Sang Yu Fei Wan

"But I also want to make you happy." Yu Sang said again.

Yu Sang spoke so sincerely that even Zhong Beichen, who had always been firm as a rock, hesitated.He backed away slightly from Yu Sang's abdomen, raised his head, and looked at Yu Sang.

Yu Sang bowed her head and kissed Zhong Beichen's wet lips, licking the smell of wine on the tip of his tongue.

"Beichen," Yu Sang said against Zhong Beichen's lips, "you must know that feelings are not purely given by one party alone. It's not like you don't understand why I don't want to move here, and you don't understand why I don't want you to pick me up and go to work. Is it because you have done too much for me, and I have thought about it for a long time, and I don't know how to repay it."

"You do not need……"

"I need it." Yu Sang said.

"I made you unhappy, I know it." Yu Sang said, "I was too busy with work, and it was my fault that I neglected you. When I was doing those jobs, I had a very beautiful vision in my heart and imagined a lot Our future, but I ignored the present you... I'm sorry."

"So you see, what you need."

Zhong Beichen didn't speak any more.

"And," Yu Sang continued, "I need it too. I want you to know that I love you not only in words, but also in the things I can do for you, the difficulties I have with you, and we have been together for many years When I think of this time later, the first thing I think of is what we did for each other, the time we spent together..."

Zhong Beichen's body shook slightly.

"you love Me?"

"Yes, I love you...have I never told you?" Yu Sang said softly.

Zhong Beichen looked into Yu Sang's eyes right and wrong, even his breathing trembled slightly.After a while, he shook his head slightly and said, "You didn't."

For some unknown reason, tears suddenly flowed from Zhong Beichen's eyes, and he even responded with some despair: "I love you too."

Yu Sang was at a loss for Zhong Beichen's sudden grief. He wiped Zhong Beichen's tears with his sleeve, but wiped more and more.

"What's wrong, Beichen?" Yu Sang said, "Did I do something wrong...how did you..."

Zhong Beichen lowered his head, wiped his tears on his knees, raised his head again, and sniffed loudly.

"Remember? The story of the comfort zone." Zhong Beichen said.

"En." Yu Sang responded softly.

"The beginning and the end of the story... are not half false," Zhong Beichen said, "It's just that after the ending, there is a follow-up."

"What kind of follow-up?" Yu Sang asked.

Zhong Beichen's body trembled slightly, and after a long silence, he said, "Then one day, when I came home, I found that she... had cut her wrist."

Yu Sang opened his eyes wide.

Zhong Beichen's voice trembled slightly: "She was lying quietly in the bathtub, the blood stained the whole bathtub red, spilled out, and flowed all over the floor..."

Yu Sang hugged Zhong Beichen tightly in her arms, comforting Zhong Beichen over and over again.

Zhong Beichen took a few deep breaths and felt courage in Yu Sang's embrace.

"I called an ambulance, and the ambulance came very slowly... very slowly..."

Zhong Beichen paused and stopped retelling the scene.

"Later, he was rescued." Zhong Beichen said.

"I thought about it for a long time... I couldn't figure out why she was like this... At that time, because of the inheritance, our life was no longer tight. She had a lot of social activities every day. At least in my opinion, she was very happy every day. "

"I asked her, and she didn't say a word."

"I've thought about it, and I don't think there's any other reason."

Yu Sang was silent, he had already guessed what the reason was.

"Yu Sang," Zhong Beichen said softly, "At that time, I hated myself so much."

"I know, my mom used to tell me I was right, that there was nothing wrong with being gay, and she kept telling me the right thing to do, to be me...but she was in that pain."

"Because I... she was in such pain."

Zhong Beichen sounded like a wounded beast, sobbing in Yu Sang's arms.

"I don't know what to do...I hate myself so much that she had an unhappy marriage and then had a son who didn't make her happy...I was right...I was wrong to make her sad... ..."

"I... I went to a gay correctional facility."

"Zhong Beichen!" Yu Sang cried out.

In a daze, Yu Sang thought that in the secret room he played with Zhong Beichen, Zhong Beichen recognized the electric shock equipment so quickly, and quickly deduced that the patient was not a nephrologist, but a psychiatrist.

He also said to Yu Sang with a smile, "Because the patient is me."

Yu Sang suddenly felt unbearable, even the deepest hug could not express the pain in his heart.

He patted Zhong Beichen's back indiscriminately, and before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face, and he murmured: "Why... why are you..."

So silly.

"My mother found out later." Zhong Beichen regained his composure and did not describe his treatment process too much. "Then she took me home and scolded me."

"She took me to see a therapist, brought me back from that session, was there for me, encouraged me... like before, she told me I had nothing wrong...but she still... I still don't know why."

"The psychiatrist told me that I should let go of myself, have a relationship with a man, and don't treat it as a scourge..."

"Later I...met you." Zhong Beichen said.

"I liked you at the first sight," Zhong Beichen said softly, "but I can't believe it. I have done so many treatments, and when I saw GV, I would feel physically sick... I thought I had succeeded, and the psychiatrist also Can't turn me around anymore...but I liked you at first sight."

"Really," Yu Sang said in a low voice, kissing the top of Zhong Beichen's head lightly, and said, "Thank you."

He had been with Zhong Beichen for so long, and he didn't realize that Zhong Beichen had received treatment.

Because Zhong Beichen is really like a normal man who has desires for men in all aspects, he will be happy because of Yu Sang's attention, and will be moved by Yu Sang's kiss.

But it’s not like a young man in his 20s who only dares to secretly do so many things that the other party doesn’t know about when he likes someone, as if saying that as long as I do these things, I’m happy enough and don’t need your rewards.

It seemed that she was really afraid of "being together", so she didn't even make any moves to pursue her, and even if Yu Sang wanted to leave, she didn't say a word to keep Yu Sang back.

But when Yu Sang said "give it a try", she agreed without hesitation.

It seems that confusion, pain and anxiety have never existed in Zhong Beichen's life. When he fell in love with Yu Sang, he was a complete and healthy person, and he was dedicated to giving the best of himself to his lover.

"I'm taking chances," Zhong Beichen said, "I think, my mother is so far away from me, and I secretly and secretly fell in love with you. If she doesn't know, she won't be sad."

"But the doctor told me that her condition is serious again."

"She must have known it, so she repeated it over and over again. It didn't get better for so long."

"So you see, I'm a liar everywhere. I've lied to so many people and done so many bad things."

In Yu Sang's arms, Zhong Beichen was silent for a long, long time.

Yu Sang's legs were numb from kneeling, but he didn't move.

The cloth on his abdomen was already soaked, and Zhong Beichen's bridge of nose was pressed against Yu Sang's skin through the thin and squishy cloth.

Zhong Beichen hugged him very tightly.

He heard Zhong Beichen's stagnant and desperate voice:

"But I still want to love you."

After a long time, Yu Sang felt that Zhong Beichen finally stopped crying. He gently pulled Zhong Beichen up from the sofa and wiped Zhong Beichen's red eyes.

He himself was not much better, his eyes were sore and swollen, hot and scalding.

Yu Sang pressed Zhong Beichen's forehead and said softly, "I love you too."

Then, he took Zhong Beichen's hand, like holding a kindergarten child, and led Zhong Beichen to the bathroom.

"Let's go," Yu Sang said, "wash your face."

Yu sauna washed the towel, moistened it with hot water, wrung it dry, and wiped every inch of Zhong Beichen's face carefully.

With swollen eyes, Zhong Beichen listened to all Yu Sang's instructions cooperatively.

Yu Sang couldn't help thinking that Zhong Beichen should have been such an obedient child when he was still a child.

Very gentle and kind, so I am afraid of hurting others, but I am easily hurt.

"Beichen," Yu Sang held Zhong Beichen's face and said softly, "I think... there may be some misunderstanding between you and your mother."

Zhong Beichen blinked.

"When I went home... I met your mother. My mother became friends with her. On the way back from the grave visit, we chatted with your mother for a few days."

"When she talked about you, she was really proud and happy."

"She said she found out that you seem to have a boy she likes. Don't you tell her? She guessed it too."

"She asked me if I discriminated against."

"She also said, just hope you are happy."

"...But she is not happy." Zhong Beichen said in a low voice.

"I think she is sincere, really." Yu Sang said, "She has no reason to lie to you about this matter. Maybe...she still thinks you are a child, and she can't do the things that really make her sad." Share it with you. But it will never be because of you."

Yu Sang patted Zhong Beichen's arm.

"You can have a good chat with her... have you talked?"

Zhong Beichen shook his head.

"Seldom talk, I'm worried that it will make her feel worse..."

"That's fine," Yu Sang said, "When you go back, sit down and talk with your mother."

"You won't make others sad, you are so obedient, if you want the moon, someone will rush to pick it for you."

Zhong Beichen finally smiled slightly.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really." Yu Sang said firmly.

After a pause, Yu Sang said again:

"...Qingyuan is a good place, and it is also my hometown. I very much hope that it will not become your sad place. I hope you can like it."

Well, that’s all for today, there is no manuscript left!

Hope you all have a happy holiday?