Spring time

It was past 7 o'clock in the morning when I got home, the corridor was empty and dark, and the quiet seemed deserted.An Xin sat around the door of my room, wearing such thin clothes.

I hurried forward, trying to wake An Xin up, but only when I got closer did I realize that there were empty wine bottles behind An Xin, and a strong smell of alcohol could be smelled around her.I held up An Xin's face in panic, and what I touched with my fingers was wet and cold. An Xin's face was covered with undried tears. No matter how much I pushed An Xin, An Xin couldn't open her eyes. Qing slapped my body with his hands indiscriminately, and murmured some intermittent words that I couldn't understand. I had no choice but to take out the key and open the door in a hurry, drag An Xin into the room and put it on the sofa, and panicked out of the refrigerator. I took out a bottle of mineral water from my pocket, opened the bottle cap and carefully poured the water into An Xin's mouth, but it took a long time for An Xin to drink some water, and I found that something was wrong with An Xin, and she began to frown. , I was still sweating coldly on my forehead, I hurried to the bathroom with An Xin in my arms, but halfway, An Xin vomited until she was next to the toilet, An Xin still vomited non-stop, accompanied by a severe cough, so that I thought An Xin Even jaundiced water was vomited out.

How much did An Xin drink, what happened to me in the past few days that made An Xin do such an outrageous thing, that she was so drunk that she stood in front of my house in the middle of the night? Did she wait for me all night? what?For a while, I had too many questions that I couldn't understand, and I couldn't ask the parties.But looking at An Xin's uncomfortable appearance, I couldn't even share the burden for her. I could only kneel down next to An Xin, patting her trembling back and covering the loose hair around her mouth, looking forward to When will this shocking torment stop.

Finally, there was nothing in An Xin's stomach to churn out, An Xin almost passed out after vomiting, I hurriedly hugged her crumbling body.The bathroom was a mess, An Xin and I were both dirty, but An Xin in my arms was unconscious, so I had no choice but to turn on the switch next to me, fill the bathtub with water, sprinkle seaweed bath salts, and put An Xin He took off his clothes, carefully held An Xin and placed her in the grass green hot water.

It's just that this is the first time I've seen An Xin's body, although when I took off An Xin's clothes, I tried my best not to touch An Xin's bare skin, but when I hugged her and put her into the water, I felt Still had extensive physical contact with An Xin.Because my body was also stained, I had no choice but to take off my coat and only my underwear was left. When An Xin's cold skin touched my hot body, I couldn't help trembling so much that I could barely stand on my feet. In the water, he immediately pulled his hands away from An Xin's smooth back, panicked and at a loss.

The peace of mind in the steaming bathtub is even more white against the background of the dark hot water. The frowning and pale face is gradually dyed into a pale pink color due to the heat, and the wet and messy hair is along the The collarbone extends to the gully between the two peaks, winding and rugged, and the submerged black grass under the flat belly rises and falls one after another in the ebb and flow of the sea.

In the foggy bathroom, I stared blankly at the An Xin in the bathtub and felt overwhelmed. I knew that I must be flushed now, and my heart rate was so fast that I had some difficulty breathing.I froze by the bathtub for a long time, in a dilemma, because I couldn't keep An Xin in the water, but I didn't dare to touch her, I was afraid of the palpitating touch.Until the water in the bathtub gradually became cold, I didn't want An Xin to suffer from the cold, so I had to scrub An Xin's body hastily, wash her body, wipe it clean, and then dragged An Xin into the bedroom to change her clothes. Putting on clothes for An Xin, carefully drying An Xin's hair with a hair dryer, and then covering her with a blanket, she fled the bedroom as if flying.

When I returned to the bathroom and looked at my naked body in the mirror, I felt a strong sense of shame and guilt, because just now, I clearly saw the obvious wet marks on the changed underwear, I can even feel a sticky feeling between my legs.

What the hell was I thinking? When An Xin was so fragile and helpless, I actually had such nasty thoughts. I can still clearly remember that in the process of scrubbing my body for An Xin, my body couldn't help but respond. I know this It is a kind of desire, this is the first time I have this kind of **** feeling, and the object is peace of mind.But if I used to feel comfortable with An Xin, I just wanted to be with her, I just liked her, I didn't have any other thoughts.But now, I desperately want to take An Xin for myself.And whether it is spiritual or physical, I want to occupy.

I was inexplicably panicking at such a crazy idea of ​​myself, what the hell was wrong with me.

I stood motionless under the nozzle with my head down, letting the cold spray wash over my hot body, extinguishing my shameful thoughts and my restless desires.The naked skin had many small bumps due to the cold stimulation, and I couldn't help shivering.

Gradually, the restlessness in my heart became less intense.I don't know how long it took, I took a deep breath, turned off the water, got dressed, and cleaned the messy room.I thought that keeping myself busy for a while could slowly calm down the messy emotions before, but the result was ineffective. I was still feeling numb, fidgeting, and didn't want to stay in the house for a moment, so I had to go out to clean up the messy mood. Come back calmly and face An Xin again.

It was already noon when I went out, and the sun shone brightly on the asphalt road, making it hard to open my eyes. I put my hands in my pockets, wandered aimlessly on the street, and comforted myself while walking with my head down.It's because I've been alone for too long, these are normal physiological reactions.

This is peace of mind, it is the person I like, and it is impossible to have no desire for the person I like.

I sat on a bench in a park near the community for a full afternoon, thinking wildly about building my mind.In the process of thinking, I suddenly figured it out. Now my feelings for An Xin are not just as simple as wanting to stay with her and enjoy the mutual trust and communication in each other's hearts. This kind of pure spiritual communication is enough. I am gone, I want more, I hope that I can get a complete blend of body and mind in An Xin, even more than I expect that An Xin and I can have an emotion similar to that between a husband and wife.

When this idea took root in my heart, I have no way of knowing, but I suddenly hated myself, why I was not born a man, so that I can have all the peace of mind without hindrance.

It wasn't until the sun was setting and the sky was getting dark that I suddenly realized that I had stayed outside for too long, and An Xin was still at home. I don't know if I woke up, but the feeling of hangover must be very uncomfortable. Thinking of this, I hurriedly got up leave.

It is quiet near the park, only the slight chirping of reptiles in the grass can be heard, and I am the only one left in the artificial lake area, the surrounding dim scenery is already blurred, and the street lamps beside the path are flickering and dimming. with a clean road.I trotted across the cobbled path and the empty playground. After leaving the park, I bought some ingredients at the supermarket near the community and hurried upstairs.

The lights in the room were not turned on, I thought An Xin was still resting on the bed, but I opened the bedroom door and found that An Xin was not in the original position, there were some messy blankets and pillows on the bed, I thought An Xin had left, and hurried back to the living room Check, An Xin's pair of flat shoes are still quietly placed on the shoe cabinet, An Xin is still here.

I yelled a few times in the house, but there was no response.Finally, I finally found peace of mind on the balcony leading to the bedroom. She was wearing thin pajamas with her hands resting on the railing and staring at two or three lights in the distance.

I can't see what An Xin's expression is like at this time, but it's just that the lonely back makes people feel inexplicably lonely and helpless. arms.

What's the matter, I called you many times and there was no response, I thought you were gone, go back, it's cold in the night, I'll make dinner for you, huh?

An Xin was obviously frightened by my sudden appearance, her body tensed and then relaxed, she was a little dazed, then she turned around and nodded at me, I took An Xin's hand and left the balcony, walking towards the living room.

She sat quietly on the sofa, staring at the TV screen without saying a word.It's the prime time, and the TV stations are full of clichéd anti-Japanese dramas and dating shows. An Xin doesn't seem to be in the mood to pay attention to these boring programs, but she doesn't know what she's thinking.I was tinkering with the ingredients for dinner in the kitchen, thinking that something was wrong with An Xin since yesterday, so I decided to find time after the meal to ask what happened to her during the few days I was away, which made her so depressed and abnormal.

I don't know when An Xin came to the kitchen, but I didn't notice it at all. When I found out, An Xin had already leaned against the door frame of the kitchen, quietly watching me who was busy. Some make me uncomfortable.I smiled and said, why don't you watch TV, there is a lot of oily smoke in the kitchen.An Xin didn't say anything, just followed my hand to catch the bowl and chopsticks, sent them to the dinner table and set them up.

I took off the apron around my waist, looking at the dishes in front of me, I feel that the atmosphere is a bit weird now. Since An Xin woke up, she basically hasn't spoken to me, but I have felt that An Xin is secretly not far away. looked at me, but when I turned my head, An Xin quickly turned my head away, pretending that nothing happened.I don't know what An Xin is pretending to be, and I really want to figure it out. I vaguely feel that these are inseparable from me, but I don't understand what I have to make An Xin unhappy.

After dinner, An Xin went into the bathroom. After I cleaned up the dishes, I sat next to the TV and switched channels absently, thinking that I would have a good talk with An Xin later.It’s just that after waiting for a long time, An Xin didn’t come out. I got up and walked into the bedroom. The light in the bedroom was not turned on, and it was a little dark. I could only faintly see the outlines of some furniture. There was no one in the bathroom, but the balcony door was wide open, and the wind was smooth. They rushed into the room along the aisle, blowing the paper on the desk rattling.

I walked to the balcony and saw An Xin leaning on the railing with a cigarette in his hand. The sparks from the cigarette flickered in the night, and the smoke that floated in the air from time to time was quickly blown away by the wind and disappeared.

I picked up the knitted sweater beside the bed, walked behind An Xin and gently draped it on her shoulders.

I said softly, An Xin, when did you learn to smoke, what happened, can you tell me, can we solve it together?

An Xin next to me suddenly let out a faint laugh, but I felt a little inexplicably desolate.An Xin was silent for a while and said bitterly, you asked me when I learned to smoke, I will tell you, I learned it during the time you left me for Yunnan.I smoked the whole pack of Seven Stars the day I learned it, do you know why I smoke, because when I was with you, I found that you would hide in the stairwell and smoke one by one, completely Indulging in your own world, but I know you must be unhappy at this time, but I don't understand why cigarettes can also relieve your sorrow, it is obviously such a choking, such an unpleasant thing.But then I found out that smoking is really addictive, and it really relieved my pain during that time, because when I smoked, I would think of you, smoking the same cigarettes as you, surrounded by familiar people At least it feels like you are still by my side, doesn't it?

I was a little at a loss, but An Xin finally brought up the two-year trip to Yunnan that I tried to seal for her. Next, An Xin should ask me why I left in the first place. I can’t think of any high-sounding reasons to convince her. An Xin, and it is even more impossible to tell An Xin the real reason - because I like her.

I was in a dilemma and had to go 36 times as the best policy, stammering and prevaricating, rest assured, I... well, the tea in the living room is about to be brewed, I'll go and have a look.

An Xin suddenly grabbed my hand, which was about to leave, and pulled it in front of her.I just realized that An Xin's face was full of tears. I was at a loss and didn't know what to do, and I didn't dare to talk nonsense, so I could only stare at An Xin in a daze, letting her hold my wrist tightly, a little It hurts.

She bit her lower lip and looked straight at me without blinking, her eyes were filled with tears that were about to overflow, but I still couldn't meet her eyes, and after a while I lowered my head, uneasy.She suddenly choked up and yelled at me.

Why don't you look at me, am I so scary, why do you keep running away again and again?

After An Xin paused, she cried even harder.

Of course, do you have someone you like, but why are you lying to me, why are you afraid of being known by me, do you still treat me sincerely?

I hurriedly responded inexplicably and said that I didn't carefully figure out the meaning of An Xin's first half sentence.

No, I don't have a boyfriend, I didn't lie to you, really!

After I finished speaking, An Xin let go of the hand that was holding my wrist, so suddenly.She shook her head wryly.

You still lied to me, you know, that day you told me that you were in Wuzhen, but I saw you and him sitting on the square talking and laughing and fighting with each other, you laughed so happily, you couldn’t even It’s rare for me. The business trip you told me means skipping work and going on honeymoon with your boyfriend? Yes, the world of two people these days, you have a happy life, you are so willing to come back, are you It's not that you want to leave me again, you won't even tell me you're married, right? If you say it like this, just leave as soon as you say it, what do you think of me!

My heart suddenly turned cold, how could An Xin say such vicious words to me.I was caught off guard and wanted to explain but didn't know where to start.I don't know if I should bring up those things about me in Yunnan, I'm afraid that An Xin won't understand, and in the end I will be excited and accidentally say the reason why I really left.I can only keep my head down and hesitate to say anything.

But because of my evasive words, An Xin thought that everything she guessed was true, An Xin looked at me rather disappointedly, with a faint sneer hanging from the corner of her mouth, she didn't speak any more, and she wanted to leave .

In a hurry, I grabbed her and didn't let her leave.It's just that I stopped An Xin with too much strength, An Xin was pulled by me and fell into my arms.

I desperately held An Xin who was constantly struggling in my arms, no matter how much she roared and beat me, I would not let go.I know that my behavior like this is very inappropriate, and it has already exceeded the scope of reason that I insist on all the time.But I don't want An Xin to misunderstand me inexplicably, and I don't care about so many explanations. That person is my brother. He met in Yunnan. He is really not the person I like, and he is already married. He is really not what you think. of.

I can only explain with all my strength and peace of mind that my brother and I have trembled in our incoherent words during the process from acquaintance to acquaintance. Because of anxiety and urgency, I almost cried out.I am afraid that An Xin will never talk to me again because of this, I am afraid that we will return to the state three years ago, we are like strangers and have no intersection with each other, I finally mustered up the courage, in order for An Xin to accept me again, Trust me again, and all that I've won will be in vain; I'm afraid that all my previous efforts will be reduced to ashes.

Finally, An Xin believed my words and gradually calmed down in my arms, but she began to choke again.

Then why did you never tell me, what's more, why did you lie to me, tell me!

The worrying thing finally came, An Xin still asked about the past that I didn't want to touch, and I couldn't avoid it, so I had to face it unprepared.I hesitated for a long time and answered vaguely.

I don't want, I don't want you to know about my days in Yunnan. I'm afraid you will ask why I left, sorry.

An Xin looked up at me seriously and said, why are you afraid that I will ask, why don't you want me to know why you did all these things?

Looking at An Xin's water-like eyes that were still so bright at night, I panicked instantly, and my face was terribly hot.

me···

I still can't tell why, what should I do, if this continues, I will be ruined.

Just when I was anxiously trying to make up a decent reason in my mind, An Xin suddenly reached out and gently stroked my cheek, then moved down and put her hand on my chest.

Of course, why is your face so hot and your heart beating wildly.You have something to hide from me, don't you?

An Xin's tone at that time was unusually gentle and gentle, her gaze almost attracted me in like a whirlpool of water, and I almost couldn't help but blurt out my carefully hidden horrific secret.I hurriedly defended, but I couldn't say anything clearly, I could only explain indiscriminately.I was like a first-time offender who stole his own money. He wanted to defend himself with strong words, but because of nervousness and fear, his words became more and more wrong.I thought I must have been crazy at the time, and said something that even I thought was ridiculous when I was delirious.

But then An Xin burst out laughing suddenly, and then stretched out her hand to cover my mouth, which I was explaining indiscriminately. I was really surprised, this was not An Xin's proper reaction, she could actually laugh in such a chaotic and embarrassing situation. It's changing too fast.

I want to ask something more, but after that, I can’t say what I want to ask, because the soft soft caps of Anxin cover my eyes lightly, I can’t see anything, and then I feel a warm light touch touched my lips.

The author has something to say: I am writing another new book recently, and the title has already been drawn up - "The Last Winter Sun", an ancient romance, about entering the palace, subjugating the country, troubled times, and fleeing from disaster.The two heroines are the concubine who has been vacant for more than ten years, and the southern girl who entered the palace by mistake.The more I write, the more I feel that the plot is a bit abusive, and I am still thinking about the copywriting. I don’t know if anyone is interested in such a plot.