Peacock

There is no chastity in my bone marrow, so naturally I will not be so stupid as to prove some meaningless ambitions with death, although the result is indeed somewhat different from my thoughts.

Originally, I jumped on the sycamore tree next to the window sill, but I overestimated my never-developed calf muscles.The fact is that I didn't jump on the trunk at all. I didn't even think of saying "it's over" in mid-air, and I landed like a plastic bag that was punctured. Fortunately, I was caught by a few twigs on the lower layer. Just fell into the grass.

It was my left arm that hit the ground first. It hurt sharply at first, and then the numbness spread like a plague, swallowing my entire forearm. I grinned in pain and lay on my back on the grass with my hands folded Breathing rapidly, sweating profusely.

After lying down for a while, the pain that was about to fall apart slowly came up. At this time, my mind was full of "Yu Zhen, you idiot, run quickly", but it was difficult to move my body.

Soon, a shrill female voice braked the sparrow on the street lamp. I heard this familiar voice and subconsciously wanted to run, but before I could get up completely, my mother ran out of the building stepping on the lawn.

Her face was distorted in horror, she yelled my name, and pretended to come up to help me.

"Yu Zhen, what do you want to do!?"

I backed away like mud, and explained weakly: "Mom, I am the one who is responsible for my life, and I should be the only one."

She was anxious and couldn't quite understand the meaning of my words: "Isn't it just that I don't want to play the piano? I won't mention this matter from now on. You should treat your illness well and then go back to study."

After hearing what she said, I realized that there seemed to be a lack of the most basic communication between us, and there was no tacit understanding at all.After I regained my strength, I staggered up half of my body, and then kowtowed long in front of her.

I think my mother must have been stunned, she stopped asking me "how" in her throat, leaving only some dry breath sounds.

Like a broken radio, I repeated the three words "I'm sorry" three times, five times and ten times. When I read such words, I suddenly realized the old sins that had befallen me. It seems that no one is sorry except.

My mother must have realized something, the whole person froze in place, her face was extremely pale, her lips opened and closed slightly, very much like the shape of "don't".

I was still on my knees, very calmly, very honestly, trying to have this last communication: "Mom, why don't you accept that your son is a useless person. It sounds like a despondent, but it's not. This is the case. Since I was a child, all the people have only taught me how to climb higher and how to pursue excellence, but no one has ever taught me how to get up from the bottom and how to accept my own ordinaryness. After I walked out of the house and saw the facts clearly, I couldn’t accept it, so I stopped playing the piano, is it hard to understand? If I can’t do it well, I won’t do it.”

My mother's eyes were red as if she was about to bleed, and she looked hurt. She seemed to think that I was blaming her for saying these words.

Then I didn't look directly into her eyes anymore, turned around and tried to get up and walk away with my hands and feet, my movements were extremely impatient, and I fell twice during the process, but I didn't stop my movements for a moment, just so embarrassed and stumbled I ran forward without hesitation, because I was afraid to feel my arm being pulled again, and to be raped by someone else's outlook on life again.

But to my surprise, until I completely ran out of the community, no one came to stop my way.

I can't know whether my mother's hoarseness is dormancy or misfire, or she is just afraid that I will jump directly from the [-]th floor next time.

On the way to the station, I also tried to find a few passers-by to borrow their mobile phones.Different from the unconventional but sincere Baima, people in the city would really raise their defenses to the top of their throats, either walking away in a hurry or questioning repeatedly. The mobile phone fell into my hand when I tried the fourth person.

My eyes were dazzled, and I typed the string of numbers almost by muscle memory, but I still didn't get any response after dialing it.So I made two calls in succession, and before the cold mechanical sound came on the third time, the owner of the phone's gaze made me choose to interrupt the call and hand over the phone.

I stumbled and ran to the station again, and learned that the next bus would have to wait for another hour and a half, so I turned and ran to the pier again.

After buying the ticket, I had to wait anxiously for the ferry to depart. In fact, my brain was completely blank at that time, and all the sprawling guesses seemed to be cut off from the source with all my strength.

Baima's sea is as dark as stagnant water on a cloudy day, and there is no sunshine at night. I finally realized what Tang Ling said at the beginning, "Only when the sun rises, the sea doesn't look so dirty."

I never thought that I would be in such an anxious mood when I took the ferry to enter Baima again. It is clear that when I came back for the first time, I was hanging on the railing and counting seagulls leisurely.

When I was in a trance, I heard the old fisherman on the side pointing to the Baima Bay at the end while chatting with people and saying: "Did you see that, in that sea, all the herrings will return here to spawn in May and June, there is no control In the past, we used to fish every year. How many fish are there? Every net will be blocked by fish eggs that cannot be counted. Life!"

The old fisherman laughed bitterly: "Obviously knowing that many of the fish that came together were caught by the net, those fish still don't run away! I'm so busy and happy, I don't even think about running away. After the work is done, the whole beach is sticky, even the sea water It's all muddy!"

The people on the side also laughed and said: "Who cares if you are happy or not! But don't always think that the sword is not old. When the time comes, you will die on his daughter-in-law in the middle of the night like Uncle Liu. It's very funny."

I also followed the old fisherman's finger and looked over there. There was no herring struggling to copulate before dying.

It's probably a total excess of self-consciousness. I'm a little nervous and I'm starting to think that love is probably the side effect of trying to use sex to cure my muddy life, but now it's starting to feel dangerous to me, and I should use it again What to treat this reaction, I don't know.

The road was bumpy, and I finally rushed back to Peacock Mountain after late at night. The sky was so dark that I didn't see the changes on the mountain road, but when I stopped at Sheye Temple Station, I vaguely saw a picture hanging on the newly painted temple gate. A huge red banner reads "Congratulations on the completion of the reconstruction of Sheye Temple".

I was suddenly in a trance.

Presumably, the evening bell had already struck, and everyone should be resting at this time.I didn't care about anything, and ran straight to the meditation room, but the door was not locked, and the wooden door made a long drag when it was pushed.The inside seems to have been tidied up, and there is no anger at all, except for Tang Ling's phone on the window sill, which has been soaked in water and has long been cut off. It is as empty as the day we first went to Peacock Mountain.

"...less than the benefactor?"

Chunjue called me a lot from behind before I heard it. I wanted to respond normally, but my whole body was still unable to move as if it was broken, and the muscles were so tense that they didn't seem to be my own.

Chunjue seemed to have just changed the water for Lianlian, and he was still holding a small bucket in his hand. He seemed very surprised when he saw me, although I don't know what the accident started from.

I only heard myself ask: "Where's Tangling?"

Chunjue rolled up his sleeves: "Are you not together...?"

"Master Luosang came back this morning and brought a few people he didn't know to hand over the work. He said that the general renovation is almost done, and only the last Avalokitesvara and the pagoda need to be finished. He seems to be transferred to work elsewhere." Chunjue recalled He said, "I heard him ask Tang Shi whether he should go with him or not."

"Where did you go?" I asked, "Where did you go?!"

Chunjue trembled when I yelled at him, and then shook his head in embarrassment, really not quite clear.

After a while, he asked again: "Younger than the benefactor, are you all right?"

I quickly shook my head and answered: "Good thing. Originally, I didn't want him to live the life he used to...and he was much happier doing these things than before."

In fact, I don't know what nonsense I'm talking about, the buzzing head made me unable to hear the sounds around me, and then I belatedly remembered the days on the mountain and the places we always explored carefully In the future, I think that Tang Ling has emphasized many times that I hate others lying to him, and I think that he may really be practicing the phrase "If I leave, I won't come to me", and I won't even leave me with one more sentence.

I am optimistic because I regard ostrichism as the bible, so I didn't think about it any more. I just sent Chunjue back with a few words, and then sat in front of the temple gate of Sheye Temple like a crazy person and waited for someone. Under the fluttering red banner, one sits for a whole night.

I didn't feel sleepy, but staring at the dense mountains, I seemed to see him returning from errands on an electric motorcycle as usual, his light-colored hair was blown to a mess, and he brought me some pineapple ice, and then used Popsicles around my neck to wake me up and go back to sleep with him.As a result, I shook my heavy head, and there was nothing in front of my eyes.

The night was not extremely quiet, and noises could be vaguely heard.It was only then that I noticed that a mourning hall was erected next to Lingyun Terrace, and the voice came from there.

This funeral was held outside the temple, and it was probably the first wrong business after Sheye Temple was rebuilt.Probably just died of someone who no one cared about. I looked up at the old man carefully, and he seemed to be staring at me too.

In the early morning of the next day, an old lady came to me panting with a bag on her shoulders and asked me the way. She asked where the Sheye Temple was.I'm so tired of this, I said you can't read.She tolerated my hostility and said that when I was a child, I really had no money to go to school, and the family provided for my younger brother.After saying that, she smiled and shook her falling chest. There were many, many copper locks strung with ropes on it, and "iloveu" was engraved on the locks in a half-coloured and inferior quality.

"Then I should have come to the right place." She said rotely, "Do you have a partner? Buy a lock, this table has been used to lock the marriage spirit for hundreds of years."

I thought to myself that this platform was repaired only before and after the earthquake.

But as if I wanted to divert my attention urgently, I paid for some. When she saw my bills, she said she couldn't find them, so why not give me four.When I took over those concentric locks, I can only say that I don't have so many objects to tie.

I became a pioneer in the development of vulgar scenic spots. On that day, the first love concentric lock tied in Lingyuntai appeared, with my name and Tangling's name written on it.But as long as I want, I can still lock me and Keanu Reeves, me and everything in the world here. Sure enough, love is really cheap and indiscriminate, and you can buy a lot of it for twenty.

Near noon, Hai Zhan asked me to have dinner, and seemed to be trying to get me a phone number from Lausanne to find Tangling's whereabouts, but I suddenly didn't have the courage to pursue this result, just looked at the business card in a daze, In the end, Hai Zhan made the phone call for me decisively, and found out that Tang Ling did not agree to his invitation immediately, and did not go to Linzhi with him. Tang Ling said that it seemed that something happened at home, so the invitation had to be rejected. Put it back.

Tangling seemed to cut the shining ropes in front of me, and I repeatedly experienced the process of grabbing hope and seeing it dissipate.

Hai Zhan saw me trembling all over, and told me that on the last night of the Nine Emperors’ Birthday, he came back from the opposite bank after signing the documents after ten o’clock in the evening. He saw Tang Ling standing under the lighthouse in the heart of the bay, and he went up to say hello to Tang Ling. Why didn't Ling go back so late, but Tang Ling didn't even look at him, and left without saying a word, and didn't return to Sheye Temple until the next morning.

Chunjue on the side also seemed to remember something, and brought two bags from the utility room, saying that Tangling didn't say hello when he left, and he wasn't sure if he would come back, so he didn't leave any bags when he packed up. Throw away the things that come down.

I flipped through it numbly, most of it was my clothes, only a few things with Tangling labels on them.

I found his old manual razor, the 33 and one-third sexpistols vinyl that had no place to broadcast, the 98 Mai Junlong in the Walkman produced in 08, the mints And ancient sugar cubes, silver bracelets, the red and blue vintage jacket of the starter that I care about him to wear, and finally the photo book with hot silver Nightglow printed on it.

Just staring at the bright title stiffly, I felt that my eyes were almost dazzled by the dazzling reflection, otherwise it would be so painful and dry.

Hai Zhan seemed to have noticed something, sitting next to me actually helped me think of an idea, and I was just wandering in a trance, but when I tried repeatedly to open Tang Ling's cell phone that was damaged by blisters that day, I suddenly remembered that I used to I saw a courier box at Tang Ling's house, it was the person who sent him Bosch's painting album, and I didn't know why I took a picture of it at the time.

I straightened up and went to Hai Zhan to borrow a computer. I searched through the cloud for several hours and finally found that photo among tens of thousands of photos. I checked the address many times to confirm whether it was what I wanted. , and finally a huge fluke defeated me and nailed me to the heavy table with one blow.It was difficult for me to internalize that emotion, and the reflection in my body only made me lie on the table weakly and breathe quickly, and the world was spinning.

When I went down the mountain in the evening, I only took away the things related to Tang Ling, and got on the car going down the mountain under Hai Zhan's worried eyes, thinking that there would be a way if I could find his relatives first.

After the renovation of Sheye Temple was completed, Peacock Mountain was completely opened to the outside world. There were billboards erected by the local tourism bureau everywhere on the mountain road, which said, "Welcome to re-enter Peacock Mountain", but I was driven away today. There.

The number of people welcoming and sending off Peacock Mountain has obviously doubled. They were chatting and sharing interesting stories on their seats. I sat in it like an empty shell that lost my soul, holding everything Tang Ling left for me, and finally became like a Crying like a fool.

This feeling is exactly the same as when I walked out of Curtis' gate that day, and I don't understand why I can still experience such a huge confusion.Just as I couldn't accept my ordinaryness at that time, I also couldn't accept the real difference between Tang Ling and me at this moment. He can live well without me, but I can't.

Obviously, I have been taken to a new and new world far away, but I don't know where to find my guide.