Peacock

Time has completely become a vague and distant word, I finally heard someone call my name during a long trance, and in such a county, no one knows me except Kai Tangling.

I raised my head in a panic, trying to control the expression on my face decently, but the final result probably wasn't very good, because I saw Tang Ling's brows wrinkled.

Seriously, he looks so much more normal than me, as if he really just went out and bought a box of hangover pills just now, and I was the one who went through all that.

"What about the medicine?" I asked knowingly, "My head is still dizzy."

"What are you doing sitting here?"

"Wait for you." I lowered my eyes and bit the apple, "I'll wait for you."

As I answered like that, the ending became weaker and weaker, and finally disappeared into the night wind.The same is true for the apple, which fell to the ground because of shaking hands before biting twice.After reacting, I numbly stretched out my hand to pick it up, but Tang Ling lifted my arm, and then witnessed him kicking the tattered apple into the garbage pile beside it.

He didn't look at me, and quickly let go of his hand: "Go back."

Suddenly, I asked aloud, "I'll be alone from now on, is it alright?"

I wrapped my arms around his legs, put my forehead on his shin, and stared at the thread that was turned up in the hole: "Tangling, I used to think that it doesn't matter how this shitty earth explodes, I just want You are alive and well."

Tang Ling's voice was still calm: "Have you changed your mind now?"

I raised my face and suddenly laughed: "I think now, if one day the world can't keep you, I can die with you."

In the silence, I gently stood up and looked at him.

I pulled up my sleeves and for the first time carefully showed him the gift of the Creator on my arm.It proliferated more than ordinary wounds, and the dark scar was like a centipede clinging to the skin with its teeth and claws.

I led his hand, wanting him to touch it, and even resorted to the usual coquettish tricks, dragging my throat sweetly to beg him.

Tang Ling drooped her eyelashes, rubbed the scar lightly with her fingertips, he said it was a wound that didn't heal, and I said it wouldn't heal in the future, and then I stabbed the fruit knife in front of him.

Tang Ling was silent for a moment before speaking again, her voice was cold: "Yu Zhen, why did you suddenly go crazy?"

I said naturally: "I've thought about it, I think I still don't want to leave you alone. When I think about it, if I never see you again, then I don't want to wait until tomorrow."

"You think life is for me?" He glanced at me slyly, then suddenly smiled for some reason, and wrote lightly, "After a while, when you look back, you might think that you never knew me in the first place."

I didn't answer, but continued to use force with my hand, and the tip of the knife completely sank into the starting point of the scar.I dragged the knife down again and walked along the old wound one by one. At that time, I felt that I was the protagonist of the banquet tonight, simply dividing the cake.

Along the trajectory, blood seeped out rashly. Unfortunately, I couldn't insert the knife deep enough, so the blood on my arm began to slowly coagulate before it had flowed half a circle.

Tang Ling didn't react at first, we all watched the blood gushing out calmly, as if watching a volcanic eruption remotely electronically.

After a while, he tugged on my collar, the skin on the side of my face became tense, and the veins on the back of my hands also stood up pervertedly.He pulled out the knife, grabbed my wrist, and pressed hard on the blood vessel near the heart of the wound. He also used this posture to completely restrain me, and locked me on the artificial stone by the pond.

"Can you be a little promising?! Threatening someone with death is glorious?"

I have never seen him look so hysterical, as if I was doing something outrageous, I was very confused, and asked inexplicably, "Is my life important? So my life is also important in your eyes important?"

The wind stirred up ripples, and the sound of light running water suddenly swayed into my ears, followed by an astonishing pleasure.

I raised my other hand and put it lightly on the tip of his eyes: "Tang Ling, don't you feel conflicted? It wasn't you who dragged me to drown in Xingxing Bay? It wasn't you who strangled my neck? You missed me a long time ago." Die, then no one will keep pestering you."

"What did you go through that made you become what you are now?" I was immersed in boundless intoxication, "I really want to know."

I just let my head fall into the pool, and the cold water obediently filled my ears.

I opened my eyes, but I still couldn't seem to see his face clearly.

"It seems to be back to the day of Xingxing Bay. Tang Ling, I just met you at that time, I didn't understand anything, I was like an idiot, so when I hugged you that day, it was the only and only time in my life that I thought, wow, I feel like I have already got all of you. Hey, when did you say that I could find the wormhole, I really want to go back to that day, anyway, I will be crushed by the tidal force, so I might as well just let me die there."

Tang Ling's eyes were faintly red, and when her voice first came out, she was trembling because of dryness: "Didn't you want to know what I've been through?"

Before I came back to my senses, I suddenly felt that Tangling grabbed my hair and began to push my head into the water, but every time, it lifted me up at the moment when it was completely submerged.

A lot of water gushed into my nasal cavity unexpectedly, I was choked and started to cough violently, and my head became even more dizzy due to the lack of oxygen. In a daze, I heard Tangling make me promise that I would never make fun of my life again.

That was the only bargaining chip I had left, of course I was not happy, and I also decided to abide by the iron law he gave of "no more cheating" like a loyal soldier, so I never said anything from the beginning to the end. , just pursing his lips tightly like that.

I knew that he hadn't made up his mind at all, and he always brought me up as soon as he saw the water covered the tip of my nose.I thought it was a little funny, raised my slightly swollen eyelids and said "go on" to him.

When I was drowned in the water again, looking at Tang Ling's face in the sparkling water above, for some reason, my vision became clearer than ever before.

I seem to hear sad social news, see a rapidly flipping countdown calendar, and then a piece of thick black ink is thrown up, and the sea water comes in, dilutes it a bit, and gradually makes the ink piece form a specific serial picture, peeling off the cocoon. It showed me and Tang Ling's past, and finally the ink became weaker and weaker. At the moment of returning to the White Market, everything cleared up, and I began to realize that the water ghost accompanying me in my dream was actually Tang Ling.

He seemed never interested in taking my life away, but he never made up his mind to let me go. We have always maintained this strange balance, whether in dreams or in reality.From the moment we met, we began to fall into a long and slow fall, hugging each other and being pulled into the center of the sea. The rocks formed by condensed magma passed us like meteors, and the world was gradually turned upside down. But for some reason, we gradually have a wonderful sense of faith that resembles living to death, and we are sure that everything will be reconstructed in the end.

So at this time, I suddenly wanted to ask him, did you find out that you actually hate me too.

Still unable to get my promise, Tangling seemed to give up, let go of my hand, and sat silently on the side of the landscape stone to smoke, with her forehead hanging down so that I couldn't see his expression.

Immediately, I had the pleasure of having my idea confirmed. After getting up from the water, I climbed onto his knees by climbing his shins, and asked him why he didn't continue.

Tangling was no longer hysterical like before, but took the fruit knife just now under my playful gaze, imitated the position of my wound, and slashed on her arm, which was more agile than mine.

As if he finally found the weakness in my weakness, he handed the knife back to me, and calmly replied to my provocation just now: "Continue."

I stared at the cruel wound and began to tremble, and I was unwilling to take the knife stained with his blood, but he forcefully stuffed the knife into my palm, and the knife fell. At that moment, I finally Falling to the ground and crying bitterly, covering his face with his hands helplessly, I said you go, Tang Ling, then don't go with me.

Then I started to stumble and make a promise to be late, I said that I would eat more and miss you, I would go back alone, I would be alone and live.

The mist seemed to penetrate Tang Ling's body, he just silently looked down at my ugly struggle on the ground.

I covered my eyes all the time, only to realize that it took so much effort just to adjust my breathing.I don't know how long it took, but it was so long that I felt that Tang Ling could walk from Angel Dream to the entrance of the county seat, so I slowly moved my hand away.

To my surprise, Tang Ling did not leave.

He still sat quietly on the stone.

I propped myself up in a daze, and found a few dark spots on Tangling's front. It was dark in the night. At first I thought it was muddy water, but after a closer look, I saw some red spots from there. I hurriedly Looking up, he saw that Tang Ling wiped it casually with the back of his hand, and the blood was rubbed messily onto the lower half of his face.

The blood in the arm no longer flowed, but the nosebleed didn't seem to stop, and he didn't do anything.The nasal cavity was occupied by blood, and he could only hold the smoke in his mouth roughly before spitting it out. It is estimated that the lungs were not damaged at all, and the ashes collapsed in large sections like the dilapidated buildings at the epicenter.

One was not half burned, and he took out a new one from the box, and rubbed the end of the cigarette with two fingers, and the blood on his hand rubbed it, like a girl's lip gloss.Before lighting the cigarette, he only held the long stick lightly with his teeth, and he closed his wet lips until the white smoke billowed in front of him, making a gesture of acceptance.

I began to envy the smoke between his lips.

I saw the red color on the cigarette paper, and suddenly remembered that I also secretly picked up such a cigarette from the plastic bottle on the balcony of the classroom when I went to Erjiu on the first day.

The smell of blood is everywhere, and to be honest, it's quite frightening.While quietly watching his silhouette, I started to lose my mind and wonder if I should say something, but I really don’t know what to say, if only a frightened passerby could come to me at this time, sharp The kind called it, and then I can pretend to be consoling, saying buddy, please be considerate, we are making a low-budget horror film called "Me and My White-haired Girl", where can I watch it?Can't be screened, see you online.

I took a closer look at my white-haired girl with blood all over her face. I was worried, but after thinking about it, I was defeated by depression. I told myself, forget it tonight, don’t care about it.

After a while, the nosebleed finally came back after ruining the back of his hand.Looking at the back of him leaning over to wash his face with the pool water, I numbly asked, "When are you leaving?"

He didn't answer, and I tried to find another way to say: "Dachang is still in Sheye Temple, should I go back to Baima first?"

I couldn't let myself give up, so I asked, with an unprecedented, almost epic level of peace: "Can you tell me, how can I stay with you forever."

Tang Ling didn't look at me: "When you don't take me so seriously."

The bottle containing calm was smashed by his fist.My throat constricted so much that it made a weird howling sound, and I yelled at him, fuck you, you're playing the chicken-and-egg paradox here.

So I started to do the same thing as when I was a child, grabbing small stones on the ground and throwing them at Tangling's legs, hitting one, picking another, then grabbing a handful with all my might and throwing them all at him. Like stones, they rolled down from my body and his body respectively.

Lying by the water, I felt a very subtle sense of weightlessness, which suddenly made me wonder whether people would have a similar feeling when lying in a space capsule.

What followed was Dawu who was as stern as a blow to the head.

After a pause, I asked him, "Tang Ling, have you watched "Millennium Actress"?"

Tangling said she had seen it.

"...So can you understand? I think I should also like to pursue your self. I started to like myself, which I never had before. It started from loving you." I said, "The more I love you, I will love myself more."

Tang Ling suddenly laughed, extremely relieved, I don't know how he managed to laugh in this weird stalemate, maybe it was my self-interested conclusion that made him finalize something completely, Then he lifted his eyes slowly to the moon.Inexplicably, the tension in his body suddenly broke, and his whole body became extremely loose. Under the moonlight, he was as white as an incorporeal ghost.

Then, I heard him call my name softly.

My nose was even more sore in an instant, thinking, I have a fart truth, this thing has never appeared in my life.

For some reason, he brought up the conversation in the crater again: "Truth, you are the truth. You can give me the answer."

Tangling's final sound became weaker, as if she was considering the way of expression, but she was able to pick out a group of cautious words: "You are the answer to some questions."

"Some?"

"Some."

"Don't lie to me and say 'all', it's boring."

Tangling answered simply this time: "I haven't thought of anything else."

He added: "At least not yet."

I think he must have bled too much and his mind is not clear, trying to make up for the nonsense he said.

"I am 23 this year, but it seems that I have lived for a long time. I gradually feel that there is no meaning behind many things, so there is no need to be persistent." He said, "We stayed in Sheye Temple for a whole summer. For 52 nights, when you were waiting for me, you fell asleep by the lamp at the door of the meditation room."

He turned slightly towards me: "In the dark night, gray tiles and white walls, only the lamp you left is bright."

"At that time, I always thought, 'It seems to be home', and I also wondered, will this feeling still exist tomorrow?" Tang Ling said, "I also began to feel that people may do some meaningless things, and I will feel that way later." Some meaningless days."

"...Because of what?"

Tang Ling didn't answer, and began to slowly burn the cigarette butts on his hands. Like lack of perception, he poked several times in succession, and the red spread and merged, burning the back of his hands mottled.

Then he squatted in front of me, stretched out his hand towards me, and said lightly, "It hurts."

My head was buzzing, and I subconsciously hugged his hand to my chest and breathed anxiously. Later, I realized that this move was not effective, so I pulled his hand into the pool water.I think he is simply insane, and when he was about to yell, he thought of himself who had acted insane just now, so he could only swallow this dumb loss alone, tears rolling in his eyes due to grievance.I touched the skin on the back of his hand with my fingertips in the cold water, and I asked him if it still hurt.

Tang Ling shook her head slightly, stared at me with downcast eyes, raised her eyebrows, and actually answered my last question: "Because I don't want to be in pain anymore."

"what?"

When my thoughts gradually returned, I could only feel something bumping against my chest, beating a roaring drum.I lowered my head, glanced at the upper of his shoe twice, and took a lot of effort to lift it up again. I didn't expect Tang Ling to hold the back of my neck and print kisses on my eyelids, as light as goose feather snow , It made my heart itch, my eyes moved in a panic, and gradually, finally, I calmed down, everything was quiet, I only heard Tangling's heartbeat.

Many years later, I can still remember this night, as if Tangling and I were silent all night in order to melt the last layer of glutinous rice paper, but it seemed that it was the most connected night since we met.

Entering the Angel Dream, Tang Ling used the medical kit under the TV cabinet to wrap up my wound, and he didn't blame me for pretending to be crazy before, and since his own accident didn't fall in the active place, he didn't have a thin tube and couldn't deal with it. What, everything can only wait for the clinic to open tomorrow.

I was afraid of pressing his hand when I was sleeping, so I kept shrinking down.Tangling didn't suffer from insomnia tonight, but I couldn't confirm whether he was asleep, he curled up beside me, his loose frame wrinkled back into a narrow shape, and I curled up between his arms and chest, with a A deformed way to get embraced.

While half asleep and half awake, I heard the sound of water again, very thin and shallow, and had nothing to do with the majesty of the waves. At that time, I felt that Tangling and I had returned to our mother's womb, lying in a place that could protect us, and became twins arrogantly.

I don't know if there will be such a place in the world after waking up, but we embrace each other now, it seems that we can gain the ability to face the new life together.

I don't think I'll ever be afraid again.

The next morning, Angel Dream just opened for business. I was woken up by the alarm. It seemed that something was already being played with the microphone downstairs. I buried it in Tang Ling’s shoulder. When I was about to go back to the basket, I heard the dancer sister singing in a trendy language. I sang a happy birthday song, and inserted a decent line in the interlude, saying that I was entrusted by someone yesterday, and for the time of one song, please take care of all your daughters who have stolen and deleted the watermark from the guests.

I climbed out of the bed in a daze, and when the wound was pulled, I hissed like a large intestine.Pulling back the curtain, I saw that there was already some people in the hall. Most of them were old people passing by after morning exercise. They were all surrounded in front of the stage, as if there was a road blocked.

I saw two workers pushing through the crowd and pushing the toolbox and a pair of blue ocean paintings into the corridor. It didn’t take long for the Ijen volcano to be transported out of the narrow corridor, as if it was a copyright issue , was recovered by the photographer.

I was thinking about the ins and outs, but I didn't notice that Tang Ling was already standing behind me. He deliberately patted my left shoulder. I turned to the left and found that there was no one there. Then I turned back to the right like a windmill. Only then did I realize that Tang Ling Ling has always stood on my right admiring his masterpiece of mischief.

I made a fuss, and when I was about to pull his collar, the birthday song had already been sung to the end. As soon as the female voice finished, the hydrogen balloon tied to a corner of the stage was cut short, and flew leisurely to the top of the second floor. Come.

Colorful and light, those balloons hang in the air, becoming a dream that shuttles back and forth in my life.