Peacock

In fact, when I was sitting on the bus at that time, I didn't realize the importance of jumping off the bus decisively. All I thought in my heart was that it didn't matter if I came back after a meal anyway.

To be conservative, I was going to explain to Tang Ling when I was discovered, but I subconsciously took out my pocket and realized that my mobile phone had already eloped with Baima Haishui, so I borrowed the mobile phone of the uncle next to me, and I was able to call Tang Ling several times in a row. No one responded to the calls, so I could only guess helplessly that Tang Ling's cell phone might also go with it, then this wild cannon is really expensive.

In the end, I had no choice but to send him a text message, saying that I will be back after lunch, and my aunt is here.

Staring at this line of words, I vaguely felt that there seemed to be something wrong with this statement, but I was forced to return the phone so I didn't go into it.

The cross-sea bridge, a straight road, the car speeding on it is really much faster than the slow and smoky ferry, I was woken up by the driver with a glass teacup before I even fell asleep for a short nap.

To be honest, I'm quite excited now, and I don't know if I haven't seen my aunt for so many years and will let me appreciate the new fine lines around her eyes.If you insist on tying me to my family, I think it will not be so uncomfortable if the partner is my aunt.

She told me in a text message to let me go to Room 7, Unit 304, Yazhu Community, in the south of the city. Naturally, I couldn't find the direction, and I relied on the experienced taxi driver to lead the way.

When I walked into the community and saw the elevator, I began to wonder why she came back from other places and left a hotel to live in such a community. After thinking about it, China does not have Airbnb.

I knocked on the iron door a total of three times, until my joints were numb from the shock, and I finally heard the sound of slowly dragging footsteps.

It's just that I didn't expect the person who opened the door to be my mother.

It seems that I haven't seen her for a long time. When I saw her, my mind was stuck for three seconds before I realized who this person was, because in my memory, her hair was very long, always Swinging around the waist like wicker, I have never had such a hairstyle that is difficult for the ears.

Then I made an extraordinarily hilariously dramatic instinctive decision: turn around and run.

As soon as I turned around, I heard her stop me, she said Yu Zhen, why do you never consider my feelings.

After the age of 17, this is true, I froze as if I had been poked in the spine, and I could only sway around and say sorry.

Because I can't and won't make any more changes than that.

In the end, I went into the house with her, and what was even more frightening was that my dad seemed to be still sitting on the sofa.

"You guys are getting better again?"

Before I could finish a sentence, my mom slapped me across the face, and then my dad just sat on the couch watching TV, just like in those practice days when I was a kid.

So this made me think that the two of them must be getting along again, otherwise how could the sense of reincarnation be so strong.

That's when I found out that after learning about the dropout from the school, they used my aunt to trick me back, and my aunt who thought she would understand me also said "I'm doing it for your own good".

In addition, they did not reconcile, but they just got out of their busy schedules to clean up my mess that far exceeded expectations, and jointly managed and made progress in harmony.

Although I always don't want to admit it, this time I really felt the bondage of blood relationship deeply. I saw my mother hand over the key to my father in front of me, and then locked me into the bedroom, which made me think clearly. Come out again.This is really not too different from the way I used to treat Tangling before. I began to think about whether there is an ancestral gene called Guanren on my chromosome.

Then I suddenly remembered that everything was traceable, because she kept shutting me up like this when I was a child. Even when I was nine years old, my cold turned into pneumonia and I almost burned to death in the house.At that time, I heard that the opposite door, Tiantian, was taken to the playground by her parents. She kept pulling me and said that her mother would hold her hand and jump on the trampoline. Every time she seemed to fly to the sky. Same.Then I just said something weird, "It must be so stupid", so I snorted sweetly and left the table angrily, but in fact, I saw her back with mixed feelings.The main reason is that I never thought it could be like this. I can't even imagine my mother pulling me to jump on the trampoline.

Later, I always wanted to spend a weekend without playing the violin, trying to resist like a mouse digging a hole, and I didn't expect to jump on the trampoline foolishly with my mother, but every time the result was that she locked me back in. Go into the house to practice the piano, saying that you are useless already, if you don’t work hard, what will you do if you become a person like your father in the future.

But in fact, I didn't think about what to do.

So on the first day I was locked up at the age of 19, we had a simple and direct conversation:

"Go back to school."

"I'm not going back to America, no one really takes me seriously."

"In truth, value is created by oneself. How can anyone take you seriously when you are like this."

"Mom, why don't you have another one? I don't think I will meet your expectations in this life."

"Yu Zhen, you are really stupid, how could I raise such a fool like you."

"Gene mutation."

"Then let me ask you, why don't you study anymore?"

I told the story on my own as if the radio waves were out of tune: "When I first arrived on the island, I met a good student who called himself a gangster, who was the son of the small shop opposite my part-time bookstore. When we were dating, he gave me a pack of betel nuts. I chewed and chewed it. It was so fucking unpalatable, like bark. After a while, I started to sweat all over my body, and I felt dizzy for a while, and then fell directly on his chest. When I came back to my senses, I immediately vomited like I was stepping on a cockroach. Guess what? The water I spit out was still red! At that time, I thought I had eaten all the blood, and I was so scared that I kept crying and crying. Crying, and then I started thinking, why I haven’t cried for anything in the previous 19 years, and now I’m crying like I can’t fucking turn off the tap.”

"what are you talking about?!"

I stared at the yellowed wall, and was silent for a while before speaking again.

"Telling things you never want to hear." I said, "Do you still want to hear? There's more. Don't sleep tonight."

"Crazy! I think there is something wrong with your brain!"

I sat on the ground, hugging my knees, feeling that they still didn't understand what I meant.It’s not that I hate reading, it’s just that I knew early on that even if I stopped playing the piano, I would still be dragged by the collar like a donkey, rushing to be a doctor, a lawyer, and various decent jobs guts, even though I may have no interest or talent in these things.

And all of this is just so that my mother can live in front of her relatives and friends who are good at comparison, but who really cares what your life is like?People always like to weld themselves to death in the mud. I don't understand what she is insisting on.

Then I heard my dad say to the hopeless garbage: "As for?"

I don't speak anymore.

These have become the three words I hate the most.

As for, especially, everything that happened to me in my place is terrible.

"Why on earth have you become like this now? Were you not very obedient before? No one will make things difficult for you. You are a genius. You should have stood on a higher ground and won't mess around like your father. If you don’t come out, you can only perform with the city orchestra all day long, and you are always worried about being fired.”

I suddenly collapsed, and I said that you are the only ones in the world who think I am a genius.

"When I was 17 years old, I took the Curtis exam. At that time, I saw those who came to play one by one. None of them were over 15 years old, almost all of them were twelve or three. When I was practicing outside the hall before the exam, I heard my practice stumbling. The place in their hands is as easy as eating. I looked up at the professor in the middle of the audition. In fact, they didn’t seem to show any expression when I think about it now, but I couldn’t breathe immediately, and I felt like being caught It's like throwing it into the Haihe River. But I haven't finished half of it yet. I don't seem to deserve to be drowned at this time. Then I thought how you would call me a waste, and I thought that I seemed to be just for the purpose of provoking Kedi for more than ten years. Adams is alive with only this mission and this kind of life value, but now he can't even touch its threshold."

"I didn't pass the exam, you know, I didn't pass the exam at all! Everyone came to ask me and said that I was admitted without even thinking about it, but in fact even the notification letter was fake. Then I realized this It can't be finished, so I cut off my hand, it's always a bad thing to do, and I don't have the face to continue to do it after that. The most ridiculous thing is that I have regarded myself as a genius for more than ten years! What qualifications do you have to call yourself a genius?"

There was no sound from outside the door for a long time, and I never thought that I would be able to tell this matter before I died, but now I was extremely depressed holding the broken pot, so I continued calmly: "Mom, You don't know, I have other problems. I guess I'm gay, I like guys naturally, and I'm with a guy who has been in a scene, and everyone says he is a real bad guy , but the world is very big and wonderful, and now he has become my everything. Seriously speaking, maybe it can be explained by faith."

After a while, I stared at my entangled fingers, and muttered, Hey, Mom, have you ever wanted to have sex with Jehovah?

When my mother came to deliver the meal at noon the next day, she came to ask me if I had thought it through.I didn't open my mouth, and then I heard my father say that I was mentally ill and should be sent to the hospital. My mother immediately interrupted my father sharply, saying that the mercy of the heavenly father is endless, and he will definitely be able to forgive his crimes.

I didn't look into it carefully, because I couldn't understand her words since I was a child, so I just turned on the air conditioner with my upper body bare.The air-conditioning made my brain flutter, and it was full of Tang Ling. I just suddenly wanted to hold his hand, but I was afraid that he would be lonely alone.

In the evening, I fell asleep in a daze, but I still heard my mother shouting hoarsely outside the door: "How can you violate the tolerance of the heavenly father like this? If this is always the case, you might as well commit suicide. The heavenly father will not love a sinner like you."

I thought to myself, I just said in the morning that his compassion is endless.

On the third day, my mother invited a priest. Compassion was always locked on his brow, as if Jehovah had stepped into the world again.

As soon as he came in, he gave me a very warm hug in compassion, and then performed a recitation of Bible verses in front of my bed. When I was so sleepy that I was about to lose consciousness, he suddenly raised the volume and asked me What are you suffering now.

I said in a daze that I was not in pain.

When I finished speaking, I suddenly remembered that I asked Hai Zhan about it when I was in Baima. At that time, I got a very popular answer, so with a curious attitude, I asked this priest again: "You hate homosexuals. ?"

His expression did not change: "Hate homosexuals, but always love homosexuals, just like God hates sins, but loves sinners. But don't worry too much, I have been in contact with such a group in recent years, which is why your mother invited me The reason for coming. Only when I get close to them will I find that they are also entangled in lies and pain, and what I play in every listening process is "being with me", accompanying them to uncover lies, heal them, Let go of your sins."

I braced my knees and said, "How do you want to heal me?"

"Scientific healing can only be stupidly limited to making a homosexual give up his sexual desire for the same sex, but God's healing will restore him to health in every corner of his life. God can help people who are deeply trapped in homosexuality and reverse the change Their lives." He smiled, "The few people I have contacted before were forgiven by God, they bid farewell to homosexuality, and entered into marriage amidst the blessings of everyone."

He asked me to read the forgiveness of sins with him, and then told me the sentence in the Gospel of John: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

He babbled on and on all the time, but his large paragraphs of truth could only pass through my mind briefly.And I just stared numbly at the cross on his chest the whole time, and after an unknown amount of time, I heard him say goodbye to me, saying that he would come to help me tomorrow.

As soon as the white door closed, the whole space returned to silence. I, who was difficult to teach, just stood on the windowsill for a while, and then jumped down from the window on the third floor.