God knows

When I wake up at night, I don't feel right.

Turning over, I saw her, curled up under my blanket.

"Phoenix..."

I whispered to her.

She raised her eyelids slightly, and looked at me lazily with her eyes partially opened.

She was on my bed, next to me, what a strange plot.And, why?

I found to my annoyance that even though I was trying to understand all this rationally, I still couldn't bear to think about the unbearable hotness of her by my side

"...Don't you have to work at night?" I asked her.

Phoenix shook his head, but he shook his head reluctantly, which made me unclear what was going on.

"Didn't you say that Cupid doesn't need to sleep?"

She closed her eyes, as if she didn't want to answer this question.

"cold."

She just spat out the word, then shrank back, and moved closer to me.

Looking at her face with her eyes closed, I couldn't figure out the meaning of this series of conversations, so I reached out and helped her cover the quilt.

"Phoenix, you know...do you know...?"

I said in a low voice with difficulty.

"...I'm in love with you."

"I know."

She closed her eyes and didn't even look at me.

As I expected, she knew everything.

"install,…"

"No, don't tell me anything."

I interrupted her with a nasty voice, not wanting to hear any truth about fate.

"Phoenix, for you, everything is doomed, and the ending of the story has long been in your hands." I sat upright and told her, and when I saw Phoenix, I raised my eyelids slightly, as if watching Look at me, "...But it's not for me or for other people. Feelings are not something written in black and white. Even if I know it's not true love now, that still doesn't take away my right to want to love now!"

"Um."

She responded softly.

"...But Ann, this is the only time you can hear fate..."

"No, I'd rather not."

"You don't want it?"

"No, I know I'm going to die, that doesn't mean I can't live seriously now."

I said, seeing her finally open her eyes and look at me.

"...But you know, if I only think about the ending, everything ahead will become meaningless."

She propped herself up slightly, her eyes were brighter and more moving in the dark than in the clear sky during the day.

That piece of blue, if my world is small enough, it is enough to be my sky.

"Phoenix, do you understand? I don't know where my future is, but I don't care, this moment I want to love you, this moment I love you, please don't take this away from me..."

"Even if you know that you may lose it, it may become empty in a blink of an eye, and the future will be meaningless to you, like a time wasted in vain, you still have to hold on?"

I almost cried.

"Yes! I insist!" I said, "Phoenix, please, can you…"

"I see." She nodded.

When I lay back on the bed, I tried to close my eyes and hold back the tears from rushing out of my eyes.

"Sorry, Phoenix."

As I said that, I felt tears wet the corners of my eyes in the dark.

"Even if it's an imperfect show for you, please, please, accompany me to the end..."

"Stop talking, Ann."

She interrupted me in a low voice, and she helped me cover the quilt.

Is she pitying me?

Pity, I don't know what I can get from Phoenix anymore. The moment I fell in love with her, I was her burden. If she didn't choose to abandon me, I should be grateful.

Phoenix pushed my arms away and fell into my arms.When I closed my arms, I hugged her lightly, under the palm of my hand were her wings, quietly and docilely received on my back.

"Is it still cold?"

After a moment of silence, I asked in a low voice, feeling Phoenix's cheek against my chest.

She would hear my heart beating so hard and so fast in my chest, as if it was running like crazy, so fast that it seemed to kill people.She will hear my heart beating for her at this moment, so hard.

"better."

she said softly, falling silent.

I was worried about disturbing her, but I clearly understood that I should be the one who made her feel the most noisy.

That morning, for the first time in a long time, I felt the sun shine through the window completely and into my room without hindrance.

When I sat up, I looked out frantically, worried that this was a sign that Phoenix was going to go.

But looking back, I was even more surprised to find that the beautiful and proud Venus was still under my bed.I looked greedily at her sleeping face, wanting to take this moment of her into my heart and treasure it forever.

Her eyelashes fluttered slightly, her lips were slightly parted, and her breathing was barely audible.Canary's blond hair slightly covered half of her face sleeping on her side, looking ambiguous and making people move.

She says she doesn't need sleep, but that doesn't mean she can't.I guess.

I lay back on my pillow, closed my eyes and felt the morning light dance on my skin, wishing this moment would stop.

That's probably why good times don't last forever.

"Ann, what a waste it is to sleep until noon on a great weekend! Don't spend all your time in bed..."

The door of my room was pushed open, and then there was a crunch on the broken wooden floor, and I heard my mother yelling at me like a cannonball.

Phoenix next to me sat up quickly, twisted her neck, and pulled away calmly, getting out of bed away from my mother's snarling.

"Okay! OK...Okay," I yelled, almost in despair. My mom probably didn't know that she had ruined a moment I probably couldn't dream of again. "I'm going to wake up!"

After my mother finally closed the door and went out, I fell back on the bed and covered my head with the quilt.

"It's okay, Ann, I can pretend I don't feel your annoyance."

It didn't make me any less awkward, Phoenix said softly.Why should I fall in love with someone who can know my emotions?I whimpered under the quilt, always feeling unspeakably sad.

Love makes Phoenix cold and makes me weak.

I pushed back the quilt and sat up, sighing angrily, only to find her standing by the bed, looking down at my face with a faint smile.

That smile.

I trembled slightly, and couldn't suppress the heat that surged from the bottom of my heart, as if something hot was overflowing from my chest.I can't resist a smile like Phoenix's.

Gentle, indifferent, melting ice smile.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, knowing all too well how burdensome such emotions were on her "feeling."

She shrugged and raised her legs up the window frame.

"Tolerable."

Listening to this cold tone, I felt a little lonely, but I was still secretly delighted at her concession.

She frowned, which made me so nervous.

"Too many emotions, Ann, won't you be overwhelmed with so many changing emotions?"

This sentence is not a complaint, but it sounds like an academic discussion.

"I think...I think it's because...it's my own emotion, so I don't feel awkward." I said as I got out of bed and approached her, "It's like... like farting, my own fart, no unacceptable reason.”

She turned her head to look at me, the morning light hit her face, her face and hair seemed to be hooked in gold, and I have only now seen the divine beauty of an angel.

"Very vulgar metaphor."

She concluded lightly, but smiled at me.

I froze, not sure if this was a dream.It seemed like every night that passed, Phoenix's attitude towards me would change a little bit, it was too big, and I couldn't figure out why.

"Ann, you are special."

She raised her head and said to me.

Even though I looked at her from top to bottom at this moment, I still felt small, that I was subordinate to her.

"Really?" I asked. So, am I special enough to have Cupid's love?I covered the question, and tasted absurdity in my throat.

"For the first time in a long time, I really like my job because of you."

"Yes...is it?"

I sigh under my breath, content if not all about me.How much Finnis hates her job, and being able to change that makes me feel like I've turned my days and nights around.

If I can not be just a person, if I can stand at the same height as Phoenix, maybe I can dream of her love.

But alas I am not.I'm just human.

"Don't be disappointed."

She whispered, like soothing a child.

When I became slightly annoyed, I saw Phoenix smile slightly.I was annoyed that she read my emotions, but at the same time seemed too used to being so transparent to her eyes.

"God! Phoenix, don't tell me anything you know about me, okay?"

"Yeah." She replied in a low voice, holding back her smile slightly in that indifferent expression.

"This is also the first time, Ann."

"What first time?"

I asked impatiently, staring at her who was too dazzling in the sun.

"For the first time, I feel that being able to hear people's emotions doesn't seem to be a bad thing."