Unable to say beyond the GL-Sequel

On October 10th, I applied for the theoretical exam of the advanced competition class of Chinese chefs. This week, we have no video, and there is no news about her. Our hotel business is very good. I have to work overtime almost every day, and I catch up with my aunt. , and I have to deal with exams, which drove me crazy. She didn't reply to my messages or answer my calls.Just send me a message every day: "I'm going out for self-study, don't wait for me." Don't say why you ignore me, I know she is very busy, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't have time for a video every day.

After the exam was over, she finally showed up, but she still didn't video with me. After I asked for a long time, she finally agreed to talk.

"I'm thinking about how to say it. The simple thing is that I'm tired and want to be accompanied and taken care of."

"I think so too. It's not easy for everyone. I also hope to be stable. You have a stable job, and so do I. You don't have to be very successful. Work hard when you want to study, and take a break when you're tired."

"During this period of time, someone has been with me. I have self-study in the middle of the night and cook for me. Although nothing happened between us, I think it has been cheating."

"Do I know you? Have you ever thought about me? I just wait for you dryly every day. You have someone to accompany you, you have friends, you have relatives, and I only have you."

"I know it's all my fault."

"Do you still want to be with me? You can't do this. If you do this, I will be ruined. You can't let yourself be like this."

"I do not know."

"You can't treat me like this. You want someone to accompany you. I understand. But you can't just give up on me."

"I just finished the Panelmeeting today. I can have some time to think about things. I hope you can give me time."

"Have you given me time yet?"

"I don't want to make decisions that I regret."

"You just don't care if I live or die for a week. I don't cry every day. Are you alone? People are the same."

"I'm not fucking human, I know."

"Go back to the dormitory! I want to talk to you, I beg you."

"I don't want to talk about it now, really."

"I beg you, let me hear your voice."

"And in fact, I know that there will be no result between me and this one. I am a bad person."

"I want to see you."

"I will have my retribution."

"I don't want you to talk about this, I want to talk to you."

"I'm ashamed to see you, I don't want to."

"If you want me to die today, don't go back to the dormitory."

"Let's calm down first!"

"Calm down, damn it. Can I calm down? It's been a week, you've been hiding from people, you have the face to do things, but you don't have the face to face people."

"Yes."

"I'll tell you again, if you don't go back to the dormitory today, I'll die. I'm not kidding."

"Why bother, for a rotten person like me."

"If you have something to say to your face, you can return now. If you are just lonely, I can forgive you."

"Why, I don't know if I'm just lonely or if I'm really moved. I need time to feel and think clearly."

"how long it has been?"

"We've known each other for a long time, and recently we started to get closer."

"Who?"

"You don't know, it's a boy."

"Have you told me?"

"No."

"I cut my pulse, goodbye."

"do not do that."

I was so heartbroken that I couldn't speak, picked up the Swiss Army knife she gave me, and cut four times on my left wrist. I didn't want to die, but I couldn't find an outlet to vent the pain. I gave everything, to believe, to love Man, do this to me.I was crying and laughing at the same time, she called, but I didn't want to hear it, and then I was worried that she would answer the phone, how cheap I am.

"Don't worry, I won't die. I'm just talking."

"I want to see you."

"What's so interesting, I don't want to see you."

"I want to see you."

"Then you go back to the dormitory, don't waste the phone bill."

"I'm online now."

I hung up the phone, turned on the voice, and my hands and feet were cold.

"Did you think of me when you were with him?"

"I see your message every day, aren't you still alive?" She chuckled, I felt that I really didn't know this person, the first person I tried to believe would never leave me , Now use her sweet-talking mouth to say such hurtful things.

"You saw my message, don't you check what time it was posted? You let a person who gets up at 4 o'clock every day wait for you like this every day."

"I messaged you saying I don't want to video this week."

"Then will you die if you answer a word? You know that a word can make me feel at ease."

"I'm a sucker."

"Don't say such things, I'm disgusting, what's the reason?"

"Let me see you."

"I don't want to show you."

Still took her video.

"I've been looking at this old face for two years, isn't it enough?"

"I still like you."

"Like that I can do something like this?"

"I can't control myself. When I see someone I like, I just want her to like me. After she likes me, I want to monopolize her. After I monopolize her, I feel boring. I will be punished for this.”

"Then why did you say that you were so good at the beginning and do such a thing again? Compared with you, shouldn't I be the one who likes others more easily?"

"You are wrong, I am. I usually follow the rules in all aspects, and I only seek excitement in this."

"I know, the people around you are people you can't get. You let others like you, and when they like you, you don't want them anymore. Have you ever thought about responsibility? Like this kind of thing always One day there will be no more, so don't they like to be together, so they should separate?"

"I don't know, but I can't help myself."

"Everyone will continue to meet the type they like and be attracted by them, but some scenery, just look at it, can't you control your heart, even your legs? You are tired, you need people most When you don't tell me, you give a man a chance to get close to you."

"Is it useful to tell you? I like someone, and I just want to get close to him, and I just want to give him a chance."

"Love someone, must it be useful? When I was the most difficult, you were not by my side, why didn't I give others a chance? If you like him, you should be with him, isn't it just right? , It just so happens that he is a man again, so you don't have to make things difficult for your parents."

"But I know my own virtue, and I won't like him after a while, but I still like you."

"Then do you still want to be with me?"

"I can't make a decision now. I can't give you the answer. Make your own choice. And things like this will keep happening in the future."

"As long as you work hard, you can definitely change it, at least you can control your behavior, unless you don't want to control it."

"I can't control it."

"It was you who made me try to believe that there is a person who can live forever. I think the person who will hurt me the least has given me a hard knife. It is difficult to believe in a person, but it is easy to break trust. One thing is fine. Fortunately, every time my mother calls, she still asks about you and tells me not to bully you."

"I still like you. I'm just afraid that I will regret it."

"You don't change anything yourself, and you have to pay for everything. How can there be such a good thing? Speaking of which, I'm still younger than you, and your age is too old? Why do you want me to take care of you in everything? How can you What makes me believe in you again, you can’t change it, then you just stay alone, I can’t accept mental derailment or physical derailment, let’s break up, long-term pain is worse than short-term pain, I don’t want to see you, and don’t even when you come back Come to me, that's all, never see you again."

After I finished speaking, I deleted her QQ, my heart seemed to be hollowed out, staring at the computer screen, I seemed to think a lot, everything about our past, but I didn’t seem to think about anything, I sat on the bed, facing the computer, I don’t know How long, I suddenly remembered that I have to go to work tomorrow.I turned off the computer, turned off the lights, couldn't sleep, my left hand hurt, I knew I was stupid, I could only hurt myself.

Didn't sleep all night, went to work in the morning, doing work.While I was doing it, I thought of her again, holding back my tears desperately, I didn’t have the capital to let myself do nothing, while smiling at the guests, pretending to be nonchalant and joking with my colleagues, I finally got off work.

When I got home, I suddenly felt that everything I did was no longer meaningful, and I also felt that I was also responsible for what she did. As usual, I turned on the computer and entered the QQ password. Shadow, I know that my immaturity has put a lot of pressure on her. As a partner, I can't make her feel at ease. Without her, I couldn't have endured until now. No matter how tired I am, I still persevere.

I hate her, and worry about her even more, I can't control myself, send her messages, QQ, mobile phone, email.

People can not escape from doing wrong.I also came here like this, didn't I, my previous self was many times worse than her, but she still said the same thing: I hope to have a good talk with me when I come back.

I can't bear to disturb her anymore. Everyone has the right to choose. Even if we are together, it doesn't mean that everything should be taken for granted. All I can do is to make myself stronger and better. , to be worthy of her choosing me.If one day she falls in love with someone else, she still has the right to choose. Similarly, I do the same. I do this now because I still love her. If one day I stop loving her, I can still choose.

Love has never had a fixed program, and there is no guarantee. I know that as much pain as I can bear, I can get as much happiness.No matter what I encounter, I always believe that I can meet someone who wants to settle down just like me, who will not let go of anything they encounter, and will never leave.Regardless of whether I am born or acquired to like women, I will not violate my instinct, nor will I compromise due to external pressure. I can't even love myself, so what is the use of being born!

☆, end

In the later chat, Yan said: "In fact, she didn't fall in love with anyone else, but she was under too much pressure and I didn't understand her enough, so the more she thought about it, the more desperate she became, and she didn't want to continue."

I know that I seldom gave her a positive response before. I only saw the grievances I suffered, but ignored her feelings. I have changed this habit now. In my heart, she is a beautiful, attractive, and extraordinary woman , I love her more than anything.

Then, I have been trying to enlighten her recently. A person’s state of mind can determine everything. When you see the good and positive side, everything around you seems to have magic power. When you see the bad and negative side, the surrounding Everything is against you.

I believe my life will get better and better, and I will get better and better.

Both the past and the future are untouchable. I will cherish every moment and be a warm and positive person.

I believe that Yan still loves me, I believe that everything she does is for my happiness, but I just want to be with her, I just want to be happy with her, two people supporting each other is better than one person letting go.

I will work hard to give her happiness!

I decided not to run away from family, friendship, and love. I actually have a lot. My parents love me, and my friends are always by my side. Yan even loved me when I was at my lowest point.

I began to call my parents frequently, call Ping, and leave messages for Yan.

I know that I have taken the initiative to control my own destiny, and my life will inevitably have a happy ending.

The author has something to say: One flower is one world, one leaf is one Tathagata.Everything is born from the heart.