with less material on the catwalk. My mother also thought that I finally stared at the swimsuit models in her magazines more. Glad to see.In other words, whose mother would slip women's swimsuit magazines under the door for her son while he was doing his homework... the fool's mother probably would too.

Finding out that I am different, or it may be the kind of difference that is outrageous, put it on me, I guess I ignore it because I don’t think my attributes need the approval of others.But the fact is that this difference is in him, he and I are different people.

He is sensitive and loves to think wildly. If he quarrels with someone, as long as he doesn't reconcile, he won't be able to eat. Such a person finds that he is out of the ordinary, so how can he still laugh.

In fact, if I can figure out what he is thinking, I feel a little pity for this fool.Why are you crying? Can crying solve the problem? Is it a boy? Lin Daiyu is made of water. It is only natural for people to cry a few more times. Men are made of mud. You squeeze the water dry and it turns into dry mud. I don't want to water you.

I guess he was tired from crying and shaking, so Xiaoxiao yawned, and I pressed him to lie on the bed, let him sleep, and said that I would talk about other things when he was no longer confused and could communicate normally.Then he goes to bed and I flip through the books on his shelf.

An hour later, I adjusted his alarm clock and put it next to his ear, so that close contact with the alarm clock would wake him up and start my serious adolescent ideological education.

The result of my one hour's thinking, first of all, this matter must be kept absolutely confidential, and the parents cannot be told, and his little color magazine must be disposed of immediately to prevent being discovered.The second is his performance. He must study hard and improve every day, and he must return to his previous heartless laughing and joking, so that his parents can no longer find out his flaws.In the end, I will be responsible for guiding his sexual orientation, to see if I can guide him to like the opposite sex, if not, guide him to have homosexual love in a healthy and hygienic way, even if he is different, he must be a good boy who keeps himself clean.

Because I don't understand anything about same-sex love, I first formulated the general guiding ideology of "stabilizing parents and gradually developing", and other problems, specific problems should be analyzed and solved in detail.

He is an idiot with no backbone, and he obeys my arrangement as always, but this time he is more shy and less like a boy.I actually had this "so he's gay" kind of thought.I also don't think it's right to think of him that way, a bit guilty of betraying his trust.

As for my investigative report to his parents, I decided to say that he had a crush on their classmate, so he was absent-minded, but after my philosophical education, he already understood that adolescent love is ignorant and childish, unrealistic, and he has given up. I have a crush on Banhua, and I am determined to study hard and serve the motherland.

When he heard my decision, he was surprised at first "so you colluded with my parents", and then surprised "you can come up with such an unscrupulous perfunctory reason". Although he didn't say it, this idiot's Expressions have always been able to speak.I gave him a look of "My Lord is the truth, you have to obey", and he was honest in an instant.

After that, he dealt with the elders step by step, and then he began to study hard from all aspects of psychology and physiology. He was not afraid of studying, and he was determined to stay up late to study.He said that if he wants to go to a famous university far away from home, he will not be afraid of being looked down upon by others if he has the ability, and he will not be afraid of causing trouble to his parents if he is far away from home.For the first time, I felt that he was no longer a child.

But for the first time, I feel that if we are alienated again, it may be completely alienated.

A thought came true, and it came so fast. In just one year, we were alienated.

Looking back, a year ago, when I knew his sexual orientation, maybe I should take the initiative to alienate him. If I alienated him, maybe there would be no confession from him now.Even if he confessed, it should be to someone else instead of me, and I would have less trouble like this.

But if I really ask myself and find out that he is different, can I really alienate him cruelly?

will not.

I will not.

Traveling back with the current thoughts, and re-interpreting the past life, I still will not alienate him.Maybe I will notice when he likes me in the sense of love, but alienation, no matter emotional or rational choice, I will not.