[Xianliu] Failed to break up

"Xiandao, have you ever thought about...trying with a man?"

When Nagai asked this question, Sendo was 17 years old.

On a hot summer day, Sendo came to Tokyo from Kanagawa for a short summer vacation. It was Nagai's birthday. Sendo bought him a birthday cake and accompanied him in his room to prepare for the next day's exam. Nagai was looking at him at the moment , inexplicably asked this sentence.

Nagai still remembers Xiandao, who was sitting on the ground flipping through basketball magazines, when he heard this sentence, he turned his head and looked at him: a little bit of sudden confusion, but it quickly melted into his eyes and turned into the light and shadow of his pupils Every move.

The air conditioner was not turned on in the room, Nagai was naked, and he was especially embarrassed by him, so he touched his head and said, "You should have done it with your girlfriend from Kanagawa, right? So I want to ask you, do you want to...you

know, try a different feeling. "

They are both familiar enough and rotten enough to be brothers, both of them are sensual enough, Nagai made this suggestion confidently, he knew that only a person like Xiandao would look at him without surprise, as if thinking about it, but in fact he was not thinking about it at all.

Xiandao pulled the corner of his mouth and smiled. He slowly closed the magazine in his hand, lowered his eyes and thought for a while, then turned his head and said to him eagerly: "Of course. You can try it."

Nagai walked over and knelt in front of Xiandao, kissed him lightly, and when he touched his shoulder, Nagai felt his body trembling, which made him realize that he seemed to have been waiting for this day for a long time.

It was Nagai's 21st birthday that day.

Xiandao only said: "It's okay to try, but I declare in advance that if I can make it to the end, then I will do it..." He suddenly raised his finger with a smile, "You understand."

He is only 17 years old, even if he already has sexual experience, what level can he reach, Nagai feels that Xiandao has a kind of unfounded arrogance in some aspects, but for some reason, he is always bluffed by him.

The two had a serious 18 touch and kiss on the bed. Xiandao's kissing habit was quick but gentle. Nagai followed the frequency of the other party and suddenly kissed deeply and deeply, caressing his hands habitually.

But the two of them entered the wet kiss state for less than 20 seconds. Xiandao suddenly pulled up, with a very different expression on his face, took a deep breath, and then took a flattened breath.

"Sorry..." Realizing that he was being rude, Xiandao apologized, touched his lips, and felt an unspeakable sense of dis__cpLocation, "You... don't think this is too strange."

"What's strange, does my gesture make you uncomfortable?"

"It's not a gesture problem." Xiandao climbed down from the bed and touched his arm, as if he wanted to wipe away the goosebumps all over his body. "It's...it's weird, you know, we've always been brothers..."

"Hey! We are brothers without blood relationship. You said that we can share anything. Including sexual skills..."

"...Yes." Xiandao made a "don't get me wrong" gesture, "but such an intimate share really makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe our relationship is not suitable for sharing such... sexy content..." He As if recalling the kiss just now, he couldn't help shivering, turned around and went into the bathroom.

I don't know whether to wash his face or take a bath, but there was a sound of water inside, Nagai's hand only stayed and stroked his skin for less than 20 seconds, but Xiandao still couldn't bear to wash it off quickly.

Afterwards, the two quickly returned to normal and ate cakes together. Xiandao also helped Nagai with chemistry problems almost overnight.

The 21-year-old Nagai was a little frustrated, but it was just a frustration. The male self-esteem that was hit made him determined to work hard in sex-related occasions in the future.

The relationship between the two people is out of reach. Xiandao is an ordinary well-to-do family in Tokyo, while Nagai was born in a family that is on the list of the richest man in the city.

Just because the parents divorced each other, started a family, and barely became brothers.

After getting to know each other, I found out that Xiandao's parents would quarrel and even fight over some big and small things before he was 10 years old. It turned into a family war. Glasses, teacups or ashtrays bloomed and shattered in front of Xiandao's eyes or on his head. At the beginning, he would cry a lot. One look, and before they act, act themselves.

"What will you do?" Nagai asked him.

"Tell a joke right where it fits." Xiandao said, "Or imitate an animal and show them."

In order to gather their parents safely in one room, the children of a few years have tried their best to learn jokes and imitations. If I can’t satisfy them, then I will become funny. If I can’t make them fall in love, then at least I have to have my own ability to make myself happy.

When he was very young, he was the kind of kid who would get up and put on a Band-Aid and continue running happily after a fall. He never felt sorry for himself, nor did he feel that his life was missing.

Nagai has always remembered that Xiandao was quite independent and arrogant before the age of 10. At such a young age, his eyes were full of prudence, changeability and disapproval. Occasionally, his half-smile made Nagai uncomfortable, but as the years passed, that side gradually disappeared. It's gone, no, it's not disappearing, but it's well packaged and placed in the eyes, so far away that no one can touch it.

Everyone likes the sunny boy's helpfulness, but Nagai loves his sharp and dark side, he feels that they are in the same world.

Nagai had been forced to hear some of the jokes that Sendo told his parents.

Once upon a time, a rabbit went to a bakery to buy bread, and he asked the boss, 'Do you have 100 loaves of bread? ', the boss said no, he went again the next day and asked the boss, "Do you have 100 loaves of bread?" The boss said: Sorry, but still no.The rabbit left disappointed, but he insisted on going on the third day, and asked, "Do you have 100 loaves of bread?" The boss said that there are today. So the rabbit happily said: Then give me two...

"Xiandao, I didn't say that, your joke is too cold..."

Nagai heard many strange jokes from Xiandao, some of which he made up, some of which he read from books, and he still remembers all of them, even though he doesn't find any of them funny.

Recalling this way, in fact, the two got along very well since they met. They were studying in the same school, from meeting and saying hello to playing game consoles together, to learning basketball, and even because they could play together, Xiandao was willing to stay at Nagai's house.

The adults of both families are surprised that the two thorny little boys get along like ducks in water, and their friendship lasts forever.

In the years when we went to middle school together, Nagai could see Xiandao taking basketball lessons in the classroom. He had just started to wear that kind of upside-down hair, which was very conspicuous. The moment he raised his hand and threw the basketball into the hoop, he was proud and shining for a moment The look, the smile that can't be concealed, is as happy as the sun.

Therefore, when Nagai knew that Xiandao was poached to play basketball in Kanagawa, although he was reluctant to give up, he felt that he deserved his ideal pursuit. He had been waiting for him to become a national basketball player, waiting for him to repeat his triumph and shine. Nagai had no plan to rush over Share each other's happiness, and don't plan to have an everlasting love.

But when Xiandao fell in love with Rukawa, Nagai still felt that he had finally lost him.

One day many years ago, Sendo suddenly left Japan without telling anyone, and just disappeared.Cut off contact with everyone.

Not a single word, except for the note on Rukawa’s refrigerator to buy breakfast, Nagai used all his connections to find him, crazy to the point of exhaustion, until 3 years after Xiandao disappeared, Nagai learned about him through the American company The address is probably in the past years, so Xiandao no longer deliberately buried and avoided his whereabouts.

The two met on one side of the United States. He was the first old friend, relative, and friend to contact Xiandao. Even Xiandao's parents had taken an exile attitude towards him, but Nagai knew: If there is any left in this world The last person who wants to firmly grasp Xiandao must be him.

It is conceivable that the disapproval and tired expression on Xiandao's face can explain the subtext to him: don't look at me bitterly, and don't expect me to explain.

But without the desire to exchange pleasantries, Yongjing suddenly said uncontrollably: "Xiandao, we have known each other for more than ten years, and I only now know that about you, I always thought I cared about things, but in fact I don't care at all... "

"I've been worrying about where you've been, whether you're going to be okay, whether you're taking care of yourself, whether you've finished your studies, whether you've found a good job, whether your wound has healed, whether it's going to rain or not. I'm worried about these things. , so no matter where you are, I feel that you need me. Until now, I understand, how can you not take care of yourself, you have always been alone, for so many years, there is nothing to worry about. In fact, I just give Make an excuse for yourself, but I actually don’t care about your parents, whether you can play basketball, whether you did the chemistry problem right after a night of study, or when you got married or broke up.”

Nagai looked at Xiandao, "I don't care if you like me..."

The boy he may have liked since he was 10 years old, the one who can prove love even if he doesn't need sex, kisses, or touch for more than 20 seconds, he is his

one, even if they never have focus.

Xiandao looked at him without moving, almost expressionless under the backlight.

Nagai said: "I just care about whether you are happy...so tell me, will you be happy alone..."

Will you be happy? Have you ever been happy?

Living in the United States for 3 years, Xiandao has entered a stable period in all aspects. Although everything is not up or down, as a foreign population, he has integrated into the society smoothly and without haste.

But the old injury on his right leg didn't recover very well. He himself said that he was young and vigorous, and he wanted to prove to himself and others that nothing happened.He can stand up if he wants to, and it’s okay to continue playing basketball. He has always been a person who can do whatever he wants, and never thought that he could not do what he tried his best.

In the modest apartment in Xiandao, Nagai spent the most peaceful and happy month in his life so far, almost a month of the gods.

Xiandao would bring him some takeaways and a few packs of cigarettes when he came back from work every day. The two sat on the sofa and watched HBO TV series until late at night. Surrounded by the smog created by Nagai, Xiandao crawled back to the bedroom and fell asleep quietly. Going to work again and again, once, Nagai forgot his time in Japan, his wealth, prestige and power, his cheating wife and the handsome Zebei.

Every day, his subordinates called to report on the collection and stocks of Nagai Company. Lizi and Zebei had a tryst several times. Everyone thought he cared about it, but he didn't. Lifetime is better as a unit.

Xiandao watched NBA games on time every week, and occasionally looked for live broadcasts of Japanese league games online. Rukawa was already well-known at the time, and his skills and reputation soared. The uncrowned king, the best substitute for the national team forever, but at the bottleneck, he was troubled by the affairs with Zebei at that time, even though the training was as usual, his state was not good.

Prior to this, Xiandao had never mentioned Rukawa. After breaking up, he would never say a good or bad word about his ex-lover. It was like old clothes wrapped in a sealed box.

But one day after Nagai hung up the phone call with Japan, Xiandao, who was sitting by the side and idly watching the highlights of the Japanese league, suddenly spoke without warning.

"Can you stop embarrassing Zebei Eiji?"

Almost subconsciously, Nagai said without understanding for a while: "What?"

"You don't lack that tone." Xiandao glanced at him, "Why make things difficult for him. You can't even play basketball, it's enough."

Nagai was a little angry at Zebei for "dare to play wild on the uncle's head". He originally planned to find someone to teach him to retreat. It's a troublesome matter, but Zebei himself sent it to his door to find business in the street, and he didn't know how to hit a stone with a pebble. Therefore, Nagai's just a little effort ruined him. The sports star thing is most afraid of involving politics, law, and black and white. Put more effort He disappeared silently on the streets of Tokyo, and this was nothing more than a snap of the fingers decision.

However, Xiandao said: "Take it as a face for me. Find a way for him to go...forget it."

Zebei offended many friends on the road, and pursued the wife of the Yongjing family with all his will. Everyone was waiting to see how he would disappear like a bubble under the high-intensity forces. A high-paying purchase of a city team left Tokyo instead. In the following years, although he did not seize the opportunity and returned to the top in one go, he became a corner that people on the road dare not touch easily, no matter how much he pays. Unfortunately, Nagai Satoshi always made up for him, Zebei would never be caught by the police, and after all, no club really dared to touch him.

As above, since Xiandao said it, Nagai doesn't mind doing a little bit of work, although before Zebei and Rukawa got together, Xiandao always thought his name was Kitazawa.

On the day Xiandao spoke for Zebei, his computer played the top ten goals of this round of the league, and Rukawa ranked eighth.

The small forward at the top of the dynasty was not in good condition during that period. He was tired and pale during halftime and halftime. The commentators worried that Rukawa Fuie was exhausted, but Nagai thought that he was also trapped by love. At that time, Zebei Eiji disturbed the army , even if he was as calm as Rukawa Feng, he still couldn't stand it, but he still stood on the field and persisted fiercely, like a trapped animal, waiting for his own cocoon to emerge.

"Are you still in touch with your ex-boyfriend?" When Nagai asked this, Xiandao turned off the video and opened another window to check the price of a certain brand of shirts he likes and has been wearing all the time.

"You also know that it's your ex-boyfriend..." Xiandao smiled, "Why do you still ask this?"

That is, why are you asking this?Nagai felt bored, smoking a cigarette and drinking beer, slumped on the sofa, staring at Xiandao and browsing the web until late.

From the beginning to the end, Xiandao didn't mention Rukawa Feng a word, but Nagai looked at him, but his heart became empty little by little.

That night he called his men in Tokyo: Don't bother Eiji Zebei, it's fine if he can't do without Reiko, just let him leave Rukawa Kaede.

A month later, Xiandao met Sophie, as if he had entered another kind of love life. Tomo Nagai has always known each other. He bid farewell in time and stayed in the company's hotel for a few days before going home. On the day he left Xiandao's house, Nagai bought Put a lot of things in his cabinet.

Later, Xiandao specially went to the airport to see him off. Wearing a white shirt and jeans from many years ago, he stood in the waiting hall and made a laughing phone call with Sophie. It's a joke, the other side must be laughing too much, so Xiandao's face has a sense of satisfaction like teasing a pet.

Before boarding the plane, Xiandao kept tweeting and tweeting: "I don't have all my things, put your passport and cash away, take some earplugs and sleep on the plane, have you brought your sleeping pills, call me if you need it .”

In his ramblings, Nagai has been looking at him. For so many years, his arrogant hairstyle and graceful and calm eyes have stayed in place as always. Even though he has experienced many unhappiness and dangers, the tension and urgency of Xiandao often surpass But 2 minutes long.But now he seems so nervous and unnatural to talk so much, they have known Jiu Naga for half their life, Nagai thinks there must be something about him that made Xiandao nervous and incomprehensible.

Yongjing suddenly asked him: "Xiandao, do you remember... that rabbit who must have 100 bread..."

The rabbit asked: Boss, do you have 100 loaves of bread?

Xiandao was stunned, looking at Nagai as if he didn't remember it for a while, and opened his mouth slightly.

Nagai said: "Actually, I want to know, if the store never has 100 loaves of bread, will the rabbit never buy 2 of them?"

Xiandao was fixed on the spot, and the silence for a while was longer and unpredictable. He no longer smiled or ridiculed or had no expression on his face, but just looked at Nagai, his elder brother and most reliable friend, in a daze and a little trance like never before.

Every second of silence is a second of confusion, as if they are trying to live in each other's eyes. In the end, the two of them felt the powerlessness in their hearts at the same time, but neither of them said it out.

Nagai almost thought that Xiandao would not answer him.

Xiandao said quietly: "Yes."

Nagai then smiled tremblingly, and he lifted the luggage on the ground while laughing, "What a perverted joke, Xiandao."

Freed up a rhythm, Xiandao looked at him and smiled slowly, he said: "That's not it."

No, no one will get it wrong, and the time is just right, but rabbits will never patronize a store without 100 breads, so many cold jokes in this world are unstoppable, no matter how hard you try, hide There is nowhere to hide.

But Nagai never understood why Rukawa made Xiandao happy. It was his beautiful hair and perfect skin, or his superb skills and determination to never give up. He could attract Xiandao's eyes, tease Xiandao's nerves, and be direct Tell Xiandao: I pay attention to you, I want to defeat you, I want to be with you, and only with you.

Perhaps, he could hear the sound and frequency band of Xiandao, which filled the part of his heart that was vacant since he was very young.

Just because there are so many things that I don't care about, it seems that I can never let go of what I like.

So when he gave up Rukawa, Nagai could know his embarrassment and pain.As much effort he used to love, so much effort he used to leave, and failed to leave.

During the years when Sendo left Japan, Nagai took over the family's business and affairs. Several generations of consuls have changed their blood and replaced their own people. Of course, it is not an empire, but Nagai Zhizhi has clearly become himself. The imaginary king is omnipotent.

After returning to China, Xiandao visited his office on the top floor of a building in the center of Tokyo. He had a bird's-eye view of the lights of the city, and he seemed to be the master of the world at the moment when he was condescending.

"You know what? You're just Bruce Wayne in my eyes." Xiandao made a camera-frame gesture and pointed at Nagai.

"If I were an omnipotent Batman, I wouldn't even be able to keep my wife," Nagai said.

"It's okay, Batman has Robin." Xiandao stood up with a smile, opened the window and looked down, and suddenly asked him: "Are you interested in hitting a few shots later..."

Xiandao came back rushing to Rukawa, and Tomo Nagai had sniffed out Sima Zhao's heart two or three days after he came back.

Nagai thinks that he won't marry Sophie, how could he follow the path of a normal person honestly, Akira Xiando has always been a person who changes his mind just by flipping his eyelids, but Rukawa Kaede probably isn't something on his eyelids, it's The person deep in his pupils, so no matter how many times he rolled his eyelids and thought, he couldn't forget him in the end.

Let Nagai go with Xiandao to billiards. From the time the table is booked, I can see the group of old friends in Xiangbei talking about it.

"I'll go over and have a chat." Xiandao smiled with a fixed frequency band and calm eyes, and his calm expression just right couldn't conceal his eagerness to try. This kind of discharge preparation action made Nagai very uncomfortable.

Finally he couldn't bear it anymore and said: "Don't be like this, okay? Immortal way."

"...just went to say hello to old friends." Xiandao noticed that Nagai's face was ugly and slightly embarrassed, so he quickly withdrew his smile.

"Aren't you going to say hello? You know it in your heart." Nagai said blankly, "What is this? I'll give up everything because of his mess. You've worked so hard to get up, and now you have to turn around and hit again. In the past, Xiandao, can you occasionally think about life with the thinking of a normal person."

"Normal people's thinking?" Xiandao frowned, "I don't really understand it all the time. Aren't you going to tell me here?"

Xiandao doesn't think it's abnormal to ride his bicycle up the steps, he doesn't think it's abnormal to sleep with a man, he doesn't think it's abnormal to be a self-willed adult, he doesn't even think it's abnormal that his parents never take the initiative to contact him, but he I feel that their kiss is abnormal, and I feel that it is abnormal not to be with Rukawa.

However, every abnormal person is trying to please the people and things in the mainstream society in this life. When Xiandao played in Lingnan, he was busy passing and dribbling the ball to find ways to comfort his teammates and encourage the morale of the army. It's okay for him to say, don't care about starting over.

Forget it, Nagai thought: he has worked hard to reconcile with the world and make everyone happy.Then let him see people who can be willful, such as Rukawa Kaede, who should be indulged occasionally.

Nagai watched helplessly as Sendo ran to Rukawa's table to discharge electricity, and then came back with a happy smile on his face. He looked at his watch and said to Nagai: "5 minutes. Please avoid after 5 minutes."

"Does this expression mean that you have mastered it?" Nagai crossed his legs and looked up and down at the rejoicing Xiandao.

"What do you think?" Xiandao twirled the white ball in his hand, and the arrogance and sudden excitement of being 17 years old suddenly appeared again.

"The past..." Nagai said, "Are you going to lie to him for the rest of your life or yourself for the rest of your life?"

Xiandao's smile trembled like a brake, he turned his head and stared at Rukawa who was drinking water for a while, but didn't answer right away.

When Rukawa finally got up and walked over slowly with the cup in hand, Xiandao turned his eyes back, and his eyes suddenly darkened at that moment. .

Xiandao threw the white ball on the table and said, "Cheat him for the rest of his life."