Drowning in a sea of ​​moonlight

Two years, six months and three days.

It has been more than half a year since I joined the detective agency.

The days in the underground of the Supernatural Secret Service Division were really too long.

Because of that empty little room, because of those two hideous couches, because of that necklace, because... only me.

So loneliness will ferment, and the cold will spread, until he feels that he is frozen at the bottom of the glacier, everywhere is cold, everywhere is painful, but the pain is already numb, and he can only look at it through the thick ice layer. The people on the surface come and go, as if those have nothing to do with me.

I have improved a lot recently, and basically I only think of him once in three days.

Every time it is time to commit suicide.

"Dazai! Come down quickly! This is a corridor after all, what if a passing customer sees it—"

This is the new partner, Kunikida-kun, full of energy and sense of justice, who has stopped himself for months.

It's fierce, but fun.

...is normal.

Dazai was shaken by Kunikida's collar, his head was hanging limply, and the line of blue moonlight jumped into his collar in his sight.

...That's right, normal people, shouldn't they be like Kunikida-kun, frantic with fright, scolding me for causing trouble to others?

Why don't you?

Why do you insist on saving me, hugging me, drying my hair, and carrying hot beer for me?

Why on earth are you being so nice to me?

......unacceptable.real. .....unacceptable.

My heart really hurts.

Since a certain mission, the hanging necklace was shot off by a bullet that grazed his cheek.

He fixed the moonlight in his heart.

That way, it'll stay there as long as he doesn't die.

I don't want to think about you on the one hand, because I am afraid of the pain that goes with it.

While thinking about you all the time, because if I don't do this, one day, I will forget the warmth you once brought me.

Even if the warmth burns, it makes the cold so unbearable at this moment.

...But I still don't want to forget.

...It's not that I didn't think about it. If I didn't see him for the first time, I would have a playful attitude.

If I didn't test him myself.He didn't admit it blatantly after his acting was exposed.

...Could he still be by my side at this moment?

...But thinking about it now, it's useless at all.

He is the kind of person who gets nothing because he is too afraid of losing.

Now, the palm of my hand is empty again.

In the past two years, I have tried so many times.

No matter how gentle people are.

...not half as good as you are to me.

and.

Even in time.

...and that's not you either.

today.

I have been poisoned by the poison called you, and I will never be able to get rid of it for the rest of my life.

Kunikida accompanied Yosano to choose wine, and Dazai stood alone in the ballroom, staring at the crystals on the chandelier boredly.

This is a rare group trip for a detective agency. Ranpo, Yosano, Kunikida, and Dazai first flew to the UK. After a few days of sightseeing, they took the Eurostar to France, and then took a cruise ship around the Mediterranean. .

Because the president didn't come, he walked like a fish in water along the way, sweeping away all the snacks (only Kunikida would frown every time and persuade him with a face of embarrassment, but he is really easy to fool), already visible to the naked eye I got a little fatter.

...Unfortunately, the vacation actually ends when the cruise ship starts.

Because they were entrusted by others to board this cruise ship.

So, it will definitely be another uneventful week.

Dazai swung the wine in his glass, took a sip, and those fine white flowers blossomed on the tip of his tongue again.

......It is too sweet.No matter how many times you drink it, it's still too sweet.

At this moment, a red-haired figure in the corner caught his attention.

It was a tall woman, wearing a pure white snowy evening dress, her red hair was coiled on top of her head, but there were still a few strands of hair hanging unruly by her ears.

She has a typical Western female face, with graceful but sharp lines, and a pair of iron-gray eyes that seem to be shining with a cold metal-like light.

But now, she was standing there alone with the wine, without anyone around her, and she didn't say anything, but her expression was a little weird, as if she had eaten expired canned food.

Originally, he didn't care too much, after all, when everyone was meditating on something in their hearts, their expressions would change more or less.

If I had to test everyone who showed strange expressions, I would be exhausted.

But by a strange coincidence, before he could react, he was already standing in front of her.

...just see how she is.

Moreover, although she is not as gentle as she hoped, she may really agree to her invitation to die in love.

Even if it's fake, even if it's not the warmth from the person he wants, it's enough to comfort him.

Her reaction was really funny.

Unlike the embarrassment or shyness of ordinary women, but irritability?exclusion?

He seems to be a confident and strong person who likes to take the initiative in his own hands and doesn't appreciate the compliments from strangers.

If they are so disgusted, it is probably impossible to agree to die together.

However, just like this, he still couldn't get the information he wanted.

Just when he wanted to continue to say something.

"Tap", "Tap", "Tap".

Suddenly there was the sound of unhurried footsteps, knocking on the carpet, calmly as if there was a sense of musical rhythm.

The hem of a black windbreaker stopped in front of his eyes, and someone came and said, "I'm sorry."

The moment that voice sounded, the world was shaken.

is that a lie.

It's because he finally went crazy.

...otherwise, how could, how could—

Dazai raised his head, and met those extremely familiar yet unfamiliar eyes.

The tenderness and warmth of the past are gone, there is only a piece of extremely cold gold in the pupils of the eyes, and the childish coldness between the brows and eyes is no longer the coldness of an adult.

The person who looked very much like today was wearing a black windbreaker, looked at himself, with such an alienated smile, and said, "I'm sorry. She may not be able to agree to your request."

Looking at the cold look in his eyes, Dazai suddenly thought of what this scene should look like in his eyes.

Two years after his death, he pulled a woman he didn't know, happily wanting to die in love with her.

Then I panicked for a moment, wanted to hold back Jinji, and said to him, no, it’s not like this, all this time, I only thought about——

But he stood there, his lips trembling slightly, unable to utter a word.

Now he stopped looking at him, lowered his head, with a smile in his eyes, and said in a friendly tone that made him feel harsh: "Sorry for the long wait, Camilla."

...That face is much more mature than it was two years ago.Also too sharp.

Back then, he lowered his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes, silently following behind him, speaking softly, and his eyes were hazy as if covered by a layer of fog.

But now this person seems to have no restraint on his sharpness at all, every gesture is breathtakingly dangerous, just standing there casually, with a sideways smile, which makes people dazzled.

So he was a little at a loss, is that really his little friend?Who is standing beside him?What is their relationship?

Does he not recognize himself?

...Or, that's not him at all?

......perhaps.

After all, he looked older than himself, at least four or five years older than he was now, and his temperament was not the same as his.

But when he watched that person without looking at him again, and was about to walk away, a string that had been tense in his heart was broken with a "pop".

He didn't have the heart to care about Kunikida's lecture, and he didn't have the heart to look at the curious eyes of other people, only the back of that person turned and left in his eyes.

The dust passing through time at this moment overlaps with the lonely figure he saw when he fell from the window many years ago.

There was a blank in his mind, and he could only reach out his hand, just like he reached out to the present at that time.

——At that time, he grabbed it empty-handed, but now, there is a real temperature in the palm of his hand.

...Maybe you are him, maybe you are not.

But since you act like you don't know me at all, I can only treat you like a stranger.

...But I don't want to treat you like a stranger.

He said with a rough voice: "...Sir, please stay a little longer, you—"

The person in front of him turned his head and glanced at him: "Sorry, we don't know each other well."

——that look.

it's too cold.it's too cold.

No matter what time it was before, the way he looks at him now is always inconceivably gentle.

But now there was no warmth in those eyes, no emotion, like a knife that was bound to see blood when it was unsheathed, it pierced straight into his heart, piercing the already broken heart to pieces.

He watched them leave hand in hand, feeling his heart was bleeding slowly.

......yes.

You...should hate me.

I am too afraid, and at the same time, I am too eager for the warmth you bring me, so I don't hesitate to hurt you, and I have to ask why you are close to me.

But now I don't care, I don't care what you are, I just want you to come back to me.

...I'm so cold that I'm dying.

Although he is not the same as today, he is too similar.Even if it's not the same person, there must be a connection.

...In retrospect, there is always a kind of maturity that does not match the age in the behavior of the past and the present.

In fact, maybe he should have been that age in the first place.

His favorite character should be the kind of person who is lively and gentle, and at the same time has a unique personality.

...just like I pretended to be.

...How to get close to him, so that it will not be considered as having a plot.

Not quite a strategy yet though.

Not entirely sure he's the one, though.

But when I saw him sitting there alone in the cafeteria, I felt amused and bent my eyes with a smile, as if the eyes were full of sunshine, and I couldn't help being held by him.

"What's the matter?"

He looked up, the gentle smile disappeared, but it was not as cold as the day before, but only the politeness that a stranger should have.

Sure enough, he guessed right, if he also pretended that they didn't know each other before, then he would treat himself as he would treat ordinary people, and he wouldn't be ungrateful at all.

...But now I don't know whether he is ordinary or sarcastic, which is better.

Either way, it just makes your heart throb.

"That friend of mine doesn't like physical contact with people very much. But since you have the heart to apologize, the matter will be exposed."

Faced with his own apology, he said so.

In fact, he was not entirely sure that the three were just friends with each other.

But now it's the default.

...It seemed that something in my heart suddenly revived at that moment, beating heavily and vigorously.

"...May I ask Mr.'s name?"

"Ludwig. Nice to meet you."

The pseudonym was completely expected, but at the same time, so naturally, he stretched out his hand to him now, that hand was slender and well-defined, and it didn't change much from two years ago, only more shocking. sense of power.

He looked at that hand, and was in a daze for a moment, and a little more timid fear that was closer to nostalgia arose in his heart.

......yes.Already, two years.

Before, I could lean on his shoulder and hold his hand as I wished.

But now, only at this time, on this occasion, can I touch him again.

The moment I put my hand on it and shook hands with him, the same hot temperature as two years ago came down the palm of my hand.

He just fell into the lost and regained warmth.

For a moment, his heartbeat seemed to be completely out of his control, and it almost broke through the shackles of his chest.

The heat in his palm was so domineering and irresistible, he was like a fish being lifted from under the ice to the glare of the sun, slowly suffocating and melting in a dizzying light.

...It's over.

he thinks.

...I'm really, really going to break.

The author has something to say:

Large crush + depression scene.

Poor Zai has not realized that he likes the present, but only thinks that he needs him, so he wants to get close to him.

He didn't know why he was like this (it's the kind of heroines in love stories, "what to do, I'm getting weird, what's going on with this strange feeling in my chest." Hahaha).I just thought it was the effect of the "addiction" mentioned earlier.

I didn't know that I would already worry about the joys and sorrows of the present.

Well, the road to chasing a husband is long.

The wine that Zai drank before meeting Donna was the current Asti Moscato.

In fact, the death of love has been foreshadowed since Reverse [-]. He was struggling to find the warmth of dying.

Although the invitation to die for love is serious, I didn't want to die for love with them, just to find the feeling of when I still exist today.

But if you invite men, there is a sense of betrayal of the present (men are more likely to suspect that he has ulterior motives), so I have always only looked for women.

(Of course Zai himself doesn’t realize this, and when he realizes it, he knows that he likes him)

And in fact, I feel that more than half of the invitation to die in the original book is just a test.

Put a monitor or something.However, if a big boss like Donna is released, she will be discovered, and she will also be beaten, and she will even become an evil mother-in-law who opposes you and being together now (mistake).So, I'm glad you're here now, Jae (smile